Chapter Thirteen
All I can ask
Wedged behind the wheel of her tiny car, Kevin’s lips were pressed tightly together as he tried to give Aurelie the silence she seemed to need. Physically aware of her with an intensity that had him on edge, he drove the streets of Chicago. They were headed to his condo; not something she was pleased about. At all.
She had argued, not only against him driving her car but his choice of destination. Knowing she would be exhausted from the events of the night, he had worn her down, repeating his plans aloud until she gave up and wordlessly climbed into the car. Not his finest moment, but he’d do it again. Now that he knew she was close, he wasn’t willing to take a chance on her disappearing, vanishing into the night like a wraith. No, there were too many answers he needed.
He was inordinately annoyed that her car was a stick shift. Europeans and their cars. Shifting gears meant the palm of his hand chilled between each chance to rest on her thigh. He couldn’t stop the possessive desire and thrill that ran through him when he draped his hand just above her knee. The initial touch drew a flinch every time, and he wasn’t certain if it was the temperature, the fact it was him, or if she simply feared all touch now. His quiet questioning of Sid while Aurelie changed clothes had not given him much information. Sid knew her by sight, but she had only been coming to the club for a year or so, the first time just few months before. As far as Sid knew, she’d never spoken of the physical trauma she had clearly endured. He’d noted that she had been clear on her list of soft and hard limits. And, according to Sid, in the moments before she had approached Kevin tonight, Aurelie had appeared visibly frightened. Still, she’d approached. She came to me.
From the seat beside him, Aurelie drew in a shaky breath, and he focused on her with the edges of his vision, noting how the strain in her frame echoed in the muscles felt under his fingers. Shit. He forced his fingers to relax. In trying to puzzle out the mystery she presented, he had tensed, his hand flexed tightly around her leg. Not enough to hurt, he would never lose sight of his own strength in that fashion, but enough so she’d noticed and reacted.
Pulling into his driveway, he saw the flashing amber alarm light on the exterior panel and knew Goose had arranged to get his bike home. Brother to the core, Kris had known even before Kevin did that he’d be utilizing a different mode of transportation tonight. Kevin had a flash of…not regret, but more like a nostalgia for the activities of their more typical play nights. Activities Kevin knew wouldn’t be happening again as long as he had Aurelie. Sharing subs and working in tandem had cemented his and Goose’s friendship well before the Rebels came into play, but just the thought of Goose joining in on a scene with Aurelie had him tensing up again, as did the idea of working a scene without her. Slow down, buddy boy. Figure out what’s going on before you get tied up in coulda, woulda, shouldas.
Hustling her out of the car and inside the condo, Kevin detoured briefly through the kitchen to grab bottles of water, and then made a beeline to the bedroom. Aurelie moved with him, drawn through the dark rooms by his hold on her hand, her fingers resting passively in his grip. Kevin hesitated for only a moment before he deftly undressed her. Standing close, he assessed her.
With her head turned away and eyes averted, she stood without covering herself, but Aurelie’s quiet rejection of his gaze told him everything he needed to know. She was uncomfortable, embarrassed about something, and needed something she could hide behind. I can do that for her. Give her that. Kevin yanked open a drawer and pulled out one of his shirts. Bundling the soft fabric in his hands, he eased the tee over her head, careful to not tangle her hair. He gave himself permission to brush against her cheeks with the backs of his fingers in a stolen caress. Her shuddering breath when the hem skimmed the tops of her thighs was an expression of her thanks.
He swallowed, realizing how fragile this whole thing was. I need to get a read on her. Aurelie had to be his entire focus, nothing else could exist. This was a prime example because she wouldn’t have asked, but sleeping unclothed wasn’t something she wanted tonight. The burden was his to provide the solace and comfort she needed. Gladly bear anything for her.
Quickly disrobing, Kevin maneuvered her into bed, crowding Aurelie as he followed her between the sheets, flipping the covers over them both before gathering her into his arms. As comfortable as she’d been in his lap earlier, she was not at ease lying together like this, his hold had her stiff with an anxiety he didn’t recognize. Wanting to understand, he opened his mouth to speak, to ask, and she reacted to that simple inrush of breath, her body becoming even more rigid.
Hoping to reassure her, Kevin spoke the truth, knowing she’d hear it in his voice. “I’ve missed you more than you know. We’ll need to talk, but for now—for tonight—I want to sleep with you curled up against me. Can you give me that? I just want to sleep, Aurelie.” She was silent, and after a moment, he gave her a squeeze, hoping to prompt a response. When nothing was forthcoming, he asked again, “Do you think you can sleep? Can you do that for me, honey?”
Aurelie took in another deep, shuddering breath, then she nodded, her forehead bumping against his chest. Turning her cheek to lay it against his shoulder, she pressed into him, every curve familiar. “Yes, Kevin. I will rest.”
“All I can ask.” He touched his lips to the top of her head and took a deliberately deep breath, triggering a loud yawn. A few moments later, he repeated the actions, and then methodically began attempting to relax the muscles throughout his body. It took some time, but eventually Aurelie reflected the ease he was projecting. More than an hour later, he heard her breathing even out and deepen as she finally slipped over the edge into true sleep.
That same trip took him far longer.
Kevin’s mind raced through each interaction with her tonight, studying everything he could remember from the moment she approached—even before he realized who she was—until now. Each nuance of behavior something he analyzed, trying to find the differences wrought by years of absence, and searching anxiously for the things that were the same. My Aurelie.
The memory of her words washed through him and Kevin fought against his suddenly threatening erection. My Master. The ghost sensation of her breath against his skin when she titled him chased him down into sleep.
The kitchen window was propped open when he came up behind Aurelie, a gentle breeze lifting and curling the bottom edges of the curtains she’d sewn for their house. Cheek pressed to hers, he looked down and watched her hands working in the sudsy water, rippling movements reflected in the shifting of the foam. “Kevin, do you see?”
Arms around her waist, he squeezed, then asked, his voice a murmur in her ear, “See what, my Aurelie?”
“So ugly, mon amour.”
She lifted a plate from under the surface and fat droplets of water pattered down, each falling drop setting up its own ripples, the waves growing, intersecting, creating a pattern in the suds that matched the scars she bore on her back. He released his hold on her waist with one hand, reaching down, and used his palm to smooth and calm the waters.
“So beautiful, my Aurelie.”
He woke in darkness as the mattress shifted; a warm body climbing back into bed beside him. His companion easily identified by both scent and the soft touch of her fingertips on his belly as she reclaimed her place at his side. With a contented hum, she nestled against him, cheek rubbing ever so slightly against his chest, like a kitten settling in for a nap. Kevin snaked his arm around her, pressing her closer, one hand finding the edge of the shirt she still wore and diving underneath, cupping her ass. With his other, he captured her fingers and brought them to his mouth for a soft kiss.
A distinct scent teased him and he lifted her hand slightly, surreptitiously drawing a breath. Then, doubting his own senses, he breathed in the scent again. The unmistakable musk of feminine arousal. She had gone to the bathroom and pleasured herself. Stole what’s mine, Kevin thought, a spear of irritation slicing through him before he could remind himself that she wasn’t really his, not anymore. Not for a long time.
Separating Aurelie’s fingers, he brought each delicate tip to his lips, kissing them in turn. Pulling her ring finger into his mouth, he ran his tongue over the lightly flavored surface, suppressing a groan as he tasted her for the first time in years.
She was still and quiet, her breathing far too controlled and composed for his state of mind. He wanted her needy, as desperate for him as he was her. Time to shake things up.
“Aurelie.” Keeping his voice low, he let the rumble in his chest signal his displeasure. “Do you have something you would like to share with me?” Silence greeted his question, but Kevin knew she hadn’t gone back to sleep. He could feel the tension in each muscle, in the way her fingers quivered in his grip.
Moving the hand that rested on her ass, he slipped his fingers down and slid them between her legs to find her outer lips were smooth and dry. Either Aurelie hadn’t enjoyed her self-induced climax, or her cleanup had been more thorough than he expected. The scent remaining on her hand, however, spoke to a desire to keep the event close, make it something she could mentally recreate. Testing, he tipped one fingertip between her folds and found her hidden truth. So fuckin’ wet.
“You did something in the washroom. Tell me.” Where a question hadn’t worked before, the demand did, provoking her to a response.
“I…” Her words faltered to a halt, then she continued, trying and failing to steady her voice, “I’m sorry.”
“That doesn’t tell me what you did, honey.” Stroking slowly, he eased one finger inside her, the rush of slick fluid that met his movement giving lie to the stillness of her body. Oh, honey. You can’t hide from me. Deeper, in and then out, he gave her two slow thrusts before pulling out entirely. “Tell me.” Knuckles folded to his palm, he used them to slowly stroke along her soft skin, gliding up and across her mons. “Honey.”
“I don’t know what you want, Kevin.” Tears in Aurelie’s voice signaled her distress, but she pushed past those emotions riding the surface to say, “I want to please you.”
“Did you wake aroused?” He rewarded her honestly with a return of his touch, tracing along her lips. “You weren’t sure if you could wake me?” Feeding her what he expected was the problem, he waited.
Voice small, she didn’t make him wait long. “I don’t know you any longer, mon amie.”
I don’t like how she keeps moving the bar. I don’t want to be friends. Offended, he made a noise deep in his chest, and she stiffened, then offered, “Mon amour.”
“Last night you called me Master, Aurelie.” Curling her fingers against his palm, he rested their joined hands on his chest, letting her feel the reassuring thump of his heartbeat. “Last night you trusted me to give you what you needed. You do know me. You can trust what you know, because”—he squeezed her hand in his—“I’m the same man. Better, maybe. More miles under my belt.” He chuckled and knew his amusement sounded in his voice. “More butts under my belt, for certain. But you trusted me. Then you took that trust away. You didn’t wake me. Didn’t give me the chance to give you what you needed.” He let his laughter fade, and whispered, “Didn’t give me what I need.”
It was quiet in the room for long moments, and he lay still, not even the rustle of sheets to betray the stress he felt. Caring for her had been the highlight of every day when they were together. Whether in a scene or not, he had found fulfillment in ensuring Aurelie found not only the release she needed, but also those unspoken things that fed her soul. Cooking for her, making her laugh, granting an audience for her amusing stories of the day, even just giving her a broad chest to rest her head against—glories of a relationship he didn’t recognize as such at the time.
Tonight, he would have been honored if she’d woken him, would have carried that remembered content with him for hours, maybe days. To him, that was the pinnacle of satisfaction, and the critical piece so effortlessly found with Aurelie and elusive since. It was disappointing to know there’d finally been a chance to recapture those feelings and emotions, unrealized. She was right here and didn’t need me.
“So much has happened.” Her response was quiet, filled with a regret that gave him hope. “I missed…didn’t want you to think…” Voice trailing off again, she sucked in a hard breath, trying to keep herself under tight control. “It was different before. I was yours, once. You said so yourself this night.” The word was breathy when she repeated it, and he heard the longing in her voice, “Once.”
He shook his head. She had it wrong. “Again.” His confident assertion caused a tremor in her fingers, and he glanced down to see her watching his hand with avid interest. “You are mine now. Here, in this bed. In the club last night, you became mine again. You’re in my home, honey. Sleeping in my bed. Clothed in my shirt.” He paired his ring and middle finger and plunged them inside her, not trying to suppress his groan when her slippery heat clenched tight around him. “You are mine.”