1 H
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AJ
Now
I’ll miss this.
The view of his bedroom window from hers.
The many times she watched him climb out of it and onto that tree branch she was sure would break under the weight of him. But it hadn’t. No, he always climbed onto it with a finesse she envied. How he had the strength to climb down his tree and then scale up hers every morning still dumbfounded her.
Alexandra Parker’s parents had an open-door policy when it came to the Gilmores. She had grown up with the Gilmores’ youngest son, Evan. Ever since they could walk, they had always been best friends.
Inseparable through the years.
AJ and Evan.
There was always an ‘and’ when it came to them.
AJ.
Only Evan ever called her that.
Most people always assumed it was because she was named after her uncle, Alexander Lawrence, but it was a nickname Evan had given her when they were six.
AJ was an acronym for Australian Joey.
AJ’s parents were Australian. Her father had gone to Stanford, and her mother had moved to Massachusetts from Melbourne, Australia, to be with him after they got married. She thought he would outgrow and drop the harmless nickname as they aged, but that wasn’t the case. She was ‘AJ’ to him all through school, and she was sure she’d be until the very last breath he took.
To everyone else, she was Alex or Alexi.
It was still hot for late August in Brookline, Massachusetts. Fall was just around the corner, and in a few days’ time, she’d pack up her family’s SUV and head off to college.
Duke University.
Just the thought of attending Duke had AJ turning away from Evan’s bedroom window as guilt threatened to cripple her.
“Duke,” she whispered to herself as she slammed her eyes shut. “You are going to Duke. Not Stanford. You are not going to Stanford.”
When her heart slowed its rapid pace, she finally opened her eyes and took in her large bedroom. She could almost feel his presence. The memories of them studying and hanging out in her room filled her with remorse.
Evan Gilmore had no clue that AJ would ruin their friendship.
But AJ did.
It had been months of lies to pull it off.
The only people who knew were her parents and his brother, Kyle.
The beeping from her bed had her turning her head toward her screen to find it flashing with a new message. Sighing, AJ made her way over to her bed, climbed it, and crossed her legs as she picked up her phone.
Her breathing caught in her throat as she read his name.
For weeks, paranoia had ravished her system.
She was excited to start a new chapter of her life at college.
But fearful that Evan had finally discovered her true intentions.
To live a life away from him.
To find out who she was without him.
To be Alexandra and not AJ.
To find a way to fall out of love with him.
Swallowing back the pain in her chest, AJ swiped at the screen and unlocked her phone.
Evan: Vegas is no fun without you.
It was messages like those that gave her hope.
But she wasn’t an idiot.
He only saw her as a friend.
He had wanted her to go to Vegas with him as a friend.
A friends’ trip with some of the guys from his baseball team before college.
A trip where a needy heart like AJ’s did not belong.
And to save herself from further pain.
Because Evan didn’t know how much pain she had really been in during their senior year of high school. How often he broke her heart. How often he put himself first and put her dreams second. How often she kept forgiving him and telling herself that someday he’ll realize he loved her, too.
But that someday had never come.
And AJ just wanted to be happy again.
Be the AJ she was before it all happened.
And it meant pretending that she wasn’t suffocating every time she was with him.
AJ: You liar. I bet you’re having so much fun.
Evan: AJ, not as much fun as you think I’m having. Hunter gets so drunk I have to carry him back to the hotel room. How are you? Still packing?
AJ glanced up from her screen to take in the boxes.
She was almost finished.
It had taken her several days to pack five boxes of her belongings to take to Duke with her.
Evan thought she was packing her suitcases for a flight to California
But instead, she was packing boxes for a road trip to North Carolina.
Guilt made bile rise up the back of her throat.
She had never lied to Evan before.
Never.
Ever.
But she had.
For months, she had.
All summer, she had.
And she would continue to do so.
Just until she got to Duke and he was none the wiser of her absence.
But she knew her not attending Stanford wouldn’t be easy for him to accept.
That was why she had deceived him.
Pretended until he left for Vegas on his boys’ trip.
She had to keep pretending.
AJ: I’m good.
Lie.
Horrible, filthy lie.
Almost as terrible as her loving him.
AJ: Almost finished packing.
Evan: Christ, AJ, you’re so slow! Pack faster! Get to California already.
AJ: You’re not even in California!
Evan: Is your cousin in California yet? If he is, why don’t you visit him and wait until I get there?
Her cousin, William Lawrence, was about to start his junior year at Berkley. One of the reasons her father and mother approved of her potentially going to Stanford was because Will could keep an eye on her. Unlike Will, who had two sisters, AJ was an only child. But when acceptance letters came pouring in, AJ had turned her back on California. She wanted to be Alexandra Parker who didn’t have a best friend she was foolishly in love with.
For AJ, it meant picking from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, Dartmouth, Columbia, NYU, and Duke. So many scholarship offers. So many choices. But in the end, she chose Duke. It was far enough. Evan would never find her. It was the least likely option.
Her dream of MIT would never be realized.
She spent so many hours helping Evan with his college essays that she had missed her MIT application due date.
And knowing she’d never receive even a rejection letter from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology broke her heart.
So she had to choose another dream.
And that was a life away from Evan in North Carolina and not California.
AJ: He’s still in New York. Just wait for me.
Just wait for me.
Her heart slammed into her ribcage.
A liar.
AJ was now a pathological liar.
Evan: I AM waiting! You should have come to Vegas with me.
AJ: I’m going to stop texting you now. Gotta finish packing.
Evan: All right. I’ll call you tonight.
A knock on her door had her glancing up to find Evan’s older brother. He was leaning against the doorframe with that winning smile on his face. A smile that dazzled on screen and on sports magazines. A smile that had won over so many women.
But not AJ.
Why couldn’t she be like every other girl in Massachusetts and love him?
Why did she have to love his brother?
Why couldn’t she be in love with the famous Red Sox pitcher?
Setting her phone on her bed, she let out a sigh. She felt horrible that he had been lying to his brother, too. She knew Evan would feel betrayed when he found out that his brother had played a part in her disappearance. The Gilmore brothers had a strained relationship that even AJ couldn’t repair. Something had happened to them. Evan had always brushed off her questions, and Kyle would smile and tell her not to worry her pretty little head.
“Hey, Ky,” she said softly as she uncrossed her legs and smiled up at him.
Ky.
To the media and fans, he would always be Kyle, their star pitcher.
But to her, he would always be Ky.
Kyle Gilmore was seven years older than she was. Before she turned eighteen, he had confessed he felt something more toward her, and that he had never really looked at her as a sister. Kyle told her that he loved her. His declaration had come at a horrible, confusing time for her. And being loved by him caused problems.
“Was that Evan?”
She nodded. “It was.”
Kyle’s jaw tensed. “Alexi,” he whispered.
Her chest tightened.
He’d said it with so much more emotion than she’d ever heard.
“Yeah?”
“I can accept Evan hating me. But I can’t accept him treating you this way. I told you I’d help you.”
Memories of senior prom had her breathless. It was so sudden that she couldn’t even prepare herself from the memory’s onslaught on her heart and the gut-wrenching pain. Evan had done AJ wrong plenty of times, but the night of senior prom had been the worst.
AJ got up from her bed and walked across the room to him. She let out an exhale as she pressed her palms to his jaw like she always did. Her parents were downstairs, but she didn’t care. They knew she loved Evan and not Kyle. But she loved Kyle in her own way.
“Thank you for everything. But my answer is still no, Kyle. My parents are driving me to Durham. There’s no way you can come to North Carolina with me and not be photographed. I need to make sure he doesn’t stop me. You and I both know the moment he finds out and I’m still here in Brookline, I’m not going to Duke. I have to do this on my own. You know I love you.”
Sadness swept his brown eyes. “But not the way you love my brother.”
She shook her head. The truth hurt her more than it could hurt Kyle. Because her love would never be reciprocated. It was clear Evan would never love her the way she loved him. She would always be his best friend. “I’m still your number one fan, Ky. I’ll still be cheering for you in North Carolina.”
His hands captured her waist. “It’s not enough, Alexi.”
“I know,” she whispered. “But I can’t just turn it off. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard to.” Horrible, betraying tears began to well. She hated them as much as she hated herself for being so stupid.
“Promise you’ll come home during your breaks.”
AJ pressed his lips tightly together as she dropped her chin and stared at the silver ‘B’ for Boston necklace she had gotten him for Christmas two years ago. A necklace he wore to every game.
She glanced back up at him and said, “I can’t. You know Evan will come home, too.”
“Alexandra!” Her mother shouting her name caused her to part from him.
Even though their embrace was innocent, she couldn’t run the risk of her parents reading too much into it. He was older than her, and she didn’t want it to appear as if he was taking advantage of her. But she had loved Kyle all her life. It just wasn’t the love he wanted from her. And she was sure the media would spin the story.
Kyle had become a professional baseball player because of her parents. They had been the ones to take him to his Little League practice and games. Her father had been his biggest fan, and her mother had made sure someone was always at his games. The Parkers had their own seats at Fenway Park for home games. AJ’s mother had offered to babysit Kyle when he was younger and his parents were too busy, consumed with their multi-million-dollar companies. A Red Sox game on TV had inspired him, and the next day, her father had taken him out to the batting cages.
Her parents weren’t just neighbors to the Gilmore brothers; they were also stand-in parents.
And AJ did not intend to break that bond.
But she had.
Oh, did she break it completely.
He cleared his throat and brushed his brown hair back. “I’ll meet you downstairs, and we can walk the Freedom Trail when you’re ready.”
AJ smiled. “You’re going to get hounded by fans and the paparazzi.”
“Anything for you, kid,” Ky said in a small voice, then spun around and made his way down the hall.
That sadness on his face and in his voice only made AJ feel worse about her selfishness.
She was turning brother against brother.
Her phone beeping had her returning to her bed and picking it up. She unlocked it to find Evan’s new message.
Evan: You and me forever, AJ. Away from Kyle and away from Boston. I can’t wait to start the rest of my life with my best friend by my side.
And little did he know, he had broken her heart once more.
Two little words to confirm that choosing Duke was the best choice for her.
Because she was still and always would be …
Evan Gilmore’s best friend.