Iris shuffled over to her couch, threw her cane down next to it, and dropped into it with a howl of tears.

How could Declan be so smart and thoughtful…and completely stupid at the same time?

Ten kids?

Ten kids?!

Who the hell was he kidding? She couldn’t handle one kid. What if she lost her balance and tipped over while carrying their child? Babies didn’t have fully formed, hard skulls to protect their brains until they were 18 months old. She could give a child brain damage because of her godawful balance. She wasn’t fit to be a mother to a guinea pig, let alone a child. Let alone ten children.

Oreo nudged her arm and then licked his way up it, obviously upset that she was upset. She reached out her arm and pulled him up against her, snuggling her face against his soft fur. His purrs vibrated through her body as she wet him with her tears. “I probably shouldn’t even have you two,” she said softly, although her heart twisted at the thought of it. She couldn’t let her cats go. She’d just have to be careful not to pick them up when she was tired. Or walking at all, for that matter.

She groaned through her tears, and Oreo upped his purr, practically vibrating his way off the couch in an attempt to comfort her.

“I was stupid, Oreo,” she said into his fur, so softly that the words were coming out as breathy whispers instead of formed words. “Twice in one day, Declan proved to me that he just doesn’t know what I’m really like. What my disabilities really are. This is my fault, of course – I’ve tried so damn hard to hide them from him. I don’t want someone to look at me and see my disabilities, especially him. I want him to see me.

“But I think…” Her voice trembled with pain at the words she was about to say; painful to even think, but oh-so-true. “I think Declan’s been okay with dating me because he doesn’t realize that I’m disabled. He’s somehow convinced himself that I’m just like every other girl out there. Once he realizes just how much work I am, just how little I can really trust my body…he won’t want me anymore.

“I have to break things off with him before it gets to that point. I can’t keep pretending that I’m fine, because I’m not. I’m not…”

She drifted off to sleep on the couch, exhausted from her long day of frustration at the world, at Declan, and most importantly, at herself. Oreo stayed curled up in her arms, not moving an inch, as she drifted into a dreamless, boneless sleep.

The next morning, she awoke with a jerk, startling Oreo and Milk, who jumped off the couch, the night’s snuggling apparently finished. Iris looked around her living room bleary-eyed, trying to figure out where she was at and what she was doing there. Why was she on the couch instead of in bed? And why did her eyes ache so much?

Then last night came rushing over her and she laid back on the couch with a groan. She’d made a fool out of herself. She’d left her parents 40th wedding anniversary party without saying goodbye to them or helping with cleanup, and she’d cried in public.

As far as she figured it, there really wasn’t anything else she could’ve done that would’ve made the evening before even more embarrassing, except maybe strip down naked and go running through the party while singing the lyrics to It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To. 

Even she had to admit that that scenario would mean even more embarrassment.

But only just slightly.

She looked out of the living room windows and saw that a thick layer of fresh snow had fallen overnight. Hopefully the storm had hit after everyone had gone home for the evening. Either way, she ought to help shovel it up, even if she only did her front steps. She could hold a shovel with one hand and her cane with the other.

She forced herself off the couch and, grabbing her cane, made her way to the bedroom. She would change into her snow pants and jacket and bundle up against the cold before she went out. As long as she was careful, she could take care of her own home. It was the least she could do.

She struggled into her clothes and boots, and then grabbed her snow shovel from the hall closet where her parents had stashed it when they’d moved her in. She paused, holding the handle, and then slowly put it back, grabbing her outside broom instead. It would be better to use it. She could sweep the snow off the front steps, and feed the outside cats while she was at it.

Pleased with her new plan, she closed the coat closet and opened up the front door. A wall of cold air hit her and seared her lungs. Wow, it’d gotten cold overnight. She was thankful it hadn’t been these temperatures yesterday; the party wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun if it’d been sub-zero, even with propane burners and the bonfire.

She closed the front door behind her, and then, leaning on her cane, shuffled over to the bottom step leading up to the driveway beyond. Slowly, painstakingly, she brushed off one whole step. Leaning on her cane heavily, she rested for a moment. She was so damn sick of being this pathetically weak.

C’mon, Iris, get a move on.

She forced her body up to the second step and began sweeping. Just a little longer, and she could go back inside, into the warmth. She shifted her cane, trying to maneuver out of the way of the broom, when the world tilted on her and she began falling.

Arms windmilling, the concrete rushed up to greet her, and then all was black.