Chapter Eighteen
“How many times do I have to repeat this shit, Dominic?” Reid shook his head. “Get the hell out of my sight.” The kid stared up at him like he wanted to batter him with the wrench in his hand, then decided against it and skulked off.
“What’s crawled up your ass?” Law said, coming to stand beside him.
“He doesn’t fuckin’ listen. Either he starts or he finds another job.”
His friend stared at him in disbelief. “You’d do that to him? After everything he’s been through?”
“Not my problem.”
Law narrowed his eyes, knew he was full of it. Yeah he was pissed, and yeah, he was taking his bad mood out on the boy, but he could never do that to him, despite his threats.
“I’ll be hitting the road again in a couple weeks. Can I trust you on your own? Or am I gonna come back and find you’ve fired the whole fuckin’ lot of them cause someone got your panties in a wad?”
Law was a member of the Rogue Saint’s MC—had been since they were young—but because he worked for Reid, overseeing his different stores around the country, he’d chosen the life of a nomad. A brother with no set charter. It worked well for both of them. Especially since Law was the only person that called Reid out when he was acting like a dick.
He could do without that on a regular basis. “You know me better than that.”
“Yeah? These guys owe you a hell of a lot, all of them. They respect you, work their asses off for you because of what you’ve done for each and every one of them. Don’t mess that up because you’ve had a fight with your woman. That’s not cool, bro.”
He clenched his fists and felt the pull against the tender skin there. A wave of nausea hit him in the gut. “I didn’t fight with Rusty.”
“What’s the problem, then? You’ve been an asshole for the last two days.”
Reid didn’t look at him, couldn’t. “I fucked up.”
“Yeah?” His friend’s expression went from pissed to concerned in a flash. Jesus, he hated that. Hated that as much as he’d tried to convince himself otherwise, convince himself that he wasn’t that guy, that angry, damaged person he saw in the mirror every morning, that it was all bullshit, because Law knew different. It was written all over the other man’s face. They’d seen each other at their worst, knew what the other was capable of. Had seen the ugly that lay beneath.
“I beat a guy. A guy from Rusty’s past, because he’d hurt her, because he was touching her.” He shoved his hands in his hair. “She saw the whole thing. Watched me lose my shit, watched me turn into a goddamn monster.”
“Jesus.” His friend walked around, hard stare locking with Reid’s. “The cops involved?”
He shrugged. He had no idea, but if the cops had been called he guessed he would have had a visit by now. “Don’t know.”
“What’re you gonna do?”
“What I should have done when I first laid eyes on her.” Law frowned, about to say more, but Reid shook his head, and thankfully his friend knew better than to push.
Turning his back on the guy, he headed to his office. The conversation was closed, he did not want to be talked around, couldn’t afford to be. His mind was made up.
He’d lost it, completely. If Rusty’s brother hadn’t been there to drag him off the guy, Reid would have killed him. If he was honest, he still wanted to. He wanted to hurt that son of a bitch for what he’d done, for touching her, for daring to speak to her.
But that wasn’t what freaked him the most. What really got to him was the look on Rusty’s face. He couldn’t get it out of his head. The shock, the confusion—the horror.
His father was right. He was nothing but a chip off the old block. He’d always known it. That motherfucker had infected him, had poisoned him long ago, and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing but keep his distance, go back to the way it was before Rusty exploded into his life. Before she threw light into the darkness that was his world, shining bright, completely rocking his narrow existence.
Avoiding her calls the last couple days hadn’t been easy. Whenever her name flashed up on the screen he’d had to fight himself every damn time not to pick it up, to beg her to understand, to make her believe that hadn’t been him, that he wasn’t that monster.
But that would be a lie. He was that monster. He’d proven it.
Rusty meant something to him. He cared for her in a way he had never cared for anyone else, to the point he couldn’t stomach the thought of being with another woman. He couldn’t imagine ever hurting her that way and truly believed, deep down, he never could. But then how could he risk it? How could he risk her? What if one day she pissed him off, and he lost it with her? What if he did hurt her?
How could he live with that?
He glanced at the clock. It was after five, and he wasn’t getting anything done. Screw this. Grabbing his keys, he left for home. Law would lock up. He needed to get out of there, let off steam, clear his head.
Twenty minutes later he was pulling into his driveway.
And almost turned around and went the other way when he saw who was waiting for him.
He sucked in a sharp breath when he saw Rusty parked there—the woman he hadn’t been able to get out of his head, not since the minute he’d laid eyes on her. She was leaning against her pickup, arms crossed, so damn beautiful, it hurt to look at her. Her long hair was down, straight around her shoulders. She’d showered before she’d come. He could tell because she wasn’t wearing her usual work boots, shorts, and tank. No, instead she had on a green sundress. It was short, showed off her long legs. Her arms were bare, exposing all the colorful ink decorating her smooth skin.
How in the hell was he going to get through this?
Taking a deep breath, he shut off his car, shoved the door open, and stepped out. It was now or never, and the latter wasn’t an option. It didn’t matter how tempting a lifetime with Rusty sounded. He couldn’t have her. “What are you doing here?”
She jerked back, the movement small, but he hadn’t missed it. She straightened her shoulders. “Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”
He shrugged. “I’ve been busy.”
This time her reaction wasn’t small, she flinched like he’d struck her, then wrapped her arms around herself. “You don’t need to worry about Brian. He’s not going to press charges or anything. Once Deke found out the whole story, he took care of it.” She frowned. “I think he threatened to destroy his career if he didn’t forget the whole thing. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Rusty…”
“Deacon gets it now. He’s not pissed at you, he—”
“Rusty,” he said louder, and she jumped, staring up at him. “I don’t give two shits what your brother thinks about me.”
Her arms, still around her waist, tightened. “But I thought you’d want to…”
“I’m done.” The words were razor blades against his throat, but he forced them out.
“What?” she whispered.
“I’m done. I thought there was something between us. I was wrong.”
Heat hit her gorgeous face, pain shattering the hope in her eyes. It fucking killed him. “We’re done?” she repeated.
“Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but I don’t do relationships. Never have.” He started toward the front door. “I’ve gotta run, got things to do.”
“You don’t do relationships…you’re sorry?” She moved toward him, grabbed his arm when he tried to pass. “I don’t believe you. This is about what happened with Brian. This has nothing to do with you and me. Admit it.”
Wrapping his fingers around her wrist, he removed her hand from his arm but couldn’t bring himself to let her go. “There is no you and me, not anymore.”
“You said you wanted to give us a chance. You said you wanted to get to know me.” She visibly shook. “So what? You were lying?”
Her lower lip trembled, and his gut twisted into a hard, angry knot. Rusty did not cry easily, despite the tender heart she guarded. She also didn’t let just anyone in. She’d let him in. And he was about to hurt her, shatter the trust she’d placed in him. And he hated himself for it.
But it was the only way to stop her from coming back, because he couldn’t do this again. Not when all he wanted to do was pull her against him and beg her to forgive him, to take her inside and spend days loving every inch of her. Make her understand.
He dropped her hand and put some distance between them. “I got what I wanted. You hear what I’m saying?”
She hugged herself again. “So I was just some easy fuck? I imagined everything else?”
He forced a laugh. “There was nothing easy about it, honey. You made me work for it. I got it. Now I don’t want it anymore. End of story.”
He watched the hurt in her eyes intensify before she blinked several times, forcing it back. He could see her lock it down, close him out. God, he couldn’t bear it, couldn’t stand there much longer, pretending that he didn’t care, when he did, so damn much. She turned away from him and yanked the door of the pickup open.
“We’re clear?” he asked, voice shot to shit.
She stood in the open door and looked over her shoulder at him, gaze no longer hurt but full of that fire she’d given him when he’d first met her. She gave him a head to toe, then her gaze locked on his, did not fucking falter as she spoke. “Crystal. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. You just took me by surprise. I’ve been having fun with you. But you’re right. It was time to end this. I should be thanking you really.”
“How’s that?” He needed to stop talking, walk away, but his feet were superglued to the damn ground.
She smiled, licked her lips, and even now he wanted her. Realized he would always want her.
“Thanks to you I’m over my issues with sex. You made me realize that fucking is just that, it doesn’t have to mean anything. That I like it. A lot. I like to be fucked hard, and I liked getting down on my knees, having my hair pulled while I sucked your cock.”
Reid’s spine went ramrod, every word out of her mouth tormented him, sliced through him, a goddamn knife through the chest. But all he could do was stand there and pretend that none of it affected him, that he felt nothing.
He needed her to stop, but the woman was on a roll.
“…I like a man who takes charge of my body, who knows how to get me off. You’re absolutely right. Tying yourself to one person is a stupid idea.” She hitched her dress higher, showing her smooth thighs and a flash of bright blue panties as she climbed into her truck. “Thank you for teaching me that, Reid. I’m looking forward to getting out there. I’ve got a lot of time to make up for.” Then she slammed the door, fired up the engine, and backed out.
Reid stood rooted to the spot, mind racing, close to losing it as he watched her drive away.
You made me realize that fucking is just that, it doesn’t have to mean anything.
Her words rang in his head, over and over again, and pain sliced through him.
It was the right thing to do.
Yeah, then why does it feel so damn wrong?
Letting her go was the biggest mistake of his life, would always be his biggest regret. He’d known that before he said what he had. But the very thought of her with another man, doing the things they’d done together with someone else? Fuck, it had the ability to tip him over the edge. If he let that get in his head, dwelled on it, he’d lose his shit. He’d go after her and demand she take him back, that she promise to never talk about fucking anyone else ever again—that she was his.
But he’d just given up that right. He’d thrown it away because he had to, because he’d rather see her with someone else than risk hurting her.
Now he just had to stay the hell away from her.