Unsettled Him

 

Vin had the door to his terrace open, getting a nice breeze in the apartment. He’d heard Piper moving around outside on her own terrace, but didn’t make any attempt to close the door.

When he heard her crying, he couldn’t ignore it, even if he wanted to. Even if deep down he told himself to keep his distance.

But in the past few days, he was finding that he didn’t always like the place he was in and had no one to blame but himself.

He walked out, leaned over the wall and peeked at her. She had her head buried in her hands just sobbing, and his heart twisted like a knife in the belly. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

She lifted her head, her eyes red and swollen, like she’d been crying for hours, rather than the few minutes he’d heard.

Before he could stop himself. Before he could convince himself what a huge mistake this would be. Before he realized he was losing his mind, he reached over and grabbed her metal railing and hopped over to her terrace.

Her jaw popped open and just hung there. It might have been the first time she was speechless.

“How did you do that?” she asked.

“I jumped,” he explained calmly.

“But we’re three stories up. You could have fallen. You could have gotten hurt. What if you didn’t make it?”

He grinned at her. The thought of not making that small jump after the training he’d been through in life was laughable, but he couldn’t very well say that to her.

“I didn’t fall or get hurt, so it’s a non-issue.” He walked over and sat next to her on the other chair, reached his hand over and held hers lightly, shocked that he’d done that. That he’d desperately wanted to touch a woman and offer comfort. “Now tell me why you’re crying.”

“You don’t care,” she said, sniffling and looking like a lost little puppy that was being used as a soccer ball around the playground.

He didn’t want her to think he didn’t care. He wasn’t sure why he did—he just knew he was drawn over the railing and into her presence. “I wouldn’t have risked my life to be next to you if I didn’t,” he said, trying to tease a smile out of her. Instead, she burst into tears again, yanking her hand out of his and bawling her eyes out.

“What did I say?”

“Don’t laugh about death. Never. It’s serious.”

Preaching to the choir. “Did someone die?” he asked now, softly. He’d forgotten what it was like to soften his voice like that. So used to issuing orders and commands, trying to keep people safe. Trying to keep them alive. Yeah, it was serious and he’d failed.

She ran her arm under her nose and then sniffled up quickly. He tried not to flinch. “Smokey,” she said, sobbing, then let out a hiccup.

“Who’s Smokey?”

“My cat.”

He was pretty sure the building was pet free. Plus, he didn’t see any signs of a feline in her apartment when he was there the other day, if she was even trying to hide a cat.

“What happened?”

“I found him dead in an alley,” she said, big fat tears rolling down her cheeks. He was a sucker again that he thought he’d never be, and pulled her over onto his lap. He tried to push away the thoughts of how good it felt to have her there.

“There aren’t any alleys here,” he said, his hand running up and down her back. When she lay her head on his shoulder, he found he was inhaling her scent. Cinnamon and sugar.

“Behind the store.”

“You keep a cat at the bakery?”

“It’s not really my cat. It’s a stray. I named him Smokey. He was always looking for food out back. Really scrawny until I started to feed him daily. But when I went to throw some trash out today, I just found him lying there.”

“Was he old?”

“Yeah. I think. He was gray and white, so I’m not sure how old he was. He probably died of old age, or something, but it’s still distressing. Death freaks me out,” she said, snuggling into him some more, his shirt feeling another influx of tears.

Death never used to distress him. He’d seen enough of it in his life, and though it didn’t freak him out, it unsettled him. Or maybe it was the lack of control that did. Either way, he understood.

“Why is that?” he asked her.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because nothing was ever stable in my life. I was always moving around. But no one ever died. I mean, I always knew someone else was still out there. I know my mother and father are out there somewhere. Even if I never see them, I know they’re alive. I think. Or I tell myself. It’s a hope that maybe I’ll see them again. I don’t even like to kill a mouse or a bug or anything. Nothing. Everyone has the right to live. No one should take another’s life.”

Good thing she didn’t know about his history in the army, or she’d be looking at him with disdain rather than comfort.

“But it’s the cycle of life, Piper. Everyone dies. There is no stopping it.”

“I know. It’s just always freaked me out. And I keep shutting my eyes and seeing him lying there. I hope it was painless. I hope he died happy.”

“If you were feeding him, then I’m sure he did.” What else was he supposed to say?

“Sam said the same thing. She had to take care of Smokey for me. I couldn’t do it. She buried him in the back and I put a bouquet of sugar cookie flowers on his spot.”

He grinned and kissed her forehead before he could stop himself. He wasn’t sure he ever knew someone that sweet before. He wanted to say innocent, but didn’t really think that would apply. Definitely sweet, though. “That was nice.”

“He liked sugar cookies the best. I used to give him a half of one in his bowl with cat food every day.”

He chuckled. “Then I’d say he’d had a pretty awesome life since he met you.”

“No one should be alone,” she said. “Everyone should have someone.”

Her words hit him hard. He liked being alone, but the truth of it was, he really wasn’t. He had a family that loved and cared for him. That worried about him and wanted him to come back home. But he couldn’t and he wouldn’t. He needed to be alone to find himself first. Seemed parts of him were finding their way back in the past few days without him even trying.

“You’re right. Everyone should have someone.”

“Do you?” she asked him.

“Do I what?”

“Do you have someone? You seem like you’re all alone in the world.” He wasn’t sure how this got turned around on him.

“I have a family. Just not around here. We talk when we need to. Who do you have?” he asked.

For a guy who hadn’t had much conversation in the past year or so, he was awfully chatty now for some reason.

“I have lots of people. Sam and Nicole at my shop. The Shaffers—my last foster family that really loved me—and lots of friends.”

“Then you’ve got a really full life.”

“Why are you being so nice to me right now?”

“I didn’t know I wasn’t that nice of a person,” he said, frowning. But he knew he was rude to her the first time they met. Rude to most of the people in the building, just by trying to avoid everyone in general.

“Maybe not mean, but not friendly, either.”

She was right. “You looked like you needed someone to lean on tonight.”

“That makes you pretty friendly then,” she said, her finger trailing up and down his leg. She was playing with fire right now. But the funny part was, it was almost like she didn’t even know she was holding a match.

“Does it make up for my rudeness before?” he asked.

“A little.”

“I’m glad.”

“You know what would really make me feel better?” she asked.

“What?”

“A kiss.”

“You just met me and you want me to kiss you?”

“Just a little one. Just to make me feel better.”

He wanted to say no.

He wanted to tell her she was crazy.

He wanted to dump her on the floor and hop back over to his side of the terrace.

Instead he lowered his head and gave her what she wanted.