CHAPTER 3
As a group, we decided we would hold a meeting the day after tomorrow for anyone on campus who wished to join what Deacon had named the “Army of Awesomeness”. Diana and Marcus, who apparently had jointly taken over the day-to-day operation of the campus after the dean’s death, picked the Council’s coliseum as the location of the meeting. All twelve of the University’s council members, plus a handful from other locations, were on campus, and Diana swore they would have no problems with us making use of what was considered one of the most sacred buildings on campus.
I had a hard time believing it.
But the day before that wouldn’t be about recruitment for the A.O.A. or battle strategies. That day would be the day the dead were given their rightful burial.
After the meeting had ended, I quickly skedaddled out of the common area and headed outside, needing the fresh air. The oxygen in my lungs felt stale, my brain full of holes. Once the anger had faded, all that was left were the dull ache of my healing body and the odd numbness in my core.
Night had begun to fall, and although it was the middle of May, cool air brushed my cheeks and made me grateful for the long-sleeved shirt Aiden had dug up.
I strode past the main building and looked up, sucking in a gulp of air when I got a good look at the top floor. The window facing the courtyard had been boarded up. My gaze fell to the marble pathway below. It was cracked.
Shuddering, I hurried around the wrought-iron face separating the courtyard from the walkways. Like the one that had been on Deity Island, flowers and trees from all around the globe blossomed here, despite the climate. The clean scent of roses and the sweeter scent of peonies mixed with the heavier scents of grapes and olive trees.
Stopping near the entrance, I stared up at a marble replica of Zeus. With his curly hair and beard, he looked more like a mountain man than the all-powerful god he was.
Couldn’t he have stepped in at some point, put the smackdown on Ares, and ended all of this? Surely Zeus could find a way to get around Seth and take out Lucian. But even if Zeus did, that still left Seth for him to deal with…and me.
Further into the courtyard, a statue of Apollo glowed, lit by a small lamp at its base. His face was turned toward the sky.
“Where are you?” I asked.
Once Apollo had blown his cover as Leon, he wasn’t able to stay in the mortal realm for long periods of time without weakening. I wondered if it was the same for Ares, and if so, did he hang out in Olympus with the other gods or did he have a hidey hole somewhere?
Turning from the statue, I started back down the path, because it wasn’t like the hunk of rock was going to answer any of my questions. Passing several smaller buildings that looked like miniature Greek temples, I skirted the Council building. Busts of the Olympian twelve were carved into the four sides of the building, which closely resembled an ancient temple. Like always, a measure of dread knotted in my stomach as I hurried past.
Council buildings had never held good memories for me.
Beyond the Council building, I looked back. Dorms rose into the sky behind the main academic buildings. The University really was its own city, but other than the patrolling Guards, I hadn’t seen a student yet.
It was probably a good thing they were keeping the students in their rooms. The last thing anyone needed was a bunch of pures running amuck, feeding off hysteria.
Gods, I sounded like an old fart.
I felt like an old fart.
Coming to the end of the pathway, the marble walls in front of me rose into the night. Spotlights situated every few feet atop the walls cast light throughout the campus. In the shadows of the twenty-foot monstrosity surrounding the University, Guards and Sentinels were stationed where sections of the wall had taken some damage.
I sat down on a bench and stretched my legs out, working the healing muscles and tissue as I watched the men. Even from where I sat, I could tell that they were all half-bloods. Every damn one of them, and I couldn’t help but think of my father. I’d given up hope that he was here because Laadan would’ve found him by now. He could still be at the New York Covenant in the Catskills. He could be anywhere, or he could be dead.
Rubbing my hands down my face, I told myself not to think that, but man, I was so rocking a Negative Nancy vibe like there was no tomorrow. Or maybe I was just being a Realistic Rachel? How could he have survived? How could Ares not know that my father had been at the Catskills? Surely he would use my father against me if he could.
And what would he have chosen for his life if he’d had a choice to be something other than a Sentinel, Guard, or servant? What would any of these men out by the walls have chosen? Did any of them ever think about that?
I had, at one point in my life, when I’d been living among mortals, way before I knew what I was or had even heard that stupid prophecy. I’d wanted to work at a zoo. Not the biggest aspiration for one to have in life, but I loved animals and because all creatures could be controlled by compulsion—therefore pure-blooded daimons—I’d never had a pet. The few times I’d visited a zoo, the workers had always seemed to enjoy their jobs, and I wanted that. I wanted to be happy with what I was doing with my life. I used to think becoming a Sentinel would fulfill that need.
Funny thing was, when I’d been living among mortals, all I’d really wanted was to be back at the Covenant among my own kind. Now I wasn’t so sure I wanted to be a Sentinel if I survived this.
Glancing down, I put my hands on my stomach, like a pregnant woman did. The cord buzzed along, a constant open connection. I closed my eyes and focused, like I had the night before I went toe-to-toe with Ares. Gods knew I probably looked as much an idiot now as I did then.
Seth?
There was no answer—nothing on the other side. Like the cord went out into space and just ended.
Footsteps crunched over the gravel, and I didn’t need to look behind me to know who it was.
Aiden had been following me the whole time.
The footsteps stopped behind the bench.
“I’m not going to run off,” I said, and I wasn’t planning to.
There was a pause. “I know.”
A few seconds later, he came around the bench and sat beside me, his hands resting on his thighs. Neither of us spoke for what felt like forever. He was the one to break the silence first.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you back there.”
I choked on a laugh as I slid him a glance. “No, you’re not.”
One side of his lips tipped up, but it wasn’t a real smile that showed off those dimples. I hadn’t seen one of those since I’d woken up this afternoon. “Okay,” he conceded. “I’m not sorry for what I said, but I am sorry for raising my voice.”
“It’s okay.”
“I wish you’d stop saying that.”
I stood a little too fast, and my knees backhanded me in the form of sharp bursts of pain. “But it is okay.”
My back was to him, but I could feel the frown in his voice. “Everything is not okay, Alex. I’m pretty sure the world is coming down around us. It’s all right for things not to be okay.”
I placed one foot in front of the other as if walking a balance beam, but my equilibrium hadn’t caught up with the healing, and after three steps I could’ve easily passed as a drunk.
“It doesn’t mean you’re weak if you admit that things are pretty screwed up right now,” he continued.
I stood still. “This isn’t a very motivating speech.”
Aiden laughed dryly. “It’s not meant to be. More like a dose of reality.”
“I think I’ve had enough doses of that recently.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “You don’t have to be okay with what happened to you, Alex. No one expects that. I sure as hell don’t.”
Turning around slowly, I opened my mouth to tell him that was the last thing I wanted to talk about, but that wasn’t what came out. “If I’m not okay with that, then what am I supposed to be?”
His eyes met mine. “Angry.”
Oh, there was a whole lot of that.
“You can be upset—scared—and you can rage that it wasn’t fair, because it wasn’t. A lot of this stuff hasn’t been fair for you, but especially this. Nothing about it was right, and you’ve got to let yourself experience those emotions.”
“I am.” Kind of. Strange thing was that I felt all of those things, but it wasn’t enough. Like a cap on a bottle unscrewed just enough to let a little bit of air in.
A sad look crossed his face as he shook his head. “You’re not. And you’ve got to let it out, Alex, or it will rot you from the inside.”
My chest rose sharply. I was already rotten on the inside. “I’m trying.”
“I know.” Aiden leaned forward, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’m sorry I doubted you this morning.”
“Aiden—”
He raised a hand. “Hear me out, okay? The last thing you needed when you woke up after something like that was to have me react that way. I know that didn’t help.”
It wasn’t the choir-singing, romantic reunion I imagined, but I also understood. “My eyes…”
“That’s not a good enough reason for how I acted.”
“It’s not that big of a deal, Aiden, but I forgive you.”
Aiden stared at me a moment longer and then sat back. His gaze drifted over my face and then to the sheared locks. I wanted to hide. “Come here,” he said gently.
The coldness seeped into my chest, and I stayed in place, but the words burst out of me as if my mouth had been hijacked by inner Alex. “I look like Frankenstein.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“I look like Frankenstein with a beauty-school-dropout haircut.”
Our eyes locked again. “You’ve never been more beautiful to me than you are right now.”
“You need your eyes checked.”
He smiled a little. “And you need your head examined.”
I bit down on my lip.
“Come here,” he said again, raising his hand.
This time, I didn’t think about the numbness and the coldness in my chest. I pushed past them and forced my legs forward. In three uneven steps, my fingers curled around his.
Aiden tugged me into his lap, fitting me against his chest so I could hear his heart thunder in his chest. His arms swept around me, holding me in place. A breath shuddered through him, and gods, I loved it when he held me like this.
His lips brushed my forehead. “Agapi mou.”
I smiled against his chest, and in the dark, I could almost pretend that everything was normal. And in that moment, I needed that. I really did.
* * *
Just as the sun began to crest the horizon, thousands of students, hundreds of staff members, and those who had sought refuge converged on the cemetery that rested beyond the dorms, nestled against the fortress-like wall surrounding the back of the Covenant.
The cemetery was a lot like the one on Deity Island. Statues of the gods oversaw the massive mausoleums and graves, and hyacinths bloomed year-round. To me, those flowers had always served as a twisted reminder of what could happen if you were favored by a god.
I wondered if there’d be a flower named after me one day. Alexandrias had a nice ring to it. Hopefully they would be beautiful, like a dense spike of vibrant red flowers, and not look like something you’d find growing up from a crack in the pavement.
In death, a half and a pure were treated as equals, and like my mom had once said, it was the only time the two races would rest side by side. But things were still segregated amongst the living, even when there was no greater time than now for halfs and pures to come together as one.
Pures took center stage, situated in front of the funeral pyres. It didn’t seem to matter that only one of the linen-wrapped bodies had belonged to a pure, and the other three bodies belonged to halfs. Ritual and law decreed that pures got first-row seating, and so they did. Behind the pure-blooded Council members, students, pure Guards and Sentinels, and civilians, stood the half-bloods. I knew they could barely see the pyres or hear the memorial speech being given by Diana and another Head Minister.
Our group stood off to the left of the masses, there but separate. We had followed the somber procession through the campus just before dawn, and the eight of us had moved as a collective group to the side, as if we all agreed without words that we would be a part of this but would not separate into the class structure.
One would think most of the eyes would be faced forward at a funeral, but they weren’t. A lot of people stared at our group, namely Aiden and me. Some of the stares were openly hostile. Others looked disgusted. Those looks came from the pures. The halfs just seemed shocked and awed.
Aiden’s hand tightened around mine.
I glanced up at him, and he gave me a faint smile. There was no way he didn’t know half the congregation was staring at us, but he held onto my hand. I think he knew I needed that connection.
It was funny how things were so different. Before everything had happened, whenever Seth was around large groups of halfs, he got stared at in wonder.
I got stared at because I was holding hands with a pure-blood. How messed up was that?
Looking over the crowd, I caught the eye of a pure-blooded student. Pures looked just like halfs, but all of us had this gods-given, wonky ability of sensing the difference between the two. He stared at us like he wanted to rip my hand out of Aiden’s and then take a day’s worth of time to explain why we shouldn’t be holding hands.
My eyes narrowed on him as I raised my free hand and scratched the bridge of my nose…with my middle finger.
The pure’s head whipped forward. Back in the day, I probably would’ve been beaten for that, but I was the Apollyon, so I doubted he’d go tattle. And honestly, there were much bigger problems than a half and a pure being naughty.
Tightening my grip on Aiden’s hand, I forced my gaze to the pyres. The words spoken were in ancient Greek, and for one of the first times in my life, it didn’t translate into “wha-wha-wha.” I understood the language, and the words were powerful and moving, prayers and accolades truly fit for those who’d died by Ares’ hand, but there was something missing. Not that Diana or the other minister was doing anything wrong. I didn’t understand it at first, but then I got it.
What was missing…it was inside me.
The words spoken meant something, and I felt the somber pall hanging over the campus. As the torches were placed along the foot of the pyres, I even thought about Lea and how she deserved this kind of burial, not a hastily dug grave out in the middle of nowhere. My chest ached for her and all those who were being mourned.
I mourned.
But while I felt these things, I really didn’t feel them. The sharp pang of grief, a feeling I’d become well familiar with over the past year, was numbed. When the orangey flames licked into the air and covered the bodies like blankets, I didn’t turn away like I always did. The finality of it was muted. There was this ball of coldness deep in my chest, sharp shards of ice in my veins, and every so often fear, spiked like the flames.
Fear and pain were things I did feel—they were real, and tangible enough that I could taste them. Everything else was dulled, like I was disconnected and detached from the rest of the human scale of emotions, and I didn’t understand why.
Realizing this caused that very fear to skyrocket, bringing along a nice little dose of anxiety, and it figured that, since fear and apprehension were like two peas in a messed-up pod, it made sense that if I felt one, I’d feel the other.
My heart was pounding like a jackhammer and my palms were sweaty by the time the funeral was over and the sun was directly overhead. The crowd started to move back toward the campus. There’d be a feast in the memory of those who were lost, and most of group was attending it. Marcus had left to join Diana. Solos was chatting it up with Val, and Luke and Deacon were walking ahead with Olivia.
Air sawed in and out of my lungs at an alarming rate, and I only became aware of how slowly we were walking because there was a good distance between us and the crowd ahead.
The cord was spazzing out. Maybe it was reaction to my anxiety levels or something, but sights and sounds were amplified. The calls of the birds were shrill. Leaves rustled like a thousand papers crinkling. The sun was too bright, conversation from the mass of people too loud. Gods, the pressure came out of nowhere, clamping down on my chest—holy crap, it was hard to breathe—like someone had put vise grips on me. A sharp, hot tingle swept up my spine and spread along my head.
There was something definitely wrong with me, and it wasn’t of the panic attack variety. Running through my head on repeat was one thought: why couldn’t I really feel anything other than this? Where was the grief? Why did my chest feel empty and cold unless I was angry or scared? But last night, when I’d been in Aiden’s arms, the numbness hadn’t felt so bad, like the lid had been unscrewed just a bit more. And I was normally a pretty emotional person. In any given day, I experienced a hundred different things like I was trying ice cream flavors.
This wasn’t right or normal, and it terrified me.
I stopped suddenly, and so did Aiden. Holding onto my hand, he looked over his shoulder at me. “Alex?”
My chest hurt. “I can’t feel anything.”
Facing me fully, he cocked his head to the side, brows lowered. “What do you mean?”
I placed my free hand on my chest. “I can’t feel anything in here.”
Aiden started to let go of my hand, but I held on for dear life. “What’s happening?”
“I don’t know.” I took a shallow breath. “I can’t feel anything except—except fear and pain. Everything else feels muted. I can’t cry—I didn’t even cry when I saw my mom.”
Shock flickered across his striking face. “You saw your mom?”
“See!” Panic dug in with rotten claws. “I didn’t even tell you about that, and I tell you everything. I haven’t even thought about it, not really. I’m like meh. Everything is meh.”
Concern replaced the surprise as he shifted closer. “Do you think it’s Seth?”
I shook my head so fast the choppy hair smacked my cheeks. “He’s not talking to me.”
“But that doesn’t mean it’s not him,” he reasoned, and anger flashed among the concern.
“It doesn’t make sense. What does he have to gain from doing this? Then again, does it have to make sense?” I pulled free then, tugging the hair back from my face. “What if I’m broken? What if this is how I’m always going to feel? What—”
“Whoa. Slow down, Alex.” Aiden cupped my cheeks. “You’re not broken. You’re not going to always feel this way. You’ve been through some crazy stuff. It’s going to take time for you to process everything. Take a deep breath. Come on, just a deep breath. Inhale, and let it out slowly.”
I gripped his wrists, barely able to get my fingers around them, and did what he said. “Okay. I’m breathing.”
“Good.” The silver hue of his eyes was my entire world. “Keep breathing with me.”
I kept breathing, but I also started moving. I don’t know why I did what I did next. Maybe it was because if I didn’t really feel this, I was screwed six ways from Sunday. Rising up on the tips of my toes, I kissed Aiden.
Yeah, totally not appropriate after-funeral behavior.
But I kissed him.
I needed to feel something other than numbness, pain, and anger, if only for a little bit. And when Aiden kissed me, I’d always felt so many emotions I was dizzy from them.
Aiden lifted his head slightly. “Did you feel that?”
“Yes,” I breathed, shivering as our lips brushed.
His lips curved into a one-sided smile. “I was kind of hoping you’d say you didn’t so I’d have a really good excuse to kiss you again.”
My fingers dug into his arms. “You don’t need an excuse.”
And I didn’t have to wait long. His lips were on mine again, an incredibly gentle sweep that sent another tremble through me. It was slow and soft, kicking my heart rate up. The tingling in the back of my neck resided and returned, spreading across my belly and lower, but it was a different sensation. I felt Aiden—I felt love in his arms, and I didn’t want to lose that feeling.
Desperate to keep the numbness and colder, darker feelings at bay, I pressed against him, practically stepping on his shoes. He was so much taller than me, but we made it work. Well, Aiden did. The arm around my waist tightened, and I was lifted onto the tips of my toes. He supported most of my weight as I reached a hand up, threading my fingers through the hair resting against the nape of his neck. Heat swept through my veins; it felt like it had when Seth lent me his energy. Like I was opening my eyes again and coming alive. Glyphs rushed to the surface and spread across my skin.
So all I needed to do was kiss Aiden to feel something real and good?
Sign me up for that.
But in the back of my mind, I knew that wasn’t normal, or right, or half a dozen other things. I ignored that annoying voice because, seriously, that voice wasn’t helping right now. I deepened the kiss, parting his lips and sweeping my tongue inside his mouth. A deep, sexy sound rose up from his chest, and his other hand wrapped around the back of my head.
“Alex.” There was a soft warning in his voice.
“What?”
His head tilted to the side, causing his nose to brush mine. “You don’t know what you’re doing.”
I almost laughed. “I know exactly what I’m doing.”
“Gods…” Aiden cradled my cheek as he shifted my hips closer to his. My stomach dipped in such a pleasant way. “You’ve been through a lot. You’re still healing and—”
“And what?”
“I’m not perfect. I only have so much control.” His eyes were like heated quicksilver. “And if you keep kissing me like that, we won’t even make it somewhere private.”
Oh, me likie the sound of that. “And there’s something wrong with that?”
“No. Yes.” He pressed his forehead to mine, and the once-wonderful dipping motion suddenly twisted. “You’ve been—”
“I’m okay. I’m better than okay when I’m like this with you.” A desperate edge rose to my voice as I clutched his arm. “I need this. I need you, Aiden. Please don’t—”
Aiden’s mouth crashed into mine. Whatever I had said was like finding the map to a treasure. Bam. Right there. His kiss swept me up into a place where I wasn’t thinking. There was no Ares. No looming battle to plan for. No Seth. No pain or fear. All I felt was warmth and love and Aiden.
All I felt was him.
We made it into the closest building—the training center. Aiden opened the first door he found unlocked. A supply closet. It would work.
Our gazes locked. His were like liquid pools of silver, and his chest rose sharply. “We need to talk about what you told me,” he said.
“I know.”
“But not right now.”
A breath caught in my throat.
In one powerful lunge, he was on me. Our mouths came together as he backed me up. My hip bumped into a cart. Folded white towels toppled to the floor. There was an ache in my bones, but a deeper one drove me to ignore the pain. “When you were in that room, I thought…” He kissed me again as his hands dropped to my hips. They trembled. “I thought I’d never have this with you again. Gods, Alex, I…”
I brought out mouths together, silencing both our fears. Aiden’s fingers were tight on my waist as he lifted me up, placing me on the now-cleared cart. My heart skipped a beat as his lips trailed across my forehead and my cheek. There was a lot we should be doing, but at the moment, nothing seemed more important than this.
We kissed like it was the last time we’d have the luxury of drinking each other in. My breath caught again. Coldness seeped into me like a chilly, rainy day. My insides numbed. The moment that thought formed, I realized how true it was. There was no promise of tomorrow or the next hour. Ares could find a way in. Seth could show up. Aiden could—
“Hey, where’d you go?” Aiden asked softly, holding my cheeks with the tips of his fingers.
When I didn’t answer, he brushed his lips over mine, coaxing them open with infinite patience. He pulled me back into the moment, away from the coldness building in my chest.
He gently tilted my head back. “Stay with me. Okay? Stay with me.”
I curled brittle-feeling fingers into the front of his shirt, grounding myself in the feel of him. His lips touched mine, pushing away the invading numbness. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss and—
A shrill, eardrum-bursting alarm went off from somewhere within the campus, starting as a low hum that increased, causing Aiden and me to jerk apart.
Sliding off the cart, I glanced up at the flashing red light above the doors. I recognized the sound, knew what it meant. My muscles tensed as my wide eyes met Aiden’s.
There was a security breach, and just like at the Covenant in the Catskills, I knew this wasn’t a false alarm.
We were under attack.