Chapter Twenty-One

Leah

Janine wasn’t around when I went back into the house, which I was grateful for. I couldn’t handle talking to her at that moment. Hell, I could barely handle my own thoughts, much less try and hold a conversation with anyone.I went straight for the car and left. Like the first night he brought me here, the day went completely opposite of how I’d envisioned it going. I was thinking hot, sweaty, orgasmic sex, and again I was thrown for a loop.At this point I should have said ‘Sayonara’ to him and not looked back, but there was something about him. Maybe it was the way he took care of his mom and talked to mine, or the way he’d made sure I got to my destination when I was leaving his place hurt, confused, or angry. He wanted my safety even if it was inconvenient for him. It could also be how he knew I would need to get away and he handed me the keys to his classic car.

The little things he did melted my heart, but it was the secret and the feeling of being used that didn’t sit well with me.

I pulled into my apartment complex and parked his car in my bike’s spot. Going back to the gym wasn’t going to happen, so I decided to go home and do something I hadn’t done in a while. My ass was going to binge watch some Star Trek and eat some chocolate turtle ice cream. If any day was a good day for binge watching The Next Generation and stuffing myself with comfort food, this was it.

“What are you doing here?” I asked my mom when I saw her sitting on my couch when I opened the door.

“I wanted to check on you,” she said simply, her eyes were red like she’d been crying, and fear was clearly written on her face.

“Does Dad know?” It was the only thing I could think to ask. I didn’t want to keep a secret like that. It would eat me alive.

“Sit down, Leah.” I looked at the woman across from me, seeing her differently for the first time in my life. She’d always been the perfect Old Lady and former beauty queen. Today, she was makeup free, tear rimmed eyes, and instead of the confident cool perfection she normally depicted, she was rattled and worried.

“I’m not keeping this from Dad,” I said, sitting down in the chair across from my mom.

“I don’t expect you to, and it wouldn’t matter anyway, since he already knows.”

I let out a heavy breath, thank God I wouldn’t be breaking that shit to him, but I refused to keep a secret like that. “Why would you cheat on Dad?”

“Six years ago, your dad and I went through a separation. We lived together, but we weren’t together. Anyway, he brought home a Sweetbutt one night, and it about killed me. I wanted to get back at him, so I went and met William at a bar. We talked; exchanged numbers. It felt nice to be pursued again. Anyway, with things still at odds between your father and I, William and I had a fling.”

She wiped tears from her eyes. “I didn’t know he was married. I never would have gone after him if I had known. It was a fling that lasted a few weeks. After that night in his office, I came home to your dad. I told him about my fling, and how much he hurt me bringing a Sweetbutt home.

“He told me later he never slept with the girl. He brought her home simply to get my head out of my ass. I cried my eyes out – my heart broken, and guilt for what I’d done consumed me. Then, I heard about Janine’s car accident. I wanted to die.” I tried to think back to six years ago, and I remembered her going on an extended visit to see Uncle Luke.

“That’s when you went to see Uncle Luke?”

“I told you that was where I was going, but no, I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed at a hotel for a week. Most of the time I was crying and drinking.”

There was so much I didn’t know. I listened as Mom finished telling me what happened and how she and Dad got back together.

“What are you going to do about Will?” she asked me softly.

“I don’t know. He brought all of this up, and was going to destroy the gym.” ‘Not to mention he used me as a pawn,’ I said to myself.

That was what hurt the most; he used me as a pawn to get revenge on Mom. He said I wasn’t a pawn, and yet, that’s exactly how he used me.

Mom stood up. “Striker may have started dating you for the wrong reasons, Leah, but I believe he came to care for you. Same goes with Will. It’s up to you to make your happiness. If being alone makes you happy, then that’s great, but if it doesn’t, then you have two options. Both men messed up, and they should apologize for it, but Leah, it’s up to you which one will make you truly happy, if either. Just learn from my mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and everybody messes up. If your dad hadn’t forgiven me, and I him, our lives would be so different today.”

Mom left quietly, shutting the door behind her. I sat there in my chair staring at the walls and the emptiness of my home. For the first time the silence was oppressive and annoying. I’d gotten so used to it over the years that it didn’t even register anymore.

I finished my beer and went to the fridge, grabbing another one. It was then I noticed how empty my fridge was. I lived like a damn bachelor; beer and an old pizza box were the only things in my refrigerator. The icebox had a bottle of Jack, ice, and a box of frozen waffles.

With new eyes, I went through my cabinets and pantry. There was very little food because I ate out most of the time, and the plates I did have all had Dixie written in the middle. Fuck. I looked around the living room; a couch, a TV, and my chair, but nothing else. My bedroom had my bed and my dresser. My laptop was on the bedside table with a lamp and my ereader.

My house, my life; it was empty. When I was home, I watched TV or read books. The only time I left the house was to work or eat. I spent more time at work than I did at home, and now I know why. I did it to escape being alone.

I grabbed the keys to my car and headed for the store. It had been a while since I came to the store for anything but beer or a frozen dinner. In fact, I can’t really remember the last time I cooked myself a real meal, or for someone other than myself.

I walked the aisles of the grocery store, planning dinners in my head. Every damn one of them would make more than enough for one person. To make spaghetti, I’d be eating on it for days. Steak: who fires up a grill for a single slab of beef?

This was why I ate out all the time – why I didn’t cook. I stopped in the aisle and called Papa. “Hey, Pebbles.” He answered gruffly, like I woke him from a nap.

“Hey Papa, you want to come over for dinner tonight?” I wasn’t ready to see Mom or Dad again yet, and I was pretty much a loner, so I didn’t have many friends. Papa was a good choice for someone to cook for.

“Are you sick?” His voice went on full alert and he seemed genuinely worried.

“No. Why?”

“Are you trying to tell me I’m going to be a great grandfather?” I paused. What the hell?

I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. “No, Papa, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner. I’m healthy as a horse, and I’m not pregnant; I don’t think.” I thought back to the shower. We hadn’t used protection, but my period was irregular at best, nonexistent most of the time. The likelihood of me being pregnant was slim to none.

“Ok. What time do you want me there?” He seemed to relax a bit.

“I’ll have it done by six,” I said. “I’m at the grocery store now, and I’m going to run an errand after I put the groceries away.

“Alright, see you tonight, Pebbles.”

I hung up and finished grabbing my groceries. There was enough food to last me the rest of the week, and probably into next week too.

I drove back home and put everything away as quickly as I could. There was one more thing that I had been wanting to do for a while, but hadn’t done. I just didn’t feel like I had the time to devote to it, so I was hesitant. Now, I was ready to make time.

It was a tough decision as I looked through the glass. I could go big or small, but the one in the middle caught my eye. The dark coloring was flawless. It looked happy and playful, with big brown eyes.

I went into the shop and walked to the large plastic crate that held the little dog I saw from outside. It was up on its hind legs with its tail wagging; waiting for me.

She was precious. The second I picked her up, I fell in love. She was wriggling in my arms and licking at my face. Her small body was shaking with excitement.

“She’s been here for a while. Her siblings were all snatched up quick.”

“She’s adorable,” I said, petting and kissing the small puppy.

“She’s a chocolate lab/dachshund mix. She’s been fixed and is ready for a good home.”

“I’ll take her,” I said, holding her close. I spent the next thirty minutes filling out paperwork and buying every damn thing she would need: toys, food, collar, leash. Everything she needed, I bought.

When we got back home, I set up all her things. Her kennel went in my room with her bed and toys. I put her bowls in the kitchen, and her leash by the bed. “Welcome home, Fidget,” I said, stroking the dog’s back as she chowed down on her kibble.

A dog was small, but she was a big change for my empty apartment. Already my house felt more alive – not so lonely. I got the steaks I bought at the store and put them in my cast iron skillet. The smell of pan-seared meat filled the apartment and made my stomach grumble.

I didn’t get to finish my lunch, so I was hungry. The smells just made it worse, but I was going to get used to cooking for more than one person. Mom was right; I was alone because I kept myself that way.

No more. I was going to get a life. Tonight was just my first day living a new way. I was just not sure what direction my love life would take me. All I knew for certain was I didn’t want to come home to an empty apartment anymore.