I sat up, feeling more exposed than I had just moments before. Cade didn't say anything as I pulled the blanket from behind me and wrapped it around my shoulders. I was glad for the few minutes of silence. I wasn't sure what he was going to say, but I had a feeling it was going to change everything .

“I always know the right thing to say,” he began .

I looked up at him, but he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were on his hands as they sat on his lap .

“For the past six years, I've always had the right words to say to every woman I've ever met. I know what she wants and what I need to do to give it to her.” He ran his hand through his hair. “But now, here... I can't find the words I need .”

“Just say it, Cade.” My voice sounded harsher than I meant it to be. My heart was pounding painfully against my ribcage, my palms sweaty. He knew. That had to be it; had to be the reason he’d withdrawn so suddenly. He'd figured out that I had feelings for him and he was trying to find a way to let me down easily .

He took a deep breath and my heart clench as I waited for the words to come. Instead he said the last thing I expected. “I fucked up .”

“How?” I said the word slowly, trying to understand what was behind this confession .

“I made a big deal about how I keep things professional and how, if there's the slightest bit of emotional involvement, everything ends.” He looked at me now. His expression was still guarded, but I could tell it was a struggle for him. “But I fucked up. The things I'm feeling for you, Aubree...” He reached out and brushed his fingers across my cheek. “They're anything but professional .”

I caught my breath and told myself to calm down. I needed him to explain because if this was some sort of test, I didn't want to make a wrong move .

“When I'm with you.” He shook his head. “I can't think straight. I lose control.” He gestured toward the back of the loft where the bathroom was located. “When we were in the shower and you stopped me because we weren't using a condom… that was the first time in nine years I've forgotten to use one .”

The memory of that night warmed me. I hadn't even thought of it that way .

“I tried telling myself it was because you were – and please don't take this the wrong way – more submissive than any woman I'd been with in a long time. Women who want me to dominate them, they still consider themselves in charge. They don't fully give themselves over to me.” A ghost of a smile played at his lips. “But you, even when you're fighting with me, you trust me .”

I wasn't even tempted to protest him referring to me as submissive. I hadn't explored that part of me yet, but this wasn't the time to try to figure it out. I didn't want to speak, didn't want to risk breaking whatever spell it was that had him talking so freely .

“I pretended everything was a physical reaction, because how you responded to me was something I hadn't gotten from other women I'd been with.” He put his hand on my cheek. “And then I saw you with Jason .”

I pulled the blanket more tightly around me. It wasn't a memory I wanted to dwell on .

“The reason I was so adamant about you going through with fucking him was because I thought it'd break this hold you have on me. I thought it would help me see you as just another client, but it didn't.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Even if he hadn't hit you, I would've stopped things.” His hand slid down my neck, stopping before it went under the blanket. “I can't stand the thought of another man touching you .”

I couldn't breathe .

His voice grew rough and I could see the struggle on his face as he tried to maintain control. “I know this means we're done, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before...” He gestured around us. “I had to look at you one more time. See that expression on your face when you came.” He brushed his thumb across my bottom lip and then pulled his hand away. “But I knew I couldn't take my own pleasure in you, not like this .”

I put my finger on his lips, stopping the flow of words. “When you said you had to tell me something, I thought you were going to say this was over... because of me.” He frowned and I continued. “I feel the same way. I've been trying to lie to myself, to deny the feelings I have for you, hoping they'd go away. They haven't .”

He started to shake his head. “Aubree, that's... I ...”

“Hey, usually when someone confesses that they care about you too, it's a good thing.” I tried to keep my tone light, but I didn't understand why he was protesting .

“You don't know,” he said, looking away. “There are things about me ...”

“Cade,” I spoke slowly. “I know you have sex for money. Kinda how we met.” I reached up and turned his face back toward me. “Whatever it is, you can tell me .”

After a moment, he began, “I told you about my mom, but I didn't tell you what I did.” I paused and watched the guilt slide into grief on his face. “I ran. I knew she was dead. There was no point in calling an ambulance and I knew that if I called the cops, they'd arrest my dad. I knew they'd want me to testify against him. And I knew he'd just charm his way out of it like he did everything else. They'd make me go with him, and he'd spend every day until I was eighteen reminding me that it was all my fault. If he didn't just kill me too .”

“Cade,” I started to speak but he cut me off .

“I was on the streets for a few months, doing odd jobs here and there, trying to stay under the radar.” He paused for a moment, like he was trying to decide if he wanted to tell me what came next .

During that silence, I realized I was about to discover how he'd gotten involved in prostitution in the first place. My throat grew tight as I understood the level of trust he was placing in me .

“There was this rich woman, maybe thirty or so, and she hired me to do some work around a house she'd inherited. She fed me, let me stay in the guest house... and then she offered me money to fuck her .”

I was glad my hands were under the blanket and he couldn't see me twisting my fingers together. What kind of woman propositions a kid she should've been helping? Okay, so he may have been eighteen by then, but it didn't mean she hadn't taken advantage of him and his situation .

“For three years, I serviced her and her friends.” Cade was looking away from me again. “They were the ones who taught me everything. How to please a woman physically, how to see what they want, give them what they don't even realize they need .”

I reached out and wrapped my hand around his. He looked over at me .

“I hadn't been a virgin when I'd met her, but I'd only had sex with one person.” He gave me a sad smile. “I'd been like you. Innocent. Not like I am now .”

“Did you lie to me?” I asked and he looked startled at my question. Good. I needed him to understand what I was going to say and catching him off guard was the best way to get his attention. “All of the things you told me about how I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am or what I want? Were those lies ?”

“No.” He shook his head .

“Then why are you ashamed of who you are ?”

Anger flashed across Cade's face. “Because, while I was fucking Penny and her socialite friends, my father was beating the shit out of his new girlfriend and her kid .”

Now I got it .

“I should have stopped him,” he said fiercely. “It took almost two years of domestic abuse claims and putting the kid in the hospital half a dozen times before the girlfriend finally had enough and shot him. She got off on self-defense, but it never should've happened .”

I could feel his hand shaking beneath mine .

“If I'd called the cops, testified, she never would've been put in that position .”

“You don't know what would've happened,” I said. “She could've met another abusive man. He might have gotten off even if you'd testified. At least he can't hurt anyone else .”

“I should've been the one to do it. Not her.” He pulled his hand away and turned until his back was to me. “That's the kind of man I am, Aubree. A coward. That's why you should leave now and never look back .”

I sat up on my knees, letting the blanket fall off my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, the feel of his bare skin against mine sending a shiver through me. I pressed my lips against the side of his neck .

“I know what kind of man you are, Cade. You saved me, and not just from Steven or from Jason. You saved me from myself.” I spread my hands out on his chest, one over his heart. “You showed me who I could be .”

“Aubree, I –”

I ran my hand down his flat stomach, not stopping until I was cupping him through his jeans. He'd gone soft while we talked, but I heard his breathing hitch when I squeezed him. “No,” I said firmly. “No more putting yourself down.” I flexed the hand on his chest, letting my nails dig into his skin. “I want you. I need you.” I put my mouth against his ear and spoke in a low, sultry voice. “Fuck me .”