Your fingers entwined slowly with mine, and suddenly, life made sense.
-Perry Poetry
Butch
Watching Bellamy perform was so much more than I ever envisioned it to be. I partly thought that the hype surrounding her was just based on what I’d heard about her nude photos being leaked. Who knew that the girl had undeniable talent? Shit. She’s hot as fuck and talented. Every moment I’m with her I’m becoming more and more fucked. The kicker is that she doesn’t even know how much I want her.
Today I plan on changing that, I want to take her in ways that she’s never been taken before, showing her exactly just how much I want her.
Bellamy and The Stones performed last night, and we’ve got plans to leave in just a couple of hours, heading towards Pittsburgh. We’re lucky in the sense that it’s only about a five-hour trip, and the weather couldn’t be better. It’s still in the mid-seventies, which gives us a great day of riding ahead of us.
I’m sitting in the chair off to the side in the hotel room that Bellamy, Slash and I are all sharing. My phone starts to buzz quietly, as I lift it from the bedside night stand I see Elena’s name plastered across the screen.
“What’s up?” I ask her immediately.
“Nothing. I’m just checking in, to see how things are going and all that,” she mumbles, a nervous wreck if I’ve ever heard her.
“You’re a shitty liar.”
“Yeah, well you’re shitty period.” There’s a good ten second pause before she begins to speak again. “Is everything going okay?”
“It’s going as good as it can. Luckily for me, your sister is a pretty chill girl.” I wasn’t lying, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Every word that I told Elena was nothing but the truth. There are definitely parts of Bellamy that I don’t know, I’ve only known her for a few days. It’ll take much longer than that for me to get the full picture, to get to know everything there is that makes her tick the way that she does. I guess part of me that I’m still struggling with, is the fact that I want to know more about her. I haven’t wanted that since my ex. Deep down, it scares the shit out of me. I’d be the first to admit that I have trust issues, especially since I put all my trust in one woman and she let me down on the most important day of my life – the day that was supposed to be the beginning of our life together.
“I…yeah. I don’t know much about her yet, and I’m hoping that you guys can bring her to the Halloween party in a few days. Can you? I’d love to get to know her more. Please try to get her to come. If she can’t, I totally understand, but I’d really like the opportunity to get to know my sister. So, please try to convince her that I’m not as awful as I was the first time I spoke to her. Ugh, I was such a bitch.”
“When are you not a bitch?” I chuckle into the phone, waiting to hear Elena berate me. Her giving me shit reminds me of home. I may have only been gone a few days, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I’m already home sick.
“What have you found out about her?” Elena asks me. I think a moment before I speak.
“She’s been through a lot, maybe a lot more than we should ever go through, but despite that, she continues to follow her dreams; she’s relentless.”
“I’m relentless, am I?” Looking over to the left I see Bellamy’s eyes glued right to my body. I don’t know how much she’s heard, but from the looks of it, she’s heard it all.
“Your sister’s on the phone,” I tell Bellamy, handing her my cell as I rise from the chair. The only thing that I want to do right now is getting some air. Somehow, the room felt as if it was closing in around me. I grabbed my cigarettes off of my duffel bag and head towards the balcony. At least I can smoke in peace out there.
With every drag of the cigarette, I become more and more restless. Usually, smoking has the opposite effect. It makes me wonder why I’m so antsy. What in God’s name is making me like this? Is it something within me or is it the mere fact that there is something I can’t explain when it comes to this girl?
Maybe it’s fear.
Fear because I want her, and I shouldn’t. Fear because this girl has no idea what it’s like on my side of the train tracks. She doesn’t have the knowledge or understanding to know how dangerous I am, or even being tied to me is. Does it make me an awful person that even though I know she doesn’t acquire the ability to truly understand what the MC life is…that I still want to pursue her.
It’s not just her looks, it’s her aura. The energy that floats around her. Fuck. I sound like some jackass who thinks he’s found his soul mate.
But what if I have?
There’s only one way for me to find out, and it won’t be by smoking a cigarette and avoiding her.
***
Bellamy
“What is that look on your face for?” Evie asks, smiling like the Cheshire cat. She caught me red handed. I was thinking of Butch and I in the woods, how his lips felt against my own, the way he held me in place like I was his little rag doll, and good lord, the things he said to me. No matter what I do, I can’t get him out of my mind. I just want more. The only thing is, I’m not sure if he does.
We’ve both talked a bit since then, and especially last night when we had our heart to heart – if that’s what we can even call it, but he didn’t make a move, he didn’t try to kiss me or fuck me.
I’d pretty much figured out that if the man wanted to, he would have. But why didn’t he?
I shouldn’t even be thinking about this crap, that I know. I should be getting some work done, thinking about the name for my album, lyrics, something. Basically, there are a lot of things I should be doing instead of daydreaming about that caveman and how it felt to have his paws all over me.
“Just getting some new ideas for songs,” I lie, now trying to come up with something quick to tell her.
“What kind of songs?”
“A revenge song,” I blurt out, not fully thinking about what I just said. “I…I want to write something that other girls can listen to after they’ve been betrayed by the one person they never thought would do it to them. I want them to relate, and to know that they aren’t alone in someone completely destroying all of their trust, and…”
“And?”
“And I want them to know that even though they’ve been through something and think that they may never trust or love again, that they will, and when it happens – it will be the most beautiful thing on the planet.”
I’ve just shocked myself. No way did I have plans to do anything like that, but now I’m here…with a great idea. Something that will help thousands of girls who may not have gone through exactly what I did, but something similar.
I spend the rest of the long journey to Pittsburgh with my headphones in, writing lyrics down on my notepad as they come. A lot of musicians can’t write their own music and end up enlisting a ghostwriter or even co-writing. I can’t relate. No matter what has ever happened, I can always find a way to pull together some lyrics for a song. One of my favorite things about myself, is the authenticity of my music, and luckily my label loves that part about me as well. They’ve never once encouraged me to add another collaborator into my creative process, trusting that I’ll come up with the songs that speak to me the most.
I have spoken with Jase about co-writing a song, and we’ve been putting ideas together the last couple of months. I’ve put a spin on it, and it’ll be a surprise single that releases a few weeks before my album, of which I still need to decide on a name. I’ve been getting pressure from Evie to figure it out because we have to get a start on the cover art and branding for when I go on my tour.
I’m hoping that by the end of the tour we’ll have a solid game plan on exactly what it is that we’re going to co-write. I immediately think of a love song, because…who wouldn’t? Honestly, I’m my own worst critic. The songs that I have released are about the boys at the bar, death, or going out with the girls. I am early in my career, and yeah, maybe singing covers is how I was discovered, but I have plans to dig deep into myself for this album.
It’s my debut, and I want it to scream everything there is to know about me. Every dark and dusty part of me I want to showcase because my past isn’t just part of me, it’s also my inspiration.