The next four weeks slid by in a haze. Harley alternated between despair, peace, sorrow, happy memories, anger, joy, and listlessness, and then she’d go through all the emotions again. Her mom was the toughest woman she knew. There had never been any doubt how much her parents loved each other, to the point of embarrassing her and Ryker as teenagers, but that love seemed to be holding her mom up now. That, and the angels she was sure her dad was sending their way. Maybe he was even one of them. So many times in their home there was such peace and this surreal happy feeling, despite their loss, that Harley knew it could only be attributed to help and comfort from the other side.

She felt like a jerk, but she studiously avoided Crew. When he looked at her, it was with tenderness and understanding that made her want to ditch her future plans and declare her love for him. Her dad had asked her to keep everybody happy, and she had no idea what that meant for her future. Should she go to England or give up on that dream? Yet her dad wanted her to be happy too. Her mind was a mass of confusion.

Her mom was baking apple pies when she walked into the kitchen late Saturday morning, a month after her dad had passed. In a few weeks she was supposed to move to England. Could she really do it? Leave her mom and Ryker so soon after losing her dad? Leave Crew?

Harley gave her a brief squeeze. “Smells good. It’s so awesome that you’ve rocked the cookbook world.” She was super proud of her mom. It was interesting as she grew older how she could step back and see her parents better, not just as someone to take care of her and love, but as individuals who had their own hopes and dreams, good and bad days. Now her dad’s dreams were over. Peace washed over her and she knew her dad was happy and still progressing somewhere she couldn’t see or imagine right now.

“Thanks, love.” Her mom leaned into her hug, but her hands were too messy to return it. “Trying out some new recipes with the Jonagold apples. I love apples, but we’ve got way too many this year.” She laughed.

“You seem really happy.”

Her mom gave her a tremulous smile. “I miss him.” She sniffed before continuing, “But I’m so glad I have you, Ryker, and Crew, and of course all our friends and neighbors.”

Harley’s heart lurched on Crew’s name. “Mom … what are your thoughts about me going to England?”

Her mom stopped mixing up the cinnamon, butter, and brown sugar mixture, rinsed her hands under the faucet, then wiped them on a cloth. “Sit down, love.”

Harley pulled in a breath. This was going to be serious. She moved to the dining table and pulled out a chair for her mom, then sat in one herself.

Her mom took her hands in both of hers. “Are you having second thoughts?”

Harley shrugged. “Only about leaving you. I want to go, Mom. It’s been my dream forever.”

Her mom nodded. “So what’s the worry?”

“How do I leave you and Ryker?”

Her mom smiled. “Honey, it’s only nine months. I’m so excited to come visit you, and you can come home for Christmas and spring break. We’ll make it through.”

“But what if all my dreams come true and I find my Mr. Darcy and live there?” She didn’t have the heart to remind her mom that she planned on staying and working there, regardless of if she met someone.

The smile slid off her mom’s face. She studied Harley for a few seconds, then said, “Are you trying to tell me that I’m an idiot with no motherly intuition?”

“Mom?” Harley reared back, confused. “I would never call you an idiot.”

“Yes, you just did. Of course you’re coming back. You love Crew.” Her mom stood and went back to her apples, humming softly.

Harley sat there, stunned. After a few moments she picked up the tune her mom was humming, “Do I Love You Because You’re Wonderful?” She sighed. Her mom had just given her blessing to go to England, but she still didn’t understand Harley’s dreams and that she had no plans of coming back to stay or marry Crew.

Later that evening Harley slipped out of the house and went on a long walk. It was getting close to dark when she passed by Crew’s house. Several lights were on and the house beaconed to her like heaven itself. She’d long since finished Scarlet Pimpernel and wanted to go exchange it for a different book, but she couldn’t bring herself to be alone with Crew. He’d been so great through everything with her dad and Harley didn’t feel like she’d treated him very well, ignoring him the way she had. But it was the only way to protect her heart and get on with her dreams.

She turned and slowly walked along the asphalt driveway, stopping next to the wraparound porch. Warm light shone from her dream home, but she couldn’t see any movement inside. Maybe he wasn’t even home. As she stood there, she asked herself the question she’d been ignoring. What if Crew her dream man?

She shook her head and backed up a step. No. And she couldn’t give in to her desire to be with him. It wasn’t fair for her to spend time with Crew and make it even harder on both of them when she left. She forced herself to pivot and walk away, only looking back once at those inviting windows. The walk home passed slowly, as a piece of her seemed to be back at Crew’s porch, knocking on the door and waiting to see his handsome face.

She arrived back home as darkness descended over the valley. The lights in her own house looked welcoming and happy. She only had a little longer at home, and she wanted to enjoy it, even with the sadness of her dad’s loss lingering over them.

A car pulled into the driveway and she whirled in surprise. A red Mercedes slithered to a stop right in front of her. Harley backed up a few steps.

James climbed out of the car, grinning at her. “I found you.”

“James?” What was he doing here?

“I googled your last name and your little town and I was able to drive right to you.”

“Why are you here?” she asked.

“You haven’t returned my texts or calls.” He walked steadily closer to her.

“My dad died.” She hated using that as an excuse, but she didn’t need or want James around and she’d use the strongest excuse she had right now.

“Oh.” He looked abashed for a second; then he moved closer again. “I’d like to be here for you, Harley.”

“I don’t even know you.” She backed up until her heels hit the bottom of the porch steps.

He kept coming, and the look in his eyes scared her. The smell of alcohol on his breath scared her even more. “I’d like to get to know you really well, beautiful lady.”

She straightened. “And I’d like for you to leave and not come back.”

His eyebrows jumped. “What kind of talk is that? I’ve taken you on two expensive dinners and never gotten off with you. You owe me.”

“Excuse me?” Ice seemed to rub along her neck. “I don’t owe you anything. You invited me out and I went, though I’m now regretting it.” What a putz. If he tried anything, she was kneeing him and then screaming for Ryker. He’d be out doing chores somewhere right now.

James glowered down at her. “You’re going to regret a lot more than that.” He wrapped his hands around her upper arms and dragged her close.

Harley screamed, “Ryker!” and brought her knee up quick, but he dodged and her knee only brushed his thigh.

James yanked her toward his car and she struggled to free herself, calling out desperately to Ryker. Her heart raced and her stomach churned with terror. She could not let him get her in that car. Harley hit at his hands and tried to yank free, but he was too strong. Where was Ryker? What would James do to her if he got her in his car and took her away from everyone she loved?

James’s grip on her slackened and he yelled, “Hey!”

Harley yanked herself free and dodged away from him just as he was thrown bodily into his Mercedes. He hit it with a sickening crunch and went down on one knee, cursing.

Harley looked for Ryker, but it was Crew who filled her vision. She ran to him. He protectively ushered her behind him as James stood.

“Who is this?” James snarled. “The lame cowboy from the airport?”

“I’m her boyfriend,” Crew declared. “And if I ever catch you touching her again, you’ll wish the worst you got was being chucked against your overpriced car.”

James looked Crew over, then flung open his car door, slid inside, and peeled out of the driveway.

Crew turned to her, brushing the hair from her face, his eyes sweeping over her. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yes.” Harley let out a little sob and threw herself against his chest.

Crew’s arms came around her, strong and sure. She simply held on to him, breathing in his unique musky scent along with the smell of hay and horses. Peace and safety washed over her, a sense of home.

Her legs trembled. She let herself think what would’ve happened if James had gotten her into his car, and her stomach lurched. He could’ve taken her anywhere, done anything. Her whole body shook.

“You’re not okay.” Crew tilted up her chin with his palm.

“Yes, I am. You’re here.” Harley stood on tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. Like the first time she’d kissed him, he seemed too stunned to respond immediately, but he didn’t make her wait very long as he cupped the back of her neck, tilting her head to a different angle and deepening the kiss. Harley sighed as desire and love overwhelmed her. She clung to his strong back and let his mouth work its magic on her.

When he released her, she felt like she was soaring. “Thank you for rescuing me,” she whispered.

“I wish I could always rescue you.” He stared down at her with longing and a love she couldn’t deny.

“Well, why can’t you?” She put a lot of sass into her voice.

Crew laughed and trailed his fingers along her sensitive neck. She tingled from head to toe. “I would love to, but I can’t watch out for you very well if you’re in England.” His face sobered. “Maybe I’d better follow you there. What if all Englishmen are idiots like that one?”

Harley rolled her eyes and released her grip on his back. “They aren’t.”

Crew stared at her. “Harley, I love you.”

“I know,” she whispered. Misery overtook her as she knew they were back to what would always keep them apart.

“Do you have to go?”

“You’d keep me from my dreams?” It was the question at the base of all her issues with her family and Crew. She’d said or thought it too many times, but it was her only defense right now. She wanted nothing more than to stay in Crew’s arms, but that was a wimp’s way out. She couldn’t simply stay in this valley and never make anything of herself. She’d regret it and she didn’t think she’d ever be content. Yet thoughts of not being with Crew seemed more torturous at the moment than not exploring the world.

“Harley.” He shook his head. “Of course I want you to have your dreams, but please tell me those dreams don’t include marrying an idiotic Englishman.”

She couldn’t answer him. Her dreams since age twelve had been centered around her debonair Englishman and the places they’d explore together.

“Please tell me you’ll come back to me.”

Why did he have to make this so hard? What she wouldn’t give to never leave him. Harley steeled her spine and pulled away from him, stepping up a stair. “I can’t dictate where I’ll end up. What if I do fall in love with an Englishman?” It felt so mean to say it, but she’d planned on finding her own Mr. Darcy for more than half her life. Just because Crew put a wrench in her plans didn’t mean the plan couldn’t veer and then get back on track.

He jammed a hand through his hair, saying with disgust, “You don’t even know what love is.”

“Yes, I do.” She folded her arms across her chest.

“You have some skewed vision of love from Jane Austen novels! I read them. They’re stupid.”

She gasped, partly because of his insult of her favorite author, but mostly because she couldn’t believe he’d read them. “You said you only read part of Pride and Prejudice.”

“I read every single one of them. Even though I was bored stiff and honestly think Jane Austen loved to vomit silly nonsense all over the page.”

Harley laughed at that. “She was a little wordy at times.”

“A little?”

She couldn’t validate that, even if it was true. “Why’d you read them if you didn’t like them?”

“Because you liked them.” He jabbed a hand her direction. “And if you think about it, each woman found the right man for her, not some elusive guy she thought she would end up with. The right man for you is not some Englishman, Harley. It’s me.”

She drew back another step, but he came closer. “Love is about shared values, shared work ethic, shared upbringing, fireworks when you touch, caring about the other person more than you care about yourself.” He shook his head. “If you want to go to England, go. I’ll support you and be cheering you on. But know that the man who loves you more than anything in the world is right here, waiting for you.”

The words were so touching, so right, but the right guy for her was a debonair Englishman. She glanced over Crew. He was debonair, in his way, but she had to go to England, and no matter how she wanted to be with Crew he’d never pull up his roots and hers weren’t planted here anymore.

“I’m so sorry, Crew,” she managed. “We’re just not meant to be. Fate’s against us.”

“To heck with fate,” he muttered. His jaw tightened and his eyes swept over her. “When do you go to Cambridge?”

“Three weeks.”

He stepped closer. “Are you going to find at Cambridge what you didn’t find at Yale?”

“What do you mean?” Her heart thumped at his nearness.

“You want to experience life and the world, but I see you just buckling down and studying, reading, dreaming of experiences but not taking them.”

She blinked at him. “But don’t you see, Crew? That’s why I have to go. I’ll never have those experiences here. I really would waste away living through my books.”

He reached up and traced a hand tenderly down her cheek. Harley couldn’t stop the warm shiver his touch created. “You’re always looking for something out there, Harley. Maybe you need to slow down and experience what’s right in front of you. Savor life, savor the moments.”

Harley wanted to tell him that the only moments she really savored were when she was with him, but the words stuck in her throat. She cleared it and said, “That’s why I’m going, Crew. To experience it all.”

He pulled his hand away, studied her for a few seconds, and nodded. “Good luck, Harley. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” He turned and walked toward the barn.

Harley watched him go. Her stomach felt like it was full of lead and despair blanketed her. But she’d worked for years to go have the experiences that England promised. She was determined to see all there was to see.

She was going to England. No matter how idiotic that decision seemed right now.