Chapter Nine

 

My eyes were itchy and red. I hadn’t had much sleep after packing, and then writing, and rewriting Theo’s note several times.

I glanced into his room, setting my suitcase by the door. He was still snoring. I tiptoed into the room, placed the note on his nightstand, and took one last look at his beautiful face. It’s no wonder I’d fallen for him. He was gorgeous.

The driver was chatty, something I wasn’t ready for so early in the morning. I made an excuse that I had to work while we drove and settled into the backseat of the black Escalade with my tablet, playing Farmville instead of actually working.

The Hamptons were beautiful when we arrived a couple hours later. Traffic wasn’t bad, since it was still early in the year. Most New Yorkers didn’t flock to the area until the summer heat became unbearable in the city.

I settled into my hotel, contacted my client, and made arrangements to meet them at their beach house in an hour after freshening up.

It was late enough that Theo would be awake, and he would’ve already seen my note. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his mind. Did he even care that I was gone?

I called Lark, gave her the update on my whereabouts, and asked her to keep an eye on Theo while I was gone. I wanted to make sure he was okay. “You’re in love with him,” she said softly.

“No. I care about him. It doesn’t matter, anyway. Just please make sure he’s okay,” I scoffed, hanging up after she promised.

Love. Did I love Theo? My heart knew the answer to that, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to say it aloud, or even admit it silently.

A driver waited for me outside my hotel to bring me to the beach house where I’d photograph six generations enjoying a holiday while my heart broke in two. I’d keep a smile on my face, be kind, and remain professional, even though I wanted to curl up in bed with chick flicks and eat ice cream from the carton for the next two days.

My phone rang as I frantically searched for it in my bag. Assuming it was the client assuring I was on schedule, I slid answer without even looking at the number.

“Where are you?” Theo’s voice sounded irritable and scratchy.

“I left a note,” I said quickly, surprised to hear his voice.

“Yeah. So, you’re really in the Hamptons on work?” he asked.

“Yes. I received the call last night. After what happened between us, I figured it was best to create some distance,” I sighed, struggling to keep my tears from flooding my eyes.

“I thought you just took off because of me,” he grumbled.

It was partly because of him, that was true. It was a great opportunity, but I was looking so forward to our night and our entire day together. I would’ve turned it down in a heartbeat if things hadn’t ended as they did.

“I’m sorry things turned out the way they did, Theo. I will look for a place when I get back,” I said.

“You’re moving out?” he asked, his voice sounding angry.

“It’s for the best. I don’t think we can go back to being just roommates. It’s not fair to either of us,” I explained.

“Where are you staying?” he asked.

I hesitated.

“In case I need you for something, or need to get in touch with you,” he added quickly.

I gave him the information and told him I had to go. I wiped my eyes, worked my features into a friendly smile, and stepped out of the car to meet the family I’d be spending my next three days with.

Everyone was gracious, especially Elizabeth Channing, the woman I’d spoken with on the phone. I spent the next couple hours meeting family members as they arrived, taking note of their names, and trying to find ways to put a name with each face to make it easy to remember. There were over ninety people that arrived that day, including the kids, all staying in adjacent beach houses. It was going to be a lot of work. More than I’d realized when I’d agreed to take this on.

It would be good to keep my mind off Theo. At least I’d be staying busy.

Mrs. Channing offered for me to stay for dinner, but it felt awkward to be an outsider in such a large family. “Thank you, but I’d like to organize the photos I’ve taken,” I excused myself until morning.

Once I returned to the hotel, I drew a hot bath, pouring the complimentary bubble bath into the water. Even though I’d stayed busy all day with the droves of people to meet, scenes to photograph, and stories to listen to, Theo still managed to enter my mind quite a bit.

The hot water soothed my aches, all but the one in my heart. Every time I closed my eyes, leaning back into the water to relax, I saw Theo. His body, so toned and muscular, lying on the bed uncovered before I’d left that morning. I could hear his voice, the anger and irritation within it from when he called. I don’t know why, but it bothered me that he didn’t ask me to stay when I said I’d look for a place. Did I want him to beg me to stay? If he did, would I?

I’d wanted a nap after my long bath, but I knew closing my eyes would only bring more memories of Theo, more pain. I might as well get some work done.

I slipped out of the water, the cool air of the hotel room instantly sending goosebumps to my skin. I wrapped myself in the hotel robe, plush, white, and warm. My eyes were adorned with black circles under them as I passed by the mirror. Ugh. I looked ten years older than twenty-three.

A knock on the door startled me. I tiptoed to the door, peeking through the peephole, but whoever was there was too close to make out. I slid the chain across the door to lock it before opening it to see who knocked. Probably someone who had the wrong room.

“Theo?” I asked as he turned to show his face.

He looked like shit. His hair was messy, something I’d only seen early in the mornings, and he had the same dark circles under his eyes as I did.

“I need to talk to you,” he said urgently.

I pushed the door closed, unclasped the chain, and opened it back up to let him inside.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him, still confused by his presence.

“I told you. I need to talk to you,” he said with the same irritation in his voice from earlier.

“You need to leave,” I stammered.

“No. You need to listen,” he said, his tone strong and growing angry.

I was shocked by his aggression, rendered speechless as I stood, still dripping under my robe before him.

“You have some serious trust issues. I know that, you know that, but you need to get the hell over them,” he said. “You can trust me, and you need to trust me, because I’m not willing to give up on us yet,” he added.

“I can trust that you’ll cheat. I watched you take that number and put it in your pocket,” I snipped.

His face tightened, and my eyes caught the hard swallow as his Adam’s apple rolled up, and then back down his neck. Theo’s eyes narrowed as he bit his bottom lip, letting out a soft laugh, almost like a growl.

“You’ve pushed me away at every turn. You’re stubborn, critical, and a real pain in my ass, ya know that? But I still want you. Why? I have no freakin’ idea, but I do, Willow,” he said, his voice cracking as he spoke.

“I love you, Willow,” he said softly.

My heart ached to say it back. I love you, Theo Carson. I love you with everything I have to give. But I don’t trust you with my love.

“If you don’t love me, that’s one thing. I’ll have to live with that. But if you do, and this is just you comparing me to your asshole ex, or you pushing me away because you’re afraid of getting hurt, I can’t live with that,” he said.

“I saw you, Theo. This isn’t me comparing you. This isn’t me being afraid. This is me telling you that I don’t want another cheater in my life. My heart can’t handle that pain again,” I replied, fighting back the tears already forming in my eyes. “You need to leave, Theo,” I said softly.