Chapter 6
Rian looked at the almost full bottle of brandy he had carried with him to his bedchamber and seriously considered finishing it off, but the numbing effect would be a temporary salve at best. With a sigh he set the bottle on the dresser and began undressing, cursing his own stupidity as he did so. What on earth had possessed him to ask Catherine to marry him? Not that he didn’t want to wed her, but the informality of his manner made the offer seem…disreputable, somehow.
What had he been thinking?
He hadn’t and that was the problem. He’d simply blurted out what he was feeling, which was his desire to spend the rest of his life with her. Rian had only ever proposed once before, and that had been a lifetime ago when youthful exuberance could easily be excused for a breach of etiquette. But he had no such excuse now. He was a grown man who really ought to know how to propose marriage to a woman without it sounding so off-the-cuff.
I’m thinking about making an offer for that rather fine stallion Lord Wobbleychops is willing to part with, and if you have no other pressing engagement would you consent to be my wife afterwards?
The problem was he couldn’t think clearly when he was around Catherine.
The problem was he loved Catherine.
The problem was he was in love with Catherine.
But none of that made any difference now. Her reaction had spoken volumes, shattering any hope he may have held of sharing a life with her. The sudden awkwardness that rose between them, and the fact that she refused to look at him, could not have made her answer more clear. Her request that he ask again in the morning was an obvious ploy. It would give her time to fabricate a refusal that would not cut him to the quick. One that would spare his pride. Although she was, most likely, hoping he had enough brains not to ask again.
“Damn it all to hell, but you’re an absolute ass!” he declared, berating his reflection in the mirror. He was behaving like a lovesick swain when he was older than Catherine by a decade at least, and ought to know better. Well, he had told himself that if she wanted no part of him then, he would hear it from her own lips, and Liam could not fault him for his listening skills this time.
In the morning he would tell Catherine that it was not too late for a future with Lord Edward Barclay. It didn’t matter that she was not in love with him. The young man with the fiery red hair was still in love with her, and that could be enough for both of them. She had admitted she still cared for her childhood friend, and always would. Marriages had been built on far less. And if anyone could help the young man find the strength to stand up to his formidable mother, it would be Catherine. The decision made, Rian did his best to ignore the hollow ache in his chest. The grief of loss was already starting to suffuse him. Turning around, he gasped, the breath caught in his throat as Catherine took a step toward him.
The illumination offered up by the lone candle was meager at best, but it was more than enough for Rian to see the apprehension on her face as she gazed up at him. Rian continued to stare, realizing as he did so that Catherine was wearing his robe. It was too big for her small frame, so the hem pooled on the floor and flowed over her bare feet. The sash was wrapped about her waist and now rested over one hip, cleverly fashioned into a bow, and he knew he would never be able to look at his robe in quite the same way again. With her hair gathered in a loose braid that hung over one shoulder, Catherine had never looked more beautiful or alluring.
“Catherine?” He tried to speak but his voice was nothing more than a nervous rasp. Rian felt his heart pounding wildly against his ribs as she delicately gathered the excess length of the garment in one hand, while closing the distance between them. A glimpse of her legs, the pale skin almost luminous in the dim room, was a promise that threatened to steal his reason. A confirmation that she wore nothing inside his robe.
Rian had already removed his vest and managed to pull his linen shirt free of his breeches while mentally berating himself. He now watched as Catherine worked to free the buttons, a task made more difficult by her trembling fingers. If it were up to him he would tear the garment from his body, but he forced himself to resist the temptation by deliberately fisting his hands. However, he could do nothing about the heat that seared through him as she concentrated on her task.
He knew from their recent conversation that she had put her father to bed many times, and was no stranger to loosening a man’s shirt. But he doubted her hands had ever trembled so much while attending her father, nor had so much been dependent on it. A small furrow appeared between her brows, telling him she was silently willing her fingers to remain steady. After freeing the last button, Catherine gently opened both halves of the shirt front, pulling the fabric away from his torso and exposing him to her gaze. The play of light and shadow across his well-muscled chest and abdomen made her draw in a breath. She slipped her hands inside the garment, sliding her palms over his skin as she rested her forehead against his sternum. Her breath, now as shallow and uneven as his own, raised goose flesh on his skin, but Rian continued to keep his arms at his sides, hands clenched tightly. He was afraid to touch her, knowing that to do so would be his undoing. There could be no turning back.
His voice was a raw ache as he forced himself to ask, “Catherine, what are you doing here?”
“Seeking the man who asked me to marry him.”
The warm moistness of her mouth pressed against his skin, and a dozen wild horses took off in his stomach. He groaned. There was something in her voice, a quiver that he recognized as her own awakening need. Every muscle in his body tensed, making him shudder involuntarily, and he looked down at the same moment Catherine raised her own head and pulled him into the depths of her gaze. Not taking her eyes from his, she moved away, stepping back yet allowing the tips of her fingers to inflame his body by trailing lightly across his ribs and waist before her hand fell. She stopped moving when she was beyond his reach, measuring him with a silent, thoughtful look.
Rian swallowed hard. A tongue of fire licked his skin. It was just a matter of time before he gave in to his need to touch her. The craving she had released deep inside him was ravenous and threatened his grip on all rational thought. Desire beat its own voracious path through him. He needed her. He wanted her, and this time he knew he would not be able to resist the temptation being offered. He did not want to resist, but yet he had to be sure.
“Catherine, you do not have to do this.”
“Rian, I cannot…” She hesitated, and his heart plummeted.
He saw her close her eyes, unable to look at him as she suddenly comprehended the jeopardy she had placed herself in. It was beyond foolishness, it was an act of recklessness that put both her name and reputation in peril. The muscles along Rian’s jaw tightened as anger flared hot and white. Did she have any idea what a dangerous game she was playing? It was sheer madness to come to him like this. Allowing him a glimpse of what he hungered for, only to deny him.
“I will not be a wife in name only, and I cannot in good conscience allow you to commit yourself to such a union.” The words fell from her lips in such a rush, Rian was certain he had misheard. It took him a moment to grasp her meaning and understand this was no refusal, no denial.
“I never asked you—”
Catherine’s imperious wave cut him short. “If I am to be with you, I have to know…that I can be a proper wife to you. A proper wife,” she repeated, “in every way.”
Comprehension, like a cool rush of night air, suddenly tempered his lust and dissolved his anger. He knew exactly what she was saying, and why she was here. After the attack she’d suffered, she needed to know she could give herself to a man without succumbing to the nightmares that had bedeviled her.
“No sweetheart, no. You have nothing to prove, Catherine, and I don’t need you to do this. Not now, not tonight.” He wanted her. God knew his body ached with his need, but not like this. Rian wouldn’t have Catherine give herself to him just to prove she could. He wanted—no, he needed—her to want him as much as he wanted her.
She opened her eyes and let him see that her desire for him was undeniable, and unwavering. “Yes, I do. I want to…this night.” She tugged on the bow at her hip and his robe whispered open. The barest shrug and it slid from her shoulders, down her arms to pool on the floor in a silken cushion.
Rian groaned as his eyes swept over Catherine’s naked body. His lust, already awake, broke free from all restraint as he drank her in. Though he had seen her naked before, this time it was different. Now she was offering herself to him, a banquet for him to feast on. And he was a starving man being told to sate his hunger. He gazed at her firm, lush breasts. Each one crowned with a pink nipple that practically cried out for the touch of his lips, the scrape of his teeth, the generous, unending attention of his tongue. He hadn’t realized how long her legs were in comparison to her upper body, and he rode the swell of his desire, imagining how it was going to feel to have the silky smoothness of those limbs wrapped around him.
She was giving herself to him.
To him alone.
“Catherine, do you know what it is you are doing? There can be no turning back once you have given yourself. Do you understand what that means?” His warning filled every corner of the chamber.
Catherine could not trust her voice, and nodded slowly in reply. Rian stripped off his shirt, finishing what she had begun. He saw the pulse at the base of her throat quicken and flutter like a small bird’s wings. Her body trembled and the end of her loosely fashioned braid danced against her hip as she took a deep, steadying breath. In and out.
“Catherine…” Rian stepped in front of her and placed his fingers beneath her chin, raised her head and looked into her eyes. There was a wariness that made him pause. Despite her declaration, she was unsure of her decision. It still wasn’t too late for her to leave with her virtue intact. As hard as it would be to let her go, he knew he should send her away. Permitting her to remain if she had any doubts would mean he could never face her again. Or himself. The tips of his fingers were featherlight as they ran down the sides of her arms. She quivered beneath his touch. “What is it?” he asked in a voice he barely recognized as his own.
“I’m afraid,” she whispered.
His hands stopped moving. “You fear me?”
She shook her head.
“Then what?”
“I’m afraid that I have come to you too late. That you have changed your mind and no longer want me.”
Inside he groaned. Nothing could be further from the truth. His hands resumed their task though his touch was firmer. Was it his imagination, or did she tremble less?
“There is something I need to know,” Rian said, looking down at her. She ran the tip of her tongue across her lower lip, making the heat that flamed his groin jump a few degrees. “How deep is the regard you have for Edward Barclay?”
It was unfair of him to ask her about another man as she stood gloriously naked before him, but he had to quell the last doubt that lingered still. She had said she was not in love with Edward, but neither had she said she was in love with him. And he needed to know that she would suffer no regrets by turning away from a man she had known all her life, for one she had known only a matter of months. He wanted to be enough for her. Rian saw her eyes narrow, her expression turning oddly fierce before it smoothed out.
“I am where I wish to be,” she told him, “and with the only man I wish to be with.”
Glorious joy washed through him, but still he offered her one last avenue of escape. And this had nothing to do with Edward or himself; this was for her alone.
“This is your last chance,” he whispered. “You can leave now, and no one will ever know that you were here. But if you remain, I fully intend to make you my own. In every way.”
Reaching up, Catherine put her arms around his neck while boldly pressing against him. He was already hard, but the warmth of her breasts pillowed against his chest made him still harder.
“If I leave, it will not be by my choice.” Her mouth desperately sought his.
Wrapping his arms around her, Rian pulled her even tighter against him, the feel of her skin electrifying his senses. With his mouth he greedily plundered hers, his tongue snaking in and out, making promises he had every intention of keeping. He could feel her nipples harden, becoming tight buds pressed against his chest, and he let his mouth move greedily down her neck, his teeth gently nipping and scraping her soft flesh.
With one hand gripping his upper arm and the other buried in his hair, Catherine hung on, buffeted by sensations she never knew existed. She didn’t realize her knees were buckling until Rian pulled his mouth away. Scooping her up in his arms, he carried her to the bed. Quickly he shed his remaining clothing, and lay beside her, gently caressing her face. Taking his hand, Catherine turned it over and kissed the palm, her tongue tracing small circles on the surface as she looked up at him from beneath dark lashes. He rolled on top of her, propping himself up on his elbows as he systematically explored her face with his lips. He danced kisses over her forehead, her cheeks, her closed eyes. And this time, when his mouth found hers, he forced himself to be patient and savor the taste of her.
He ran his tongue down the column of her neck, pausing to dip in the hollow at the base of her throat. She shuddered beneath him as he continued to worship her by slicking his mouth across her collar bone, her shoulders, and then down between her breasts. He felt her roll beneath him as his long hair brushed erotically across her skin. Supporting his weight with one hand, Rian stroked her with the other. Gently swiping the underside of each perfect breast, he moved down her belly to the curve of her hip, his hand seeking the sensuous roundness of her buttocks. Little mewling sounds escaped Catherine as her body tingled, and the heat coming from deep inside her flamed ever higher.
Lowering his head, Rian gently suckled one breast, stroking the taut nipple with his tongue before rolling it gently between his teeth. Floundering in a sea of indescribable pleasure, Catherine tried to raise herself off the bed, but Rian was having none of it, and he gently pushed her back on the pillows.
“You want to know if you can be a ‘proper’ wife to me?” he whispered, moving his mouth and gently worrying her earlobe. With his weight momentarily immobilizing her, he watched as Catherine moved her throat, swallowing with some difficulty, before she nodded, eyes shining and lips parted. “Then I think,” Rian continued, “it only fair to show you what type of husband you can expect to receive in the bargain.”
Moving so he no longer pinned her body with his, Rian carefully watched her face, looking for the first flicker of fear or apprehension that would halt his continued exploration of her body. His long tapering fingers traced a path between her breasts, pausing before fanning across her stomach and teasing their way through the nest of thick curls. Stroking her inner thigh, Rian patiently waited for Catherine to part her legs, and gently slipped inside her. His finger was immediately coated with her slickness, and he began moving it in and out, increasing the tempo as she writhed next to him. Soft mewling sounds turned into moans, and little rushes of breath became uneven panting. He rubbed the pad of his thumb over her clitoris, feeling the small bud tighten, and was almost pushed back when Catherine unexpectedly surged beneath him. One hand gripped his arm, and the heightened flush of her face told him a storm was gathering inside her.
“Oh, dear God, please!” Her eyes glazed as she ground herself against his hand, an instinctive response to the need pulsing through her. Her breath, uneven before, now became a symphony of harsh, ragged gasps. Her nails dug into his flesh, but Rian merely smiled as he continued to bring her closer to her climax.
Catherine arched her back and raised her hips, her heels fighting for traction amongst the rumpled bedding. Letting go of Rian’s arm, she clutched the sheets, twisting them hard enough to make her knuckles turn white. She was lust and desire in its purest form, and with her body she begged him to release her from such exquisite torment.
With one smooth movement Rian rolled on top of her, his thigh pushing her legs open. She opened eagerly, the intoxicating scent of her sex claiming him with its heady fragrance. His unexpected weight made Catherine groan, so he raised himself up on his forearms before leaning down to kiss her. She caught his lower lip between her teeth, sucking hard enough to turn Rian’s grin wolfish. He pushed with his hips, watching her pupils dilate at the feel of his cock throbbing against her, awaiting—no needing—her invitation. She gave it with an upward thrust of her hips.
“Lift your legs and put them around me, as high as you can,” he instructed, feeling the muscles in her thighs tighten as they locked him in place. It was as if she had been made specifically to fit his body, and Rian paused for a moment, caught up in the exhilarating rush of their coupling. Never before had it felt so right. Beneath him, Catherine looked up, her eyes impossibly huge. “Patience, sweetheart, patience,” he murmured.
Amazed that he could summon enough discipline to maintain his self-control, Rian was immediately encased by wet heat as he penetrated her. His patience was further tested as he forced himself to wait, giving Catherine time to adjust to the feel of him within her. To accommodate herself to the steady pulsing throb of him. Her gasp was its own exquisite torture, but Rian knew, no matter how willingly permitted, his presence within her was a violation. He felt the muscles in her thighs twitch and jump at the unnatural strain of holding his body between them, and in her eyes he saw the first stirring of panic. His expression became an apology as, with one smooth stroke; he surged forward, rupturing the barrier of silken flesh that was her gift to him.
Rian covered her mouth with his, feeling a sting as sharp teeth sank into his lip in response to the sudden pain spiking through her. He continued to kiss her, his tongue stroking hers, allowing her to ride the crest of exquisite agony until it was swept aside by another sensation entirely. Catherine’s body bloomed, opening up to him, and suddenly the ache that came from deep within her no longer felt strange or unknown.
They had both waited too long for this moment, too long to have each other, and Rian, encouraged by her movement beneath him, quickened his pace. Though increasing in intensity, he made certain his movements were still controlled. This was all about Catherine awakening the demands of her own body, and learning there was nothing to fear. The feel of her nails raking across his back, and the firm pressure of her thighs locked against his hips almost broke his restraint, encouraging him to seek his own release. He was grateful she did not yet recognize how close he was to losing himself inside her.
Perspiration matted Catherine’s hair at her brow and temples, dotting her upper lip and making the hollow at the base of her throat glisten. Rian watched as a trickle shimmied a path between her breasts. Her eyes glittered and her face flushed. Kiss-bruised and swollen lips parted enough for him to feel the warmth of her breath against his skin. He made a low growling sound in the back of his throat as she rolled his nipple between her thumb and forefinger, increasing the pressure to pinch the hard nub. He felt his self-control slipping, and when he was certain he could not hold back another moment, Catherine shrieked and became rigid beneath him. He felt her tense as muscles clenched and sinews stretched and every nerve, every fiber of her being, exploded at the same time. Riding the swell of her climax Rian found his own release, gasping and shuddering as he joined her in the fiery heat that threatened to consume them both.
Not wishing to cause further discomfort, Rian pulled out and rolled off her. His mouth twitched when he heard Catherine’s sigh of relief at having her body returned to her, and he watched as she moved her limbs with a lazy, languid motion. Her expression told him she was blissfully content, from her toes to the ends of her hair. Still caught in the ebb and flow of her fading orgasm, she did not notice when he slipped from her side. Indeed, it wasn’t until the soreness between her legs was eased by cool water that she opened her eyes to look at him. Rian gently wiped away the remnants of her virgin’s blood with a soft cloth, holding the cool square of linen against her tender skin and lessening her discomfort. He leaned over and lazily kissed her breast, scraping the nipple lightly with his teeth, and making her jump as an erotic echo of her orgasm peaked again.
“Don’t…” she admonished weakly. “Let me catch my breath.”
He chuckled softly as he returned the basin of water to the washstand and returned to the bed, taking her in his arms. “Take as long as you need, my love.”
Turning her head, Catherine looked at him with an expression that was curiously serious. “It wasn’t like that…what happened to me…I don’t remember ever feeling like that before.”
“I know.” Rian kissed her tenderly on the mouth. “A woman’s virginity is a gift that can only be given once, and you graced me with the honor of taking it.”
“I’m glad. I wanted it to be you.”
He smiled at her, feeling ridiculously happy. “Hush now, you need to sleep.” Drawing the blanket around them, Catherine rolled onto her side and Rian pulled her toward him until her back was pressed against his chest, her buttocks nestling in his groin. She smiled as she felt him stiffen at the contact.
“Rian?”
“Mmm…”
“Will you—can we—” She sounded hesitant, unsure of how to phrase her request, and certain of the lack of decorum in asking.
“Yes, but not just yet,” Rian murmured, understanding her completely.
“Oh, you don’t want to?”
He sighed and moved a stray curl that was tickling his face. “I think you know that’s not the reason,” he chuckled. “You need to rest. When you waken—”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
It was an assurance he had no difficulty keeping.
* * * *
Dawn was chasing the night from the sky when Rian swept the hair from Catherine’s face and held her close. His lips found her ear and he whispered quietly in the darkness. She replied without hesitation, her voice warm and loving. “Yes,” she told him.