Eighteen
Jameson rubbed Nina’s shoulder, making circles with his palm. Warming her. She was shivering and shaking, and he didn’t have a clue what was going on.
“Nina, sweetheart. Please, talk to me.”
Rex and Gemma were over on the other side of the fire pit, but they walked back into their cabin, probably to give Jameson and Nina some privacy. Now he and Nina were alone, and he pulled her closer to him and rested his chin on the top of her head.
“Come on, sweetheart, tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s stupid,” she said. “Just…don’t worry about it.”
“No, you can tell me anything. It’s not stupid if it has you upset.”
He could feel her shaking her head. “No, it is stupid. It’s just, I woke up and you were gone.”
“Making you breakfast.”
“But I didn’t know that! I just knew I was alone after everything that…that happened. And it was too close to something else.”
Ah, now he understood. “Something happened to you like that before?”
“My first time. With a guy I loved.”
“How old were you?”
“Fifteen. He was seventeen.”
He kept soothing her, rubbing her back. “I love you, Nina, I’m not going to leave you. What happened between us was between two adults who know what they want. I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”
She nodded. “Okay.”
He’d thought she was young enough to be free of heartache because she was so young compared to him. But she was one of the bravest people he knew. She’d been through a lot of her own sorrow. Grief, he realized, filled whatever ache was in you, and it hurt no matter how big or small it was. It had lasting effects.
“You feeling better?” he asked once her shaking subsided.
“Yeah.” She nodded and looked up at him, so he leaned back to see her better. “I want to kiss you now,” she said.
“You never have to ask to kiss me.”
She leaned up and put her mouth against his. Their lips met in a kiss so sweet and powerful it took Jameson’s breath away. Could he have this, every day? Could he be with someone again like this? Hell yes, he could. He might not deserve it, but oh, he wanted it, and he wanted Nina. He ended the kiss with a soft bite against her lower lip, and she shivered.
He felt overwhelmed with gratitude and a tentative hope. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I had a mate, before.”
Nina pulled away slightly to look up at him, curiosity written in her wide hazel eyes.
“She died,” he said.
Immediately Nina’s expression changed to one of pity. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“It wasn’t fair. It happened suddenly and violently, and I’ve been mourning her for five years.”
Nina pressed her knuckles to her mouth. “I’m really sorry. It must have been awful.”
“It was.” Jameson squeezed Nina’s shoulders. “And I’d been missing her so badly, that even though the pain of it has gone, I hadn’t realized that missing her and feeling loyal to her had become a habit.”
“Tell me about her.”
He touched his forehead to hers. “You sure this isn’t weird?”
“Jameson, no. She was a part of your life. You should be able to talk to people about her. Especially me.”
“Willow was kind,” he said. “One of the nicest people I’d ever met. She was a grizzly shifter, like me, but so gentle. Dominant, too. Her dominance reminds me of you a little—she wouldn’t let anyone push her around, but at the same time she could put you in your place and you’d want to thank her for it, because the way she did it made you want to be better.”
“She sounds really special.”
“She was. She shouldn’t have died.”
Nina was watching him. He could tell she wanted to know what happened to Willow, but she probably didn’t want to pry. He didn’t want any more secrets between them.
“It was a challenge fight between me and this other guy, a mountain lion. He’d been a rogue, kicked out of some pride up in northern Idaho. Came down here, asked to join the Rock Creek Clan. Of course I said yes—I always let everyone in—”
Nina interrupted him with a snort. “Everyone, huh?”
“Usually I let everyone in,” Jameson corrected, feeling a smile on his lips. “But then two weeks later he challenged me. Turned out his lion was crazy somehow, just not right. Hadn’t ever been right, and he’d been floating from pride to clan to pack, trying to take one over. He didn’t want to start one from scratch, just wanted to prove his dominance in a fight.”
“And Willow?” Nina asked.
“Willow was witnessing, along with the rest of the clan. And when it looked like he was losing to my bear, instead of continuing the fight, he circled around, got himself between me and Willow. I didn’t expect it—no one could have, but when I charged, he turned around and attacked her.”
Nina gasped.
Jameson continued, “She was in her human form. Witnesses stay human so they aren’t tempted to get involved or change the outcome of a challenge. He raked his claws across her torso. Shredded her. Not even a shifter could recover from that damage. I snapped his neck in a second, and then held her while she died. I can’t—it wasn’t—it was my fault, but it wasn’t. I just…I’ve been over it so many times.”
Strong arms encircled him, and Nina tucked her head against his neck. She felt so warm, permanent. Willow had been that way too, once, until he felt the life flow from her.
“Her dying words were that she wanted me to be happy, but I haven’t tried to do that,” Jameson said. “I kept telling myself I was trying to be happy, but I really wasn’t.”
“You can try with me,” Nina said. “I mean, maybe. Or later.” She pulled back, and he could see the blush on her cheeks again. “Obviously you don’t want someone permanent right now, and, ugh, what the hell am I saying?”
She turned away, gulping. Jameson reached out to touch her chin and turn her back to face him.
“Nina, the way I felt about Willow, that a part of my soul was nestled in a part of hers, and vice versa? I feel the same way about you. I’ve felt this before, and I’m feeling it again even though I don’t deserve it.”
“Maybe neither of us deserves it,” Nina said. “I can’t trust my feelings.”
“Please trust me, and trust your feelings. I want to be with you. Willow wanted me to be happy, but all I want to do is make you happy.”
Nina watched him, her hazel eyes shining.
“Can I make you happy?” he asked. “Would you let me try?”
She nodded, and let out a soft sob. “Yes. Only if I can try to make you happy, too.”
He pulled her into his arms, squeezed her tightly. “Thank you. Thank you. I won’t let you down. I won’t apologize for anything we do together, and I won’t apologize for the way I feel about you. Nina…I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she said. “I have from the first moment, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.”
He brushed her bangs away from her face and cupped her cheeks with his hands. “Always. Always I’ll be here for you.”
He saw movement in the woods past her pick-up—and glowing blue eyes that he’d recognize anywhere. Pulling away quickly, he said, “We should take this inside.”
“Why?” Nina asked.
“Because not everyone else is going to be as accepting of this.”