“Do me a favor and just wear the damn thing.” Nico smacks the top of the steering wheel with his hand. “Yesterday could have turned out very fucking badly. That watch is meant to protect you.”

I let out a deep breath, fighting the urge to roll my eyes since I know how much it pisses him off. He doesn’t need to be so worried, not that he knows it. “Fine, I’ll wear it.”

“And don’t take off on Rocco again, okay? He’s doing me a favor by keeping an eye on you.”

“Okay,” I grumble, gathering all of my books together in a pile on my lap. We’re still about twenty minutes away from school, and I’d like to be done with the me conversation. I’d much prefer the us version.

“How’d the meeting with your dad go?”

His fingers grip the steering wheel even tighter and his back stiffens. “It didn’t go as I’d expected.”

“How so?”

“Because your father showed up and hijacked the whole thing, shooting off his mouth about shit he doesn’t understand.”

Okay, this deserves a definite eye roll. “Nico, I’m sure he was just trying to help. He’s worried about the family just as much as anyone else.”

“It seems like he’s more worried about his interests than the family’s.”

“I know he doesn’t always handle these things the right way, but he means well.”

Nico’s knuckles are white right now. That must mean there was way more said than he’s letting on right now. I know the background. I know what my father did to incite Frank Cappodamo. And I know he’s a big reason why there’s a big-ass target plastered across my back.

But he’s still my dad. And I hate being in the middle of their never-ending dick slinging contest. There’s never been any love lost between Nico and my dad, and things have gotten more prickly since Grandpa Vito died and Nico rose in rank. Dad doesn’t like taking orders from anyone, much less from his daughter’s boyfriend.

And he’s not shy about airing his grievances, which is only going to cause more trouble for him.

“He needs to keep his fucking mouth shut. He says the wrong shit to the wrong people again, and…” Nico’s voice trails off and he pounds on the wheel again. Poor steering wheel. What the hell did it ever do to him?

I tug on a strand of my hair and twist it around my index finger. This is not the direction I wanted the conversation to take. “You sleep okay last night?” I slam my mouth shut, but it’s too late. The words are already out. And I know damn well he didn’t sleep well at all.

I’m tired of him shutting me out. The whole biting his tongue so he doesn’t say too much thing has to stop.

He slows at a red light outside of the Holland Tunnel. “Not bad.”

I snap my head around to face him. “Really? So you didn’t have another nightmare that made you jump out of the bed again, panting because you can’t even breathe?”

He narrows his eyes at me. “What the hell are you talking about?”

I point at the traffic light. “It’s green.”

“I don’t fucking care.”

I lean back against my seat and glance in the side-view mirror. Luckily, there’s nobody behind us. I guess it’s a random time to be heading into the city. “I know you’re having trouble sleeping. And I also suspect it’s because you carry all of this family bullshit on your shoulders every day. You’re the one making decisions, taking risks, dealing with the mess that comes along with it all.” I turn to him, cringing at the look of defeat in his eyes. His face is twisted into a grimace, but the eyes…they tell me everything I need to know. Everything I’d already suspected. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the light has flickered back to red. “You’re responsible for so much, and I’m worried about you, Nico. I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore.”

“It’s my job.” His voice is tight, teeth gritted. I get it. I just called him out on something he’s been desperate to hide from me, something nobody else knows. Something that can change people’s perception of him in a hot second.

Fear. Weakness.

They’ll either break you or kill you.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

“You need to drive.”

He slowly turns to face the road again and presses the gas, my body jolting forward as the car picks up speed. We speed through the toll plaza and are plunged into the darkened tunnel before he speaks another word.

“Why can’t you just talk to me, Nico?”

“Because if you knew half the shit going on in my head, you’d run in the opposite direction.”

“Do you really think you could get rid of me that easily?” I lace my fingers with his tense ones wrapped around the gear shifter.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did take off.”

“Don’t you understand that I’m in this? That I want to help you? I signed up for this, Nico. I knew what I was getting into, but I didn’t care because I love you.” I sigh. “I always have, and I always will.”

“This isn’t the kind of life you deserve. To always be watching and worrying and—”

I squeeze his fingers. “The only one I’m watching and worrying about is you.” I take a deep breath. “I think that you need to talk to someone. If you don’t want to scare me, that’s fine. But there has to be someone who can help you work through all of this. You won’t go after Luca because you’re afraid of the consequences, yet you let the fear of the unknown eat at you.”

“I can’t talk to anyone, Shaye! Don’t you get it? I can’t trust anyone. I can’t tell anyone the shit that keeps me up at night. Anything I admit makes me vulnerable to attack. I have to handle this on my own.” His voice softens. “Look, I know you think talking shit out is the best way to work things out, but in my line of work, it’s the worst fucking possible thing. Better to keep your mouth shut and your thoughts to yourself before someone uses them against you and shoves an ice pick into your skull.”

“I just thought—"

“I’m not one of your case studies, babe.”

“Don’t you at least trust me?” I try so hard not to let my voice crack, but dammit, it does. I want him to see me as more than just the princess in her ivory tower, waiting for her prince to rescue her. I need him to see me as someone who is just as strong as he is, someone who can protect herself, someone who doesn’t need to rely on others for her security.

“You’re the one person I do trust.” He pulls over to the side of a dark gray building on West 4^th.

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

“I tell you more than I should, more than I’ve ever told anyone.” He cups my quivering chin. “I know you don’t believe that, but it’s true. But I can’t share everything with you because I need to protect you. As much as you think you can handle it, you can’t. Fuck, sometimes I don’t think I can handle it all.”

I nod. “I understand.”

“I don’t think you do. You’re saying that, but thinking the exact opposite.”

“Now who’s the case study?”

The corners of his lips lift. “I’ve never opened up to anyone the way I’ve opened up to you, Shaye. Before you, I’d never let someone in—to my life, to my heart, to my soul. I need to protect you with everything I have. If I don’t tell you something, it’s because I want to keep you safe. And since you have a nasty little habit of taking matters into your own hands…”

I snicker.

“…I think that some things are better left unsaid.”

“It must be genetic.”

“Must be,” he murmurs, grazing my lips with his. It’s amazing how much more that sensation can awaken my body than a triple shot of espresso.

Why can’t he be like this all the time? I’m so damn tired of getting little glimpses into the guy I fell in love with. I need him to break out of this impenetrable shell and come back to me.

His fingers graze the side of my face, and I let my eyes flutter closed. I’m drifting, into him, through him, around him. He consumes my body and mind with little more than a half-hooded gaze, he breathes energy into my soul.

The most freaking complex man I’ve ever met is the only one who can undo me with the simplest of actions.

Ironic.

“Nico,” I breathe against his mouth.

“Yeah.” His fingertips drag along the back of my neck, and for a split second, I forget my next words.

But then they come rushing back to me, the words I’ve been bottling up, the words he needs to hear, the words he’s been avoiding for months, whether or not he even knows it.

I pull away slightly, my forehead touching his. “It’s time, Nico. You have to take control of this family. You have to protect it. End this war, babe. Don’t wait for them to end it for you.”