Track 15: Tread Carefully
“Watch my step.
Don’t let this slip away.
Tread carefully,
It’s only my whole heart on the line anyway.”
LOVING HIM WAS DANGEROUS.
Loving him was passionate.
Loving him was fearless.
Loving him was burning red.
“Blake Tyler delivers near-perfect show in Bay Area arena!”
I skipped off the elevator back to my room like I was Dorothy who’d just found the Wizard and a way home. Even the keycard ding was like music to my ears. When I spun into my room though, my feet tripped over themselves when I found Tay sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Hey,” I croaked out, dropping my shoes onto the floor.
“Were you with Zach… the whole night?” She looked down in her lap, her phone screen flashing for a second before she turned it back off and stood.
Guilty.
I ducked my head remembering that I had seen a slew of messages from her late last night—early this morning—when I’d set two alarms to wake Zach and me so that I could get back to my room before dawn. I’d been sore and exhausted and, honestly, too desperate to be curled back in his arms that I hadn’t thought about answering her; it had been really late anyways.
“I’m so sorry, Tay. I-I saw your messages but it was late. I didn’t want to wake you.” I fumbled miserably with the hem of my very wrinkled shirt, hating the look of hurt and concern on her face.
“I’ve been worried sick.” Her lip quivered and her hand immediately raised to her mouth.
“Oh, Tay,” I gushed and closed the space between us, enveloping her in a giant hug. As soon as my arms went around her, her shoulders shook with sobs. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize. I… I thought you knew I’d be with Zach… that he would take care of me.”
I bit my lip thinking of all the ways that he had.
“I-I was so worried,” she repeated, wobbly. “I thought he’d bring you back… earlier… and then I ran into your brother in the hallway—”
Oh no.
“What did he say?” I tried to keep the panic from seeping out as I pulled back from her, keeping my hands on her shoulders. “What did you say?”
“He asked where you were, of course.” Her strained laugh did nothing for the knots in my stomach. “I’d told him earlier, when I went to grab your stuff from the dressing room, that we were just going to hang out and watch movies in your room. So, it made no sense why I was on the way to my room.”
“Did you tell him?” I gulped, struggling to get air past my lips.
“No!” she exclaimed, a slightly insulted look crossing her face. “I-I told him that I came down to grab you some Nyquil because you weren’t feeling well.” Her gaze became even more tortured. “I lied to him, B. I lied to him about you and then I had to convince him not to come check on you because it might be contagious or something.”
More tears fell from her eyes and for the first time, I saw hard evidence of something that had always nagged in the back of my mind—the idea that Tay might have a thing for my brother. Every once in a while, the thought occurred to me, but like Ash, she’d been like a part of my family for so long, I just assumed that something like that couldn’t be.
And in doing so maybe I’d been even blinder than Ash.
“I lied to him about his sister and his best friend.” Her hands came up, forcing mine back down to my sides, so that she could rub her temples. “So I stayed locked in here all night, half-expecting him to burst through the door any minute and realize that you weren’t here—and neither is Zach. And you know your brother, B. You know he’d shoot the messenger.”
I grabbed her hands and clasped them to me. “Tay, I’m so sorry. I promise you this will never happen again. I will never put you in this situation again, ok? I was just so… lost… and then Zach found me and everything else just faded away.” I sighed. “It’s not an excuse; it’s just the truth.”
She nodded taking a steadying breath.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated again softly.
With an attempt at a smile, she hugged me quickly and said, “It’s fine. Sorry for freaking out. You know what not-knowing and not being organized and having all the answers does to my anxiety. And the thought of having to explain it to Ash…”
“Yeah.” I pulled back from her and glanced down at myself. “Although, I probably shouldn’t have hugged you. My clothes are full of sand.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Just what the heck did you do last night?” She looked me up and down and I tried—but not really—to bite back a grin.
Reaching for her hand, I pulled her unceremoniously behind me as I headed for the bathroom, needing one more shower after Zach kept me in bed after my alarm for ‘just five more minutes.’ You wouldn’t think that would be enough time for anything impressive to happen. You’d be wrong.
It was debatable whether or not it was the story or my shower that made the bathroom steam, but as I scrubbed down I told Tay everything that had happened from the beach to his room to his confession. I even peered out to see the look on her face when I told her that he’d known it was me the entire time in the treehouse.
“I can’t believe it!” She gasped. “I mean I can. But good thing I’m hearing about this now. If I knew this when I ran into Ash… I mean, he had no reason to doubt me last night and I still had to wet a washcloth with cold water and plaster it to my forehead for a minute when I got back to the room.”
I shut the shower door again, gnawing on my lip. The warm fizzles that spread through my body when I looked down and saw all the little red marks—tattoos from my night with Zach—quickly faded away when Tay brought my brother back up.
I was the too-trusting one. Obviously—the way I’d been lulled into all of my previous relationships. Ash was my opposite. He had a select group of friends in high school because he didn’t trust anyone enough to let them in close. Guilty until proven innocent. Zach was like a brother to him, but I was his sister and he’d grown up believing what our dad said in partial jest: that ‘no one will ever be good enough for our Blake.’
“I’m still in shock, B. You and Zach. After all this time.” I grabbed the towel off the door and stepped out of the shower, rubbing myself dry. “And it was really that good? I mean, it’s been a while since Xavier…”
I grimaced. It was like I’d completely forgotten any other guy that I’d had sex with. Contrary to my relationship track-record, I hadn’t slept with all of them. Xavier had been almost a year ago. And Levi? I guess a part of me knew that I should be waiting to take that step no matter how much the other part of me threw myself at him because I was trying to prove something to myself and the world—that a guy could actually want me for me.
I gave her a look, but it was my blush that did me in. I’d spared her the details the first time around, just trying to get out the basics of how my world had been turned completely on its head—or its heart—in the past twelve hours. With a wicked grin, I gave her some of the delicious details—most of the ones that would explain why it hurt to move certain ways right now.
“Well, that should make the rest of the tour a little easier, since you’re really dating him now, right?” She moved to the side as I wrapped my towel around me and reached for the hairdryer. Rehearsal was at ten. We were going to be cutting it close.
A huge smile exploded over my face and I squealed a ‘yes.’
But then my face fell and I muttered, “No.”
“What do you mean?”
“For all intents and purposes, it’s still a show between us.”
“Because of Ash…” She trailed off knowingly before her eyes narrowed. “Wait, was that your idea or his?”
I jerked back slightly. “Mine… why?” She shook her head. “Uh, uh. No way. Spill. What are you thinking?”
“Nothing, B. I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all. You know how you are when it comes to Zach…”
“And how’s that?” I asked softly.
“Well… you just tend to jump without looking and then fall…” I recoiled as her words sliced through me. She planted her hands on the side of my arms. “Blay. You know I’m happy for you. I—of all people—know what it’s like to want someone who doesn’t want you and I also know how long you’ve lived with that for him.”
“But…” I prompted, knowing there was always a ‘but.’
“I don’t want you to get hurt. There’s… a lot… riding on this situation and not just for you, but for him. I know everything that he’s put you through and I just want you have a sliver of caution, that’s all.”
I wanted to be mad at her for saying it but I couldn’t because she was right. It’s not that I didn’t believe what he said or what he felt for me; I just wasn’t sure that it was enough.
She squeezed my fingers, bringing my focus back to her. “Zach is the most loyal person I’ve ever met. I mean, it’s no wonder he’s Ash’s best friend. But he is loyal to a fault. He will put other people’s feelings ahead of his own—like when he asked Alexa to prom even though he didn’t really like her. Like when he didn’t call you out in public for the whole graduation party thing because he didn’t want to create tension between anyone. I mean, the whole reason that he signed up for this tour was to help you.”
She put up her hand when I went to interject. “I know what you’re going to say and maybe… maybe him wanting you played a role and maybe the opportunity for ZPP played a role. But look in the mirror and ask yourself, if you took away all of that, would he have still agreed?”
My head ducked down. He would have. He would have agreed to help me without being invited on tour and without wanting me. Taylor was right; Zach put others’ wants before his own. Others wouldn’t want us to be together. And I was his own.
“I’ll be careful,” I promised, turning away from her towards the mirror to finish with my hair. “And hopefully, when the tour is over and we tell Ash, he’ll prove us all wrong.”
She rolled her eyes, knowing just as well as I did how unlikely that would be. “That’s another thing,” she added. “If you are keeping this from him until then, you need to be much more careful. No more randomly disappearing, leaving me in the dark as to where you are going and when you’ll be back and still expecting me to cover for you. I… don’t have a leg to stand on with your brother.”
She laughed nervously. There was definitely something there. But the look on her face told me if I asked about it right now, I’d be met with cold, hard denial.
“I know, I know. We will be more careful.” I gave her a promising smile.
She pursed her lips like she didn’t believe me and then turned to leave the room with a low grumble. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“We will!” I yelled after her with a laugh, turning back to my untamed hair.