CHAPTER 22
The huge, potential problem of Seth taking the God Killer power from me at the last and possibly worst moment known to mankind was suddenly insignificant.
I was staring at my dad.
My father.
He looked just like I remembered—a classically handsome face lined by the weather and his life, but his brown eyes were lively with intelligence and awareness. He was thinner, gaunter than before.
And he was wearing a Sentinel uniform.
Something in my chest came unhinged, like a door had been thrown open too fast and too hard. Tears poured into my eyes.
He was in a Sentinel uniform.
My father also held a dagger against Seth’s throat.
“It’s okay,” I said, my voice hoarse. I glanced at Seth, who looked as surprised as I felt. “Seth?”
Standing slowly, Seth raised his hands. His amber gaze was locked on my father. “I’m not going to hurt her.”
My father didn’t look convinced. His lips curled in a sneer as he kept the blade against Seth’s throat, but he let Seth back away. The First headed for the door, stopping once to look at us, and then he disappeared through the archway.
I stared up at my dad, too afraid to look away because I feared he might actually vanish, too scared to stand because I knew my legs wouldn’t hold me. My throat clogged with emotion, and his face blurred. This whole time, from the moment I first received Laadan’s letter, I had hoped that I would see him again, but I never really thought that I would.
And here he was, on the night before battle, standing before me.
“Dad?” I croaked. It was all I could say. It was like I’d lost my ability to speak in comprehensible sentences.
He expertly sheathed the Covenant dagger the way we’d been taught in training. For a whole minute, he didn’t move or look away. His gaze crawled over my face, and the lines around his eyes deepened, as did the furrow between his brows. I knew it was the scars, and even though he had never been in my life—couldn’t have been—they had to affect him deeply.
Letting out a breath that he seemed to have been holding for years, he sat beside me on the couch. I didn’t know what to say. There was so much pressure in my chest and my throat.
He reached out with one hand and cupped my cheek. His hand was cool, but I didn’t care. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears. The pressure increased, pushing at the seams. My dad didn’t say anything, because he couldn’t, but his touch…it was better than any words that could be spoken.
I struggled to pull myself together, waiting until I was more sure I wouldn’t start sobbing all over him before I spoke. And of course, I said the stupidest thing possible. “It’s really you?”
He nodded, a slight smile appearing.
Taking in a shuddering breath, I blinked a few times. “Did you…did you get my letter?”
Another nod.
“Okay. Okay.” I took another breath. “How long have you’ve been here?”
He held up a finger, and then leaned back. Reaching into the side pocket of his tactical pants, he pulled out a small notebook and pen. He wrote something quickly and handed it to me. His handwriting was neat and small, so unlike mine.
“Two days?” I read out loud and then waited while he scribbled something. “You heard that a group of Sentinels had arrived.” My heart tripped up as I glanced at him. “You left the Covenant to see if I was among them?”
He nodded.
“How?”
My dad wrote: I knocked out the guard he had watching over me. He thinks I don’t know that he knows who I am.
I laughed, and his lips twitched into another small smile. “Gods,” I said, smoothing my hands over my thighs. I wanted to hug him, but I wasn’t sure what he’d do. “When I was at the Covenant before, I didn’t know it was you. If I had, I would’ve done something. I swear I would have.”
His pen flew across his little notepad. Two sentences. I know. Not your problem.
“But you’re my dad. It is my problem.”
He shook his head no, and then wrote quickly. You look so much like your mother.
I smiled widely, blinking back another rush of tears. “Thank you.”
There was a pause as he stared at me, and then he started scribbling away, faster than before. Your mother and I wouldn’t have wanted this kind of life for you.
“I—”
He held up a finger and finished his note. Laadan kept me updated on you, telling me what she could. I would’ve wanted anything but this for you, but I am so very proud of you.
I sucked in a sharp breath as the tears welled up again. He was proud of me. How many times had I wondered if he was? There had been so many stupid things I’d done in my past, things that had gotten me in a world of trouble, and the gods knew I had a lot of stupid left in me, but my father was proud of me, and that was all that mattered after everything was said and done. The pressure expanded until it was too much.
Springing forward, I wrapped my arms around him and held on like he might disappear in front of me. He dropped the pen and notepad, enfolding me in a powerful hug. The kind of hug I’d been missing my entire life. A hug that hadn’t come too late, but just in time.
The tears came. There was no stopping them, but they were happy tears.
* * *
I stayed with my dad for hours, me talking and asking questions and him answering with a shake of his head or with his notepad. On and off, I cried. I kept thinking this was a dream, but the longer he remained by my side, the more I began to realize this was real.
Maybe an hour into our reunion, something else amazing happened. Something that I had never thought would.
Dad met the other most important man in my life.
He met Aiden, who’d come looking for me, and then I got to see what it was truly like to have a father in my life. He regarded Aiden coolly; he looked like he was thinking about using the dagger the same way he had with Seth.
Aiden was polite as ever, and he started to make a quick escape to give us privacy, but I captured his hand. Our eyes met and he nodded. I wanted him there, to share this with me, because none of us knew how much time we really had left and there was no point to missing an opportunity like this. Aiden sat on the floor by my feet, his hand and thumb smoothing over the back of my calf.
I would’ve loved to have met my dad under better circumstances. Maybe where the three of us could go out to dinner like normal people, but this…this was perfect in its own way.
Honored that he would leave those who were still behind the walls to see if I was among the Sentinels that had arrived, I fought the pain and the panic when he showed me the message I’d been dreading.
I have to go back to them. They have no one else.
My heart turned over heavily. “But Ares knows you’re my father.”
I won’t be strolling in the front door, he wrote. I know my way around in there, and I stay out of Ares’ way. If Ares was going to use me, he would’ve done so by now.
“How can you be so sure?”
Aiden continued the soothing gesture. “He may be right. Maybe Ares has some sort of code he operates by.”
I doubted that. My chest seized at the thought of him falling into Ares’ hands.
My father tipped his chin down as he scribbled on the pad. I don’t want you doing what you’re planning.
I opened my mouth, but he wrote on.
But I know you have to. Like I have to.
He was right. Damn my father for actually being the logical parent. My wildness came from my mom, but apparently I got my stubbornness from my dad.
When the morning was only a few hours away, my father hugged me goodbye, and I knew he was heading back to the Covenant. I didn’t want to let go of him, and I didn’t for several minutes. I held onto him, squeezing him as tightly as I could, and when we broke apart, there was a stinging pain deep in my chest. Seeing him go was one of the most painful things I’d ever experienced.
In a small room with a pile of blankets as a bed, I stared out the window over the camp.
“You should get some rest. We’ll have to start out in the afternoon.”
My head wasn’t on the battle ahead. “What if I never see him again?”
Aiden came up behind me, slipping his arms around my waist and tugging me into the warmth of his body. “You will see him again.”
Clinging to that, I tipped my head back against his chest and closed my eyes. “When this is all over, I want the three of us to go out to dinner.”
He kissed my forehead. “Pick a place.”
“Anywhere normal. Somewhere like Applebee’s.”
Aiden chuckled. “I think we can make that work.”
Turning in his embrace, I rested my cheek against his chest. He held me as I rambled on about my dad, and then we moved on to less happy subjects. While I didn’t want to tell him about Seth, I needed to.
“I don’t like the sound of this,” he said, resting his hands on either side of my head. “If he doesn’t allow you to transfer the power or pulls any crap like he has before, you’ll be a sitting duck for Ares.”
The upcoming face-off with Ares was a constant, low-level hum of adrenaline that was like a pebble in my shoe. Annoying but tolerable. But adding in the possibility of Seth going rogue at the last minute turned that pebble into a shark’s tooth.
“I’m going to try again, but I don’t think it’s going to work. Once Seth has his mind set on something, there’s no changing it.”
“But that’s not acceptable.” Aiden dropped his hands and turned, stalking toward the blanket. “It’s too risky. If—”
“We don’t have any other choice.” I followed him. “And I think…I think he needs to do it that way, when the risk is the highest. Like a…”
“Like how an addict stops doing drugs because they’re sitting in jail?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Uh, sure?”
“Inmates can still get drugs,” he grumbled, reaching down and tugging his shirt off his head. Thick bands of muscle stretched and pulled taut.
“I’m not following this conversation.” For several reasons, but I kept that last part to myself.
Aiden faced me. “I know the plan is for you and Seth to go with Perses to find Ares, but—”
“But we’re not changing the plan, no matter how cray-cray Seth is.” My heart acted like a spazz at the thought of Aiden being with us. “You cannot be there when we face off with Ares. He’ll use you—”
“He can only use me if I’m incapable of defending myself, Alex.” His brows lowered as his eyes flashed silver. Uh-oh. “I’m not your weakness.”
“You’re not. You’re the opposite of that, Aiden, but I know Ares will go straight for you. He knows I’ll be distracted because you’re there. And it’s what I’d do if I were him.”
Aiden looked away as he shoved a hand through his hair. Several seconds stretched out, and then he released a ragged breath. “I know you have to do this, Alex, but it goes against everything in me not to be with you.”
Biting my lip, I nodded. I knew it was going to take a near act of the gods to get Aiden to not follow us tomorrow. “If it were you asking me to not be with you, I wouldn’t want to listen to you.”
He let out a dry laugh. “You wouldn’t listen to me, Alex. You’d go against me, and you’d find a way to be there with me.”
“I would.” I cracked a grin. “I would do it even knowing that you’d be distracted by me, because I’m selfish like that. You’re not.”
“I can be incredibly selfish.” His gaze settled on me once more, and he placed the tips of his fingers on either side of my cheeks. “I’ve been nothing but selfish with you.”
Confused, I frowned. “How?”
“I was selfish in wanting you, knowing what it could mean for you. I was selfish the first time I kissed you, touched you.” The shiver his words brought forth didn’t go unnoticed by him. A dimple appeared. “I was selfish the night I came to your bed when you were at my parents’ house, and I’ve been selfish every day since then. The only time I hadn’t been selfish was when I pushed you away, and that’s the day I regret most.”
My stomach fluttered like there was a jackrabbit inside it. “Aiden…”
“You’re going to be separated from me tomorrow, and it’s going to take everything in me to let you face Ares without me standing by your side, so I’m going to be very selfish right now.” His finger trailed over my cheek and across my parted lips. “Because it’s the only way I can be unselfish tomorrow.”
Aiden’s lips replaced his fingers then, and the kiss wasn’t slow or gentle. It was fierce, consuming, and tasted of soul-burning yearning and desperation. Our clothing came off with a quickness that was rather impressive, and our bodies melded together on the thick blankets. Behind every touch and every kiss there was the knowledge that neither of us wanted to put forth into words. So we used our mouths, our hands, and our bodies to say what both of us were too terrified to speak.
This could be our last time together.