Chapter Two
Jinx
I used to sit straight up, stiff as a board when I was at the therapist office, now I lay on the loveseat and stare at the ceiling, and what a boring ceiling it is. It’d be more calming in here if she at least had a wooden vaulted ceiling, even a textured one, but nothing about her office puts me at ease.
It’s the exact opposite of comfort.
Cold. Pale. Plain. Unsettling.
For the first few months, I listened as she droned on about not being the only victim; I’m not alone in my suffering, blah, blah, blah.
In the beginning, I was angry at myself for not being a stronger woman and fighting back more than I did.
Piper would provoke them so they would violate her instead of me.
I will forever owe her my gratitude.
I twirl one of my red curls around my pointer finger while I wait for my session to end. I have half an hour left, and then it’s off to self-defense lessons. I don't know which brother my escort will be until I open the door to leave her office.
I hope it’s Sniper.
He’s been through it all.
Twice.
I wish I could be as strong as Piper and go on about my life as if nothing ever happened, but I panic when I try to daydream a man’s touch.
Over the last eight months, I’ve had to adjust to my new life.
I figured I would be angry about what happened to me, but I wasn’t.
I’m at peace with some of it.
All but the touching.
I knew Breakneck MC own and operated Club Sated when I went in for my interview, and deep down I knew to apply for a job there, the danger was a risk. It came only minutes after leaving my interview, but as I said, I can’t be angry at them for it.
The ones to blame for what happened to Piper and me are all currently dead, or so the patched members have told me.
She’s still prattling along while I’m all up in my head, and I’m still twirling one of my long curls around my finger as the clock ticks on by, all the while she knows I’m not paying her the slightest attention.
I haven’t for a few months now.
She expects it, I suppose.
I don’t believe I’m damaged or tainted deep down.
The only reason I’m still even in these sessions is that Braxxon, the Breakneck president, ordered it, and what he says goes.
Did I require psychological help in the beginning?
Yes, I’m not ignorant.
I believe I was violated in a way a woman should never be, and I know deep down inside of my soul, I’ll get my normal back.
I guess, in the end, she hasn’t been as useless as I make her out to be.
I snap out of my thoughts when she mentions my homework assignment and a word I’m sure I misheard.
Touch.
Her saying the word ‘touch’ has my body flinging upwards on the loveseat with a heated glare directed towards her.
“You’re not serious?”
I watch as she closes her notepad and places it on the small table beside her. “I am.”
“You realize who pays you, right?” I ask.
“I do.”
What is with therapist’s and their short freaking answers?
“So, you know I’m around a bunch of rough necks almost every minute of the day, and you expect me to touch one of them?”
“In a friendly manner of course,” she confirms.
“Oh, sure, because they’re a bunch of friendly freaking teddy bears!”
“You’ll do it,” she says, a matter of fact.
“How do you know?”
“Because you won’t allow yourself to fail at anything, even this.”
“It’s a wonder how you even have a practice,” I murmur.
“Excuse me?”
I sigh, feeling horrible. “I’m sorry. I don’t see the point in the homework assignment. I’m not ready to be physical with a man, in any way, what so ever.”
“You’re ready.”
I lean back in the loveseat. “I’m telling you, I’m not.”
She turns her head towards her clock and stands. “Time’s up.”
Thank goodness.
“I’m not doing it.”
“You will.”
There’s no use in arguing with her as I walk with her to the discrete door.
“Same time never,” I say dryly.
“Jinx, you're hostile, not at all your character.”
I say nothing as I walk out and hear the small click of her door as it shuts behind me. I head down the narrow hallway to see who my chauffer is, earlier it was Smokey. I adore him, he has a gentle, quiet way about him, and he never forces me into useless conversation.
Sniper.
Good.
He is also gentle with me; he’s used to mine and Piper’s random moments together.
His head turns in my direction as he hears me approach. “Rough session, eh,” he says as he stands up and fingers his keys.
“Rough homework,” I admit.
“You need to talk with Piper?”
Sniper is so in tune with the both of us, and what we require to get our minds back on track, the unease from my session slowly fades away. “Please. Where is she?”
“She got a heads up this mornin’ from the quack inside,” he motions down the hall, “she’s waiting for you in the courtyard at HQ, you can skip self-defense lessons today.”
I signed a waiver for Piper to receive information about my sessions, so it doesn’t come as a surprise she’s already waiting for me.
“Thank you; I’m drained.”
“I know, darlin’.” He nods for me to follow him out of the building to the SUV, he never rides his motorcycle when he’s chauffeuring me around.
As we ride to the headquarters, my leg bounces up and down, and when I feel Sniper’s gaze go to my antsy leg, I stop. “I’m sorry.”
“Is there anythin’ I can help you digest? I’m a good ear, darlin’.”
I chew on my lip as I shake my head with a quick no. “I appreciate it though. Honestly, I do.”
“The offer always stands,” he says, with his trademark smile. “Maybe you need to open up to Storm a little more as well. You know she has a background like yours and Piper’s, and hell, even Winter, too.”
I’m close with all the women in the Breakneck World, but most of all, Piper. What we went through together, what she did for me down in that basement, I’ll never be able to repay her.
“I know… I don’t believe I can explain it though, Sniper. What Piper did for me, it bonded us for life,” I say, as a single tear falls from my right eye. “And Winter lets me run the paperwork for the clubs and her finances. Those jobs alone help keep my mind busy, and I don’t want to push myself more into your y’all’s life even further.”
Sniper immediately pulls the SUV off to the side of the road, turns and looks at me, raises his sunglasses to the top of his head, and shows me his soft gray eyes. “Jinx, you’re family now. We blame ourselves for what happened to you and Piper, we should have protected you two better, and we didn’t,” he says, while a frown lines his forehead, “believe me darlin’, it eats us up from the inside out. We will always be your family, and we will continue taking care of you. You’re not an inconvenience to anyone, you’re quiet, you give us no grief, and you have the purist, most forgiving soul I have ever had the pleasure of knowin’.” Sniper finishes, and turns back around, pulling the SUV back onto the road. “Piper is waitin’ on ya; we best get movin’.”
“Thank you, Sniper.”
“Anytime, darlin’, and I mean it.”
A few minutes later we’re pulling up to the entrance of Breakneck, and when the guard gate opens, there is Piper, tapping her foot with her arms wrapped securely around her chest near the picnic tables.
Sniper pulls the SUV into a parking spot, and I jump out as soon as he has the vehicle in park.
Piper is at my side before I even have the passenger side door closed, she loops her arm through mine, and we walk across the parking lot into the housing building, through the living space, and out to the courtyard. She didn’t even give Sniper a hello, a kiss, or a wave. I was her mission, I’ve never had a best friend before, but she’s the closest I’ve ever had to one.
She leads me to the swing set Winter had installed for when baby Lana is old enough, and when they invite other chapters over with their families for special occasions. We still haven’t had one of those; it’s too dangerous to bring in more family.
“Sit, Jinx. Swing with me,” she orders. “I know what she wants you to do. Tell me how it makes you truly feel, not the fake bullshit you feed her. Give me the truth; it’s only you and me out here.”
I take a seat on one of the swings, and she takes the other one as I grip the chains and use my feet to swing myself back and forth. “She wants me to touch a male.”
“And you’re not ready for it?” she asks.
I grip the chains in my hands harder to where I can feel them bite into my palms. “No. The therapist said it could be a friendly touch, a hug, something small.”
“Here’s what you should do, you should ignore the assignment, put it out of your mind and go about your normal routines. If it happens, it happens. If not, we can change your self-defense teacher to a male. You know he would be there only to help you defend yourself. He’d be a figure you know would be safe. How do you feel about it?”
I loosen my grip on the chains, twist my body toward hers and give her a small smile. “It could work.” I agree.
“Good,” she smiles, “dinner should be done by now, you know how tight of a ship Berry runs in the kitchen, let’s go eat.”
“Thank you, Piper,” I say to her as we stand, and she reaches for my hand.
“You’ll be okay in the long run, J.”
∞∞∞