Julia stood on wobbling legs. Sawyer held out his hand to help her off the ledge, but she insisted on lowering herself under her own steam. She checked the Sweeper, running her hands over the mechanism. It was undamaged. She breathed a slow sigh of relief, looped the safety strap around her neck, and hung the weapon behind her, leaving her hands free. Air twisted slowly around her like treacle. The world was muted, the volume shunted to low. Only her own breathing was loud in her ears.

She scanned the tunnel space. What were they going to do now? Their exit was blocked by a mass of rubble, piled thick from the water to the roof. Dust swam in the tinted beam of her headlight. She rubbed her eyes with aching knuckles. There was no alternative but to go forward.

She turned. Her flashlight didn’t even begin to penetrate the darkness in the opposite direction. The tunnel continued, stretching out of sight in an ever-narrowing curve.

To the nest.

Sawyer waded to her side. “Fantastic.” He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

Julia rounded on him, anger pricking her skin. “What do you mean?”

Sawyer flexed his shoulders. He pointed at the rubble behind them. “You fired into the wall, triggering the collapse of the entrance.”

“There were Scutters on that wall heading right for us.”

“A different—” he paused, searching for the correct word. “A different marksman might have chosen to hit them from the side, avoiding hitting the wall of a tunnel in an enclosed, underground situation.”

Goddamit. Her vision greyed as her pulse hammered in her ears. “If I hadn’t shot them, we might be dead,” she retaliated.

Sawyer shifted, avoiding eye contact. It was too late. She saw the skepticism painted on his face.

Julia’s teeth clamped tight as her hand cracked against his jaw, the slap resounding through the stuffy atmosphere. Her palm stung instantly, and Sawyer jerked back in surprise. He grabbed her forearm, restraining her. His fingers squeezed her flesh, while his other hand dabbed the red mark on his face.

“I did what I thought was best.” She fought against his grasp, but he held her fast.

His eyes narrowed. “Well, maybe now you know what it’s like to be on the other side of the coin.”

She struggled harder, but he tightened his hold and yanked her closer, bumping her up against his unyielding body. She hit his chest with her free hand, pounding his arm in a futile attack.

“What the fuck does that mean?” she snarled, her nose only inches from his.

“Me, Julia. Me. I’ve always done what I thought was best. It’s what I did with Beth, and it’s what I did with you. I tried to tell you how I felt. I tried to tell you.”

She rammed the heel of her hand into his abdomen, anything to try and dislodge him but she may as well have been hitting rock. “You didn’t tell me the whole truth,” she screamed, her lips peeling back from her teeth. She wanted to scratch his eyes out. How could he have done this to her? “Darr told me about Beth. Darr, not you.”

He flinched, releasing her hand, but she stayed where she was, her feet splayed wide on the tunnel floor.

“I know.” The tension in his face loosened. “I’m sorry. I thought you would hate me.”

“Why would I hate you? It was before we even met. Do you really think so little of me?”

His gaze snapped back to her and his tone was clipped. “Of course not.”

“Well why then? Why not be honest with me, damn you.” She tapped her chest, losing the battle against the thickness closing over her throat. She spread her arms wide. “I don’t expect you to be perfect but I thought we at least had honesty. It really hurt that I had to find out from Darr of all people. I can deal with what you did or didn’t do in the past but I want to hear it from you.”

Julia tried to run her hands through her hair but her stupid helmet was in the way. She fumbled with the strap and hurled it onto the ledge where it rolled with a clatter. She pushed her hair out her face, anything to occupy her hands.

His voice dropped to a wounded whisper. “Beth never forgave me, and I thought you wouldn’t either. I was wrong. I thought I could keep everything separate, but it didn’t work out like that. It all became one giant mess.” His face was so close the bands of gold in his hazel eyes shone with pain. He took her hands, turning the palms upwards. “I just couldn’t say the words. I wanted you to see the man I am now, not who I was.”

She stroked his cheek, the weighted feeling in her chest shifting. He hadn’t set out to deceive her. “Sawyer, I’d never think any less of you and I do see who you are. You’re a good man.”

He closed his eyes, dipping his head into the softness of her palm.

“I’m just as bad,” she muttered, fiddling with the collar of his armor. “I’m the one who said we should break up. Everything has been so hard lately, and I thought if I shut you out, it would be easier.” She laughed softly. “Well, you know the rest. I’m the idiot.” She stepped backward, her cheeks flushing from her admission, but he grabbed her hand, preventing her from going any further.

“It is hard,” he said.

“What’s hard?”

He looked straight at her. “When you love someone.”

She tried to draw in a breath, but her lungs weren’t working properly.

Their eyes met, and she grabbed his neck, dragging him close. She kissed him hard, her mouth devouring his. He responded instantly, kissing her back with a fevered urgency that sent her pulse skyrocketing and liquid heat between her legs. It had only been a matter of hours, but she felt like she hadn’t been in his arms for eternity.

His hands cupped her cheeks, sweeping the hair from her face. She drank the taste of him in, breathing in his scent of sweat and gun oil. Finally, he broke the kiss, resting his forehead on hers, her face still in his hands.

Her heart drummed against her ribs, so loud she was sure he must be able to hear it. He kissed her again, gently this time.

“I love you, Julia.” His eyes searched hers, full of expectant hope. One second became two and when she didn’t answer, he started to pull away.

She tightened her grip on the back of his neck, her other palm flat against the small of his back, oblivious to the Sweeper digging uncomfortably into the base of her spine. She whispered against his cheek. “Don’t. I’m just scared.”

He leaned into her and kissed her eyelids, one after the other. Then he raised his head and looked her straight in the eye. “You don’t have to be afraid. We’ll work it out together.”

He was right. She controlled everything in her life, and she’d tried to do the same crazy thing with him, making a complete mess of it. Not knowing where this was going scared the living daylights out of her. But the alternative—being without him—was scarier.

“There’s just one thing you need to know.”

She tilted her head. “What’s that?”

“If you say yes now, I’m never letting you go.”

“Yes,” she replied, without hesitation.