“Wait a minute,” he said, grabbing her arm.

She turned to glare at him and yanked her arm away, incredulous that he had tried to stop her. The lioness growled behind her eyes almost constantly. She hissed and snarled at Buck’s touch. Maria deflated, her need and vulnerability battling with the inner beast's refusal to accept human contact.

“Sorry,” she said, seeing his face falling.

She hated that she had to do this to him, but she didn't have a choice. Buck was a good man. It was written all over him. He didn't deserve to be stuck with an animal like her. She knew it was best for everyone if she just made him leave her alone.

“I just don't like to be touched anymore.”

“At least show me where you're staying,” he pleaded.

She turned back to him and looked up into his eyes. She could see his pain and need. His protectiveness rolled off him in waves. It made her beast recoil, but it made the woman in her feel weak in the knees. She needed him so very much. She couldn't let him close, or she would destroy them both.

“Okay, I'll show you where I live, but you have to leave right after that,” she said.

“Fair enough.”

She nodded her head at him once and started down the trail. She walked the rest of the way to her cave with Buck's shirt draping down her sides and hitting just above her knees. It reminded her of what a big man he was. It smelled of him too. His scent was just making her even more confused.

His grizzly was bigger than her lion and he had somehow forced her out of her shift. She could remember those last few seconds before she’d come out of her lion form. She remembered the look in Buck’s grizzly's eyes and the feeling of his power rolling over her, forcing her out of her animal form. It had been such a visceral force on her beast that she had been powerless to resist.

She hated that he had more power over her animal than she did. Maria could not leave the mountain until she could make her own beast obey. She would never let anyone else take that from her. Not even Buck.

They walked into her cave and she stepped behind the curtain she had hung across one side of the small rocky space. She pulled on her big wool knit sweater and her baggy sweatpants with her fur-lined boots. She came back into the main room of the cave and twisted her hair up into a bun. It was caked with blood and mud again, but she couldn't do anything about that now. She would have to wait to wash it out another time.

Maria knelt by the fire pit and began to light some kindling. Buck looked around her cave, his eyes wide and his lips tight, his arms crossed over his chest. Buck sat beside her near the fire pit on a stack of dusty pillows and crossed his legs on the ground. She finished lighting the fire and had it roaring before she added water to her pot and placed it on the metal rack over the flames.

“I can make us some tea,” she said, throwing her mixture of roots and berries into two chipped coffee mugs.

“Thank you,” Buck said as if he were at a tea party at some nice lady’s house.

Maria raised an eyebrow as she poured the steaming water over the tea. She let it seep for a few minutes and then handed the cup to Buck. He took a tentative sip and smiled.

“This is good,” he said, nodding politely.

She sipped her tea, crossing her arms tightly over her body. It was hard to stay warm in the cave and as the days and weeks rolled on, she continued to lose weight where she needed it most.

“You don't really want to stay here. Do you?” Buck asked.

“This is my home now,” she said, taking another sip of tea and staring into space.

The smoke from the fire wafted out through the entrance and filtered through the trees. She let out a deep sigh and stared back at Buck, her lioness raging through her eyes.

“Of course I don't want to stay here. But I have to stay out here. I’m a feral shifter. I'm dangerous to everyone I come in contact with. Including you. Look at the marks on your chest. I did that. You may need stitches.”

“I’m a shifter; this will heal in twenty minutes,” he said, looking down at the scratches on his shoulder and chest.

“That isn’t the point. What if it had been a child, or a human... or a human child?”

“Why would you attack a human child?”

“That's a good question!” she snapped back.

“Maria,” he said in a soft voice. “I’m here to help you. I’m your mate. We belong together. Your problems are mine. I’m here for you one hundred percent. I will never ever leave you, and I will never stop trying to protect you. You have to believe that.”

“You can't protect me, Buck. No one can. No one ever has. I'm not going to let anyone ever hurt me again. It’s now my job to protect others from me. I won’t hurt anyone ever again either.”

Tears started to stream down her face, and she set her cup on the rocky ground to cover her eyes. She didn't want Buck to see her cry. She didn't want him to think she was weak. She was trying to protect him. Why didn't he understand that? If she couldn't get her beast under control, she would never let herself be with him. She didn't deserve it. She was damaged goods.

“What do you mean, no one's been able to protect you?” he asked. “What happened?”

“It was fate,” she said in a cracking voice. “After my parents died, I was left with my sister in the inner city. I didn't think things could get much worse. But then I got kidnapped by very bad men. They snatched me on the way home from school one day, intent on selling me into sex slavery.

“I was stupid enough to think that after I was rescued from my kidnappers I would finally be all right. We moved to Fate Mountain. I enrolled in the Bright Institute. I was learning botany, and I finally felt like I had a purpose in life. I finally felt like I could step out from under Rosa’s shadow. But then this happened. I was turned into this thing, this angry, out of control animal, who only wants to destroy everything in her path. Buck, I can't be with you. I can't be what you need me to be.”

“I only want you.”

“You don't know me.”

“Who bit you, Maria?”

“I need you to leave now, Buck,” she said.

The memories of that night came flashing forward in her mind, and she felt her inner animal roar. She stood from the rolled up wool blanket she’d put next to the fire and began pacing her cave. Buck stood with his hands open and his arms outstretched, a questioning look on his face.

She could feel his concern. Her inner animal hated it. She wanted nothing to do with his care. No one could help her. Especially Buck and his strange animal power over her lioness. The inner beast would never permit that. She couldn't distinguish its thoughts from her own. She growled and scratched and snarled, demanding she make Buck leave now. Buck stepped closer, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

“Maria, just come with me. I can take care of you. I can get you help. I promise. I'll do whatever it takes. Please, just let me help you,” he begged.

Her inner beast rose inside her and surged out through her eyes. Her canine teeth grew long in her mouth and her claws extended from her human hands.

“Get away from me!” she screeched.

She lunged at Buck, hissing and snarling, showing her feral teeth. She bit at his neck and he jumped away, just in time to avoid her bite. Repulsion filled his eyes.

“Okay Maria,” he said. “You win. I’ll leave now. But this isn’t over.”

“Don’t come back,” she growled.

He turned and fled her cave. She could smell his emotions swirling in the air. The animal retracted into its cave deep inside her mind. Maria sank to the ground on her folded up blanket next to the fire. The tears came in a flood. They stormed down her cheeks in sobs that she couldn't control. In that moment, it was just Maria, the twenty-year-old girl alone in a cold, damp cave, weeping for her lost chance at love. And it was all her own fault.