The sun was sliding down into darkness as we drove deeper into the woods. The further we drove, the more confused I was getting. "You said we were going on a date," I said, gesturing to the dark forest around us. Above out heads, stars winked into existence and a fat moon hovered low on the horizon.

"We are," Jules said. He held the steering wheel in a white-knuckle grip, after all these years still uncomfortable driving on the right side of the road.

I looked around again. "We are literally in the middle of nowhere. What restaurant are you taking me to?"

He looked at me with an amused glint in his eye. "We don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to restaurants, do we love? Thought we ought to try something new."

I licked my lips. Free-floating anxiety and the persistent chant of mistake mistake mistake in my brain had me antsy. "I have a lot of work I need to do..." I started to lie.

"Take a night off for once. You're always working."

"There's always work to be done."

He shook his head. "You're in the rock 'n roll business, baby. You've gotta give time for the muse do her work."

I looked over at him, amused. "Did you just say, 'the muse? That is unexpectedly poetic."

"That's the thing, love" he said softly. "I feel like you've got some misguided expectations when if comes to me."

I shrugged, and looked out the window watching the darkness close in and feeling like I owed him an explanation. And there was no other one, except.... "My last boyfriend cheated on me," I suddenly said, blurting out without preamble.

He went quiet. No reaction except a burst of speed that pinned me back onto my seat. Then I heard him take a deep breath and steady himself as he let off the gas. "Sounds like an wanker," he observed, his voice painfully steady.

"Sounds like a musician," I corrected. "You know? I've been working in this business since I was old enough to lie my way backstage. I've seen it. The distance when you're on tour months on end? The temptations of backstage parties? The offers of cheap, meaningless sex around every dark corner?" I shook my head. "No. It doesn't work. The life of a musician is murder for any type of real-life relationship."

He was silent again, but this time the van didn't speed up. "I've got no personal evidence to refute that claim, love," he said quietly. There was a naked, vulnerable quality to his voice, like he was making a confession. "So I can't rightly tell you that you're absolutely wrong. But look at our friends, though, yeah? Celia and Ewan seem like they're doing okay."

"Maybe they're the exception that proves the rule."

"Maybe," he said. "But maybe the issue with your ex wasn't that he was a musician. Maybe the issue was that he was a cheating asshole."

"Yeah but why?" I said, unable to keep the note of whining out of my voice and hating myself for it. "I tried so fucking hard to show him how much he needed me. I wasn't just his manager, I managed his...his life!" The words were tumbling out of my mouth now in a rushing torrent of pent-up confusion. "I fixed his diet, cooking fresh food for him. I called every club in town and booked shows for him. I made the doctor's appointment for him when his blood sugar started getting too low. I did everything I could, gave him everything I had and he just took it." I blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. "He just kept taking and I didn't know why he wasn't giving me anything in return, so I just kept giving more in the hopes he'd finally give me something back. But he never did."

At that, I fell silent, horrified at the weak, sickening underbelly I'd just exposed to him. Now Jules knew I'd been a doormat. Now he knew how weak and pathetic I was, trying to force a loser to love me and make space for me in his life. I hated Noah for what he'd done to me, but I hated myself more for letting it happen.

And now all that self-hatred had tumbled out of me when I was with the person I most wanted to see me as strong. Now, instead of the fierce, together woman I'd been play-acting, he saw me as who I really was. Weak. Scorned. Cast aside. Noah had taken all I had and still found it easy to stray. I'd done everything I knew how to do to make him love me...

But it hadn't worked.

And now I had no idea how to love again.

If what I was wasn't enough, how could I be anything more?

I sniffled in the darkness and realized Jules had yet to speak. The pitch black around us was so vast that I felt suddenly all alone.

That is, until his voice rumbled up out of the darkness. "I got a lot to give you," he said. "If you want it, it's yours."