“Mother’s dead.”

It had been an exhausting week, one not made any easier by the fact Nicky had gotten used to having me at the house where we’d been living. He was a creature of routine, and heaven forbid that routine be broken.

Surprises were fine.

Disruptions were not, and there was a huge difference between the two.

A surprise was a movie night in the middle of the week.

Mother’s death, well, that was disruptive. A disruption was me coming to see him on Tuesday because Mother had died. Not that I could tell him right away, but my body language probably did enough to cause him distress. That day I went by to see him, I’d been dealing with the funeral home, notifying everyone who needed to be informed. Then, heaven help me, I had an emotional breakdown.

I don’t know why. I cried for hours even though I was aware she was dying. Some part of me, a small, awful part of me, had been waiting for this day because when I no longer had her to deal with, my life would be my own. Maybe that was why I’d broken down, because the relief mixed in with my guilt and was choking me, eating me alive. I had no idea how to deal with the raging mix of emotions, other than to let them take over me and break me down.

But showing up to see him in this state, it wasn’t smart. I ended up leaving without letting him know about Mother.

A small part of me wanted to phone LeVan for support. I hadn’t talked to him in years. I didn’t know if his number was still the same. But I ached to hear his voice, even if I couldn’t bring myself to do that to him. It wasn’t like I could rush into his arms out in Las Vegas.

Not right away.

His life was out there, and while I had every intention of joining him there, Nicky’s was…here. All he’d ever known was here. How was I to tell my brother that he had to break apart from all he knew and just…leave?

Because that was what I had to do.

And on the heels of his mother’s death, which he knew nothing about yet. I tried to ignore the part of me that reminded me she was my mother too. She’d never been the mother I wanted because she never acted like she wanted either of us. We just got in her way. We were an inconvenience.

The day after her funeral, I told him.

“Mother’s dead,” Nicky repeated, his voice insistent as if he needed me to acknowledge that fact so he could, too.

In a way, he probably did. Turning, I faced him. He looked so much like me. His hair was blond like mine, as was the shape of his face. His eyes were more blue-gray, like Mother’s were, but the shape of his nose, his mouth…he was just like me.

“Yes, Nicky. She’s dead. Gone…forever.”

I had no regret about waiting until the day after the funeral to bring him to her grave. Nicky couldn’t deal with death. Well, he couldn’t deal well with change, or any other concepts that were difficult for most people.

That was also Mother’s fault.

She had put him in a group home after the car accident, and made it impossible for me to assume his care. Then, during those times where she was in the mood to reclaim her motherhood, she’d uproot him to bring him home again. This had gone on several times, and each time, it set Nicky back. Each time, he would withdraw further and further into a world of his own making. So, of course, getting him to understand something as real-world as his own mother’s death wasn’t easy and would take some time.

Nicky shifted from one foot to the other, staring down at the mound of dirt in front of us.

“She was sick.” He said it slowly as if trying the words out on his tongue. Then he nodded again. “She was sick. She had cancer. Cancer killed her.” He shot me a nervous look. “Right? It was…cancer?”

“Yes. Cancer took over her body. Then she died.” I didn’t have to wonder about what he was trying to clarify. I was sure he’d had as many fantasies about something or someone wiping her off the face of the earth as I had. Though, truthfully, I was far more jaded than he could ever be.

“Is she up in heaven?” Nicky asked, his voice clear and innocent, relaxed even. If he hadn’t been slapping at his thigh the way he did when he was stressed, I would’ve thought he was happy.

“I…” How was I supposed to answer that? If Heaven existed, Mother would’ve been the last person to be allowed inside. But Nicky had been through enough, so I answered with, “I hope so.”

“I don’t know if she is,” he objected. “You know what Pastor Paul tells us. Only people who love God and do His work can go to heaven.” His mouth trembled a little. “She didn’t love God, and she said it was stupid to give food to hungry people. She said it was stupid to care about people you didn’t know.”

“It’s a kind thing, helping those who need it. Even strangers, Nicky,” I said gently. “Melody didn’t understand kindness. I guess she never received enough of it in her life before she had us, so she couldn’t give it.”

“She was Mother.” For a moment, his eyes darkened with stubborn intent.

I wasn’t going to argue the point with him. Yes, Melody brought us into this world. Legally, that made her our mother—biologically. Why upset him over semantics he’d never understand?

“Mother is gone.”

Wrapping an arm around him, I leaned in and kissed his temple. “She is. Do you want to say anything? To tell her goodbye?”

“No.”

“Are you ready to go back?”

He swallowed hard and looked away. “Mother put me there…” he started, and his voice cracked. “Please, Thea.”

“What is it, Nicky?” I reached out and touched his arm.

He flung himself at me and wrapped his arms around me, clinging like he was drowning. “Please don’t let them take me back there.”

“Oh, baby.” I hugged him to me tightly, and as we stood there, the question surfaced. “Where, Nicky? Who are you talking about?”

“The people at Sunny Vista.” It took him forever to spill those words out but finally he did and they came out like pent-up poison. “Mother told me that when she got too sick to take care of me, Sunny Vista would keep me. You promised we’d leave Mother together. I don’t want to go back to Sunny Vista.”

Sunny Vista. Even the name of the place was enough to make me want to scream. A nice enough facility, I knew, but it had been my brother’s jail for too long. He didn’t need to be in any sort of medical facility.

It had just been Melody’s way of dealing with things after the wreck. She’d had to pay almost ten million in damages to the families of the two boys, one who had died and the other who had damage severe enough that it would affect him the rest of his life and she’d simpered and smiled her way through that, hands worrying her pearl necklace, tears gleaming in her eyes as she listened intently to the judge and cried prettily at what the families of the boys had to say.

She’d painted my brother as unstable and dangerous, when all he’d wanted to do was escape the hell that had been our home.

I’ll make sure he gets the help he needs. He’ll be watched much more closely.

The problems started with her. When was she going to be watched? When was she going to be given the help she needed?

Now the truth would never come out.

But one thing was certain…Nicky wouldn’t go back to Sunny Vista.

“You’re not.”

I said it with absolute certainty, with peace of mind. Because I’d already made sure I had the right—and I did. I’d been privately working on this from the time I found out Melody’s cancer was terminal. I was armed and ready, and this time, I had the weapons I needed. The law was on my side. We were leaving. My bags were packed, along with the few precious things that Nicky kept at my place during the one weekend per month I’d fought to be with him.

Nicky didn’t need to worry about it, but the fact that he raised it meant he was able to connect the dots in his mind. Mother’s death meant we could leave. Clearly, he was more aware of what was going on than I realized.

Back during her announcement that she had cancer, she’d added an ultimatum for me.

It was simple.

It was horrible.

It was just like her.

If I wanted to see Nicky, I had to give up LeVan.

Any contact with LeVan, be it in person, by phone, or over the Internet, would result in her barring me from visiting Nicky. She’d made the biggest move in my life, attempting to pit me against my own brother. To try to make me choose.

Blood against love.

A relationship with my brother or the man of my dreams.

I couldn’t hate her any more than I did at that moment.

She knew I’d choose Nicky. Because I’d never leave him behind. And after saying goodbye to LeVan, I did my best to save Nicky from the knowledge of my choice. He didn’t need to know how cruel and deeply evil my mother’s intentions lay. I never told him, but looking back, maybe he had a vague idea, if only through the tension in my body language around my mother.

Acting wasn’t in my DNA after all.

Before Mother’s death, I saw Nicky at Sunny Vista one weekend a month. Mother never barred me from seeing him there, so in that respect, I had unlimited visiting privileges at the group home. But my time was limited. I needed to work and save for this day. I was certain that if we were in any other part of America, I would’ve gotten more than one weekend at my place with him. But fighting her for custody would’ve put Nicky through the wringer.

Choose your battles.

That was one thing Mother had unwittingly taught me.

At the time that she’d announced the start of her battle with cancer, I was in the beginning stages of debuting my fashion line. After learning about her illness, it made sense to reevaluate. I was optimistic, figuring that she’d change her mind and let him be with me.

That didn’t happen.

She took Nicky home for six months, then put him back into Sunny Vista when her health took a turn for the worse. And so things had gone. She’d get better, she’d bring him home, and the cancer would throw her for another loop. No way could I handle a revolving door like that, let alone Nicky.

My reassessment led me to one conclusion.

My fashion line had to succeed.

I had no other option but to make it big, and to earn a fricking fortune, given that she’d cut me off financially, and in all likelihood, would find a way to control that money from beyond the grave. I could’ve withdrawn from the first five hundred thousand I got when I was eighteen. Maybe I should’ve. But I knew enough about money to keep that lump sum locked away for the future. My fashion line had to do well because I needed the money to survive and take care of Nicky.

I was in love with my career and thank goodness for that. Cut off from the man I loved for all these years, my focus entailed a very few select things.

Two things, really.

My brother and my career.

I saw Nicky as often as I could. I poured myself into building a name for myself in the fashion world and leveraged all of Tammy’s connections, something she insisted on. My boss went to bat for me and helped me stand on my own in an industry that was as competitive and cutthroat as any.

And while I climbed each rung in the business world, I prayed the man I’d loved for years would never forget me.

I waited, saved, planned, and prepared.

In secret, I’d begun building my case for custody while my fashion line became its own label and evolved into a brand that people recognized and wanted in their closets alongside the other big names. As my brand grew, so did my profits. By the time I was ready to take the case to court, my fashion brand was worth millions. It was around that time that I found out her cancer wasn’t responding to treatment.

Then she died.

She was gone now, and I was ready. So was Nicky.

All we had to do was get into the car and drive.

Ten years…it had been ten years. I’m coming back to you, LeVan.

I still loved that boy with everything I had in me.

That boy.

He was a man now. And I was a woman. His woman.

It was time to keep that promise I’d made.