Even though Kit told Tawny he’d pick her up at 8:00, it was now 15 after and he still wasn’t dressed. Part of the reason was because he’d been talking himself out of going, and the other part was because he didn’t want to put on anything that’d draw attention to himself. His attire at school tended to be more loose-fitting Abercrombie Teen Boy. Kit was willing to look like your average high school kid if it helped keep attention away. It would be nice getting to express himself freely like his peers, but that wasn’t an option.

Tonight, he wondered if being himself would spark the reaction from his classmates he always feared, or maybe Tawny and Paulie really would hide him away in the basement like a monster. At least he’d be a monster who was comfortable in his own skin, right? Kit ran his fingers over the fabric of his cashmere sweater as he checked himself out in the mirror. His blue denim jeans fit him like a glove. This outfit would kill at a gay bar, but wearing it anywhere in Junction would turn heads for other reasons. But if he was going to get a reaction for showing up at this party, at least he’d get a reaction for being himself.

[Tawny] Excuse my French, but where the fuck areyou??? Paulie Madison is waiting for me…

Kit rolled his eyes.

[K] I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Please use this time to pop a birth control pill or two.

[Tawny] First off – that’s not how they work. Second – just meet me there. Sarah came to pick me up.

[Tawny] This is not an excuse for you not to show face, by the way.

Sneaking out for this thing wasn’t necessary. Matthew worked late on Wednesdays and Fridays at his auto shop. Kit told him he’d be staying at Tawny’s until around 10 to study for some exam that wasn’t happening, but his dad didn’t need to know that. He doubted he’d even be out that long anyway. But, saying he was going to a party would open up a world of questions that Kit really didn’t want to answer. Matthew would tell him there was no way in hell he was going to a party with the very people who treated him like dirt, and Kit couldn’t say he blamed him.

He grabbed his coat and finally left five minutes later. On the ride to Paulie’s, he tried not to think about the fact that there was a possibility his father was considering letting him go to a school of his choice outside the Midwest, or that he was about to walk into a drunken party with a bunch of people he couldn’t stand. He failed in trying not to think about those things, and thought about those things the entire way there.

Tawny was right about Paulie having a nice place. It was a two-story brick home with a lovely lawn and a huge garage. The music was loud enough to know that something was going on there, but not loud enough for the cops to be called. Kit drove by slowly, noting that only a few kids were hanging out front. It was forty degrees out, after all. He looked for parking and found a spot a block over.

The walk back to Paulie’s place had Kit questioning what the hell he was doing. He placed his hands in the pockets of his peacoat and glanced around the neighborhood. Everything seemed tranquil outside of the beat of a punk rock song playing a few houses down. With a deep breath, he approached the home slowly.

[K] I’m out front. Don’t really want to walk in alone…

He stopped at the fence and stood awkwardly. The kids that were outside looked at him in shock. Kit hoped it was more of a ‘we weren’t expecting you’ shock versus a ‘do you know how dumb you are to show up here?’ shock. He shook it off as he waited, hoping his friend would hurry the hell up.

“Kit!” said a voice from the door.

Kit looked over to see it was Paulie in the doorway. He smiled, gesturing to his phone in hand. “Hey. I was waiting for Tawny to show.”

Paulie smiled back and opened the door a little wider, having to shout over the music. “I have no idea what you just said, but come on inside. Tawny’s in here somewhere.”

Kit felt a lump in his throat as he looked around the neighborhood. This would be his last chance to back out. Instead, his feet led him towards Paulie’s front door. He wasn’t sure why, but he went with it.

You can leave in like ten minutes, he told himself. Just chill.

The kids standing outside stared as he walked past, but didn’t offer a hello. Kit didn’t offer one either. He climbed the stairs to Paulie’s place and peeked inside over the brunette’s shoulder. It was a quarter to nine and it already looked like the “drunken idiot” part of the night had arrived.

“I thought you flaked again when Tawny showed up without you,” Paulie said with a smile.

Kit looked at him and shrugged. “I guess I took too long for her. Where is she?”

“Kitchen,” Paulie answered. “A bunch of the girls are in there making fruity drinks and dancing to Blink-182.”

If Tawny ended up getting embarrassingly drunk tonight, Kit was going to kill her. He nodded at Paulie before shivering a bit for show. “I should go and be her shadow as per usual.” He forced a smile and gestured inside.

Paulie shook his head no. “She’s fine. You’re fine. Come in, I’ll get you something to drink.”

“Water is good,” Kit said. This way, if the team had any plans of medicating his drink, he’d likely be able to see and/or taste it. He stepped inside behind Paulie after the boy finally moved and looked around. The place was pretty packed – not all of these people went to Wilson High. Kit knew a few of them graduated already and figured the rest were friends of Paulie’s older cousins. Eyes fell on him as he stepped into the living room and Kit quickly remembered that he was the not-so-liked Gay Guy around here. Whoever was in charge of music lowered the volume, and all eyes moved in unison towards the front of the room.

“Are you lost, Edwards?” asked Frank Waters. Frank was on the hockey team, and he was an absolute asshole. He prided himself on how misogynistic and homophobic he could be.

People were waiting for a response, and Paulie looked like he was about to say something when Kit spoke instead.

“I must be,” he answered. “I thought this was the party for people with dicks bigger than their pinky fingers, Waters.”

Half the room laughed, while the others didn’t look so entertained. Frank and one of his hockey buddies stood up, but Paulie and his cousin were deescalating the situation before anything could become of it.

“Enough,” Paulie declared. “Go back to what you were doing –”

“I doubt anyone would’ve come if we knew you’d invite the predator,” Frank’s friend said. When they took a step forward, Kit felt the need to take a step back.

“If one of you dumbasses breaks anything in my aunt’s house, I’ll kick you out myself.” Paulie’s cousin was speaking this time. Kit was shocked people took him seriously. He was only a few inches over 5 feet even if he was nothing but muscle. The hockey assholes began to back off, though.

“I invited Kit,” Paulie said. “It’s my party at my house, and I have the final say who gets to come and who doesn’t. If any of you have a problem, you can put down your free drink and get your freeloading ass out of here. Cool?”

Wow. Points for this guy, Kit thought.

Kit looked around the quiet room and actually felt good after a confrontation with someone. That was the first time that anyone who wasn’t Principal Chambers, his dad, or Tawny stood up for him. He tried to see past the fancy living room into the kitchen where the cheerleaders were. A few of them were watching the scene unfold, but he didn’t see his best friend.

“We’re clear,” Frank finally answered. He sat back down and his girlfriend landed in his lap. “I’ll deal with the queer tomorrow.”

“Maybe I should just go –”

“Come on,” Paulie whispered. He walked through the crowd towards the kitchen, and Kit followed after him. The tension in the room was suffocating. Someone stuck their foot out as he passed, and he stumbled over it, rolling his eyes at the snickers he heard.

“Fucking idiots,” he mumbled.

Paulie turned around once they reached the kitchen island. “You okay?”

“Dandy,” Kit said. He looked around again, not at all shocked at the shock on the faces of the Tigresses. “Tawny must already be in the basement.”

Paulie reached into the fridge and grabbed a beer and a bottled water. The music began to bump again, and chatter resumed.

“Yeah,” he answered.

Kit began to unbutton his coat before accepting the bottle. He smiled a thank you to Paulie, and after watching him socialize with the girls a bit, he dug out his cell phone.

Tawny had yet to reply to his text. It was starting to get real uncomfortable without her. Kit tried not to focus on the few eyes that were still on him as he wished his father made him work even later at the shop.

Paulie opened his drink and leaned in close. “Are you ready to ditch me yet?”

The closeness of his proximity made Kit jump a little. He chuckled, and against his better judgment, shook his head no. “I’m fine.”

“Good.” Paulie gestured to their left and smiled. “My basement is through that hall and down the steps. Go pick a movie and make yourself at home.”

Yeah. Because Kit wanted to walk around this house alone after what had just happened.

“I’ll be down in a minute,” he continued. “I just want to make sure these guys are distracted.”

“Okay…” Kit trailed off and considered making an excuse to leave. He looked around the party once more. There was bumping and grinding, and lots of off-key singing. The queer crashing the party seemed to be forgotten. He took his bottle of water and headed down the hall as instructed, only stopping for a moment to observe the paintings and pictures hanging on the wall. Paulie had a nice family, and he’d seriously grown into that head of his. He gave the stairway leading into the basement a wary look before stepping down.

There were no jocks with baseball bats waiting for him at the bottom, thank goodness. Just a large area with a huge TV and a surround sound system. The boiler was in one corner and the washer and dryer in the other. The rest was what Kit’s father would call a “mancave” – sofa and recliner, video game system, tons of DVDs, a mini fridge…

Tawny was nowhere to be found, though. Kit sighed as he sat the bottle of water down and reached for his cell phone. He sent her another text letting her know he was in the basement and would probably be leaving in another twenty minutes if this was what he’d be doing at their “first party together.”

He took off his coat and laid it over the back of a folding chair before standing awkwardly in the center of the room. This was … strange. Kit figured it’d make sense to at least go look for a movie like Paulie told him to, but he was starting to worry about Tawny.

He could hear the basement door close over the sound of the music and glanced behind him to see if it was her. Paulie was the one jogging down the stairs instead. Now dressed in a plain white tee that hugged his chest and a red pair of sweats, he looked equally casual and handsome. Kit mentally slapped himself for the thought. He did force a smile, though, about to ask about Tawny again before Paulie beat him to the punch.

“Wow.”

Kit froze, lifting an eyebrow. “Wow? Wow what?”

Paulie looked at him for a moment and shook his head. “Nothing,” he smiled. “I mean, you like. Dressed up? You don’t really… look this nice at school.”

“Geez. Thanks,” Kit said with a smile. “That’s what every guy wants to hear.”

Paulie didn’t answer, and Kit rushed to make that statement sound a little less gay.

“I didn’t mean that how it sounded! I mean –”

“It’s fine,” Paulie interrupted. “I know. I didn’t mean what I said in a bad way either. You always look cool, you know? And I mean that in a normal way.”

Kit was about to answer when he just shook the statement off. “Have you seen Tawny? I just want to make sure she hasn’t passed out or anything. She was excited to come here to see you and it’s kinda weird that she’s not down here.”

“Oh?” Paulie walked past him and over to his movie collection. “She’s all over her ex right now. Roger told me he’s been wanting to get back with her for a while, so I guess they’re working on it.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Kit asked, still awkwardly standing in the center of the room.

Paulie looked back at him and nodded. “Should I not be?”

“You two always flirt with one another, I thought…” he trailed off. “And you said she’d be down here with us. I kinda thought I was like… well I really didn’t know what I was coming here for, to be honest.”

“To hang,” Paulie said, more casually than Kit felt about any of this. “Is a comedy okay? I’ve got a bunch of comedies.”

Kit shrugged. “Yeah, I guess…”

Paulie grabbed a Rush Hour movie and slid it into the Blu-Ray player. “Make yourself at home. Please.” He went over to the lamp and turned it off before heading over to the couch himself.

Kit was genuinely confused. He wondered if it was evident on his face how confused he was. He walked over to the couch and sat a few feet from Paulie. Sure, the guy seemed okay with being his friend, but he didn’t want to get too close for comfort. Boys in Junction had the need to let everyone know they were macho straight men. They never sat close to one another around here. Must’ve thought a dick would slide up their ass if they did.

“Have you ever seen this one?” Paulie asked.

Kit nodded. “I have. With my dad.”

Paulie smiled. “Cool. And you’re sure you don’t want a beer?”

“I’m about a 15-minute drive away so I better not.” Kit smoothed his hands out over his jeans and took a long, shaky breath. He was in a basement, underneath a wild party with the high school quarterback right now. The very attractive high school quarterback. Life didn’t make sense.

“I can tell by the way beer smells that I won’t like it anyway.”

His phone finally vibrated with the message he’d been waiting for.

[Tawny] Sorry babe! I’m catching up with Roger… he’s being super sweet, too. Are you okay?

“Eh. They’re not that bad.” Paulie smiled as he slid closer, kicking his feet up on a circular table between them and the television. “Is that your guy?”

Kit looked up at him like he was stupid. “What guy?”

“You know,” Paulie teased. “A boyfriend.”

“It’s Tawny. She finally answered,” Kit told him. “You know that we’re in conservative land. There’s no boyfriend for me to find around here.”

Paulie smiled at him. “How am I supposed to know you didn’t find someone on Grindr or one of those apps?”

[K] I’m fine. I’ll let you know when I’m leaving, ok?

He hit send and looked up at Paulie, licking his soft lips when he saw the boy smiling at him. “I’m wondering why you know what Grindr is, and I wouldn’t even bother downloading any apps like that around here. Maybe when I go off to college. Maybe.”

“UCLA. You’ll have tons of options out there.”

“I’m probably not going,” Kit said. “My dad isn’t completely sold on the idea. I applied for the school without him knowing.”

Paulie perked up a little. “Man. That’s badass. But if push comes to shove, you can go to OSU. I know that’s where a lot of us are going, but it’s a huge university. You’re bound to meet cool people. And we can stay close…” Paulie smiled and took a sip of his beer.

Kit would’ve been embarrassed at how he was watching the boy swallow if he was aware of what he was doing. “I guess. Tawny wants me to stay as well. But I don’t know. There’s something about being able to get a change of scenery for the next chapter of my life that strongly appeals to me.”

Paulie nodded. “I can understand that. Can I ask you a question, though?”

Kit shook his head no. “If you’re going to ask me what those idiots upstairs ask me, then no.”

The boy gave a curious look in response. “Now I’ve got to know what they ask you…”

“I don’t want to be a girl. I don’t care what the Bible says about me. I don’t have AIDS. And I definitely didn’t choose to be gay, but, I wouldn’t change myself for the world.”

Paulie stared at him for a moment before he responded to any of it. Kit almost felt bad when he saw the guy’s reaction, but he had to know his friends and their peers were terrible people. He’d most likely heard it all before.

“Wow. I was just going to ask if you ever did anything with anyone before to help you… realize, you know? But now I feel bad even asking you that.”

Kit shook his head. “I don’t have to have done anything to know. I just know. Just like you knew you were into girls before you and Felicia started dating. Same thing.” He stared at the screen for a while, shaking his head. “She was the worst, by the way. Not sure how you two lasted so long.”

Paulie ruffled his hair before taking another sip. They were quiet for a few minutes, and Kit wondered if he’d gone too far. Maybe Paulie was more serious about Felicia than he’d been letting on.

He took a drink from his water and placed the bottle down next to him. In doing so, he realized that Paulie had inched a bit closer again. Kit turned to look at him but wasn’t met with any eye contact.

“Don’t you need to get back to your party?”

Paulie cleared his throat and shook his head no. “My cousins have it under control. Do you want to go upstairs?”

He couldn’t control the laugh that escaped his chest at that. “Fuck, no. I may leave in a bit, though. …Told my father I’d be studying with Tawny until 10, and I don’t want to get in any trouble. I’d lose the leeway I gained on the whole out-of-state college discussion today.”

Paulie smiled. “Wow. Lying to your dad to go hang out with a cute boy? Shame on you, Mr. Goody Two-Shoes.”

“Cute boy?” Kit smirked, relaxing a bit. “Are there cute boys at this party? When are they supposed to show up?”

“Ha,” Paulie moved close enough so that their legs were touching, and though Kit thought it best to move away, he couldn’t for some reason. “You’re sitting next to the second cutest boy in all of Junction, Ohio.”

Kit rolled his eyes. “And who takes the top spot?”

“You,” Paulie said, almost bashfully.

Kit shook his head, though he could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. “Well obviously that beer did a number on you.”

“Hey, it’s my second one.” He smiled. “But seriously, I hope OSU, or UCLA, or wherever it is that gets you – I hope there’s a guy that’s hot and smart enough for you there. I hope he knows how strong you are, too.”

Kit found himself laughing at that, but he nodded anyway. Suddenly the room was much hotter, and he couldn’t look Paulie in the face. “Thanks, I think.”

“Yeah.” Paulie took a deep breath and finished what was left in his bottle.

Kit nervously chewed on his lip for the next few minutes. The movie was forgotten at this point. He wondered how to get out of this basement without making a big deal about it. The truth was, he was next to a very attractive boy with amazing arms who was being very nice to him. It was going to lead to disaster if Kit started crushing on someone as unobtainable as Paulie Madison mere months before he was hopefully out of this fucking town. Sure, some of the boys in school were nice to look at, but Kit had managed to go almost the whole four years without actually liking any of them. Their personalities made that easy.

The music stopped completely on the floor above them. Paulie stretched his arms for a moment and yawned.

“I hope they didn’t break anything.”

Kit smiled. “Hope not.”

Eventually, a reggae song started to play, and the noise commenced. Paulie checked a few messages on his phone before putting it down next to his empty beer bottle.

“So.”

Kit turned to him and smiled. “So…?”

Paulie patted the couch and scooted over some, away from Kit this time. “Want to lay down for a few?”

Uh… what?

The look on Kit’s face must’ve told Paulie that he was stumped, because the guy was holding his hands up and laughing. “Okay. That’s a no?”

Kit still couldn’t find the words to respond.

“Nothing weird, I promise. It’s just that I’m a bit tired and I don’t want to make you go over to the recliner. This couch is big enough for the both of us.”

No was what Kit told himself to say.

“I guess…” was what he ended up saying.

Kit shook his head at himself. Paulie was already positioning himself horizontally on the sofa before Kit could really change his mind. He looked down at his watch.

“I promise I don’t bite,” Paulie teased.

Kit wasn’t exactly sure he found it funny. In fact, he was quite confused. Whatever this was, it was happening too fast. “I think I’m going to leave, actually. I just remembered I have… something to do.” 

Paulie had just gotten comfortable when he looked up at Kit. His face fell only slightly before he nodded his head. “Alright. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even suggested –”

“It’s fine.” Kit quickly stood to his feet and looked around the basement for his coat. “Don’t sweat it.”

He walked over to his things and picked everything up. As bad as it felt rushing out of here like a mad man, he knew it’d feel worse if he stayed and let these people play him for a fool. Paulie seemed like a nice enough guy – he at least seemed nicer than their classmates, but Kit wasn’t about to lay down with him at this party or anywhere else for that matter. Tawny was definitely going to get an earful from him later for abandoning him.

“I’m sorry to rush out like this,” Kit continued, putting the coat on one sleeve at a time. Paulie finally stood to his feet and approached.

“I’m the one that’s sorry,” he said. “Can I walk you to your car at least?”

“I parked like a block up.”

“I don’t mind,” Paulie said.

“It’s fine.” Kit gestured to the stairs with a head nod and forced a smile. “I’ll be okay. See you in school tomorrow.”

Paulie nodded as he watched him all but run out of the basement. He waved goodbye all in vain. “See you tomorrow.”