Alec lifted her head, looking at the ceiling where Kalix’s distinctive voice speaking in their goddamned native language instead of in English, came across loud and clear.

She just knew he was telling his warriors something important, probably about them, but for some reason didn’t want Alec and her people to know about it. Or maybe not all of his warriors spoke English. Doubtful, but maybe.

“Do you know what he’s saying?”

Alec licked her lips and grimaced at Liliya. “No. I’m going to sit with Meg while they do some kind of test to see if her blood is compatible with someone’s on board.

“I don’t know how long it will take, so you’re in charge till I come back. Keep everyone settled here, yeah?”

Liliya nodded, giving her hand a comforting squeeze, trying to look hopeful. She failed dismally.

“They showed us how to use their version of a shower. Don’t know about you, but I haven’t had one of those since I was a kid. You smell. Try it before you go.”

A guffaw burst from Alec, but a quick sniff at herself and she had to agree. She did smell pretty bad.

Alec let Liliya pull her up and take her into the cubicle that had no knobs or buttons, stepping in when Liliya told her to.

“Close your eyes. It’s some kind of enzyme wash. You don’t even have to take your clothes off, and you can open your mouth so it’ll clean your teeth.”

Alec looked at the other woman with one eye open, flinching and squeezing both eyes shut when a cool mist hissed out from somewhere around her, covering her in a tingly, sweet-smelling foam.

It actually felt good. Really, really good. Tasted okay too. Eventually the foam dissipated, and a warm wind followed, leaving her skin and teeth feeling squeaky clean for the first time in years.

None of her people had dared go close enough to any rivers or lakes to bathe, not even a pond for fear a Scylla would rise up out of it and spew their toxic slime all over them. When it rained, they bathed like it would never happen again.

But this? This was amazing.

“There, see? Now you smell like a human again.” Liliya winked at Alec when she stepped out.

As Kalix had promised, one of the warriors at the door escorted her back down the winding, unmarked corridor to the medical bay.

Only this time, there was a line of warriors out the door and down the other end of the hall.

On and on until Alec couldn’t see any of the white on the walls for how many there were.

“What’s going on?”

The warrior at her side glanced down at her, then up to let his eyes roam over his compatriots.

“They are waiting their turn to test your sister’s scent.”

“ALEC!” As soon as her feet crossed the threshold of the crowded doors, Zhenya came pelting toward her, his hair up at all angles from how he gripped at in agitation.

“What’s going on? They told me to move out of the way, and all these... aliens are sniffing Meg’s hair!”

Alec reached out and pulled Zhenya to her side, going to a corner out of the way in view of where Meg still lay on the same table.

Only now her face was covered in some kind of oxygen mask, from brows to chin, perhaps to protect the warriors in case Meg tried to spit at them or something?

But that hadn’t ever happened before. It was like once the parasites took over a host, they didn’t waste a single bit of moisture for anything. 

Alec kept the kid with her, hugging her arms around him while she leaned back against the wall and watched as the line of big, shape shifting aliens moved forward one at a time to bend and push their face into Meg’s hair.

Alec’s throat was tight. Too tight to explain the entire process to Zee, so she asked the alien who had escorted her down and was still standing close by to explain what was going on.

His eyes were, no shit, bright orange. The same color of the tattoos inked on his skull and throat.

It gave him a kind of demonic look to his features, but it didn’t even rate a two on Alec’s weirdness scale. He looked at Alec, down at Zee’s worried expression, and in short sentences explained the basics.

“Sarazens have a beast inside them. The beast can smell his mate, the one he is fated to be with for the remainder of his days. The warriors are testing the scent of your mother to see if she is his mate.

“If it is so, he will give her his blood and it is possible it will heal her of all damage. Kill the parasites swimming so thick inside her.”

Alec hugged Zee harder when he shivered, when he gulped loudly. He reached up to curl his smaller hands around her wrists, holding on for dear life while each warrior came forward to offer that hope.

Only to walk away with a disappointed shake of their head, one by one, but not before they stopped before she and Zee, touched their fingertips to their chest and bowed their heads like Meg was already dead and they were paying their respects.

It was even more excruciating a process than Alec thought it would be.

When Alec had demanded Kalix send every soldier he had to smell Meg, to see if he was the one who could heal her body, Alec hadn’t anticipated how much it would hurt. How angry it would make her to see them walk away and give her that little bow.

“Are you angry because thus far we have failed your sister-kin?” the warrior at their side asked softly, gently.

Alec’s head snapped around to pin him with a disbelieving stare. “How can you tell I’m angry?”

He smiled at her crookedly, apologetically, and tapped the side of his nose. “I can smell it.”

Alec dropped her nose to her shoulder to sniff herself, wondering if maybe she had been so filthy the enzyme couldn’t get her totally clean. “What? I showered in the enzyme thing.”

The warrior made a small sound and shook his head. “I did not say you smelled unpleasant, female. Our beasts can smell the scent of the emotion that pours from you.

“Anger, sadness, despair. It wafts from you like the scent of ash and fire. Of dying flowers crushed underfoot.”

Well. Wasn’t that nice? Alec had control of her expression, but no idea how to control the way she smelled when she was angry. She licked her dry lips and did her best not to blush.

“In the future, if you happen to get with a human woman, don’t tell her she smells anything but amazing. It’ll piss her off.” The demon-eyed alien made a sound of acknowledgment, his brow furrowing thoughtfully.

“Why do they keep bowing to us as they’re leaving?”

The warrior beside her blinked, looking up when another male passed by them and did that weird move.

“It is their apology, for not being the one to save your sister. And they are honoring the cub for his bravery, staying with his mother until he can stay no longer.”

Alec sucked in a deep breath through her nose, trying to see past the blur and the burn in her eyes, trying to not let the tears start falling. She knew once she started to cry, she wouldn’t stop.

“She’s not my mother,” Zee murmured, squeezing her hands gently. “My mother died when I was eight. Meg took me after that. She made sure I was looked after.”

The warrior made another grunting sound in his throat. An animalistic chuff, and nodded while he folded his massive arms over his chest.

“Then she is more than your mother.”

“Huh?” Zee choked out.

The warrior looked down on him almost fondly, cracking a small smile for the boy.

“Your mother did not choose which cub she would have growing inside her. That one chose you to be her cub.”

Alec was not going to cry. She refused to cry. Fuck it, she would NOT cry! Deep, lung-bursting breaths was what it took to push the tears back.

To hold them in until she could be alone. Zee had no problem turning to push his face against her chest, his slender shoulders shaking while he hid his tears from the warriors around them.

“How many more?” Alec croaked. Certain if she had a number in her head, she could count until this was all over with.

“Many. There are ten thousand warriors aboard the warship.”

Alec blinked, not certain she’d heard him correctly. So she asked him to repeat himself, and he did so without hesitating or stuttering. Ten thousand of these shape shifting warriors had been sent to find them.

“They’re all going to test her scent?”

“Every one.” The warrior told her gravely.

Alec started counting.

*****

After the second squad completed their rotation through medical, Kalix went down with his command crew.

Upon entering, he saw Alec holding her sister’s cub, arms tight around his smaller body while Alec watched each warrior approach and bend to scent at her sister’s hair.

How they could smell the dying female’s scent over the raw aroma of Alec’s grief, her rage, he was uncertain.

Reykar was monitoring his patient from his data unit, transferring notes and potential treatments back and forth with Ga’rae. Kalix lifted his chin at the primary medic and was given a short, clipped update.

“No mating among the first squad. Ga’rae and I are attempting to create a tonic to halt the spreading of the infection, but truly, Commander, this is unlike anything either of us have ever seen. It is...it is the most horrific and unusual cruelty the gods could ever have created.”

Looking at the latest scan of Meg’s body, Kalix was honestly amazed she was still living. Her heart and lungs were still intact, but likely only to continue to keep her alive long enough for the parasites to suck every last molecule of water from her cells.

There was little left of her internal organs, and it appeared that it was taking longer for the parasites to consume her bones due to their density.

“Even if a warrior can identify her as his mate, I do not know if his blood will be enough to heal this level of desiccation. We could be condemning both to die if we proceed.”

Kalix was well aware of that fact, but he had given every warrior the choice. He had not ordered it of them, but if there was a chance to save the female, Kalix knew her mate would take it.

He would want that chance, if circumstances were different.

He looked across to where Alec stood, holding the cub close, her cheek resting on his hair to help him hide his tears, her gaze fixated on where her sister lay.

Kalix thanked Reykar, crossing the med bay to stand at Alec’s side, lifting his chin at A’tarey.

“Have you taken a turn?” The warrior inclined his head, sliding his eyes to Alec and back to him with a meaningful lift of his brow. Was it obvious to everyone that Kalix’s beast had chosen the human female?

“Return to your duties,” he growled.

A’tarey gave a sharp salute. “Yes, Commander.”

The hours moved slowly, excruciatingly slowly, and after a time Alec murmured a soft sound to the cub and together they sank to the floor to hold one another.

Every time one of his warriors passed without successfully identifying Meg’s scent, they touched their hearts in apology for their failure.

Eventually the smell of Alec’s anger bled into exhausted despair, but she refused when he asked if she would leave long enough to sleep.

Kalix asked twice, assuring her the moment there was news, he would wake her. But Alec slowly tore her eyes from her sister’s prone form, and looked up at him with tears trembling on her lashes.

“These might be the last few hours I get to spend with her. I won’t lose a single moment of that time to sleep.”

Kalix hadn’t asked her a third time.

A third of the way through the warriors, Reykar injected Meg with the tonic he and Ga’rae had created, standing close by to watch for any change on his scan. For a time Kalix thought it might be working.

He heard the private communication between he and Ga’rae, Alec’s hearing not sharp enough to pick up the irate growl from the primary medic trying to help from across the galaxy.

“Increase the dosage,” Ga’rae ordered.

Reykar hissed, “It may cause nerve damage—”

“Which will be repaired when her mate is located. Do it!” Ga’rae barked.

Reykar increased the dosage, nodding as he started to see positive results, but not long later, he hissed and threw the pressure syringe across the room.

Alec grabbed Kalix by his pant leg and gripped tight. Kalix dropped to his haunches at her side, forcing himself not to take her into his arms. More out of selfish desire to not allow his beast to bond to her any more than he already had.

“How many more are there?”

Kalix did take her small, callused palm in both of his, looking to the line of warriors that still stretched out and down the corridor.

“Not many. I know you grow near the end of your patience, but there is still a chance. Still—”

“If you say hope, I’ll kill you.” Despite the utter seriousness of Alec’s tone, Kalix saw the cub crack a smile from where he still huddled against her chest.

*****

The last of his warriors bent to take in the scent of Meg’s hair, and for just a moment Kalix thought from the way the male stood and looked down at her, finally Meg had been identified as a mate.

The gentleness the warrior used to stroke his palm over her hair, Kalix thought just maybe the miracle they had been waiting hours for had happened.

Kalix did not know the male’s name, but he looked across the table at Reykar and asked solemnly.

“Will you take my blood to try anyway? Perhaps it will offer her a few more cycles.”

Alec made a soft, choked sound and turned her face away, shuddering as she held her breath. Held the sounds of her anguish tightly within her.

Reykar looked to him for command, and Kalix gave a nod in response. Reykar drew as much blood as the warrior could spare and injected it slowly into Meg’s frail body.

Once done, the warrior crossed to where Alec still shuddered uncontrollably, clinging to the cub. He knelt at a respectful distance and swallowed thickly, touching his fingertips to his chest.

“I beg your forgiveness,” he rasped, and with a fresh spill of tears down her pale cheeks, Alec nodded quickly to give it.

It did not make his warrior look any less devastated or remorseful. Alec hiccupped, dragged in a deep, stuttered breath and shook her hair back to look up at the ceiling, as though she was trying to roll her tears back into her eyes.

It took her some time to accomplish it, but she managed, and whispered to the cub to stand with her.

Kalix stayed close because he could tell Alec was a breath away from collapse, but she walked straight and tall with the cub held close to her side over to where her sister lay.

“Status?” She rasped thickly.

Reykar gripped the edges of his data tablet hard enough to crack it. “Lor’el’s blood has had some effect. Not enough, but some.

“Ga’rae’s mate has suggested we place her in stasis. It will halt all bodily function, freeze her in-between life and death. Perhaps give us enough time to—”

“No.” Alec looked up again, her lips trembling while she fought for control, shaking her head when Reykar tried again to speak.

“Enough. Just...enough. You tried, and that was all we could hope for. Take that off her face.”

The cub’s chest hitched with a soft little sob, watching Reykar’s shoulders slump as he nodded and obeyed Alec’s command.

She gave the cub a squeeze and let him go to Meg, hugging herself now that she had nothing else to hold onto.

Kalix stepped closer, ready to give in to his beast and offer her whatever she would have of him, but she shook her head harshly and braced her feet to stand strong on her own.

He rumbled for her anyway and stood at her side. The cub bent close to Meg’s ear, and Kalix felt ashamed for listening to his last words to his mother, but as close as he was it could not be helped.

“I’m sorry for tripping on that stupid root. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t keep up. I won’t fall, ever again. I promise. I promise I’ll be better.

“I’ll look after the other kids and make sure they keep up with their training. I’ll take care of Alec too, I promise.”

The cub straightened, but wouldn’t meet Alec’s eyes, the scent of shame and sorrow pouring from him in heart crushing waves.

Alec took a deep breath, palming his hair gently and bent to kiss the top of his head, not a single hint of her scent telling him that she blamed the cub for the event that had led to her sister’s infection.

Alec licked her lips as she straightened, tilting her chin down to look at Kalix sideways, asking him to take the cub back to her people.

He was torn with indecision. “I would prefer to stay with you.”

“Please,” her voice trembled, enough that she paused, took a breath, and forced command into her voice. “Take him back.”

Alec took a final deep breath, and the tension bled from her body as acceptance moved through her. Acceptance for what was to come, and Kalix could do nothing but honor her request.

“As you ask. Come, cub.”

The young one came to him, trying to hide his tears by keeping his head bent. Kalix caught the back of his slender neck to gently push him toward the door, hearing Alec tell Reykar to give her sister the tonic, and leave.

In the hall, where there were no others to hear or see, Kalix drew the cub into an alcove and knelt to take him by the shoulders, softly ordering him to look up.

The cub shook, his entire little body, but he lifted his face and let Kalix see the pain ravaging his young features.

“It was not your fault you fell, and neither was it your fault your mother was infected. You will not argue, you will listen.” The cub closed his mouth when he had opened it to do just that, to insist no doubt that it was his fault.

“You will not dishonor your mother with your sorrow. She did what only a mother would do, and protected her cub. She gave her life and her love, for you.

“Do not taint her gift with blame. She would not wish that. Alec does not blame you, her scent gives proof of that. I give you my vow.”

The cub’s bottom lip wobbled back and forth as he sucked in a stuttering breath, doing his best to steady himself. To be strong.

“Reykar will take you to your people. I will wait here for Alec.”

Reykar moved forward and silently drew the cub to his side, giving Kalix the honor of his silence while he stayed behind in the corridor.

Stayed to wait for the mate he was not ready to claim.

The silence was for a time deafening. But when the soul shredding sounds of Alec’s screams bled through the blast doors, Kalix would have given anything for the silence. He crouched down to wait, his chest ravaged by his beast, clawing to be let loose.

To be let out to do whatever it had to, to stop her from making such agonized sounds of grieving.

He was certain there wasn’t a warrior on board his ship who wasn’t able to hear her keening. The sounds were ripped up from the very depths of her being.

Dax contacted him quietly, asking him if anything could be done and Kalix shook his head. He fisted his hands in his mane to keep from shredding through the med bay doors to take Alec into his arms.

To let her fight him if that’s what she needed. To rip his heart from his chest if she asked, so it would cease to bleed for her.

“Contact the Asho. If Ga’rae has not already delivered the news, let him know all attempts to heal the female, Meg, failed.”

“Yes, Commander. May I do anything else?”

“No.”

What else was there to do? He had failed. Kalix had failed his mate.

*****

Kalix was uncertain how much time had passed. Unable to keep track for fear of losing what little control of himself he had left.

The sound of Alec’s footsteps coming closer had him leaping to his feet, just in time to be ready when the med bay doors opened and Alec walked out with a blank, dazed expression on her face.

He saw her fingers tucking bright strands of what had to be Meg’s hair, into the pouch on her belt.

When she looked up at him, all life, all emotion was gone from her eyes. The gem bright sparkle he had so admired was gone.

Kalix did not know what to say, so he said nothing and simply offered his hand. Praying that she would not accept it, that she would refuse him for his failure as he deserved.

Alec looked at it, like she might do just that, but after a long moment of deadened silence she lifted her cold fingertips and slid her palm into his.

“Her body?” she whispered. Her voice hoarse and strained from her screams.

“Will be taken care of with the utmost respect.” His assurance made her nod.

She didn’t fight. Didn’t argue. Didn’t offer an opinion. She let him urge her forward away from her sister, with no resistance.

“Do you wish to be alone, or with your people?”

“Alone,” she answered dully.

Kalix took her up to his quarters and watched her look around at the space unburdened with anything beyond necessities.

Alec said nothing, but he could tell she was unsure where to go, what to do. As though she was lost and now had no one to show her the way.

“These quarters are yours. A warrior will be stationed nearby if you require anything. The cub will ask to be with you, will you permit it?”

Alec ducked her head, her fingers straying to the pouch on her hip, trembling for a moment before she tucked them into a fist and lowered her hand back to her side.

“Yes. But not tonight. Today. Whatever it is.”

*****

Kalix watched Alec via the monitor in the command center. It was an invasion of her privacy, and he’d had to override several controls to gain access to the security monitors in his quarters. But he didn’t have any other way to care for her without bonding to her.

For three human days Alec did nothing but lay in his bed and sleep. She didn’t get up to use the facilities, didn’t use the enzyme wash, and didn’t eat or respond at all when the warrior Kalix had assigned to keep watch on her entered the room.

“The cub wishes to speak to you, Commander.”

Kalix looked up from his constant vigil and found Dax frowning at him. His second hadn’t stopped frowning since he’d walked onto the command deck three cycles ago.

Kalix didn’t need to catch the warrior’s scent to know Dax disapproved of his decision to not bond with Alec.

“Bring him up.”

Dax inclined his head tightly, leaving his post to go and fetch the cub himself.

It almost made Kalix smile to see the wide-eyed wonder of the young male when he stepped onto the command deck.

He was carrying a satchel far too large for him, clutching it like a prized possession to his chest while he looked around curiously.

Dax herded the cub up the stairs to where he sat waiting, and when the cub saw him, his throat worked loudly as though worried. The boy smelled nervous, sweating a little as he came forward.

“You wished to speak with me?” Kalix prompted.

The young one nodded, his arms tightening around the satchel before he reluctantly took it off and held it out to him,

“I... I know you said Alec doesn’t blame me, but she doesn’t want to see me.

“The big guy outside her quarters said um, said maybe you might be able to speak to her? If you do, could you give her this? It’s her bag, and it um, it has some stuff in it she might want. Need.”

Dax crossed his arms behind the cub, looking at Kalix expectantly. Like it was his duty to take the satchel and do as the cub asked.

Kalix wanted to sigh, to tell the cub he had other responsibilities that needed seeing to, but his beast slashed at his insides insistently. Continuing to do so until Kalix accepted the satchel from the cub and nodded.

“It is not that she doesn’t wish to see you, cub. She grieves.”

The young one ducked his head and nodded, reaching up to grab a fistful of his hair, pulling at it like the pain would help him to focus.

“I know. She’s alone now, without Meg so... so I... well, there’s some of Meg’s stuff in there too. I know Alec wouldn’t want it to get lost. Thanks. For seeing me. I should um, go back to the others.”

Dax took the cub back, his hand on the young male’s shoulder to guide him, offering later to show he and the other cubs their training room.

Kalix sat in his chair and returned to watching Alec sleeping.