“LeVan, Thea! Guess what… Hey, where did Thea go?” Nicky came rushing out of the building, the excitement on his face fading as he realized Thea wasn’t there.

I’d been about two seconds from going after her, but I was so fucking pissed off, I made myself stay there.

Not so much because of Nicky, and that didn’t make me feel any better about myself.

Did anyone put that kid first?

“Where’s Thea?” he asked again. “I talked to my LC and she said I could ask you both to stay for spaghetti! You can eat out…here!” He gave me a broad smile that only made me feel worse.

“Thea wasn’t…” I stopped, not really wanting to lie for her, but I didn’t want to make Nicky feel worse either. “She had to go, buddy. I don’t think she was feeling good.”

“You can’t go on your date?” He looked crushed—for us.

Fuck.

What in the hell?

I felt like my entire world had been flipped on its head in the past ten minutes and I didn’t know how to handle it. Finding out that Thea had her brother living in a home was like finding out her skin unzipped and there was a monster inside her.

It just didn’t fit.

“But…well, can you stay for spaghetti?” He looked at me so hopeful it hurt and I knew I couldn’t say no. Fine. I’d go in there, eat bad spaghetti, and try to understand why she felt like it was okay to dump him here, especially after she’d been so angry with her mother over Sunny Vista.

Hell, maybe things with him had gotten worse. Maybe…

No. I didn’t want to think like that.

I walked alongside him into the building, bracing myself for what I expected would be some sort of antiseptic smell—like a hospital, or some sort of old folk’s home. Something to that effect.

But once we cleared the doors what I smelled was flowers…and lemon. Some sort of cleanser, but it was a homey sort of scent.

“Come on, you have to sign in,” Nicky said, sounding confident. “You’re my first visitor…well, other than Thea, but she’s my sister. That’s not the same. But all visitors got to sign in. It’s for security.”

I looked over at him, feeling all the more bemused at his tone. “Okay, my man.”

I followed him to a long, low counter that looked less like a check-in desk and…well, I couldn’t think of the right way to describe it, but it was clearly designed to be welcoming. The woman in the chair beamed at Nicky, then at me. “I’ll need to log your name and your ID, sir.”

I gave her my driver’s license and took another look around.

A young woman’s laugh bounced off the walls as she came around the corner, her hand gripping a companion dog’s harness. “Okay, okay, Miko. I know you want to go outside…”

“That’s one of the LC’s,” Nicky said.

“What’s an LC?” I asked, looking over at the lady holding my ID.

But Nicky answered. “Life counselors. They help us learn how to live on our own,” he said proudly.

And that was when the heavy weight started to settle in my chest.

It only got worse as Nicky led me to the elevator. “Come on, come see my home. My apartment is on the eighth floor.”

“You got an apartment, huh, buddy?”

“Yeah…I told you I wanted to show you my home, goofy.” He laughed, clearly pleased with himself.

Glad someone was. I was feeling more and more like an ass. I caught sight of the building’s name discreetly printed on the elevator doors. High Crest. That was familiar. I didn’t know why, but it was familiar—really familiar. As the doors slid open on the eighth floor, I pulled my phone from my pocket. I sent Mac a message. He had a mind like a steel trap and if this place had anything to do with the hotel…and I was thinking it did…

The name High Crest mean anything to you? I texted him, slipping the phone back into my pocket as Nicky pulled a key from his.

“I got my own key,” he announced, displaying it for me.

“Sounds like a lot of responsibility.” I swallowed the knot in my throat. I had gone and fucked up…royally.

“It is. Thea told me she wanted me to know how to take care of myself and she didn’t think she could teach me. She said she loved me too much.” He stopped in the middle of what was a neatly organized living room and turned to look at me, his eyes solemn. “I had to ask my day LC what that meant.”

“What did your LC tell you, buddy?”

“She told me a story about her daughter. She said when her little girl was learning to walk, it scared her a lot because sometimes Lexi falls. Lexi is the baby,” he explained. “And she wants to hold Lexi’s hands all the time so Lexi doesn’t fall and get hurt. It’s because she loves her.”

“But if she’s holding her hands all the time, Lexi won’t learn to walk,” I said roughly.

“And she won’t ever learn to run either. That’s what Kayla said. My LC,” he added. “Kayla said that when Thea says she loves me too much, it’s like she wants to hold my hand all the time so I don’t fall. LeVan, you look like you’re mad… Are you mad?”

“No. Well, yeah, but I’m mad at myself, Nicky.” I looked at him and then did a slow turn, taking in the living room and what else I could see of the apartment. “My man, I think I went and screwed up. I hurt your sister’s feelings.”

“Why did you do that?” Nicky glared at me.

“Because I’m a dumbass.”

* * *

The spaghetti was actually pretty good, even though it sat like lead in my stomach after I’d swallowed each bite. I made myself clean my plate and although I texted Thea five times, and called her twice, she wouldn’t answer.

I went to her apartment.

She didn’t answer when I knocked, although I knew she was in there.

I could feel her on the other side of the door.

Resting my forehead against the smooth surface, I said, “Thea…let me in. I need to talk to you. I fucked up, okay?”

But the door stayed shut.

Turning around, I braced my back against it and slid down. If she opened it at any point, I’d end up sprawled over the doorstop and then I’d just roll over onto my hands and knees, the proper position to be in, considering I needed to be doing some serious groveling.

If I ended up getting her foot in my face at first, then I’d just keep on groveling.

But the door stayed firmly shut.

I knocked every fifteen minutes for the next four hours and my back was on fire by the time ten o’clock rolled around.

But that fucking door stayed shut.

* * *

“You look like shit.”

Mac eyed me up and down as I dropped into the seat across from his. We had a private lounge in one of the bars at the hotel, a place where we came to share a drink, play cards, unwind after our performances and even though it wasn’t my night on stage, I sure as hell needed to unwind. I could also use some advice.

Sly gave me a sideways look. “Trouble in paradise already?”

“How did you guess?”

He grunted. “I’m the only one of us who is regularly engaged in relationships with the opposite sex. It wasn’t hard to figure out the look on your face.”

“Sly, the only relationships you engage in are of the physical variety. The second it even starts to move past fucking, you end it,” Mac said easily.

“Fucking is still a relationship.” Sly hitched up a shoulder. “And I don’t tend to fuck women I can’t talk to. There’s a relationship there even if it’s just physical.”

“And you respect all the women you’ve fucked.”

“Pretty much.” He looked like he was pondering it, then he nodded. “I sure as hell doubt they’ve all respected me, especially by the time it ended, but I had respect for them. Other than the fact that they were messed up enough to let the likes of me between their legs.”

“Stop.” I gave him a hard look. “Other than the fact that you’re a prime asshole, you’re not too bad a guy, Sly.”

He’d never believe it.

He winked at me. “Sure, you go on and tell yourself that, Lev. So…what’s your troubles with the girlfriend? Been so long since you been in the sack you forget what’s the top and what’s the bottom? I can give you some pointers.”

“Go fuck yourself,” I said, but it lacked heat. I’d already directed all the anger I had in me at myself and now I was just…empty. “I screwed up, guys. And when I say I screwed up, I mean…” I smacked the table with the flat of my hand, hard enough to make their highball glasses rattle. There was a third one, just waiting for me and I grabbed it, and the bottle of Glenfiddich, pouring myself a healthy two fingers—then two more.

“I texted you about High Crest—I never did read your answer,” I said, slanting a look at Mac.

He grunted. “It’s an independent living center—some sort of teaching facility for people with disabilities.” His mouth started to form the question, Why…but he stopped, leaning back in his seat to study me.

“Thea got her brother in there,” I said neutrally. “I didn’t know what the place was.”

“Oh, fuck,” Sly muttered. He got up, grabbing his glass and the mostly empty bottle. “You’re a dumbass, Lev.”

That it came from him surprised me.

Mac was giving me a sympathetic look.

I liked Mac’s reaction better.

Shooting Sly’s back a dagger of a glare, I said, “I believe I’ve already said this once, my man, but fuck you.”

“Oh, kiss ass,” Sly said, pouring the rest of the whisky in his glass, then tossing the bottle. He got another one from the private stock we kept in the lounge for our use, then turned back to me, highball glass in one hand, whisky bottle in the other. His red hair stood up in crazed, stiff peaks from the gel he always used when he was going onstage. He was still wired from his performance and now all that energy was focused on me. “You spent too much time thinking with your dick, Lev, then your brain got in the way. You’re the one who was about ready to throw down with me earlier today because I just implied she was wimping out and letting her mama grind her into the dirt. Both of you were pretty damn quick to set me straight, if I recollect rightly.”

The western twang was coming through loud and clear now. He paused, tossing back the whisky before coming back to the table in a loose-hipped gait. He looked like he had come fresh from the Irish farm but he moved like a Texas cowhand. And he talked like a sailor.

“Now, I’m going to do my own fucking mentalist act and you tell me how close I get, okay?” He winked at me. “You meet her at High Crest—let me think…you two probably had plans for dinner. You sure as hell were in a rush to get out of rehearsal even though you were late.” He shrugged, as if to say, no big deal, although he’d razzed me hard about it. “You had plans for dinner, I’m thinking. Maybe some place romantic or something, which…yeah, that’s your style, Lev. Bet you two didn’t do a whole lot of talking last night, and knowing you, you had things to say. You pick her up…since you asked about High Crest and you clearly didn’t know much about the place, I’m assuming you picked her up there. How am I doing so far, all-seeing LeVan?”

“You’re an asshole,” I said.

“That’s what you keep telling me. And I’m guessing I’m on the right track.” The humor dropped from his face. “You made an assumption. Shit, man. That’s fine for the stage, because you base all that shit on cues and facial expressions, accents…hell, whatever else you use. But this isn’t the stage, it’s real life. What were you thinking?”

“We’ve established I was being a dumbass.” I grabbed the whisky and tossed it back, too fast to really appreciate good Scotch whisky, but needing the drink all the same. “I just reacted.”

“You never just react,” Mac said. “What gives?”

“I don’t need it from you, too.” I glared at him, then shifted the look to Sly. “And I’m surprised you give a flying fuck. You don’t know Thea and the only two people you give a damn about are in this room.”

“That’s not true.” He saluted me with his glass and gestured to the opaque glass at my back. “I love our bartender. I’d marry her but she scares me.”

Under normal circumstances, it would’ve gotten a laugh out of me, the thought of a woman scaring Sly. But I was getting pissed off again—at him and at myself—and I was still trying to figure out what to do about Thea.

“I still fail to see why you give a damn,” I said sourly.

“Because I don’t like seeing nice women hurt.” He shrugged and tore open the foil seal on the bottle of Glenfiddich, then popped the top. As he splashed some of the amber liquid into his glass, he continued, “And either she’s a weak woman or she’s a nice one with balls of solid steel to have put up with what she had to put up with. Been doing some thinking about it this afternoon and I figured she had to be the latter—you couldn’t have spent all this time pining for a weak woman. She’s nice…and she’s got balls.” He flashed me a smile. “I’d almost be tempted to go after her myself if it wasn’t for two things—one, she’s yours. Two…I don’t do nice women.”

I stared him down, almost ready to go over the table after him even though I knew he was just yanking my chain.

He raised his glass. “Cheers, my friend.” He tossed back the whisky and reached for the cards. “Are you in?”

“Fuck. Whatever.” I grabbed my glass.

“Tell me something,” Sly said as he started to shuffle the cards.

I could tell he was distracted because he kept it simple and straightforward—when Sly didn’t show off, even for us, then he had heavy thoughts on his mind.

He slid me a look, eyes pensive. “You wouldn’t have thought she’d do such a thing a few years back, would you?” He cut the cards a few times, gave them one more quick shuffle, then started to deal. “I mean, if you’d come across the same situation, would you have asked? Or just…assumed?”

I stared at the cards as they piled up in front of me, not liking the answer, or the direction of Sly’s thoughts. “I would’ve asked—I wasn’t sure I would’ve agreed to the whole setup, but once she explained…hell, Nicky was happier than I’ve ever seen him.”

Not that I’d gotten to spend as much time with the kid as I would’ve liked. Melody had always been in the way. In a way, I guess she still was. My disgust with her and how things had gone on the past few years had poisoned how I was looking at things, and I knew it.

“You two aren’t the same people you were back then,” Mac said, gathering up his cards. He gave them a quick look before focusing on me.

I’d yet to pick up my hand. I didn’t know if it was worth the trouble. Keeping up with Sly when it came to cards was a feat even when my head was on straight. I could kiss the idea of doing so tonight goodbye. Meeting Mac’s eyes, I said softly, “I love her. She loves me. None of that has changed.”

I knew that much.

“Trust me…” Mac’s voice was dry. “We could see the…attraction the other night. I can’t say I know shit about love, but it doesn’t exist in a vacuum—it can’t. Nothing does. You’re eight years older and you’re not the same person you were eight years ago. Neither is she. Shit, would she have even been willing to let her brother go to a place like that without her?” He grimaced and I knew where his thoughts had gone. “I get that it’s for the best—I’ve been out to High Crest a few times and they do good work. But it has to suck. It’s like she’s given her job over to someone else. Would she have been able to do that eight years ago?”

Considering what her mother had been threatening? What her mother had done?

Swallowing, I looked away. “No.”

And it made what I’d done that much worse, I decided. She’d done something that had to be impossibly hard. And I’d laid into her for it.

“You two basically are going to have to start over,” Sly said, now sounding unconcerned. “I mean, if this thing between you two is going to work.”

I slanted him a look.

He shrugged. “Hey, I’m not much for relationships. But I figure if you held a candle for eight years…this ain’t going away.”

“No. It’s not.” It wasn’t going away. “But how do I fix this?”

“You’re asking the wrong people, Lev,” Mac said. “The Knights are good at a lot of things, but women…hell, I’d say even you aren’t particularly stellar in that department if today is any example.”

I flipped my fellow Knights off. “Thanks for nothing, assholes.”

But Mac had given me…something.

An idea, at least.