CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

When the melltithiwyd attacked the raven, it happened so fast that all I felt was pain. One second of unbelievable agony, as my entire body was ripped apart, and for that split second I was still conscious enough to feel it happen.

I hoped that was just me, my consciousness operating on a brief delay, and that the raven itself hadn’t experienced that.

There wasn’t enough time between the strike and death for me to process the fact that it wasn’t actually me being ripped apart. I saw myself die. I felt myself die. I had that one moment of knowing I was dead. And it was the most horrific thing I could imagine.

When I came to, lying in that overgrown cemetery, my brain just gave up, as if my very psyche had gone into shock. I lay there, and while some part of me knew I was alive, I couldn’t process the fact. Even when true consciousness returned, it felt like the ebb and flow of a tide, a lapping awareness that I lived, followed by a mental and physical and emotional blank.

I don’t know how long it took me to raise my head from the ground. When I did, I saw Ioan, sitting beside me, upright, cross-legged, his eyes shut, as if meditating, and all I could do was stare at him and think, Who is this?

My brain skated around possibilities, traversing my mental landscape, touching on every man who’d made an impact in my life, from my earliest memories of Todd to my adopted dad to James to Gabriel to Ricky. No, this wasn’t any of them, so who…

A fiery flare. Hooves pounding. A hound baying. A hooded figure. A laugh. A smile. A voice.

Ioan. Huntsman. Cŵn Annwn.

Cŵn. Hound. Brenin.

Ghost. Corpse. Melltithiwyd.

It all came back in a rush. I scrambled up and grabbed Ioan’s shoulder. He wouldn’t wake. His vitals were strong, and his eyes moved beneath the lids, as if he was dreaming. Did that mean Brenin had survived? I hoped so. I remembered the raven and the flock of melltithiwyd, and my stomach lurched.

When the raven died, I’d returned to my body. Ioan was still gone. Therefore, Brenin was alive. That was the logic I would use until proven wrong.

I rose and looked around. Still night. Still quiet.

I’d seen Ricky and Gabriel through the raven’s eyes. They’d been with Lloergan and the dryads. Everyone had been fine.

And then the melltithiwyd attacked.

Don’t think about that part. Just don’t.

They’d fought the demonic birds before. Fought and won. They would be fine. My job was to get to them, and thanks to that poor raven, I knew exactly where to go.

The sluagh was here. It knew we were, too. So subterfuge was a must. I slipped past the nearest buildings, and was just about to dart across the road when fingers tapped my shoulder. I jumped a mile high and spun to see…

Imogen.

“Looking for your lost lovers, Eden?” she said, smiling.

I didn’t get a chance to even open my mouth. She leaned in, her fingers wrapping around my arm as she said, “Here, let me help,” and blackness enveloped me.

I came to in the belfry tower. I was lying on the floor, the sluagh beside me, nudging me with her toe.

“Come, come, Eden. No time for sleeping. Your lovers await rather anxiously.”

I rose, rubbing my eyes, feeling like I’d taken a double dose of sleeping pills. I swore I heard Gabriel’s voice in my ear.

You’ve been drugged. It’s likely magical in nature. Be aware of that, and proceed with caution.

Yes, sir.

“Where are—?” I began.

“Over here,” the sluagh said.

She stood across the room, pointing down. As I walked, I saw broken, rotted boards, from when Ricky and Gabriel had been up here months ago.

The sluagh pointed through the hole. I crouched beside it. At first I saw nothing but darkness below. Then it was as if a peephole opened, drilling all the way down, level after level, until I could, improbably, see two rooms with a wall between them. And in the rooms, two men, action-figure size. I knew who they were, though. I would always know.

“They’re fine,” she said. “Before you ask.”

I wasn’t going to. I knew in a glance that they were all right, my anxiety instantly settling.

“Now comes the part—” she began.

“Don’t bother.”

Her lips tightened, that smug composure rippling.

“I know what comes next,” I said. “This is the part where you tell me to choose. We’ve done this dance before. I remember the steps. You insist. I refuse. You threaten. I continue to refuse.”

“The last time—”

“You backed down. Now you’ll warn me that won’t happen again. I’ve had time to think about my choice. Here’s my decision: take away my cure.”

“That isn’t one of the options, Eden.”

“Why not? You don’t need me. You never did.” I rose and faced her. “I finally figured it out. There’s always that piece that doesn’t quite fit, and the temptation is to play two-year-old, smash it in and say good enough. But if you’re not two years old, you know it doesn’t fit, and that keeps plucking at you, whispering you’ve missed something. That means you need to re-evaluate. Throw the puzzle in the air and start over.”

I took a step toward her. “You say you want me to choose the sluagh. But why? Your reasons are bullshit. No side can force me to choose it. The Cŵn Annwn know that. Even the Tylwyth Teg reluctantly admit it. They woo me. You threaten and punish, and you say it’ll achieve the same goal, but it won’t. Because you don’t have the same goal.”

I walked to the hole and looked down at Gabriel and Ricky. “The Cŵn Annwn and the Tylwyth Teg want Matilda, whatever form she may take. Gabriel and Ricky want me. That’s not arrogance. It’s confidence. They want to be with me. They love me for who I am—the good, the bad, and the incredibly annoying. Then there was James. He wanted me symbolically. He wanted me for the role I would play in his life. I was, to him, the perfect wife—smart but not a genius, attractive but not gorgeous, cultured but a little bit wicked, too. When I left, he couldn’t handle that. Not the loss of me, but the loss of the idea of me. He felt as if he’d lost me to Gabriel and to Ricky. He was like a child watching two other boys argue over a toy and wanting it, too—not because he gives a damn about the toy, but because they want it.”

“I’m presuming there’s a point to all this reflection?”

“You’re that third little boy, watching the other two fight over the toy. You don’t actually want me. You just want to take me away from them. You want to win. And then, presumably, use me as leverage to gain whatever it is you really want, which I suspect is nothing more than power.”

“Nothing more? What is there if not power?”

“Not a single thing that you’d understand. You are the darkness. You are the unforgiven. You are the end point, the conclusion to all things. There is nothing more. You take life. You consume it. And you do nothing with it except add to your ranks, increase your power. Power for the sole purpose of gaining more. That’s all I am to you. A source of power.”

“Do you honestly believe you mean more to the others?”

“In my way, I do. The Cŵn Annwn were with Gabriel earlier, and they protected him. Ricky has been in and out of Cainsville for months, and the Tylwyth Teg has made no attempt on his life. That would hurt me, which would be counterproductive. You don’t give a shit. Your only goal is to break me. Break me. Claim me. Use me. So go ahead. Take my cure. As for making me choose between Gabriel and Ricky? That’s the other thing I learned. We need to stick together. If you want them, you have to take them, which will only make me all the more determined to see that you never win.”

“Pretty speech, Eden, but I don’t actually need you for this part. You’re about to have a front-row seat to the conclusion of this silly romantic drama.”

I opened my mouth to respond…and she disappeared in a swirl of shadow.