CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

I rose from Todd’s memories slowly, almost groggily. I could see light and moved toward it until the light became a room, and I was sitting in front of him, and he was staring at me, his eyes round with horror, my hand still on his arm.

“You…you saw…”

The scene flooded back. Everything he’d felt flooded back.

I yanked my hand away as my eyes filled with tears.

“Not quite as innocent as you thought,” he said, with a smile that was more grimace, like he was trying not to throw up. He pushed his chair back. “Okay, I…I’ll go…”

He got one step before I leapt up and took his arm.

“No. Please,” I said. “I knew…I’d already figured out…I just had to see…I’m sorry. I should have just asked, but I had to know.”

“You didn’t do it,” Gabriel said from his spot near the door. “I did.”

I shook my head. “I planned to. I would have. It was wrong, and I knew that before I did it, which only makes it worse.”

Todd returned to his chair. He lowered himself into it and rubbed his mouth.

“I’m really, really sorry,” I said, tears threatening again.

“No, you were right. And Gabriel was right to help when you couldn’t. You had to know the whole thing. See the whole thing. What I did. What I didn’t do. Couldn’t do. I should have…” He shook his head. “I think that makes it worse. That I started it and couldn’t finish. I didn’t have faith. Your mother did.”

“No, my mother was just willing to take the chance. It isn’t…” I sat again. “It wasn’t the same for her. It didn’t feel the same. Killing someone.”

“They all deserved it.”

He sat with his hands on the table, his gaze fixed on them.

“Can I ask…?” I couldn’t finish.

He lifted his gaze to mine and said, “Anything, Olivia. You’ve seen the worst. You can ask me anything.”

“Did you talk to Pamela after that? Did she go to that meeting instead of you? Or did you go and then talk to her?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t go. I never told her. She found out, somehow. They must have approached her. She once asked me…”

“What would you do to cure me,” I said. “Whether you’d kill someone who deserved to die. I saw it in a vision. That’s how I knew it was her, not you.”

“Which should have told me that she knew about the deal. I never even considered that. I thought…” He shook his head. “I thought maybe I was talking in my sleep or…I don’t even know. I didn’t want to think about it. I missed that meeting, but I was still considering doing it, working up the nerve. Before I did, you started getting better, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. It wasn’t until we were arrested that I realized Pam had done it in my place. It never occurred to me that the Cŵn Annwn would approach her.”

I snuck a look at the Huntsman guard, who shook his head.

“They didn’t,” I said. “Pamela went to them. She took that meeting in your place.”

The guard nodded, confirming.

“I had another vision,” I said. “Me, as a baby. She was meeting with them at the house. The Cŵn Annwn thought you knew about the deal and that she was handling the details in your place.”

Todd glanced at the guard. “Is that true, Keating?” When the Huntsman blinked, Todd gave a wry smile. “I’m not that clueless. I know what you are. Otherwise, I’d hardly talk about this in front of you. Is Liv right?”

Keating nodded. “Pamela came to the meeting. She said you two had decided it was better if she handled all contact. You’d taken care of Kirkman, and you had a connection to him, so it was safer to remove you from the conversations. Also, if anything went wrong, the police would be less likely to suspect a woman. We dealt with her on the understanding you were involved. It wasn’t until Olivia uncovered the truth that we realized we’d been tricked.”

“But how…” Todd looked from me to the guard. “I never said a word to her.”

“You heard someone in the woods that night,” I said. “Several times. You thought you were being paranoid. You weren’t. Pamela followed you. She was worried you were cheating on her, so she followed.”

We lapsed into silence. Then Keating said, “Pamela needs to tell the truth. To let you out of here.” He turned to Gabriel. “That will set him free, won’t it? A confession from her?”

“It would add to the grounds for appeal, but…”

“It’s not a get-out-of-jail-free card,” Todd said. “Which is why we’re avoiding that option until we’ve exhausted the others. After what Liv saw, I think everyone can understand why I’m refusing. I did kill someone. I’m no better than Pam. No less guilty.”

“The crime is not the deaths,” Keating said. “The crime was sacrificing your freedom. She took you from your daughter. She took you from your life. One word from her—”

“Pamela and I agreed never to turn on one another.”

“The only honorable one here is you, Todd, for not condemning her. It was her duty to tell the truth—for you and for your daughter.”

Todd shook his head.

Keating grumbled under his breath and said to us, “Pointless. Always pointless. He has too much of our blood, and he will do the right thing, even when it is the wrong thing.”

Todd’s lips twitched. “You realize that makes no sense.”

“Yes, it does. Come on, then. Back to that cell you so obviously love.”

I was quiet on the way out. When I looked over at Gabriel, he walked purposefully, his face set in that way that sent anyone in his path scurrying.

I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t until we were in the parking lot, and then it was only, “We have things to do.”

“Yes.” The word came clipped, as if annoyed by the reminder of the obvious.

“I don’t want to do them.”

He looked at me then, gaze hidden behind his shades.

“We need to speak to Ioan about this and the sluagh,” I said. “We need to figure out what Seanna knows about Kirkman and how to stop her from using that information. We need to get back to figuring out the meaning of that damned ritual I saw at the fun house, which has gotten completely lost in the crap with Seanna and the sluagh. And I don’t want to do any of it. I just want to…”

“What?”

“The same damn thing I’ve been wanting since this started. A break.”

“You’re upset.”

I wrapped my arms around myself. “I’m a lot of things. Frustrated, confused, angry. Scared.” Hands back in pockets. “Ignore me. I’m being a brat.”

“I need clothing,” he said as we reached the car. “If we’re going to stay in Cainsville for the foreseeable future, I need to pack a bag.”

I managed a wan smile. “Add that to the list, then. We’ll grab it after we speak to Ioan.”

“We should do it now. It may take a while.”

I realized then what he was saying. Not adding yet another task to the list, but giving me an excuse to rest someplace quiet.

When we were in the car, I said, “I like the way you push me.”

He frowned, one hand on the ignition.

“Easy is, well, easy,” I said. “It’s someone who accepts me exactly the way I am, which seems great, no pressure, no expectations. But then it chafes. Makes me restless. I don’t want someone constantly pointing out my flaws. That’s toxic. But you get it right. What’s the old saying? Have the serenity to accept the things you can’t change, the courage to change what you can, and the wisdom to know the difference?”

His brow furrowed as if he was trying to figure out what the hell I was talking about.

“You do that,” I said. “You accept what I can’t change, and you push me to do the things I can.”

“All right…”

“Don’t ever stop doing that. Please. I want to be better. Be stronger. If I waver, don’t fix things for me.”

He gave a slow and careful nod. “I apologize. I realized I made a mistake as soon as I did it. I was trying to help, but that was the wrong way to go about it.”

“Umm, this isn’t about making a side trip to your apartment, is it?”

“You were talking about that?”

“And you weren’t,” I said.

“I was talking about putting your hand on Todd’s arm. That wasn’t my place.”

“No, it was.” I turned to him. “It absolutely was. I could have resisted if I disagreed. I’m only sorry you needed to push me.”

“You were intruding on what is probably your father’s worst memory, but you needed that information. Accessing memories is like reading omens or seeing visions. They provide what you need. What no one will—or can—give you.”

“The truth.”

“Yes. As for going to my apartment, I think we both need a break right now.” He paused. “I would like one.”

“Good.”