Red fills the drain, running in rivulets as it mixes with the hot water belting on my chest and stomach. Sure, I was wearing protective clothing, but that paint gets in every nook and cranny when you’re hit, not to mention the fucking bruising that’s littering my skin right now. Those sons of bitches hurt like hell when they get you.

So not only am I sore and tender from the paintballs, but my ego took a bashing too. I can’t help but feel like a complete failure. I’ve always been able to use humor to cover my mistakes. It’s been my way to cover my shit up all through life. But I know I fucked up today, over and over again. My mind just wasn’t in the game. But like always, I used humor in an attempt to get through the pain I’m trying not to feel.

As I remember it hits me again, like a ton of bricks, and I let out a loud sigh while I turn off the water and stepping out of the shower.

Sniffing, as I dry myself, I think over today. Over every mistake I made. Over the look of disappointment in my team’s eyes. Over the guilt I feel. Over those words Everly said to me.

Everything’s fucking getting to me today.

I shouldn’t let it.

But sometimes it’s harder when you’re home alone to put on a brave face and act fine when there’s no one here to act for. What’s the damn point?

After drying off, I head out of the bathroom and walk into the bedroom. The small piece of paper catches my eyes again, and a shudder runs down my spine. I stare at it. Not for any reason. It won’t change anything. The past, the future, nothing will change by staring at it. It won’t stop what’s happened.

All it is, is a single piece of paper.

But it holds so much.

Walking over, I glance down wracking my jaw from side to side in agitation as I read over it once more.

 

Bellmont, Lee Anna. Passed away peacefully on Sunday. Loving wife and mother…

 

Letting out a scoff, I can’t help but think of how far from the truth that last part is.

Loving mother? I don’t think so.

Swallowing hard, I get dressed as my chest feels heavy. I don’t want to be alone right now, I need company, so I’ll head next door to see if Kace and Lily are home. The SO7 all live on the same street now.

Walking over, the sunlight is going down in a beautiful sunset, as birds sing their final songs for the night. A slight wind is in the air, and I smile loving this time of year. Walking up the steps, I arrive at the front door and quietly open it. I don’t knock or anything. Instead, I head straight to the smell of something fantastic cooking in the kitchen. Making my way there, I notice Lily’s at the stove.

She looks up smiling wide and tilts her head in a slight mothering gesture. “I’ve been expecting you,” she beams.

I grin. “Oh Lily, I knew you loved me. But really, I’m Kace’s best friend, we couldn’t possibly,” I joke.

She rolls her eyes and throws a kitchen mitt at me as I move over next to her, and she looks me in the eyes. “I heard you had a… not so good day today?”

Shrugging, I sigh, leaning back against the bench top sniffing the air and taking in the marvelous smells of her home cooking. “Meh. Nah, it was okay.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks kindly.

“I don’t know why everyone was freaking out. It’s all shits and giggles till someone loses an arm.”

She furrows her brow. “Wait! What? Someone lost an arm?”

I shrug. “Yeah, just some dummy.”

She purses her lips and huffs. “Umm… whether they’re stupid or not, losing an arm is not really something funny, Luca.”

I smirk. “No, a dummy… like a fake person… a mannequin.”

“Oooh… well then, yeah… that’s not sooo bad.”

“See… you get it.”

 She raises a brow and smiles weakly patting my shoulder. “How ‘bout I get a beer and some cookies?”

“I do love your cookies. Oh, ah… hey. Where’s lover boy?”

She brings me over a beer. “He’s in the yard with Clover. Kace is trying to teach her how to stay.”

“How’s that going?” I ask with a chuckle.

“For a three-month-old puppy, it’s going… okay,” she chuckles with a giant smile that tells me more than her words do.

Nodding, I grab my beer heading for the back door. Stepping out into their big backyard, I hear Kace command, “stay.” I step further out, then see Clover, the little ball of golden fluff. She spots me, and instantly her small eyes brighten as she jumps heading straight for me.

“Clover. No. Stay. Clover. Bad girl,” Kace calls out as I squat down and she bolts right for me. I chuckle as she jumps up into my arms and licks my face.

“Good girl, Clover. I knew I was a ladies man,” I chime.

Kace groans while walking over to me, his footsteps thumping on the grass. “That’s the second time today you’ve foiled a plan.”

My legs give way as I fall on my ass with a dog on my lap. “I can’t help that I’m just so—”

“Needy? Attention seeking? Reckless?”

“I was going more for… kickass, fucking awesome, getting the job done. Albeit in a roundabout way, but still getting the job done.”

“So getting someone blown up, pretty much dead, is getting the job done?” he blurts back at me.

Scoffing, I huff. “Lay off, man. So I wasn’t on my best game today. I get it, okay.”

Kace sighs and moves in sitting beside me. “We both know why.”

I cuddle into Clover as she licks up the side of my face. “Just don’t start with me. I don’t wanna hear it.”

Kace shrugs. “Maybe you do need to hear it.”

“She’s not part of my life anymore. So it doesn’t fucking matter—”

“If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t have killed a dummy today.”

“He wasn’t a dummy, he was a Phillies fan.”

“You can’t cover everything with humor, Luca. At some point, you have to face up to what’s going on.”

My muscles tense up and I shake my head cuddling Clover a little more for comfort. “I let her break me once, and I won’t let it happen again. So let me deal with it how the hell ever I want to deal with it.”

“You know this is our chance to prove ourselves. So you need to do what you need to do and figure it out before we’re shut down and shipped off to some Army base across the other side of the country,” Kace argues.

“You know… if I don’t get my shit sorted out, I’m going to lose the only family I have left, the SO7.” I need to figure out how the hell I’m going to get my head right. Do I need to confront this shit head on, or pretend I never saw my mother’s obituary? I need to figure it out soon because if I’m off my game my actions affect not only me but the entire Agency.

“No matter what, you’ll never lose us, man.” Kace moves in and bumps his shoulder to mine in a show of support. “So… what are your thoughts on Everly?”

I shrug, trying to play it cool. “She’s cute. Not really my type, though.”

“Yeah, because she doesn’t want anything to do with you… smart girl,” Kace teases.

“Oh, she wants me. She just doesn’t know it yet. She’ll come around,” I smirk.

“So you do like her?”

I shake my head. “I didn’t say that… I don’t like anyone.”

Lily walks out and chuckles. “You like me.”

I grin and nod. “You’re an exception to the rule. Plus, I have to like you, you’re kinda like the sister I never had.”

“I’ll take that. Dinner’s ready. Luca, you’re staying right?” she asks, and I smile.

“Me… miss your home cooking? Never!”