CHAPTER FIVE
Raven Dawn
Divine and I are sitting in the waiting room of her gyno. She has her head buried in her phone playing Candy Crush and I’m chewing on my lower lip nervously. I’ve never been to a gyno before and I’m imagining the worst. It’ll be awkward and uncomfortable, it’ll hurt, and how do you get in the stirrups, anyway?
“Fuck,” Divine says.
I turn to her. “What?”
“Oh, nothing. Just didn’t get all the monklings.” She frowns. “Played this damn level like five times already.”
I shake my head. I’m used to her Candy-Crush-induced outbursts.
“Are you sure this doctor is cool?” I ask for, like, the twelfth time.
“Yeah, yeah.” She’s already started the level again, staring down at the screen. “I told you. He’s like, ancient, in his fifties or something.”
I don’t know why she thinks his age is going to make me feel better. Now I’m picturing a sexy older man and that is so much worse.
“What if he’s hot,” I whisper, feeling like everyone is staring at me. Judging me, especially the two preggos across the room.
Divine laughs. “He is so not hot.”
“What if he—?”
“Look, he’s just gonna ask you some questions then give you an exam. Then he writes the script for the pill. He’s not gonna give you a hard time. Gynos would rather give out birth control than have unwanted pregnancies.” She glances at me then back down to her phone. “It’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, right,” I say but don’t mean it. I fidget in my seat again, my foot won’t stop tapping.
A few minutes later and completely out of the blue, Divine’s head pops up. “Did you hear about Fringe?”
“What about him?”
“That he fucking tore the house down last night.” She must see my blank expression in her peripheral vision. “At Lucifer’s. He sang like three songs. He was awesome.”
“He sang at Lucifer’s?” I must be missing something, can’t wrap my gyno-focused head around what she’s saying.
“Yeah.” She gives a delighted laugh and flicks a look my way. “One by the Stones, one by Bowie, and one he said he wrote himself. It was really good.” She frowns down at her phone. “Fucking monklings. Oh yeah, he said to tell you he was looking for you but I think he left with Skye. She was all over him.”
My brain is spinning so fast I barely hear that last part. How could I not know this much about my best friend? The person I confide in the most? And who I thought confided in me, too. I mean, yeah, I know he plays guitar and he might have told me he goofs around with writing lyrics but tearing it up like a rock star? I want to cry. I feel betrayed. Even worse, why the hell is my stomach twisting over the fact that he left with Skye? I don’t get any of this.
I guess I’m quiet for too long because Divine pauses her game and looks at me.
“Are you okay?” There’s concern in her face and I appreciate it so much.
“Yeah, just nervous about the exam. That’s all.”
“Liar.”
“What? I am nervous.”
“There’s more to it than that.” She peers at me and I grow uncomfortable under her scrutiny. “Is something going on between you and Fringe?”
My mouth drops open and I stutter before finding my voice. “What? No! That’s ridiculous.”
Divine is about to say something more, so I’m actually grateful when the nurse calls my name.
“Go get ‘em, champ!” she calls out after me.
My face gets hot and I stick my tongue out at her and dash off to follow the nurse.
She leads me to a tiny room where she takes my weight and blood pressure and asks me a bunch of personal questions. I can’t help laughing at some of them, this all seems so surreal.
She smiles, getting that I’m nervous, and does her best to put me at ease. “First time?” I nod and she pats my arm. “You’ll be fine, hun. During the exam remember to relax your muscles and it’ll be a piece of cake.”
I’m trying to figure out what the hell she means by that when another nurse pokes her head into the room and motions for me to follow her. She hands me a plastic cup and points to a door labeled Ladies. “When you’re finished, leave it on the window sill. I’ll be out here waiting for you.”
I nod and go in the bathroom. Fuck, I’ve really hit the bigtime now. Pissing in a cup. Wouldn’t the paparazzi love to know about this. I do my business, get grossed out by peeing as much on my hand as in the cup, wash up and come out ready for the next humiliating task.
The nurse ushers me into an examination room, hands me a disposable robe and tells me to strip.
“Opening in the front,” she says and shuts the door behind her.
I can do this. I take a deep breath and pick up the robe, which is a horrible contraption that barely covers me. I have to hold it closed to keep my tits from being on display. Wondering if I heard her right, I hop up on the exam table and wait.
This is even worse that the waiting room. At least there, I had Divine to distract me. Because there’s nothing else to do, I stare at the poster that shows all the female body parts and how the baby comes out. It looks gross and painful. Birth control is definitely the way to go.
Someone knocks on the door, startling me and I yelp. There’s a pause so I say, “Hello?”
The door opens and an older man in a white coat comes in. Divine was right, he is so not hot. Not ugly, but not my type even if he was closer to my age. He smiles and puts out his hand, so I shake it, hoping he washed it after the last patient.
“I’m Doctor Norman. And you are…” he refers to my chart, “Miss Fahr?”
I nod, not quite finding my voice.
“Good, good. And, what brings you here today, Miss Fahr?”
“I, umm, want to get on the pill.”
He nods as he puts on rubber gloves. “Are you sexually active?”
“No, umm… not yet, but I will be soon.”
“I see.” He looks at my chart again. “Your menstrual cycle started at age twelve.”
It doesn’t sound like a question so I don’t say anything.
He moves to the door and opens it a crack then returns to me. One of the nurses enters and smiles while making herself as unobtrusive as possible.
What the fuck is the deal with an audience? I want to ask but am too embarrassed.
“Have you had a breast exam before, Miss Fahr?” Doctor Norman asks and heat rises to my cheeks.
I shake my head and gnaw on my lower lip.
“That’s alright. Lie back and we’ll begin.”
I do as he says and he comes closer and, holy fuck, opens up my robe to expose my tits. They’re kinda big, not as big as Mom’s, but big enough to garner attention. And now, this old geezer is staring at them. I’m mortified but it doesn’t end there. He touches my right one just below my nipple and a little whine escapes my throat. I’m sure my face is beet red by now.
He’s poking and prodding and moving my arm to get better access as I look up at the ceiling, trying to pretend this isn’t happening. He pinches both nipples and I gasp in shock—was that really fucking necessary?
“Good, good. Nothing abnormal, nothing to be concerned about. We’re all done. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I shrug and wrap the robe around me as tight as I can.
Then I’m instructed to put my feet in the stirrups. I thought him poking at my tits was bad but now I’m naked, my legs spread wide open for him to stare at the place no man has viewed. This is humiliating and beyond embarrassing. I gnaw some more on my lower lip and almost draw blood when he puts his cold glove-covered hands on my thighs.
“This is just my hands, Miss Fahr. You’re okay,” he says like that’s going to make me just fine with all of this. “Now, I’m going to begin the exam. Take a deep breath in for me and then let it out slowly.”
I do as he says and then—what in the holy hell is that?!
My ass bucks off the table. “Fuck! What the fuck!”
The nurse rushes to me, putting her hand on my shoulder and trying to quiet me, I guess, but this nightmare isn’t over yet. The doctor puts his hand on my stomach, my lower stomach and tells me to relax.
My muscles are clenched so hard I’m worried I’ll sprain something and nothing either of them are saying is calming me down. Then something cold and hard touches my inner thigh.
“What the fuck is that!”
“Easy, easy now. It’s called a speculum. A device to dilate your vagina so I can check it and your cervix.”
Tears are stinging the backs of my eyes and I shut them in an attempt to blot out what’s happening. In my mind’s eye the doctor’s face is replaced with Fringe’s and I calm enough to get through this.
Wait? What?
Why am I seeing his face?
And, why am I so okay with him being the one to touch me like this?
When the exam is over, I have to be helped off the table, my legs shaking. No one has ever touched me there and it has to be this nasty old fuck the first time?
At least I got my prescription for the pill. Thing is, I don’t much feel like a virgin anymore.