I will not be another flower, picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild, difficult to find and impossible to forget. - InspirationalQuotesMagazine.com

Bellamy

Today is the day I meet my sister…

Fudge! Did I really just think that? Oh boy.

I have to remind myself to take deep, slow breaths as the anxiety sets in. Where did all of this determination come from to even find her? I feel so anxious that I can barely think straight. The only thing coming to my mind is how I’ll probably be laughed at, or told I’m not wanted. In the back of my mind, I keep telling myself to shut up because, in the end, I won’t know until I know, and there is no point in focusing on the unknown.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re thinkin’ about, but shit, Bells, I can tell all you’re doin’ right now is thinkin’ too damn hard, and what have I told ya about that shit?” I glance over from my seat on the couch to look at Rocky, who’s been standing in the doorway to the bus for God knows how long. “What did I tell ya? I wanna hear you say it!”

“If you keep thinkin’ like that your pretty lil’ head is gonna explode, and what a shame that would be,” I sigh, repeating exactly what he said to me.

“You’re damn straight! Have you seen your head? It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen!”

“My face, you mean my face is the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen.” I correct him, shaking my head at the country buffoon.

“No. I meant what I said and said what I meant. Your head. Bell, I dunno how to break it to ya…but your face is…eh, it’s alright.” He grins, as he moves his hand side to side, causing me to bust out into laughter with him.

“You are such a jerk! I wonder why the women love you.”

“They love me ‘cause’ I’m the spittin’ image of Charlie Hunnam, baby. Dunno how many times I’ve been called Jax when I’m makin’ em scream.”

“You make them scream alright, ‘cause your terrifying the living shit outta them,” Syd cackles, walking from the back of the bus as he plops down on the couch next to me.

“Terrifyin’ em? Well, damn! Is it so terrifyin’ when they’re melting in front of me, ‘Harder, harder!’” He imitates what his bed partners sound like, and all I can do is blush. Never have I openly talked about sex with friends before, and maybe this is just different because I’m on a tour bus with four dudes, but…it’s a little overwhelming at times.

“Rocky is right. What the hell is going on in your head, kid?” Syd asks me, furrowing his eyebrows and looking at me like a worried older brother would look at a sister.

“Nothing,” I lie, hoping that he’ll just take the hint and leave me alone.

“She fuckin’ sucks at lyin’, doesn’t she?” Rocky asks Syd, and the only thing I can do is roll my eyes.

“Sure does. Spill it,” Syd orders, and I think of keeping it to myself, but then I just can’t help but wonder if telling them might make me feel a little bit better.

So, I trust my gut and tell them almost everything, not leaving out any nitty gritty detail. Basically, I tell them everything except how my parents died. I may have known these guys for a few months, but that doesn’t mean that they get an inside scoop on the hell that I’ve been through my entire life. My childhood wasn’t a walk in the park. It was great until the day that it wasn’t, until everything was ripped away from me and I was faced with a newer, crueler reality.

I should consider myself lucky; when my parents were killed, my Uncle Erik took me in. There were a few months where I was in a foster home until he could legally adopt me, and those sure were rough, but at least I had someone who wanted to pull me out from that life. In a way…I should be thankful that I was in that foster home because if I wasn’t, I would have never met Zac. If I had never met Zac, then maybe I wouldn’t have ever explored music, so that means I wouldn’t be where I am today, on this tour bus, singing alongside some of the nicest guys I know – minus Miles, of course, he’s a jerk!

Neither Syd or Rocky say a thing to me. At this point, Rocky has come over and sat across from me on the barstool that’s in front of the small island we have along the kitchenette. He stares at me, and I think he’s going to say something funny like he usually does to lighten the mood, but he doesn’t. When he speaks it’s like hearing his voice for the first time. No, this isn’t my friend from Hicksville in the mountains. This is someone else entirely.

“We aren’t gonna let you go find your sister alone, and sure as hell not at some biker bar in bumfuck nowhere. Syd and I go with you, and that’s that.”

“…You guys realize that I’m going to be okay, right? This is something that I need to do alone. She doesn’t know about me, or at least I don’t think she does. I have to handle this with care ‘cause….”

“Cause, why?” Syd asks, those dark chocolate pearls glaring me down like I’m nothing but a child making a stupid decision.

“…cause, I’ve always wanted a sister, and I know I have one…I just want to get to know her, and I’m hoping that she’ll want to get to know me too.” Somehow, I laid my heart out on the line in front of these two without even planning to do so. Although, that’s what you do in front of friends, isn’t it? You put everything on full display, even if you know there’s a chance that you’ll be crucified for feeling a certain way. I hold a lot inside, constantly worried about what other people will think about what I say or do. When it boils down to it, I know that the only person’s opinion that I should be worried about is my very own. No one else matters.

“We’re going with you, and there’s nothing that you can say to either of us that will make us stay behind. Yeah, you’re going to some biker bar, you are literally walking into the lion’s den, and I really don’t like that. If you want me to sit here and say I’m fine with you just waltzing in there, I can’t. But, I will tell you that we’re not just going in there to be your muscle, kiddo. We’re your friends, and this isn’t something that will be easy for you. You’re gonna need us, as much as you hate to admit it, Bellamy, you’re going to need support.”

Just like that, I’ve been slapped in the face with the reality check that I didn’t know I needed. Syd was right. I’m going to need support, because if it all goes to crapmundo-ville…I don’t know what I’ll do.

I really don’t know what I’ll do.

The next thing I know, these two are talking me into grabbing the keys to Jase’s beloved Mazda, and we’re on our way to a bar named Bubba’s in Gainesville. The knot in my stomach couldn’t get any tighter, and with every breath, I become more and more terrified for whatever is about to unfold.

My phone beeps obnoxiously, and I instantly recognize the ringtone. The one person on the planet who knows I loathe him more than anything has just texted me, the one who betrayed me and violated my trust.

Zac.

Reluctantly, I have to decide if I really want to open this message. Nothing could prepare me for what I was about to see.

From: Zac

Press play for me, baby, soon the whole world will finally get to see what kind of girl you really are.

There are twenty-one words. I count them, and I can’t tell you if it is the twenty-one words that are making me sick to my stomach or the video that he sent with them.