It was the middle of the busy lunch hour at the cafeteria-style restaurant. I’d just spent the last hour filling my literary agent, Talia Bernstein, in on all of my personal happenings of this summer. Talia was young and hip, so I didn’t feel like she would judge me.
While I stopped short of confessing the Elliott connection, I told her I had gotten pregnant by a one-night stand, that I’d fallen in love with someone else before I knew about the pregnancy, and that the relationship was now in jeopardy as a result. Needless to say, despite how “cool” she was, her mouth was pretty much hanging open at how much I’d been through.
She shook a small packet before dumping the sugar into her coffee. “Well, it’s no wonder you struggled with this storyline, because quite honestly…your life is much more exciting than the book. No offense…but Jeez Louise, the angst. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now.”
“I wish I was only imagining it,” I said before taking a sip of my water.
“Would you consider writing your story next?”
I squinted in confusion. “My story?”
“Yes. The story of this past summer. Girl moves to a summer share, gets pregnant by a one-night stand, falls in love with her sexy new boss who has to determine if he can be a father to the baby. What happens next? I don’t know about you…but I’m dying to know.” She leaned in. “I’ll start pitching it to the Big Five tomorrow if you give me the okay.”
My body stiffened. “You can’t be serious…”
“I’m dead serious. Think of the perspective you could bring. And we could tout it as ‘based on a true story’. People will totally eat that up.”
“I don’t think I could do that. I’m too close to the situation.”
She laughed. “That’s the point! Think of how easy it will be to pour out those words.”
“I know…but what I mean is…it would just be too much for me. I think in many ways my current emotional state has been driving my recent material, though. Which is a good thing.”
“Oh, well, yes, that’s evident. The emotion in the last few sections—the chapters where they have been apart—was exactly what I was looking for. I have to tell you…I was so pleased with those parts. I feel like where we were at the beginning of the summer when you were struggling with where to take the characters beyond those first few chapters compared to now…it’s night and day.” She took a sip of her coffee, then sighed. “Gosh, I still wish you would consider putting pen to paper about your summer experiences. I think it would make an amazing story.”
Now I became a bit defensive. “Some things are sacred, Talia. I wouldn’t dream of exploiting what I have with Rush. Can you understand that?”
She looked like she regretted her earlier statements. “You know what? You’re totally right. I just got a bit excited. It’s your life. Not a book. I get it.”
“That’s okay.” I played with my straw. “That’s not to say there aren’t parts of Rush that made it into this book.”
Talia’s eyes lit up. “I take it he inspired the sexy times?”
My face felt flushed. Was I being bashful? For a woman pregnant with her boyfriend’s brother’s baby, you’d think nothing could affect me anymore.
It was a beautiful, sunny but cool day in Manhattan. After my lunch with Talia, I happened to be walking down Madison Avenue when I came across a photography studio. In the window were gigantic photos of the most gorgeous babies—very reminiscent of Anne Geddes with bright colors and animal themes.
There were also some pregnancy portraits. A black and white photo of a very pregnant woman wrapped partially in a silk bed sheet while exposing half of her bare stomach caught my attention. She had long, flowy hair and was really quite gorgeous.
I decided to walk in and peruse the place. Maybe it was the hormones, but I couldn’t refuse anything lately that had to do with babies.
“Can I help you?” the woman asked.
“Oh no. Just browsing. You have a gorgeous studio. The portraits in the window really drew me in. I just had to come see more.”
“Are you expecting?”
“Do I look like I am?”
“No. I’m conditioned to ask everyone that question.”
“Actually, yes, I am.” I smiled.
She looked down at me. “Ah…I see it now.”
I shrugged and rubbed my stomach. “Yeah, I guess I can’t really hide it anymore.”
“Are you interested in a shoot?”
Her question caught me off guard. “Oh…I don’t know. I really don’t think I’m ready for that.”
“Well, I’m booking six months out now. So you could always schedule something and then see if you’re interested when the time comes.”
“Really? That far in advance?”
“Yes.” She smiled proudly. “I’m fortunate to be in high demand.”
“Well, I can see why. You’re very talented. That one over there with the butterflies is so adorable. They all are, really. I couldn’t choose one.”
My eyes wandered over to a baby with wings, and that, of course, immediately reminded me of Rush’s winged women. I sighed. He’s so complex and amazing.
“Take a look around,” she said, walking back over to her desk to give me some space.
I kept looking at all of the cherub-like baby faces around me. A fleeting thought that my baby could look just like Elliott, with his blond locks and maniacal grin flashed through my mind. I was sure I’d still love my child just the same, but it was strange to imagine him or her resembling Elliott. I couldn’t even think about how hard that would be for Rush.
The woman interrupted me. “Want to take a look at the price chart…in case you’re interested?”
I hardly thought I would be able to afford this once the baby came, but you couldn’t put a price on good photography. It was essentially buying memories. Maybe I could book the shoot now and figure it out later.
“You know what?” I nodded my head once. “Sure. Is there any fee for cancellation, though?”
“No. We just like as much notice as possible.”
After browsing the different packages, I chose one in the middle of the price range.
After I gave her my name to book it, she said, “Gia Mirabelli…that’s strange.”
“Why?”
“Someone by that exact name is already scheduled.” She scratched her chin. “Wait…I remember this. He booked a pregnancy shoot and then an infant shoot for later. Seemed so in love with the woman.”
“He?”
“Yes. I could never forget this man. Very striking. Dangerous looking with a heart of gold. Rush was his name.” She lifted her brow. “Know him by any chance?”
My pulse sped up. “Rush? He was here?”
“He’s yours?”
There was something about that question that ripped my heart apart.
He’s yours?
Because I couldn’t say yes anymore. And I wasn’t sure if he’d ever be mine again. Suddenly all of the hopes and dreams I once had, the ones I’d buried as of late, came flooding back to my mind.
Rush would have been the best father.
And he wasn’t mine.
Tears were forming beneath my lids.
“Is everything okay?”
“We’re not exactly together anymore.”
“Oh...I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s okay.” I wiped my eyes. “When did he make that appointment?”
When she told me the date, I nearly fainted. It was the same day he was in the City with Elliott. The day Elliott told him he’d slept with me. The day Rush figured out the truth. The day before that woman answered his phone. I cringed at the thought of what happened that night.
“Do you want to keep the appointments that Rush made?”
I seemed to have fallen into a daze now. “Sure. Yeah. Thank you.”
On the way out, I couldn’t help picking up my phone and dialing him as I walked down the sidewalk in a haze.
Unfortunately, it went straight to voicemail, so I left a message.
“Hey. It’s me. You’re never gonna believe this. By chance, I just walked into the same photography studio where you made me that appointment. I guess you never had an opportunity to tell me about it, or you may have forgotten with everything that’s happened.” Overcome with emotion, my voice was shaky. “Anyway…I went to make an appointment, only to find that I was already in the system. That was really sweet of you to want to do that. It’s just another reminder of why I…” I hesitated and breathed, “Of why I love you. I’ll always love you, Rush. I hope you know that. No matter what happens…that’s the one thing that won’t change.”