Beau padded down the attic steps, skipping the creaky one four down from the top.  Holding his breath, he snuck down the dark hallway past the kids’ bedrooms. All clear. He grinned as he walked through the dim house. The early-morning light was just bright enough to keep him from tripping over the furniture.

A light flared to life as he hit the kitchen, blinding him. He threw a hand in front of his face. “What?” He blinked away tears until he could focus.

“Morning,” a voice said.

Jesus Christ. Beau jumped back, startled, his heart pounding in his chest.

Sean sat at a stool at the island in the middle of the room wearing gray and red plaid flannel sleep pants and a matching Henley. How long had the kid been sitting there?

“Have a good night?” Sean asked pointedly, raking his gaze up and down Beau’s body, no doubt taking in his wrinkled clothes and mussed hair.

Beau rolled his eyes. It was too early for this shit. “Yeah,” he said. “I did. What are you doing lurking in the dark in the kitchen? Waiting for me? Trying to catch me red-handed stealing your brother’s virtue?”

“Yeah,” Sean admitted, a little sheepishly. “Sounds stupid when you say it that way.”

“You know we’re both almost thirty years old, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Sean blushed.

“Nice job with the light, by the way. Very dramatic.” Since his plan to slip away was already foiled, he might as well make coffee. Beau opened the pantry door and pulled out the bag of New England Coffee he’d gotten to accompany the instant Maxwell House that was Connor’s brew of choice. He blamed it on nine years in the military and said he could drink anything even close to coffee. But every time Beau made him a cup of the better stuff the way he liked it—strong, a little bit of cream, and a touch of sugar—Connor would inevitably take a sip, look surprised, and then comment on how good it was. Every time. Beau smiled remembering it.

Besides, making coffee gave him something to do while talking to Sean. He’d found out that talking to kids was best done alongside some other activity. “Does it bother you that much?” Beau asked. “Me and Connor?”

“Not really,” Sean said.

“But you’re mad about something.”

Sean made a frustrated sound. “Yeah,” he admitted. “But I don’t even know what I’m mad about.”

Beau heard the scrape of the stool on the tiled floor, followed by the sound of Sean opening the fridge door. Of course, the kid was hungry. “It’s a little weird, knowing that you guys are doing…whatever it is you’re doing. And it was kind of a surprise. Neither of you, you know, looks…” he trailed off.

“Looks gay?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Who looks gay?” Fiona said. Her pajamas had a cartoon character Beau didn’t recognize.

“Why are you awake?” Beau asked. “It’s Saturday. I thought teenagers liked to sleep in.”

“Are you making coffee?” Fiona asked. “Can I have some?”

Beau took another cup out of the cabinet.

“Thanks. So who looks gay?”

“Not me or your brother, apparently.” Would it be wrong to text Connor and tell him to get his ass downstairs? Beau grinned to himself, remembering how Connor’s ass had looked last night.

“See that?” Sean asked, waving a package of bacon at Beau. “That’s what bothers me.”

“What?” Beau asked, genuinely confused. “Making coffee?”

“You just smiled like that, like a smirk, and now all I can think about is you and Connor...” He shook his head as if to clear his head of the image.

That sounded more like a Sean problem to Beau, but he wasn’t going to say it.

Fiona did it for him. “It’s not Beau’s fault you’re a perv.”

“I’m not a perv!” Sean glowered at his sister. She seemed singularly unimpressed.

Okay, it was definitely time to get Connor down here. Help, he texted, cornered in the kitchen by kids. Hurry. “Sean, can you grab the cream? Thanks.”

Sean gave one last glare at Fiona before getting the cream out of the refrigerator. He dropped the cream and bacon on the counter.

There was the thud of feet running down the stairs. Connor stumbled into the kitchen all bleary-eyed, his thick hair sticking up in all directions. He saw Beau standing at the sink, and despite their audience, he grinned. He took a few steps towards Beau before he registered Fiona and Sean. Beau couldn’t help smiling back.

Sean groaned. “Guys. You gotta stop. It’s gross.”

“Stop what?” Connor asked.

“Smiling, apparently,” Beau answered.

“I think it’s cute,” Fiona said. “Can we have pancakes?”

Connor rubbed his forehead and looked confused. “What’s cute? Pancakes? Why are you guys up? What time is it? Isn’t it Saturday?”

Guiding Connor towards a chair at the kitchen table, Beau handed him a cup of coffee and patted his arm. “It is Saturday. And it’s early. Sean was just telling me how I didn’t look gay.”

Connor’s forehead creased adorably, dark eyebrows drawing together over the bridge of his nose. He was usually pretty high-functioning in the morning. Beau must have worn him out last night. It had been very, very late before they’d gotten to sleep. Beau held his smile back to keep Sean from making another comment.

“What’s gay?” Benji said with a yawn as he joined the rapidly-growing group in the kitchen. He bee-lined to Connor, who picked him up and put him on his lap. Beau wasn’t sure Connor was aware he had even done it. He’d noticed Benji preferred to be touching one of his siblings at all time.

“It means I like to date men, not women,” Connor said taking a long sip of his coffee and sighing. “Like Miss Peggy has a wife instead of a husband.”

“Oh.” Benji nodded. “That’s cool. I like boys and I like girls. But mostly I like guinea pigs. Can I have some coffee?”

“You don’t even like coffee, buddy,” Sean said. “How about some hot chocolate?”

“And pancakes?” Fiona asked hopefully.

“And bacon,” Sean added. “We’ve got another package.”

That was good since he and Fiona could easily eat a pound between them.

“I like bacon,” Micah said, coming into the kitchen to join the family.  

“Why are you guys awake?” Connor groaned. “I need a cigarette,” he mumbled into his coffee.

“You shouldn’t smoke,” Benji said, disapproval clear in his voice.

“If I let you have a cup of coffee, will you let me have a cigarette?” Connor said, hugging the boy. “Then I promise to quit.”

Benji squinted at him, weighing the trade off.

Looking at the three brothers, Beau noticed something. “You guys have matching pajamas! That’s so cute!”

All three of the boys looked down at themselves and then at each other to confirm that they were, indeed, wearing the same clothes.

Connor and Sean shared a smile, it was a little sad around the edges, but a smile, nonetheless. “Mom,” Connor explained. “She bought us all pajamas every Christmas.”

“We opened them on Christmas Eve,” Fiona added. She plucked at her shirt. “This was from last year.”

Benji slipped off of Connor’s lap and walked over to Sean. Sean picked him up like he weighed nothing. “You okay, buddy?”

He nodded, obviously bothered but not saying anything. Sean rubbed his back.

“I’m gonna go have a smoke. Then I’ll come back in and make pancakes and bacon, okay? Even though it’s the crack of dawn and we all should still be in bed.” He went out the back door.

“So are you and Connor boyfriends?” Micah asked after the door closed.

Beau busied himself making coffee for Benji that was mostly cream and sugar with a little bit of coffee. “Um… not exactly.”  He put the coffee on the island. “Hey, Benji. Here’s some coffee for you. Why don’t you hop over here?”

“Why not? Don’t you like Connor?” Fiona pressed as Benji slid out of Sean’s arms.

“No, that isn’t—”

“He’s a really good guy,” Micah said.

“And he’s smart. He wanted to be an astronaut when he was little.” Fiona stared at Beau, daring him to say her brother wasn’t good enough to date. “He likes the stars. And he’s really good with his hands.”

Beau’s smirked internally; he knew exactly how good Connor was with his hands.

Sean looked at him. “Stop. I know what you’re thinking.”

Beau opened his eyes, wide and innocent.

“He always knows how to make me not be sad when I’m sad,” Benji chipped in. “And he plays with us and comes to all our games and stuff like he did yours.”

“Guys,” he said with a sigh. “I know how great Connor is. Trust me, it’s why I like him.”

Fiona frowned. “Then what is it? Is it us?”

“Is it ‘cause there’s too many of us?” Micah asked.

“Oh god no. Please don’t ever think that.” He picked Micah up and hugged her. “I like you guys better than I like Connor. He’s grumpy sometimes.”

“True,” Fiona said. “So why aren’t you guys going to be boyfriends?”

Connor picked that moment to come back in. “It’s because Beau’s moving soon.”

Silence fell. “Is that true?” Micah asked.

“It’s true,” Sean said. “After hockey season, right?”

“Yeah,” Beau admitted. “I promised my dad I’d come home to the ranch over the summer. And then I don’t know where I’ll be.”

“I want to see your ranch,” Benji said. “Do you have cows?”

“Yeah, buddy. We’ve got a lot of cows. And horses.”

“Can we go?” Benji asked Connor.

“Oklahoma isn’t that far away,” Fiona said.

Beau looked at Connor. Could they come visit the ranch? Would Connor even want to? Could they somehow make this work out? What was he thinking? Even if they did do something long distance for the summer, there was a very good chance he’d be living in Argentina soon. That wasn’t going to work. Better to end things as soon as they could.

God, you’d think he’d never left people he cared about before.

“Will you come back after the summer?” Sean asked.

“I don’t know.” No, that was a lie. They didn’t deserve to be lied to. “Probably not. The team is most likely closing down, and even if it doesn’t, there’s no guarantee they’ll want me back.”

“That’s so unfair!” Benji slammed his cup down on the table. “Why do you have to leave?”

“That’s just the way it is in sports. The lower on the ladder you are, the more you move. I’m pretty low.”

“You could find something else,” Micah suggested. “Get a different job in Hidden Creek.”

Sean snorted. “He’s a hockey player, Micah. What else is he supposed to do? Work at McDonald’s?”

“That’s such bullshit!” Fiona said, crossing her arms. “I don’t want him to leave.”

“Language, Fiona,” Connor said with a sigh.

“Hasn’t enough bad shit happened to us this year?” Sean said scornfully. “Haven’t you learned yet that sometimes life sucks bad, and there ain’t nobody to blame? It just is.”

How could things be so good and so bad at the same time? None of the kids cared that their brother was gay. That was great. But they were hurting because of Beau. He didn’t know what to say. Hopefully, Connor would find a way to make everything better. That was what he did.

Connor stared out the back window, sipping his coffee, while everyone looked at him. With a sigh, he put the cup down, clapped his hands together and looked at them. “Y’all want to beat the shit out of something?”

Beau realized suddenly that he did. He really, really did.

“What?” Sean asked.

“I just really wanna hit something. We’re all pissed off and sad, and we’ve got no one to take it out on. So let’s take it out the old brick wall. I was planning on taking that thing down anyway. You guys can help. Sledgehammers for everyone.”

“Everyone?” Benji asked excitedly.

“Everyone,” Connor promised. “But first breakfast. We’re going to need our strength.”