Standing outside Alex’s third-floor apartment, Dane looked past the rusted wrought iron railing and older-than-time globe lights, past the pothole-ridden parking lot and faded complex sign, to the moonlit fields across the highway. Beneath the starry sky, they stretched as far as Dane could see, all the way to the shadowy base of mountains in the far-off distance.
“Kind of reminds me of Laurinburg,” he said. Since Alex had pulled the Knights swim cap out of his desk, Dane hadn’t been able to get those hot summer nights, so much like this night, out of his head.
“Except with mountains,” Alex said, as he dug keys out of his pocket.
“Granted.”
“Town’s also bigger here.”
“That’s not saying much. Most places are bigger than Laurinburg.” Their off-campus entertainment that summer had consisted of a run-down strip mall, a run-down movie theater, and a run-down bowling alley.
Alex chuckled. “This is true.”
“You’re closer to the farm out here?” Dane asked.
“On this side of town, yeah. I can get out to Vineland in fifteen, and Carla can get to Pueblo’s campus in about the same.”
“But far for you to drive to USOC.”
“Plenty of people have longer commutes.” He flipped the second deadbolt and opened the door, reaching in to turn on a light. “It’s not much, but it’s home,” he said, holding the door for Dane.
Letting the commute issue go, sensing it was a touchy subject for Alex, Dane stepped inside and surveyed the tiny apartment. Whoever had decorated, more likely Carla than Alex, Dane guessed, seemed to have a similar decorative flair as their mother. Lemon yellow throw pillows on a blue cushioned futon, a brightly striped quilt spread over the top. Matching stitched flowers on the living room curtains and fresh-cut flowers in a vase on the card table in the dining nook. Most of the furniture looked mismatched and roughed up, yard sale finds maybe, but with everything tidy and the bright decorations, the small space felt welcoming.
Like a home.
Made so by Carla and Alex, not by housekeepers or interior designers. Probably at less than a tenth of what a single room of furnishings in his parents’ house cost and with at least ten times more warmth.
Dane dropped his duffle on the futon as Alex closed the door behind them, flipping the locks. “What time will Carla get here?” Dane asked.
Alex coasted a hand across his lower back, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. “She’s staying out at the farm tonight.”
“She didn’t have to.” Not that he wasn’t grateful for the privacy, especially if Alex was going to tease him like that. He was tired, drained from the past two days of hell, but he desperately wanted to finish what they’d started in the barn, then again in Alex’s office. Here, in private, they could kiss, touch, more . . .
“Mom has chemo tomorrow.”
And mood killed.
Which was good. Dane needed to stay focused, for at least a few more minutes. He carried his computer bag over to the card table, pulled out his laptop and waited for it to boot up. “She seemed tired but okay this afternoon.”
“She’s getting better.” Alex moved past him into the kitchen, fiddling with the coffee maker. “The post-op chemo isn’t as bad. Three months ago, she couldn’t get out of bed.”
Dane fumbled the flash drive, imagining the weight Alex must be carrying. “I’m sorry” seemed woefully inadequate, but it was all he had.
The coffee maker chugged to life, and Alex stepped back over to him. Dane snagged his hand, tangling their fingers and trying to focus on the positive. “I’m glad she’s getting better.”
Alex squeezed his fingers, the tight hold just shy of painful. “I hope they got it all this time.” Before Dane could find any, much less the right, words, Alex nodded at the screen. “How long will that take?”
Clearing his throat, Dane dropped Alex’s hand and got back to work. “A few hours to overnight. It’s hard to tell yet.”
His brow furrowed. “But you transferred them in less than a minute?”
“Decryption takes time.” He entered a few more commands, then slumped in the chair. “All right, that should do it. It’ll alert us when it’s finished.”
Alex laid a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you go take a shower?”
He ducked his head, sniffed. “Do I smell bad?”
The hand on his shoulder glided up, weaving lightly through his hair. “No, but you’re giving the angry farm rooster a run for his money right now.”
Eyes slipping shut, Dane leaned into the touch. He hummed, contented, as Alex massaged his scalp, until Alex’s stomach, right at his ear, rumbled loudly. “Someone hungry? I didn’t see you eat any of those empanadas.”
“Was too nervous. But I’m starving, now. First time in a couple days.” Dane liked the sound of that, especially if it meant Alex was hopeful about his chances of reinstatement. And about their chances together too. The hand fell out of his hair, and Alex meandered back into the kitchen. “Go, shower, and I’ll whip something up. Won’t be your level, but it’ll be edible.”
“I’m sure it’ll be good.”
“Bathroom’s tiny, so use my room to change.”
“Thanks.”
Dane grabbed his duffel and headed down the short hallway. A closet and bathroom on the right, a single bedroom across the hall on the left. He dropped his bag on the queen-sized bed and looked around. Everything neat and organized in the tight space, but still homey, like the living area. Bed covered in another handmade quilt, the same flowery curtains on the windows, and the same ancient alarm clock on the bedside table. Dane laughed. God, how many times had they knocked that thing into the floor, the two of them trying and so often failing to squeeze into a twin dorm bed. He ran his hand over it, then over the hand-carved medals case hanging on the wall above it. Inside were Alex’s two backstroke golds and the relay silver from the last Games. Shining bright, something to aspire to.
If Dane had cost him another three . . .
He shook his head, banishing the thought. They were going to beat this. He continued around the room, to the dresser topped with dozens of framed pictures—of Alex with his family, friends, and teammates. With Bas, Mo, and Ryan from the last Olympic games, and more team pictures from USC. Many were candids, like the photos that lined the walls of the farmhouse. Alex thrown over Bas’s shoulder in a fireman’s hold. Alex hugging Mo, who was holding up a phone with the picture of his newborn baby. Alex in a tug-of-war over a pool hose with Ryan.
Dane pressed the heel of his hand to his chest, futilely trying to rub away the emptiness there. He wanted to be in those pictures—wished he had friends and teammates like that—but until yesterday, he’d never really been himself to anyone other than Mo, and so he’d never had any other real friends either. Always hidden away, behind the poster boy, for fear of exposure, he’d missed out on all this.
Such a fucking waste.
“I don’t hear the water running,” Alex hollered from the kitchen.
Dane smiled, melancholy fading. But he was here now, putting his real self out there to his teammates, to Alex’s family, and to the man he loved. And he was dying to get back out there and tell him that. He showered quickly, changed into sweats and a tee, and when he returned to the living area, found his computer pushed to the far edge of the table and Alex laying out a training snack. Bacon, lettuce, tomato, avocado, and wheat bread for sandwiches, plus two cups of coffee, Alex’s black, Dane’s with more cream than coffee, the way he’d always taken it.
“Why are you smiling?” Alex asked.
He gestured at the table. “That you know to do this.”
“It’s my routine too. At least it used to be.”
“Hey.” Dane snagged his hand and drew him close. “It will be again.” He leaned in for the kiss he’d been craving for the last hour and was stopped short by his phone vibrating on the table.
“That’s the third time since you’ve been in the shower. I don’t want to know how many times since the farm.”
Dane picked up the device, unsurprised to see ten missed calls and a voice mail from his parents. “Guess the parental units figured out I’m not where I’m supposed to be.” He listened to the message from his mother. She’d heard he was sick, from Roger, and they’d tried to stop by to check on him, but Bas had warned them off. He rolled his eyes when she mentioned flying out their private physician to check on him tomorrow. He erased the message, turned the phone off, and tossed it on the futon. “Bas scared them off, for now,” he said, taking the chair next to Alex.
“Good.” Alex set a sandwich on the plate in front of him. “When did you tell the team you’d be back?”
“I asked them to buy me a day.” Dane took a bite, chewed, swallowed. “I told Roger I’d have his plane back tomorrow.”
Alex’s eyes rounded comically wide, his sandwich splattering on his plate. “Roger, as in your publicist?” The next bit was even higher. “And his plane?”
“Yes, and yes.” Dane reassembled Alex’s sandwich for him and made sure he had a firm grip on it before explaining the rest. “I couldn’t exactly fly commercial if I didn’t want my parents to find out.”
“I thought Roger was in league with your parents?” Alex said around a mouthful of food.
“They miscalculated.” Dane finished off a half, then angled toward Alex in his chair. “You didn’t tell me he tried to recruit you.”
“As a gay athlete poster boy. I didn’t want any part of it.”
It’d taken Dane no time to piece together the why of that when Roger had revealed that tidbit to him last night. “Not because you’re ashamed, but because you hate the spotlight, right?”
Alex nodded. “Right or wrong, I’m no one’s poster boy, for any reason. That’s just not me. I’d rather fly under the radar, swim hard, get my medals, and go home. Set an example that way.”
Dane could respect that. He could also tease a little too. He jostled Alex’s shoulder and whispered close to his ear. “It’s a shame. You’re kind of hot, Cantu. You on a poster . . .”
Alex shoved back harder, then crammed another bite of sandwich into his upturned mouth.
“I’m used to the spotlight,” Dane said. And Roger had already planned for the shift in image, also revealing that he’d suspected for some time that Dane was gay. “I don’t mind being the poster boy, especially for this team and for a good cause, one that’s important to me.”
Alex bumped his knees, and his voice was soft, a little hesitant, when he spoke again. “If it’s important to you, why haven’t I heard you admit it yet?”
“Can I show you instead?”
Alex’s gaze whipped up, almost as fast as the flush that streaked his cheeks. While he hadn’t meant it as innuendo, Dane could see how Alex’s mind jumped to a kiss, or more. And Dane wanted things to go there too tonight, but he wanted to show Alex something else first.
He pushed their plates aside and pulled his laptop toward them. He minimized the terminal box that was running the decryption and accessed his personal files, entering the password and opening the Knights folder.
The pictures from their summer together filled the screen. The only candids of Dane. The only other time he’d ever been himself, completely.
“This is why I started hacking,” he said. “This is what I had to protect.”
Alex clicked through the images, pausing a few seconds on each. “Dane . . .”
“Every day for ten years, Alejandro. Every day I looked at these pictures and remembered you. Remembered that this was the happiest I’d ever been.”
Alex fell back in his chair, mouth hanging open, brown eyes swirling with a mixture of surprise, hope, and apprehension. All summed up in a single, croaked word. “Why?”
“Because I’m gay.”
It was both easier and harder to say this time. Easier because he’d already admitted it to himself and to others. Had already said the words aloud to his teammates and to Roger. Harder, though, because this was the person whose response mattered most. Scooting to the edge of his chair, he lifted his hands and cupped Alex’s face, fingertips tangling in his curls. “Because that summer I met and fell in love with a beautiful boy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I’m so sorry I turned my back on you, Alex. I’m sorry I was a coward for so long.”
Alex stayed frozen, staring, for the longest five seconds of Dane’s life. The suspense was worse than standing crouched on the blocks before a race, waiting for the starting horn to blow. Finally, Alex dipped his face in, kissing one of Dane’s palms as he brought his own hands up, covering Dane’s. “You’re here now.”
“Te amo, Alejandro,” Dane whispered, speaking the words that had been trapped in his chest for a decade. He’d loved Alex from across the pool and across a dorm room, then from across the country and across the years. Across everything that had stood between them. He leaned forward, brushing their lips together. “Siempre he amado.” Always, even apart, that love hadn’t wavered.
Alex inhaled sharply, his thumbs halting their caress of Dane’s hands, and when he didn’t reply after another beat, Dane pulled back. Suspense tore at his insides once more, worse than the altitude ever had. Had he said enough? Had he said too much? “Say something, Alejandro, please.”
Eyes darkening, Alex hitched up one corner of his mouth in an attractive, devilish smirk. “Can I show you instead?” he parroted back, and swallowed Dane’s relieved, breathless “yes” in a kiss that said everything Dane needed to hear.
Tongue diving between his lips, Alex swept the inside of his mouth, leaving Dane’s own tongue no choice but to come out and play, a tangle that sent heat spiraling through him and wrenched a low moan from deep in his throat. Without breaking the kiss, Alex stood and straddled Dane’s legs, coming down hard on Dane’s lap. Dane thrilled at the contact. Groin on groin, muscular thighs atop muscular thighs, scruff under his palms, and strong, cut arms wrapping around his neck, hauling him close. This was who Dane was, and the man in his arms, Alex, was who he was supposed to love. He’d tried to make it work with girls in high school and college, but the interest, the attraction, had never been there. Because he wanted hard and masculine, and he wanted to surrender, wanted to follow instead of lead. He rolled his hips, rutting their cocks together, and the friction was enough to short-circuit his brain.
Mouth drifting, Alex ran his tongue along the length of his jaw. “Next time I tell you to shave this, don’t.”
Dane’s head fell back, giving Alex full access to his sensitive neck, and his dick jerked, testing the limits of his sweatpants. “Holy fuck.” The curse rolled easily off his tongue, the assault on his senses more than warranting it.
“Eyes forward, Ellis,” Alex said.
Dane struggled for the strength to right his head, every bit he had powering his thrusting hips, his other head, but he reached for a reserve, straightening. And was handsomely rewarded for the effort. Alex sat back on his thighs, reached behind his neck, and yanked his tee off over his head. Dane sat frozen for a moment, everything he’d wanted to touch and taste the past two and a half weeks there for the taking. And he couldn’t decide where to start.
Reading his dilemma, Alex wove a hand in his hair and drew him forward, bringing Dane’s lips to the crevice at the base of his neck. “Start here.”
That he could do.
He kissed and lapped, returning the torture, while his hands climbed Alex’s body, gliding over ripped abs, tight obliques, and toned delts. The muscled torso was so much harder, more defined, than when they were kids. But God, did it still taste like heaven. Kisses drifting lower, he nuzzled the little patch of dark hair at the V of Alex’s sternum, the prickle on his face divine. Alex’s answering moan was divine too, rocketing Dane’s dick to the edge of pain. He ventured out, the attentions of his hands and mouth converging on Alex’s nipples. Dark, rosy circles that shriveled and tensed when he pinched, licked, and took each nub between his teeth.
Alex’s hips jerked, slamming down, his cock demanding attention too. Dane grasped the rigid length through Alex’s track pants, fisting and stroking. Alex rested his forehead against his, panting as he thrust into Dane’s hand, while the back of Dane’s knuckles wreaked havoc on his own cock.
It wasn’t enough. He needed a better grip, on both of them.
Fighting elastic, he shoved the waistband of Alex’s pants and briefs down, then his own, far enough to get their dicks out and in his palm, together. Then he lost his grip on reality as he stroked them as one, his entire world focused on the feel of them together in his hand—hard, hot, and slicker by the second. He buried his face in Alex’s neck, sucking hard enough to bruise, but unable to stop himself.
“What do you want, babe?” Alex whispered in his ear, hot and gravelly, the endearment driving Dane wild.
“Want you to fuck me.” There’d been no doubt in Dane’s mind that that’s where this was going. He wanted Alex on him, in him, more than anything. More than medals, more than sponsorships, more than the dollars in his trust fund. He’d give it all up if Alex would just make love to him.
“Then take me to bed,” Alex rumbled, and Dane didn’t have to be told twice. He ran his hands down Alex’s back, inside his pants and briefs, and palmed that perfect ass, boosting Alex into his arms as he stood. Alex wrapped his legs around his waist, and they stumbled down the hall, banging walls along the way as Dane’s legs wobbled each time Alex nipped behind his ear or licked the hollow of his throat.
In the bedroom, Dane knocked his duffle off the bed and then, knee to the mattress, laid Alex out, yanking off his pants and briefs in one go. He grabbed Alex’s flailing hand with one of his, pinning it to the bed, and took the base of Alex’s cock in the other, pumping, while he teased the length of it with a long swipe of his tongue. “I’ve been thinking about this, about being right here, since the club. I wondered if you’d still taste the same too.”
Alex’s fingers clenched in his as his hips shot off the bed.
Dane smirked up at him. “That an invitation?”
Alex growled. “Fuck yes.”
He circled the tip with his tongue, taking Alex into his mouth, loving the feel of him, the salty, musky taste, the smell that was all his own. Alex’s hand spasmed in his again, and Dane placed it on his head, encouraging Alex to pull at the strands, needing that edge of pain to stave off his own mounting pleasure.
Everything about blowing Alex was so heady though, so much a pleasure in itself, that Dane got lost in rhythm, not at first noticing when Alex’s tugging became urgent. It wasn’t until nails scraped over his scalp, sending a painful arrow of need straight to his dick, propelling him right to the edge, that Dane gasped and Alex’s dick slipped from his mouth.
“Get up here,” Alex ordered.
“Why’d you stop me?”
“I’m still not sure this is real, and if I only get one chance at this, I want to be inside you when I come.”
Dane crawled up the length of his body and rested his elbows on either side of Alex’s head, framing his handsome face in his hands before diving in for another long, thorough kiss, reaffirming all those promises he’d made today. “This is real, Alex. It’s not a one-time thing. I love you.” He rolled his hips, and Alex’s softening expression shifted to wanton, a keening moan rumbling out of his throat. “And I want you inside me too.”
“Then get the rest of your clothes off, now.”
He stripped the rest of the way as Alex reached in the side drawer, tagging a condom and lube. They repositioned so Dane was on his knees, Alex behind him as he rolled on the condom. “I’ll go slow,” he said. “It may hurt.”
Dane looked over his shoulder, praying to God he didn’t come from the sight of Alex naked and erect, slicking himself with lube. “It won’t,” he gritted out.
Alex raised a brow. “Others?”
Dane shook his head. “It’s only ever been you there. And toys.”
Alex grinned as he squirted more lube into his hand. “How’d you hide those from your parents?”
“In a lockbox. With my swimming medals.” Alex laughed, big and full-bodied, and it was the most seductive thing Dane had ever heard. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”
Alex’s laughter eased into a soft smile, and he leaned over Dane, nuzzling his cheek as his slick fingers teased him open. “You’re pretty beautiful too, Big Red.”
Dane groaned, riding back on Alex’s hand. “I always imagined it was you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. Please.”
Kissing the nape of his neck, Alex nudged his knees farther apart and pressed the tip of his dick against Dane’s opening. But despite how much he wanted it, Dane tensed. It’d been so long, and yes, he’d used toys, but being with Alex was so much more. And Alex was so much bigger.
Alex smoothed a hand over his hip and around, taking his erection in hand. “Easy, babe,” he whispered.
The stroke over Dane’s cock, as smooth as the voice in his ear, distracted him from the tension, and when Alex pushed a second time, Dane gave himself over. He grunted at the initial pressure, then groaned as the pain gave way to fullness, to a sensation inside him he’d been missing for far too long.
“I need to move now,” Alex said, after giving him a few seconds to adjust. His voice was no longer smooth, but as rough and full of need as Dane’s.
Pushing back in answer, Dane encouraged the movement Alex promised. It was everything he’d missed and more. Alex all around him—blanketing his back, grunting in his ear, fisting his cock, and filling him full. Over and over, in a race against their bodies, barreling toward the wall, and reaching the finish when Alex panted, “Come for me,” in his ear.
Dane had no choice but to follow his captain’s orders.
He came, hard, spilling into Alex’s tight grip, as Alex’s thrusts became erratic, pounding to his own finish. The last thrust was the best, filling Dane full, and Alex stayed buried inside him a long shuddering minute, until they both collapsed on their sides.
Alex’s heat disappeared from his back, and Dane heard him yanking open drawers, then the whoosh of tissues pulled from a box. A wad appeared over his shoulder, and Dane cleaned himself up. They ditched the tissues off the side of the bed and rolled chest to chest.
Slinging a leg over Alex’s hip, Dane wrapped him up, in his body and the covers. Alex snuggled down, kissing the hollow of his throat again, and Dane was sure his heart would tear through ribs and skin and offer itself to Alex.
“Are you really here?” Alex mumbled, half-asleep already.
Dane hugged him tighter. “Yeah, I’m here, Cap,” he said, dropping a kiss on his head, nose buried in the dark curls he loved so much. “And I’m never turning my back on you again.”