Chapter Eighteen
Pyro
Jinx will be upset to learn I went straight to my room last night, shut and locked my door, took some pain meds, worked out with my leg band, and went to bed. I didn’t go to Lana because I wasn’t up to dealing with her, and in the back of my mind, I’m fucking terrified I’ll feel something if I do.
I never thought I would be torn between two women.
I don’t care how many times we say we’re only friends, we’re not. I haven’t figured it out yet, but we’re something more.
I’ve never met a woman I could be myself with, talking with Jinx is as comfortable as breathing. I never knew you could meet someone and grow such an intense connection with them in such a brief period, but I have with her, and if I lose it because of Lana, I don’t know what I’d do.
I’ve become reliant on the comfort Jinx’s company gives me.
It’s peaceful, easy, and a fucking beautiful thing for a man like me.
I’m so damn confused and tired.
My head hurts.
My heart hurts.
My leg hurts.
My cock hurts.
Every. Fucking. Thing. Hurts.
I was moving on with my life, moving on with Jinx, and then Hurricane Lana came in, ripping the little bit of shelter I had left around my heart to pieces.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to toss aside the anger and the hurt to bed her and get it over with.
I know Jinx, she won’t budge, and if I don’t do something quick, she’ll make the decision for me.
She’ll leave, and I’ll be stuck here with Lana.
No Jinx.
I’m not cool with having a life without Jinx in it.
Fuck all this feeling shit, and fuck Lana for making me feel during our time together.
How fucking dare her.
I was stone cold until her.
Shit didn’t get to me before I met her.
I have all this hate and resentment towards her, so how the fuck am I supposed to fuck her without hating her at the same time?
Fucking women!
“You’re up in your head, VP.”
“I’m still not fuckin’ ready to talk to you, Brax.”
If I’d knew he was going to bother me while I was on gate duty while the prospects got some sleep, I wouldn’t have offered, but the little fuckers looked so damn tired. And tired people make mistakes, we can’t have those right now.
“Listen up,” he orders, and I smirk. I don’t have to do shit he says right now. “If Jinx wants to leave, will you stop her? Will you do whatever it takes to make her happy.”
Jinx isn’t Lana.
“Jinx would say goodbye, she wouldn’t fake her death, she wouldn’t want me drinkin’ myself into an early grave either,” I say, surprisingly calm. “I’ve never felt so disconnected from my brotherhood. I also never thought my best friend would fuckin’ gut me either, but look at that, he fuckin’ did. Not to mention I’m not your cousin or best friend, I’m your fuckin’ blood brother.” I snort while lighting a cigarette. “My president didn’t do this to me, my cousin didn’t do this to me, my best friend didn’t do this to me, you, my brother, kept this shit from me. Do you have any idea how fucked up I am right now? Sniper’s my brother too, have you fuckin’ told him?”
“No, you have enough goin’ on,” Braxxon says quietly. “I’m fuckin’ sorry, I am. She wanted out, and I gave her a way out. I didn’t realize how much you truly cared for her until you went out on your bender, by then, it was too late. The damage had been done.”
Tell it to my kidneys.
I inhale and exhale. “Now I’m in a fucked-up triangle with Jinx and Lana.”
“I thought you and J were only friends?”
I glare at him. “Really?”
“Why are you in a triangle, if you don’t wanna be with Lana, be with Jinx. It’s simple, yeah?”
I throw my cigarette to the ground and stomp on it. “Should be.”
“Why isn’t it?”
“When did we become chicks?”
Braxxon chuckles. “When we started letting chicks rule our hearts.”
I hate his fucking logic.
“I hate fucked Lana, and Jinx wants me to fuck her without the hate, see if something is still there before she’ll decide to stay.”
Braxxon whistles. “I gotta say, I’m likin’ the way Jinx handles her business.”
“What the fuck do you mean?”
“Jinx isn’t willin’ to play second string,” he whistles again, “She’s really comin’ into her own.”
“I don’t follow.”
“She’s been through hell, and we all know you’re the reason she’s healin’, and she’s woman enough to stop herself from developin’ anymore feelin’s for ya, if there’s a chance you won’t be hers in the end.”
“Can I ask you somethin’?”
“I owe you,” he says with a nod.
“Do you believe in soulmates?” I feel like a fucking pansy for asking him, but I really need to figure this shit out.
“Fuck yeah,” he says with a laugh. “Winter owns my heart and soul, no matter how fuckin’ pissed she gets me.”
“Jinx is mine, she’s gotta be.”
“How do you figure?”
“Everything, and I do mean everything, is fuckin’ easier with her.”
“Give me more.”
“She’s quiets all the chaos inside of me, our conversations flow easy, and a simple touch from her is so fuckin’ intense, I could explode.”
Braxxon turns away from me. “I’m sorry I hid Lana from you, and I’m sorry I let her come back.”
I’m glad he’s sorry, but I don’t understand why he’s apologizing when I’m talking about Jinx being my soulmate.
“Did you truly love Lana?”
And that’s the million-dollar fucking question.
“I loved her, but I don’t know if I was in love with her. I mean, even with all the anger with her faking her death, if I were in love with her, wouldn’t I be fuckin’ thrilled she’s back? Wouldn’t I be with right now?”
“If Jinx were to leave, would you do everything in your power to stop her?”
I nod. “I’d try.”
“If she were to beg you to let her go, would you?”
I nod again. “I wouldn’t wanna let her go, but I would.”
“When Jinx was stabbed and bleedin’ out, how did you feel.”
I swallow and look away. “My hands shook the entire time she was laying on the floor. I felt so fuckin’ helpless, and all I could process was, not again, I can’t fucking go through this again.”
“You need to do what Jinx asked you to do.”
My attention snaps back to him. “Why?”
“You need to feel it for yourself.”
“Feel what for myself.”
“The difference between Lana and Jinx.”
“Why? That’s what I don’t fuckin’ understand, brother.”
Braxxon clamps his hand on my shoulder with a squeeze. “You’re in love with Jinx.”
I stumble away from his grasp. “No.”
“Yes, brother.”
“No.”
“Yes, she makes you breathe easier, yeah?”
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
I’m in love with Jinx.
“How,” I croak. “I haven’t known her very long.”
He laughs. “You’ve known Jinx for almost a year.”
I cough. “But we didn’t start hangin’ out until last month.”
“Love is love, brother. It happens on its own fuckin’ time.”
Oh, fuck!
“Brax, how the fuck am I supposed to sleep with Lana if I know I’m in love with Jinx,” I ask, fucking terrified of his answer.
“Because Jinx told you to do it, and somethin’ tells me, she’s set in stone with it.”
I close my eyes with a groan.
I knew it.
I’m fucked.
“You got business to handle,” he says sadly.
“I never thought I’d be afraid to fuck a woman before.”
It’s whack.
“And, that right there brother, is how I know you’re in love with Jinx.”
“Can you get someone to handle the gate? Prospects needed a break.”
“I’ll take over, go,” he says with a nudge.
“What room is Lana in?” I ask him, walking backward.
Braxxon chuckles. “Ripley and Akela’s room. You weren’t even concerned with where she was roomin’.”
“They’ve been hidin’ from me since Lana came back,” I say with a chuckle.
When I get into the housing building, I go straight to Akela’s room, it fucking takes everything in me to move past Jinx’s door.
You’re a man Pyro, handle your fucking business so you can move on.
I knock twice.
Ripley answers the door with sadness in her eyes as I push passed her and shut the door.
“Ladies, we gotta talk.”
I hear Ripley gulp behind me. “Akela, I’m not angry with you, you stayed out of loyalty for me, even when you knew your sister was alive,” I say to her and turn around to Ripley. “Rip, you know you’re my favorite piece of chocolate. You take care of me, always. You were loyal to your girlfriend, I understand,” I say with a clap of my hands. “Now, I gotta kick you out of your room, I have to talk with Lana.”
Ripley pulls on my arms until I relent and give her a hug. “I hated lying to you,” she sniffles. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” I tell her as I let her go and hug Akela next. “She’s gonna need you when I’m done, yeah,” I whisper only for Akela’s ears, and she whispers her reply. “I understand.”
They leave the room, and I lock the door behind them, then face Lana. “We gotta talk.”
“Okay.”
Lana gets up from her air mattress and moves over to Akela’s bed and motions for me to take the chair.
“After you were shot, I made you come back, I didn’t care about your feelings, I didn’t care if you wanted to be here or not. You came back,” I say as I sit. “Then you were raped and shot again, faking your death.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want what I’m about to say to hurt you, Lana, but it will.”
“Go on, Stefan. I owe you a voice after all.”
“If I were truly in love with you, I would have let you go the first time,” I tell her.
Lana shifts uncomfortably.
“I didn’t care about what you wanted,” I say with regret. “I’m sorry, and I’m sorry you had to fake your death to get away from me.”
Lana flies up from the bed and kneels in front of me. “It wasn’t to get away from you, I love you. It was to get away from all of this,” she says motioning around the room. “This place eats you alive.”
“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have left.”
When she puts her hands on my knees, I remove them and raise us up to a standing position. “It’s time to say goodbye, Lana.”
I know Jinx wants me to sleep with, Lana, but I can’t; and now I know where my heart is, and it isn’t with Lana.
“You love her,” Lana whispers, wiping away a tear.
“I do.”
Lana bites her lip with a nod as she comes to terms with what I’ve told her.
“She’s amazing, Lana. In time, I think you’ll be happy for me.”
“Does she know you love her?”
I wrap my arms around Lana’s neck and pull her into a hug. “Not a clue, she will though.” Lana, too, wraps her arms around me with a loud sob, clawing at my back. “I’m so, so, sorry,” she hiccups into my cut. “It’s okay,” I murmur into her hair. “I forgive you.”
The words set me free.
I pull away from her.
“I’ve gotta go, Lana.”
“Bye, Pyro.”
No more Stefan, she understands.
∞∞∞