I can’t help but groan out into the room with frustration.
I have lost my touch.
I look at the screen, the book I’m writing almost finished. I just need to fill in the sex scenes and my mind has gone blank.
I have written over ten books and my hot scenes are starting to sound similar, I don’t want my readers to skim over what I write. I want them to feel every emotion, every pull, I want them to feel the connection between the characters.
My fingers hover over the keyboard and nothing.
Fuck my life.
I lean back in my chair, pressing save and turning off my laptop. I need a break.
Maybe I have been single for too long. It has almost been a year since I last had sex and it wasn’t even that mind blowing. Definitely nothing like what I write in my stories.
Maybe I have created too much expectation on what sex should be.
I just need a good fuck, but there is no one in my life I know that will give that to me.
A good fuck that it is.
I have close friends who are guys but even though they may see me as something more than a friend, I don’t see them the same way. They are like family to me.
Well, not family exactly as I know once I have a few drinks in me I sometimes end up kissing them, but I couldn’t sleep with them.
Just imagining them on top me gives me shivers.
It’s weird.
I walk to the kitchen filling up the kettle when I hear my phone ringing, I jog towards my desk picking it up, smiling at the name being shown before answering it.
“Finished the book yet?” My best friend Hannah asks me. I plump myself in my chair and dramatically groan. “I take that as a no then.” She laughs.
“Maybe in this book I just skip the hot scenes. Not all my books need to have sex in it.” I know saying the words out loud that I wouldn’t do it.
I can’t publish a book if I know it’s not at its best. I want sex in this book, there’s too much build up for there not to be. If I want it, I know the readers will also.
“Your books always have sex in them. You know we all crave the good girl and bad boy getting it on, and when it happens, its panty dropping good.”
“Panty dropping good?” I laugh.
“Just saying.” We both chuckle.
“I may have lost my mojo.” I rub my forehead.
“I think you need a good night out. Go get ready, I will come and get you in an hour.”
“What about my book?”
“Are you going to finish it tonight?” She asks me. I look to my closed laptop and know that I won’t. “See, so go get sexy.” She hangs up before I have a chance to answer her. I head to my room grabbing a couple of towels then head to the bathroom.
I look into the mirror, seeing my long light brown hair tied up in a messy bun on top of my head. Purple bags under my eyes, my cheeks flushed.
God, I look like shit.
It’s the joys of being an author. Once you start a book, you care less about your appearance, sleep, and food until you know the story is done and dusted.
I love writing. I never thought I would be writing as a career but I am. I am living the dream. But when I do finish a book I take four weeks to myself to say goodbye to my characters and to relax. To start looking after myself once again and watching a ton of Netflix, before the next lot of characters start arguing with me in my head.
Grabbing a quick shower, blow-drying my hair, I go to my closest deciding on an outfit. This is where I turn into a real girly girl. I try on half my clothes before I stick to one that I feel good in. I decide on black skinny jeans and a black boob-tube top that has sequins on the sides.
I wear neutral makeup and when I do look in the mirror again, I smile at the transformation. I love makeup, especially concealer, the bags that were under my eyes are now hidden.
I don’t look like a member of the walking dead anymore.
I am putting on my black suede ankle boots when I hear a knock on the door.
I open it up to see Hannah posing against the doorframe, showing off her light blue dress that makes your eyes go straight to her cleavage. “What do you think?” She waves her hand down her body. I look from her long blonde highlighted hair, down to her curvaceous body.
“Gorgeous,” I tell her, running back in grabbing my bag, phone, and keys.
“You look great too. Let’s hurry, the cab is waiting.” She links her arm through mine. We walk down the path to the cab, climbing in. We get dropped off in the city centre, heading to the first bar.
We smile to the bouncers who smile back. Hannah and I have been going out since we were seventeen, yes, we went out underage, who didn’t? As we are thirty now, you can imagine that we know nearly everyone who works at the places we love to go.
Walking to the busy bar, I give the place a quick look round before facing the bartenders waiting to get served.
“Should we get cocktail pitchers?” Hannah asks me.
“Of course. One each?” She nods smiling at me.
I place our orders and we watch it getting made. I love watching them make our drinks, it looks like something out of the movie with Tom Cruise in it. After we pay we head outside grabbing a table. It's only seven in the evening but it’s already starting to get busy. Least the sun is still out.
I take a sip of my mojito, it tastes so good. It doesn’t even taste like alcohol, that’s why I always get it. It’s so refreshing and I drink it like it’s juice.
“Drew and I are thinking about going on holiday next year to the Dominican Republic.” She types something on her phone and puts it away before looking back up at me.
“I heard it's meant to be amazing over there, I’m so jealous.” The last time I went on holiday, I was nineteen, I think depressingly.
“You could come join us?” She gives me a sympathetic look.
“I’m not going to be a third wheel on your holiday, go have fun. I am sure there are plenty of holidays in my future.” I try and reassure her.
“I just hate that you get cooped up in your home. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t leave that place.”
“That is a bit of an exaggeration. When I finish a book, you know I go on nights out and meet up with my other friends.” I take a sip of my pitcher.
“It takes you two to three months to finish a book, that’s a long time to be indoors.”
“Well, I’m out now so let’s go and get drunk.”
“Think that’s the best idea you have had today.” We grab our drinks and head back inside to the bar ordering some shots.
We stay in the bar for another hour before we move on to the next place where we order more shots and drinks, dancing on the dancefloor, having a laugh. The drink is flowing through me, making me tipsy but I am having the night of my life.
“You ready to head to the club?” Hannah downs the last of her drink, and I do the same.
“Ready.” We wave goodbye to the bouncers and walk down the road to the club that is just a five-minute walk away.
Once we arrive we get a stamp on our wrists showing that we paid to get in and head to the bar getting two bottles of alcho-pops and test tube shots. The place is half full but I know in the next hour it will get busier.
Nicki Minaj ‘Anaconda’ starts to play, Hannah grabs my hand and takes me to the dance floor and we start dancing to the music. We sway our hips, bobbing our heads, we sing along to the words. The next song Whitney Houston ‘Dance with Somebody’ starts to play and we shriek.
Each song that plays we cheer and stay put. When we see the lady holding a tray of different coloured shots we pay for four each, downing them right after the other. We are getting to the point of being so drunk we are singing to the words loudly.
Grabbing my phone, I go on Snapchat and press record while filming me and Hannah singing to the song before sending it to all my friends.
Hannah looks to a girl standing near the DJ booth on her own and I watch her go over to her saying something before they both come back, the girl joining us, dancing next to me
The girl has blonde hair tied up in a fancy way, pale skin, she looks to be in her young twenties. She sings with us both, smiling while we all continue to dance. When a song I don’t recognise comes on, I head to the bar and the girl and Hannah follow me.
“What’s your name?” I ask the girl once I get a spot to wait.
“Hope. You?”
“I’m Angel, this is Hannah.”
“You're called Angel?” She asks me and Hannah and I laugh.
“Don’t think because she is called Angel, she is one, she writes dirty books.” Hannah bursts out laughing, I push her.
“It’s adult romance.” I correct her.
“Soft porn.” Hannah laughs again.
“You write books?” Hope asks me with a surprised look. I nod. “That’s amazing.” I wave her off. The bartender comes towards me leaning forward. She also has long blonde hair, she leans so far forward I can literally see down her shirt. She smiles sweetly at me while I order a round of drinks and shots for us all.
“I hope you’re not fussy what you drink.” I look to Hope chuckling.
“I drink anything.” She replies with a shrug.
“My kind of girl.” I wink at her and she blushes. We toast the shots and down them first. I feel the burn down my throat after the last shot “Are you here on your own?” I laugh when Hope scrunches up her face.
“The guy I’m kind of seeing is a bouncer here.”
“Oh, which one?” She points to a guy with dark brown hair, tanned skin. I can tell he is older than her. “You are here with just him?” She nods.
“He asked me to keep him company.” No wonder she was on her own.
“Well, you can join us.” She smiles at me and I take her hand and walk her back to the dancefloor with Hannah right behind us.
Alice Cooper ‘Poison’ begins to play and I scream with excitement. I love this song. I always request this on nights out, I’m so happy it’s being played. I sway my hips slowly to the beat, my hands going to my hair while I sing along to the words.
“I’m quickly going to the bathroom,” Hannah shouts to us both, I give her a thumbs up that I heard her.
I continue dancing with Hope dancing opposite me, following my movements. The kiss line ‘I want to kiss you, but I want it too much’ plays, we both lean towards each other singing out the words. She walks towards me, her body pressing into mine. We both sing to one another. She places her hand on my hip, swaying together.
I feel her body press closer to mine and something inside me that I can’t explain is happening. I look into her eyes and she is staring right back at me intensely. She grinds herself into me with the beat of the song. Her face coming closer to mine and then I feel her lips.
With the song still playing in the background, the song running through me, the heat of the moment spurring me on, I take a handful of her hair as I deepen the kiss. She kisses me harder; her fingers dig into me. We continue kissing until the song ends, we pull away and I look around to see a few people watching us.
Men with their mouths hanging open, a few women with heated looks in their eyes.
I look back to her and she looks at the ground blushing.
Least I’m not the only one surprised by what we just did.
I can’t believe I just kissed a girl I don’t know. I won’t lie, I used to kiss girls on nights out when I was younger, I will kiss some of my lesbian friends as a laugh but what I felt was different.
I really enjoyed that kiss.
It must be the drink.
“That line took forever, I can’t believe I missed ‘Poison.’” Hannah pouts.
The boyband Five ‘Everybody Get Up’ starts to play and we start dancing again but my eyes keep going to Hope and I notice that she keeps looking at me also. Hannah and I do the dance moves and when the chorus line comes on ‘five will make you get down now’ we palm the floor.
After the song finishes, Hope does a smoking signal so we follow her outside and I watch as she lights up, I grab my e-cig. I used to be a smoker but I went onto this about two years ago. I hated my place smelling of smoke.
“You’re on the vapour?” I nod. “What flavour?”
“Strawberry.” Her hand goes on mine that’s holding it.
“Can I try?” I pass it to her, but she continues holding my hand, taking it to her mouth, I watch her use it and I giggle when she coughs.
“You will get used to it.” She laughs. We are talking when Hannah looks to her phone with a huge smile on her face.
“I need to head home.” She does a little bounce.
“Oh, why?” I pout.
“Drew wants some loving.” I scrunch up my face. I don’t want images of my best friend screwing her boyfriend.
“You are leaving me for sex, even though you can get it anytime?”
“Yup,” she says. “Hope you don’t mind my girl hanging with you?” Hannah hugs Hope.
“I don’t mind.” She smiles at me.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” I say when she hugs me.
“I need some dirty sex. Long hot, sweaty, dirty sex.”
“Stop talking about you having sex,” I whine. She sticks her tongue out at me.
“One of us needs to be having some.” I open my mouth shocked then push her.
“You suck ass. Message me once you’re home.”
“I promise. Was nice meeting you Hope.”
“You too.” We watch Hannah hail a taxi and once she’s safely in, I wave to her then I turn to Hope and she is looking at me. “So how many books have you written?”
“I have ten published and almost finished my eleventh.” She looks at me in awe.
“You have written eleven books, I find it hard to write a shopping list.” We both laugh.
“Fancy getting another drink?” I ask her and she nods, her hand goes into mine. We walk back inside when her fella comes over and says something in her ear.
“I’ll be right back.” She says walking with him to the DJ booth.
“I’ll be at the bar,” I shout to her, she nods and I watch her talk to the guy.
I head to the bar ordering two drinks, two tequilas, and two test tube shots. When I have a drink in me I go crazy over shots. Shots turn into my best friends. I pay the bartender who keeps smiling at me. When I feel arms around my middle and I turn my head to see Hope smiling at me.
“Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.” I pass her the tequila, she watches me do the salt and she follows suit and when we are both sucking on the lemon, both our faces scrunch up making us both laugh. We quickly do the test tube shots then grab our drinks heading back to the dance floor.
Fifth Harmony ‘Work’ starts to play and we both start to dance. A couple of guys start to dance next to us trying not to look obvious. I shake my head and Hope moves close to me again, we move in sync to the beat and soon the guys move but not too far so they can still watch us.
The alcohol has gone through my whole system, making me all tingly all over that I just feel happy but I am starting to get a girl crush on Hope. She looks so pretty, without thinking, I lean forward and press my lips to hers and she kisses me back without hesitation. After a moment, I pull back but she leans forward pressing her lips against mine again, not wanting to stop.
The song ends and the lights come on, indicating that its closing time and I look to my phone seeing a message from Hannah that she’s home safe but it’s the time, I’m shocked at. It’s after four in the morning. I can’t remember the last time I stayed out this late.
I am finishing my drink when I watch Hope run over to the guy again and she bounces back over to me smiling. “Want to come back to ours? We have more drink there and you can talk more about your books.” I know I should go home, but I still want to be around her and the sound of more drink is very appealing.
“Okay.” She leans forward and kisses me again.
“You two ready?” Her guy comes over and asks. His eyes trailing over me.
“We are.” She downs her drink and I do the same, placing the empty bottles on the nearby table we head outside.
Hope entwines her fingers with mine as we get a cab and once we are inside she straddles me, her lips once again landing on mine, with the mix of alcohol and fresh air, I am kissing her back heatedly, not thinking twice about the guy next to me that she is with or the driver being able to watch everything.
I bet the driver isn’t complaining though.
“Hope not in here.” I hear her guy say and she is pulled off me. I almost pout.
I look out the window as we head to their place and when we arrive, I look at the semi-detached house with a front garden and brown fence. I follow them inside, the guy heading into the kitchen. I take a seat in the living room, looking around the beige walls with little furnishings. The guy comes back through and passes me and Hope a glass of wine.
“I hope the wine is okay?” I don’t really like wine but I accept anyway taking a sip. I watch as they whisper to one another before Hope turns to me.
“Can you read some hot scenes from one of your books,” Hope asks me sweetly. I grab my phone clicking on my Kindle app.
“Any preference?”
“Do you have one with two girls?” I look to her and her eyes are solely on mine.
“I do actually.” I look away from her and scroll the list until I find the one I’m looking for and I open it up trying to find the right page. I start reading out the words.
I am focused on what I’m reading as its harder with alcohol in my system, I am concentrating on the words when I hear moaning noises and I turn to see Hope and the guy both naked, her on her knees sucking him off.
When did they have a chance to strip without me noticing?
Seeing her pale skin to his tanned skin, seeing him standing in dominance, his hands in her hair as she is on her knees pleasing him, stirred something that I can’t explain.
I turn my body so I am facing them while I continue to read. I am reading the part where one of the leading ladies is kissing the other girl’s stomach heading towards her pussy when I feel Hope straddling me again, her kissing me, moaning into my mouth. I feel her heat pressed against me.
She takes hold of one of my hands placing it on her breast, helping me glide it down her stomach to her pussy and I hesitate before she pushes my fingers inside of her causing her to groan in ecstasy.
“Please keep touching me.” She begs. She slips down my boob-tube top releasing one of my breasts out of its bra cup and leans forward sucking hard. It’s a little painful but feels so nice at the same time.
“Go easy on her.” The guy says softly to her and she releases my nipple. I watch as he guides his dick inside her pussy from behind, leaning back on the couch, taking her back with him. I hover on top of her kissing her as I feel him thrust inside her. Her body moving with each thrust.
I lick down her neck to her breasts to her stomach. It’s like I am playing a part in one of my books, I go further down until I see her bare pussy, seeing his dick entering her is making my body ache, not from him being in her, but the pleasure they are both feeling.
I keep watching, watching each movement, hearing their groans and moans. I lean forward pressing my tongue to her clit and she almost screams out. I keep licking, not expecting her to taste so sweet. I feel her hands go to my breasts but I don’t stop.
Feeling a hand on my neck, I look up stopping and she pulls away from him, standing. I stand also and she takes my hand guiding me upstairs to a red sofa chair making me sit. She straddles me again and kisses me hard, sucking on my tongue so she can taste herself.
“I want you to watch me, Angel.” She whispers against my lips. “I want you to watch and let me see you touch yourself.” She stands back up and climbs on the bed going on all fours, facing me. The guy gets behind her and enters her once again.
I watch as he fucks her. I watch as she starts playing with herself as he does.
I undo the buttons of my jeans and slip my hand inside until I reach my own wet folds. I enter in two fingers then three, feeling full, stretching myself. Feeling how tight I am. Her eyes never leave mine, I feel the ache building inside of me. I rub harder as he starts to speed up, when she screams out in her release, I scream out mine and not long after I hear him roar out in his.
I stay seated, the alcohol slowly leaving my system, I can’t believe what I have just done. What I just witnessed. I do up my jeans and stand and I watch Hope walk over to me still naked and she lifts my hand that I was touching myself with sucking my fingers.
“You taste so good.” She purrs. Her lips land on mine once again. “Do you want a go?” She moves to the side showing me the guy on the bed sat up watching us both, seeing the heat in his eyes.
I am still turned on but I don’t want him.
I don’t want him inside me.
I like her.
“I want you,” I say in a shy voice.
She smiles and whispers in my ear. “I was hoping you would say that.” She sits on the edge of the bed and opens her legs. “Taste me then.” I walk slowly toward her going on my knees, her fingers going through my hair as my mouth goes to her glistened pussy. Once my tongue goes between her folds I can taste the latex of the condom but soon the taste fades and it’s all her once again.
I can hear him rubbing himself as her breathing comes out in pants. I suck hard on her clit causing her body to fall back a little, making her lean on her hands. I lift one of her legs so it goes over my shoulder making her more spread out for me. I keep sucking until she screams out, her legs shaking. It is like a fountain squirting into my mouth as she comes. I suck up every last bit of her.
It has occurred to me that they are both naked and I am still fully dressed. I sit back on my heels and she is smiling down at me. “You are really good at that.” I smile back but I can feel my cheeks burning up. “Do you want to watch again? I think he needs another go.” I see the guy behind her, caressing her breasts. Her smiling at me, him looking at me like I’m prey.
I should just walk away, go back home but I do want to watch. I want to experience every moment he pleases her. It is good for research for my stories.
That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
“I will watch.” I sit back in the chair, feeling more confident in my seat.
“Are you sure you don’t want him to fuck you? I don’t mind sharing.” My eyes connect to hers.
“I’d rather watch.”