Rob was in his car at four a.m. His bags in the trunk, and he was ready to head out. He hadn’t managed to get his gun back from Justin. There was no point in even trying, so he’d have to rethink his strategy, and go back to the idea of swallowing a couple of boxes of Fentanyl.

Of course, first off, he needed to get away from Crooked Tree, and that in itself wasn’t going to be easy. He’d already had to use every stealthy side of himself to get out from under Aaron grip, which had started gentle and ended up being a tight hold of his shirt.

Something smacked the hood of the car, and Rob jumped.

Justin stood there, arms crossed over his chest and chin jutted with stubborn determination. He stalked around to the passenger door and got in.

“Do you ever sleep?” Rob asked.

“I knew you were going to leave after yesterday.” Justin’s tone was even as he shut the door.

What the hell?

He wasn’t surprised at the fact Justin was there. He was stunned, however, when Justin threw a familiar bag onto the back seat. That was Justin’s go bag, the pick-and-run items for when they needed to get somewhere fast.

“I’m going with you,” he announced and belted up.

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m assuming you’ll want to avoid your body being found after you kill yourself? Or maybe you do want it found? Maybe you want to make it look like an accident, so your nephews will have closure?"

“Justin—”

“That’s why I’m here. I’ll help you, call it payback for the fact you didn’t shoot me when you were at Crooked Tree before and that you arranged things so I could be with Sam without fear of reprisals.”

“I don’t need you with me.”

Justin lifted his jacket and pulled out a gun from the holster—Rob's gun—sliding it into the glovebox. "Thought you might want that."

He then settled back in the seat.

“You need to… Sam… you have. Fuck, I’m leaving Bran and Toby with you.”

“And?” Justin asked and side-eyed him.

“I don’t want you anywhere near me when I do this. None of what happens can get back to the kids, okay? You need to get out of the damn car.”

Justin folded his arms over his chest and shrugged. “Make me.”

Rob considered the options. Justin was fit; Rob wasn’t. Justin was a stubborn fucker on a mission. Rob was in a messy state of what-ifs and maybe’s, and it didn’t help he’d be leaving the kids behind and had left Aaron warm in bed.

“I hate you,” he snapped.

“Not as much as I hate you,” Justin replied, steadily.

Rob started the engine and pulled out of the parking area, heading away from Crooked Tree and then north.

“We probably need a large city,” Justin mused. “Maybe you can pull your gun out at a mall or something, suicide by cop. Or how about we go to a river, you can shoot yourself, and I’ll push you into the water. Thing is both those things are shit, aren’t they? If a cop kills you, then think of his family and what he has to live with. What if it was Ryan who had to shoot you? Imagine the pain and how it would touch his family.”

“I’m not involving anyone else in this.”

“Well, you are, actually. You’re involving me. I'm here in the car with you."

“I never asked you to get into the damn car.”

"I never asked you to dump your nephews on me. What if Sam and I don't want a family? Worse, what if we wanted our own family, and now we’ve been left with kids we don’t know?”

Rob pulled the car over into a picnic area surrounded by trees, and killed the engine, abruptly, overwhelmingly lost for what to say. “You said it was okay.”

Justin turned in his seat. “You didn’t leave me much choice.”

“I did.”

“You want a family for them. Well, they’ve got a family. You.”

“I don’t have much time left.”

“You have the operation. You don’t know how much time you have left.”

“I won’t do that, J. I refuse to become something to be pitied and ignored, a burden to the kids, or someone who lives a long life strapped to a bed.”

“Still,” Justin mused, then opened the glovebox and pulled out the gun, checking the chamber and releasing the safety. “I don’t think it matters how you take yourself out. It will still be me and Sam picking up the pieces.” He held out the gun to Rob. “Do it here. I’ll take care of the body.”

Rob hesitated and then took his Glock, the heft of it reassuring but cold in his hand.

“Okay,” he murmured.

“It’s just a shame, you know,” Justin mused, as if something had only just occurred to him.

“What?”

“When I came back to Crooked Tree I was ready to die as well.” He huffed a laugh. “It’s a fucked up world we live in where the two of us would rather take death over the second chance that Crooked Tree could give us.”

“You actually have a future that I can’t hope for anymore.”

Justin shrugged. “Whatever.”

They were quiet for a while.

“What will you tell Bran and Toby when I’m gone?”

Justin shook his head. “Is that only just occurring to you?”

“I never got much past leaving them. I thought I would have time to think, but I don’t.”

“Whatever.” Justin repeated, then released his belt and indicated they get out of the car. “We should go into the woods some.”

Rob climbed out and pocketed the gun, waiting for Justin, until both of them walked up the path that apparently led to somewhere called Hummers Lookout. Neither of them stopped until they reached the top. The lookout offered a view over a vast lake, a reservoir fed by mountain springs, high-sided, and with a guardrail that warned of rockfalls and deep water. Rob shouldn’t have noticed how beautiful it was, but he did—every minute detail.

“Seems like as good a place as any,” Justin mused and peered over the edge at the water below. “But we need to get on with it. Bran’s ankle is swollen, and Sam wants to take him to the hospital, get an X-ray.”

Rob clenched the gun. “What? Is Bran okay?”

“I’m sure he will be. You should have heard him last night, talking about you and how you saved him.” Justin leaned on the fence and stared into the distance. “It will be a good memory for him.”

They stood in silence. Rob was lost in thought as he watched the day brighten around him. He didn’t know what the time was, but no doubt the boys would be up by now, and as for Aaron? He would have realized that Rob had gone. He imagined, somewhere in the mess of everything, that the kids had changed him. It seemed he was easily persuaded by tears and smiles and hugs and by the way they looked at him as if he hung the moon and the stars. Gone was the suspicion and defensiveness, and now they wanted his help.

He'd been so confident that the best thing for everyone was to take himself out of the equation, not be a burden, but how fucking selfish was that now?

Standing here staring at the mountains, the sunlight creeping across the land in bright swathes on the water, he realized his decision didn’t seem so cut-and-dried. He’d spent his entire life not forming attachments for one good reason—it would hurt too much to lose them. But now, he wasn’t so hard and forceful and focused on avoiding connection.

After all, look at the way he hugged his nephews when they cried. Or the way he’d let Aaron creep into his life. Hell, see how he’d let the kids and Aaron into his heart? His eyes burned, and his throat was tight. Could he live for the people who depended on him now?

I’m scared.

Fuck my life.

He pressed the fingers of his spare hand to his temple and massaged the pressure point, all the while holding the gun tight, the safety off, the window for decisions slowly closing. Finally, unbidden, he flicked on the safety and pocketed the gun.

Justin sighed noisily.

“Now can we go home?”

They walked back down to the car in companionable silence, but it was Justin who took the keys from him after deciding Rob was in no fit state to drive. He was right. Rob was shaky and emotional, and all of the things he’d never been before.

Justin started the engine but then reached into his pocket, pulling the bullets out he’d clearly never even put into Rob's gun. They sat evil and gray in Justin’s open hand.

Rob closed his eyes. He hadn’t even noticed there were no bullets, hell, he knew the weight of the weapon with and without bullets.

Normally.

“You have to realize you’re not alone,” Justin said. “Someone in this world wanted you to live. It might have just been me up on that hill, but it’s not just me in the rest of your life, is it?” He pushed the bullets back into his pocket, and Rob didn’t have anything he could say.

When they reached Crooked Tree, he headed straight for Sam and Justin’s place, climbing the stairs and opening his arms as soon as he saw his nephews.

Toby threw himself across the room, and Rob braced himself to catch him, with Bran sedately walking toward him, with no sign of a limp, desperate for a hug.

“Are you okay?” Bran asked when they separated. “Sam said you were sore from yesterday.”

Rob caught Sam’s gaze, gave a small nod in thanks. “I was, but I’m all good now. Have you guys had breakfast?”

“Nope, we was waitin’ for you,” Toby lisped, “an’ look, I lost my tooth, but the fairy isn’t at this house, Justin said they hate tents.”

Rob saw the campout that Justin and Sam had created for the kids, cushions and blankets, and a whole mess of cuddly toys. Where they'd come from, he didn't know, but a closer look showed they were all soft horses with the Crooked Tree logo on them.

“What did you guys do?” he asked Sam. “Raid the entire shop?”

Sam wrinkled his nose. “I wanted the boys to be cozy.”

“The bill is in the mail,” Justin added.

Rob walked into Justin and Sam’s bedroom, Justin following, and handed over the gun.

“Put it away, please.”

Then he scooped up Toby, who was still chattering on about the tooth fairy, and Bran took his hand. Together, they made their way down to Branches, choosing their usual table. They ordered everything, or so it seemed to Rob, but he didn't care, because hell, he was still in shock. He'd made the decision not to end things today, but did that mean he was only waiting until there was another point where leaving the boys seemed right?

And what about Aaron? Would he be able to leave Aaron as well?

The door opened, and Aaron stepped in. He was frowning, his lips in a thin line, but when he spotted Rob, it was as if the worry lifted immediately. He crossed to their table and took the empty seat, just as he had done that first time. Close up he looked like hell, and guilt knifed Rob’s gut.

“You’re still here,” Aaron stated, his voice tight. “I thought you were…”

“Coffee?” Rob asked and passed the pot.

Aaron stared at him in disbelief and then filled his mug.

“What happened?” he said quietly. The boys were comparing stuffed horses and seemed oblivious to the tension in the room.

“I’m here, for now,” Rob murmured and saw the flash of disappointment on Aaron’s face. He knew that Aaron probably wanted him to announce he was taking himself off to the hospital to get himself operated on. But he wasn’t ready for that, nor did he think he ever would be.

“Okay,” Aaron sipped his coffee and listened to the tooth fairy story, but every so often he glanced over at Rob, and the sadness never left his eyes.

The day was like any other. Nothing remained of the morning where Rob had made a life-changing decision. He walked up to the lake with the boys, but understandably Bran was cautious about swimming out so far, and it took a while before he could get Toby into the water. They worked on swimming skills, and by the time they’d finished, Rob needed painkillers and a good hot shower.

“Hey, who wants to help me feed the horses?” Luke called as they passed the barns.

And just like that, Rob was on his own and heading back to the cabin with the promise that Luke would also take the boys to a Todd family barbecue celebrating Ashley’s birthday, adding the option of a sleepover, which was apparently Justin’s idea. Go figure.

Rob was invited, not to the sleepover of course, but to the party. He cried off, explaining he’d hurt his back in the water yesterday, already planning on what he needed to do now. He had hours to spare, and he reached the cabin but didn’t go inside. Instead, he got into his car. He dry-swallowed Tylenol and pulled out his phone, googling a number for Carters, which was the only connection to Aaron he could think of.

“This is Rob, from Crooked Tree. I need to see Aaron,” he said as soon as he connected to Carters. He didn’t know who he was talking to, didn’t really care, but whoever it was asked him his name and then easily passed over an address.

“Tell him Saul sent you.”

The house was small, probably a two-bedroom, but old in style, the yard a wild mess of color and just this side of tamed. There was an old Toyota in the drive, evidence that Aaron’s car was here, even if he wasn’t.

The door opened before he reached it, and Aaron leaned on the doorjamb.

“Saul called me,” he said before Rob could get his words out.

“I thought we could talk?” Jeez, he sounded so uncertain, and he cleared his throat. “We need to talk.”

“About what?”

“Are you going to let me in?”

Aaron moved to one side, and Rob walked in, past the man who was messing with his head, and into the cool interior. The August day was hot, and he needed some shade and a drink.

It seemed as if Aaron was on the same wavelength, offering beer and cold water. Rob took the water and waited for Aaron to tell them where they were going. After a moment’s pause, he inclined his head and left the kitchen, going down the hall to another door and pushing into the bedroom.

“I said we need to talk.” Rob balked at going in because he knew he plus Aaron plus bed would likely end up in more than they needed to be doing.

"Take off your shirt," Aaron said and turned his back to Rob, rummaging in a drawer. He pulled out a jar of massage cream and unscrewed the lid, turning back to Rob and frowning when he saw Rob hadn’t moved. “Come on, take it off, and your belt, loosen your jeans. No, that isn’t enough. Take it all off. Strip.”

Rob limped to the bed and did as instructed, except for keeping on his boxers. So much for talking.

“You look like shit,” Aaron murmured and then helped Rob to lie on his belly. “At the same time… look at that body.”

Rob made a move to get up.

“I was joking,” Aaron said, with a hand on Rob’s lower back. “Well, no I wasn’t, but I’m a medic. I can avoid sex if I need to. Of course, I'm lying about that, too.”

Rob moved the pillow so he could support his face and not asphyxiate; the pillow smelled of Aaron, that particular mix of soap and scent that made him hard in his pants.

“What vertebrae are the fragments lodged against?”

“T5.”

“Okay, I’ll concentrate on your shoulders and lower back. It’s where you’re carrying all your pain. I have acupuncture needles as well.”

Rob couldn’t argue, didn’t want to. He was tired, and Aaron had his hands on him, the scent of lotion in his nostrils, and the rhythmic press and pull of a gentle massage. Aaron found all the bad points, the places where there was referred pain because he held himself so stiffly right now. They hurt but eased, and the needles were pinpoint sharp, and his muscles fought them. Slowly he began to relax and listened to Aaron breathe, the slow inhale and exhale, imagining the feel of it on his heated skin.

“You need this every day,” Aaron murmured, smoothing hands to the base of Rob’s spine, the weight of him down by Rob’s knees as he straddled him. With each pass, they moved closer to his ass, and Aaron eased down his boxers until they were hooked beneath the globes of his ass and on his erection, which wouldn’t dissipate much as he tried to think about all the nasty things he’d seen in his life. “Right after we make love again.”

“We never have,” Rob said, his words not making sense, his mind blurry. “We had sex.”

Aaron chuckled, then pressed against a particularly hard knot, keeping his touch there, firm, until the muscle eased a little.

“You were having sex. I was falling for you.”

“You… can’t…”

“Telling me I can’t, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

“I don’t—” Rob was going to say that he didn’t have any affection for Aaron, that his friend with benefits was nothing more than that.

I’d be lying. I want more than sex. I want the kids as my family, and I want to make love with Aaron, and be a kind of father, and I hate that I can’t. Emotion pressed his chest, and for a moment he couldn’t breathe.

“Did you ask Justin about the boys?”

The question pulled him back off the edge. “Huh?”

“Sam said he and you went for a drive, when I woke up and you were gone. Did you tell him about the bullet and ask him to take Bran and Toby.”

What was the point of lying to Aaron? “More than that. Justin already knew most of it, but he talked me off the edge.”

There was a pause, Aaron’s talented hands moving to his hips and the muscles to the side of his back.

“I’ll be there for them, too,” Aaron said, and then Rob felt the brush of his hair on sensitive skin as Aaron leaned over to kiss the back of his neck. “For you, I’ll look out for them.”

Rob sighed, another piece of stone weighing him down falling to the ground, shattering into a million tiny pieces.

“Thank you.” Maybe it was the silence or the scent or Aaron’s hands on him, but tears welled in his eyes, and as much as he wanted them to go away, they weren’t going anytime soon.

“There,” Aaron announced, pressing another kiss where he had before. “Close your eyes and get some sleep.”

And miraculously, that was exactly what Rob did.