Chapter Six
Cinders waited for Dillon to drift off to sleep before he opened his eyes. He watched Dillon slowly uncurl his body and relax. The man was pretty in slumber with his dark lashes against his pale skin, the silver streaks in his hair and the almost invisible freckles dusting his cheeks. As he rested, the lines around his eyes were a little softer, and he parted his lips.
If Cinders had to guess, he’d put Dillon at around thirty-four or thirty-five years old in human years. The wolf had been aged and well-worn but still looked sexy. Dillon had seen more in his life than anyone should. He deserved a little peace.
As far as Cinders knew, no one at the Sanctuary bothered Dillon or added to his troubles, but Avan and Rocco were too nosy for their own good. Would they do something to terrorize Dillon? They didn’t know what he’d been through, but still…
Part of Cinders loved being in bed with Dillon. The pressure of trying to figure out what to say was gone, and they could just exist. He’d been able to show Dillon most of his sides and not worry about Dillon being fazed. He wanted to get closer to Dillon emotionally, and after the breakthrough, he felt as if he’d been with Dillon forever. The rest of him, though, wanted to run to Markas and John.
If they didn’t somehow know what Dillon had been through, they should be notified. What if there were other shifters out there like Dillon? What if Dirk hadn’t been caught or, worse, had others trying to harm shifters? Cinders would never be able to live with himself if he did nothing to help. He couldn’t handle knowing other shifters might be harmed.
Markas probably knew about the threat. He was the alpha of this mishmash of a pride. He seemed to have eyes everywhere. If there was a problem, more than likely, Markas was a step ahead of it.
Still…
Cinders tried not to worry about the things he wasn’t sure of and instead, focused on Dillon.
Cinders sighed. He should sleep. Dillon needed him. He suppressed a chuckle. Wouldn’t Ryan laugh if he knew Cinders, the tough guy who’d blown through guys at Stiff as if they were nothing, had found someone to make him pause? The guy who bossed around anyone within range and delighted in being the top cat didn’t want to be the center of attention. He’d laugh. But Ryan had probably sensed the connection between Cinders and Dillon. He had a knack for knowing who belonged together. For all Cinders knew, Ryan had orchestrated them being at the Sanctuary and running into each other. Nah. Ryan couldn’t have known—not that far in advance.
He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. He needed to conk out for a few hours. He held onto Dillon and breathed in the unique scent of human and wolf. He remembered the feel of Dillon’s fur and the twinkle in his eyes when he smiled. Dillon would be Cinders’ undoing, but Cinders didn’t mind. His jaguar had found a kindred soul, someone the big cat could protect and love. The wolf was strong, but Dillon had seen hell. Cinders would keep him safe and give him the chance to be free.
* * * *
Cinders wasn’t sure how long he’d been out when he opened his eyes. He didn’t see any sunshine stretching across the floor. He sat up and blinked until the room came into focus. No wonder he hadn’t seen any daylight. He didn’t see any windows—at least any uncovered windows. Why would Dillon have them blocked off?
Dillon sighed beside him and curled into a ball. Cinders frowned. The poor wolf shifter looked tense.
Cinders scrubbed both hands over his face. He wasn’t sure what to do. Should he leave the bed and grab coffee for them? Or stay and be there when Dillon woke up? Now that he was up, Cinders couldn’t go back to sleep. He had too much on his mind.
Someone knocked on the door, and Cinders frowned again. A streak of jealousy ran through his mind. Why? Someone else wanted Dillon’s attention. He’d thought he was the only one. Who was he kidding? Dillon wouldn’t tell everyone about his past. He’d taken quite a bit of time to disclose it to Cinders.
Cinders left the bed and crept over to the door. He’d let Dillon sleep. He opened the door a crack and found Avan in the hallway.
“Oh.” Avan wobbled. “I thought this was Dillon’s room.”
“It is.” Cinders braced the door with his foot and folded his arms. “Why?”
“Are you his new bodyguard?” Avan rolled his eyes. “Dillon doesn’t need someone to protect him.”
Little did Avan know. “No? What do you want? He’s sleeping.” He glared at Avan. Screw the punk. No one needed to be a jerk, but Cinders being there with Dillon was none of Avan’s business. “I’m not waking him up.”
“I never said you had to.” Avan shuffled from one foot to the other. “I just needed to talk to him.”
“At this hour?” Cinders snapped. “About what?”
“Don’t get pissy.”
“Me? You show up and don’t tell me why you want to talk to Dillon, and I’m supposed to be fine with that?” Okay, he’d gone right to pissy in two seconds. Now that he knew Dillon’s secrets, he wasn’t sure he wanted to leave him alone with Avan. He groaned. He shouldn’t scream at Avan. “Just…what do you want to talk to him about? He’s had a long night. We were up talking, and he nodded off only a couple hours ago.”
“I’ll bet you were talking.” Avan snorted. “Right.”
He glared at Avan. “Yeah. Talking.”
“Are you his keeper?”
“Kind of. Spit it out.” Cinders held onto his patience by a thread. Avan sure knew how to push his buttons.
“Never mind.”
So much for that thread. Cinders grabbed Avan’s shirt. His jaguar wanted to fillet Avan and challenge the lion shifter for Dillon’s attention. He didn’t have to speak. The fear in Avan’s eyes let Cinders know his sneer had done enough to get through to him.
“Jesus.” Avan shrugged away from Cinders. “I heard about Dillon.”
“What did you hear? Are you trying to be his friend?” What did Avan know? “He’s been through a lot. He could use a couple of allies.”
“Allies?” Avan’s brow curled, and he chuckled. “We didn’t hear the same thing. I was told he sucks a good dick. He’s a star in his former…job.” Avan cracked his neck and stared at Cinders. “I heard he’s not…choosy, too.”
Cinders’ blood boiled, and his jaguar roared. The fucker had to be lying. He knew nothing. Dillon had been through a lot, but the way Avan talked, he’d been a prostitute. Cinders didn’t believe it. He’d been friends with plenty of guys who turned tricks, and he’d never seen Dillon with them. He clenched his hand and gritted his teeth, refusing to think anything bad of Dillon.
“What?” Avan asked. “The guy did porn. Lots of it. I’ve seen a dozen of his videos. Holy shit, he’s a star.” He grinned. “I thought, you know, since you were talking with him, maybe he’d want to…talk…to me.”
“Not a chance.” He wanted to rip Avan limb from limb. He held his rage in check, but not by much.
“I get it. He’s good, and you don’t want to share. I wouldn’t if I were you.” Avan shrugged. “Well, when you’re done with him, let me know. I’m ready and waiting.”
That did it. Cinders couldn’t keep quiet or stifle his anger any longer. Even if Dillon had done what Avan said, Cinders didn’t care. He wasn’t sharing Dillon with anyone and wouldn’t subject him to Avan’s desires.
“Enough.” He grabbed Avan by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall. “Stop talking.”
“You stop.” Avan wiggled but couldn’t get free. “Let me go.”
“No.” He glared into Avan’s face and held him tighter. “I don’t care what you saw or what you think you’re going to do with Dillon. As long as I’m here, nothing will happen. Forget the videos and the other ideas you’ve had. None of it will happen.” His jaguar fought hard to come out and destroy Avan.
“Are you crazy? You’ve got a goldmine, and you’re doing nothing with him.” Avan stopped struggling. “You can’t turn down this opportunity. Come on.”
How could Avan be so cold?
“No.” He threw Avan down the hallway. “If I ever see you here or lurking around Dillon, if I think you’re even thinking about trying something, I’ll let my jaguar destroy you.”
“Whatever.” Avan scrambled to his feet. “Fuck you. This could’ve been fun, but you ruined it. Asshole.”
“You’re the asshole,” Cinders growled. He didn’t care who heard him. If anyone else got the idea to try something with Dillon, they’d have to go through Cinders.
“What’s going on?” Dillon touched Cinders’ shoulder. “You left, and you’re screaming. Everyone in the state heard you.”
“I know.” He sighed and smoothed his palm over Dillon’s cheek. In the midst of the craziness, touching Dillon calmed him. “I’m sorry.”
“No need.” Dillon left him and wandered back into his room.
No need? Cinders hurried after him. “Dillon.”
Dillon shut the door but kept space between him and Cinders. “Avan’s right.”
“What?” He sank onto the bed. “What do you mean, he’s right?” Would Dillon really drop to his knees for anyone in the mansion? That didn’t seem possible.
Dillon wrapped his arms around himself, and his legs wobbled. “Avan is right. I used to be with the Wet Dreams group. I was forced to have sex on camera with many people. I don’t know where the videos are, but I’m sure they exist. I’m sure people saw them. They’re probably still watching them. Avan wasn’t lying. I didn’t choose to sleep with those people. I won’t deny it happened, but it wasn’t by choice.”
Cinders stared at Dillon. He couldn’t believe what he’d heard. His brain hurt, and the jaguar shrank away. Dillon had to be lying. Him doing all those things was impossible. Had to be.
“I wish I could tell you he lied. I wish I could tell you none of it happened, and I’m just a little screwed up.” Dillon sank onto the floor. “My life hasn’t been great, but I’m out of that one, and I’m here. I found you. It’s not great inside my head, but my wolf likes you and so do I.”
“But you never mentioned anything about what you did for Wet Dreams. Despite the rest of the things you told me, you kept this quiet. This… I can’t comprehend what’s going on.” He needed to stop talking. He’d dig himself a hole through the planet. The jaguar wasn’t talking. Hell, he’d retreated deep within Cinders. Fuck. Was he reeling, too? Jesus.
“How?” Dillon asked. “Just slip it into the conversation? Tell you, oh by the way, I’ve disclosed all this stuff and I’ve got more? Come on.” He trembled harder. “I don’t like talking about what happened any more than you like hearing about it. I’m ashamed of my past. I’m ashamed I didn’t have the balls to listen to my wolf and change or at least get the fuck out of there.” Tears streamed down his cheeks. “I didn’t have a choice. It was comply or die. The bastard who ran the group beat the hell out of us if we didn’t go along with what he wanted. It fucking sucked. So yeah, I did a lot of things I’m not proud of, but it happened. If that bothers you, I’m sorry. That’s on you.”
“Yeah.” He should be stronger. Should be standing up and protecting Dillon. But his brain hurt. He wasn’t sure what to do or say. “I need…to run.”
Cinders left the bed. He swept his gaze over Dillon. Did he see him any differently? Not really. The guy was still handsome and kissed like a dream. But how many other people had he kissed? How many others had he fucked? And he wasn’t interested in sleeping with Cinders? Or was he?
Cinders left the room and kept walking until he reached the first floor. He didn’t know where he was going. He stopped in the kitchen.
Avan glared at him. “That fucker threw me against the wall. He beat me up. I want him removed.”
Cinders snapped out of his fog and turned his attention to Avan. Who the hell was he talking to? He spotted the other person in the conversation—Markas. Fuck. Markas had the power to throw him out.
“I’m guessing there was a reason,” Markas said. “Right?” He turned to Cinders. “You didn’t do what you did for nothing.”
“Um, yeah.” He had to think fast. “Markas, can I speak to you? In your office?”
“About Avan?” Markas leveled his gaze at Cinders.
“No.” He had bigger things to worry about than the punk lion.
“’Cause you’re going to,” Avan shouted. He shook his head. “You’re going to try to talk yourself out of trouble.”
“No.” Why hadn’t he knocked the hell out of Avan when he’d had the chance? If he’d given in to the jaguar and torn into Avan, he’d have saved himself a lot of problems.
Markas cleared his throat. “Avan, I’ll talk to you later. Cinders, let’s go to my office.”
“Sorry bastard,” Avan muttered.
Cinders tensed, but Markas spoke first. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten the fight,” Markas said. “I’m not tolerating it.” Markas pointed to the hallway. “Cinders? After you.”
Cinders marched out of the kitchen. His skin itched. When he glanced down at himself, he groaned. He still wore the same sweat suit from yesterday after the run. He needed a shower and probably had a funk… Damn it.
He headed into the office and flung himself into the closest chair. He wasn’t in the mood for a lecture but had one coming. Throwing Avan down the corridor hadn’t been smart, but he’d done it. He should’ve had more decorum than that.
Markas shut the door and said nothing as he rounded the desk. He didn’t sit and instead folded his arms.
Cinders braced himself. He might be petulant, but he deserved to have his ass handed to him.
“I won’t allow fighting here at the Sanctuary. I know John wouldn’t be happy if he knew you’d laid into Avan. I’m not saying he didn’t have it coming. The kid is mouthy, but he’s a kid,” Markas said. “If you don’t like him, though, just ignore him.”
“I know.” He hated when Markas got all fatherly. Markas’ knack for knowing how to get to the root of the problem and dealing with it while staying calm annoyed Cinders. But…he expected nothing less from the alpha of the pride.
“What’s upsetting you? Normally, you’re more laid back and happy. You’re the one making lewd comments and being tacky, but with heart. Did you overstep and piss Avan off? Did he overstep?” Markas asked.
He sighed. There was no point in ripping into Markas. “I don’t know what Dillon told you when he came here, but he’s been through a lot and done even more.” He fought off a wave of shivers. Even considering what Dillon might have done annoyed him.
“I know.”
“You do?” He hadn’t expected Markas to say that.
“I know a lot more than you think. I’ve had many dealings with the Wet Dreams group. Trust me. That bunch has been making porn for at least five years and using shifters for almost all of it. Since I came to Sanctuary and found out about Dreams, I’ve been trying to get people out.” Markas sank onto his chair. “What’s this got to do with Avan?”
“Avan just made rude comments about Dillon, and I didn’t appreciate it. He mentioned Wet Dreams. I don’t know what the little shit had in mind, but I’m not standing for it.” Cinders massaged his temples. The jaguar was paying attention to what Markas had said, and all of it made sense. But the animal was quiet. Cinders’ head ached. Fuck.
“Why do you think Dillon shakes?” Markas asked. “Why do you think he keeps to himself? I’ve seen his room. He’s got the windows covered over. He only goes out to run when he’s alone. He worries. I can’t say I can identify with him because I can’t imagine what he’s gone through, but I understand his hesitancy. He’s scared. People don’t always see a guy. They don’t just see a shifter. Some will only see him as that individual who was on the computer screen doing things to other people in a sexual way. People he thought he could trust screwed him over and messed with his head. They destroyed his confidence and ruined his self esteem.”
“I know.” Cinders hadn’t thought about Dillon in such ways, but now that Markas brought up the truth, he wanted to kick his own ass for being a jerk.
“Then what? Did Dillon come on to you? Did he say something inappropriate?” Markas asked.
“No.” He put both hands up. “He told me part of his story. I feel for him, and I’m drawn to him. I want to help, but I don’t know how.”
“But?”
“But when I was debating what I should do—tell you or let Dillon sleep—Avan showed up. He came sniffing around for Dillon and wanted to get with him. Said he wanted Dillon when I was done. Made him sound like he wasn’t worth anything. What the hell? Who does that? Why…” He gripped the arms of the chair, and his jaguar roared within him. Fuck, he wanted to punch anyone who even thought about hurting Dillon.
“Weren’t you like that at the club? You’d get in, get what you wanted and get out with your reputation intact and no one getting hurt, right?” Markas’ eyebrows rose. “Or is my intelligence wrong?”
“It’s not wrong. That was me to the letter.” Was. He’d changed.
“So?”
“It’s different. I don’t want Avan sniffing around. He’s being a predator. Dillon needs care. He needs time,” Cinders said. “Someone who can hold his hand while he… I don’t know what.”
“He needs you to protect him and to be a partner.” Markas folded his arms again. “You know I’m right. If you didn’t feel that way, you wouldn’t be so mad.”
“Markas.” Damn it. The alpha was on target again.
“What’s the problem? You need each other. He deserves someone who can handle his issues, and you need someone to protect. You need a cause, and that cause happens to be handsome, sweet and fragile.” Markas paused. “When you were at the club, the only one you had to look out for was you. Now, you’ve got something bigger, and you’re scared. Aren’t you?”
“Yes,” he blurted. “I’m worried I’m not good enough for him.”
Whoa. He hadn’t thought he’d say that aloud. The thought had run rampant through his head, but still…
“That’s…” Markas unfolded his arms and flattened his hands on his desk. “Cinders…”
“Jesus,” Cinders said. “He needs a guy with a good heart and without faults. One with infinite patience and no fear. I’m not as fucked up as him, and I don’t want to be, but I know I’m not… I don’t think I’m capable of being the man he needs.” He felt unworthy of Dillon. “He’s precious. I’m just an ex-stripper.”
“You’re more than you think, and yes, he is precious.”
“But I’m also angry. I can’t help it. I mean, how do you keep that kind of thing quiet? He wants to be with me, but won’t tell me everything? I’ve been up front and open with him. I didn’t even wait for him to ask. I volunteered.” The jaguar hated when his human side got upset. The cat wanted to comfort him but also to comfort Dillon. Neither side of Cinders knew what to do. He left his seat and paced the length of the office. “I feel like I’ve been lied to. Like he knew I might be upset and I’d leave, so he lied by omission.”
“He probably did think that way, and what did you do? You bolted, just as he expected. I’m guessing you’re not the only person to leave him.” Markas shrugged. “He knew what you’d do and tried to keep you around.”
Cinders stopped short. Yeah, he’d run away and left Dillon as soon as he’d found out. The unworthiness increased. How could he face Dillon now? “Markas.”
“I get it. Trust is hard. When I met John, I’d just shifted for the first time. It was an accident, that shift. I was so confused. He didn’t know what to do either.” Markas rolled backward in his chair. “But he didn’t run.”
“How could you not?” A shift by accident? Fuck. If Cinders hadn’t know about shifters, he’d have been freaked out the first time.
“Answer me this first: do you like Dillon?”
“Yes.” He didn’t have to think about his answer.
“Have you slept with him?” Markas asked.
“Define sleeping with.” He couldn’t shake his cheeky streak. Easy answers weren’t his style.
“Did you fuck him?” Markas asked, his voice calm.
“No.” Part of him wished he had.
“Did he fuck you?”
“No, we slept in our clothes in the same bed. It was almost too innocent.” If he were still at Stiff and the other strippers found out he’d simply slept with Dillon and not had sex, they’d have made fun of him for ages.
“You wanted to protect him.”
Markas knew him too well. Why fight the truth? “Yes. He told me about shifting at the cabin and the guy, Dirk, and my jaguar wanted to kill Dirk and hold Dillon. I’m not sure if it’s because I felt sorry for him or wanted to kiss him.”
“Do you still?” Markas asked.
“Feel sorry? Yeah. That sucks. I kind of see how he feels. I left home at seventeen because I was misunderstood. I can’t begin to understand what happened to him or say I sympathize because I’m still processing it, but I get the suckage.” He’d been ostracized for being furry when the rest of the family couldn’t shift. Dillon’s situation was much worse.
“I meant, do you still want to kiss him?” Markas sighed. “You’re so smart, but can be so dense.”
He paused. Markas was right. Cinders hadn’t seen the good thing right in front of him. He met Markas’ gaze.
“I’m asking if you felt a passion you didn’t believe could exist when you saw Dillon. Like magnets or static electricity. It blew your mind, didn’t it?” Markas asked.
Cinders scrubbed both hands over his face. His heart wanted him to run to Dillon. His jaguar wanted to bite the wolf and claim him. What did Cinders’ gut or mind want? His brain said to wait, but his gut wasn’t sure.
“If you have to think about it, give yourself space. If you didn’t feel that zap, you’d have told me.” Markas shrugged. “I’m guessing you did, and it’s overwhelming you. What you need now is to process what’s going on. Dillon needs that, too. Have lunch. Run, maybe. For God’s sake, avoid Avan. Get your mind off Dillon and onto what you can control. Then once you’ve had some time, look for Dillon. Follow your heart and your jaguar. The animals are a lot smarter than we realize.”
Cinders sighed. He hated following directions, but Markas had a point. A lot of good points. There wasn’t anyone in the house who both annoyed and intrigued Cinders like Dillon. The jaguar wanted to skip the shower and go right to Dillon, but Cinders would follow Markas’ instructions and bide his time. Dillon deserved a man who wasn’t confused or afraid. In time, Cinders would be sure and fearless.