---

My heart pounds in my chest. It’s all I can hear at first, but then the music overwhelms me as the door opens. It thumps and stirs the anxiety in my stomach with each beat.

I’m really doing it.

“I’m here for Mike,” I say abruptly and loudly the second the guy opens his mouth. He’s tall, so tall I have to crane my neck. But he’s a skinny guy with long hair, and pimples line his jaw. His face is red too. It takes me a moment to realize it’s from drinking.

“We brought booze,” Sam says, shoving the bottle into the guy’s chest and then keeps walking, brushing past his shoulder.

The guy just laughs, a half-drunken sound, holding the bottle out and pointing to the back room. He smells like skunk and whiskey. It’s what Sam’s mom’s boyfriend smells like.

I nervously follow Sam and avoid looking around the house too obviously. But I chance a peek here and there as I move inside and slip off my coat. Every time I look up, I see someone kissing or rubbing on someone else.

There’s a lot of laughter coming from the kitchen and I’m happy Sam’s leading me in that direction. Where there are people other than couples trying to hump in the dark corners of the living room.

I’m still looking around and taking in the place when Sam shrieks, “Mike!”

She yells over the music and makes a show of running over and hugging him. Her heel kicks up in the air and she pulls Mike closer, wrapping her arm around his neck and then pointing at me. “Look what I brought you,” she says in a singsong voice and I stand there tucking a stray blonde lock behind my ear. The nerves settle some though when he smiles and Sam lets go of him.

“Hey,” I say and it doesn’t quite come out loud enough over the music, but that doesn’t stop Mike from coming closer and practically yelling in my face, “I’m so glad you came.”

He leans in and all I smell is beer. Cheap beer that he probably spilled on his shirt hours ago.

“You want something to drink?” Mike asks me as he takes half a step forward, his sneaker stepping on my foot. I try to play it off, but he sees me wince and backs away.

“Oh shit,” he says with his forehead pinched. “You okay?” he asks and I wave him off.

It hurt like fuck, but with all the nerves running through me, I don’t care. “I’m fine,” I tell him, and again, I should have spoken louder.

“Yo, Mike,” the guy who answered the door yells out from across the countertop and beckons Mike over. It might be his older brother; I can sort of see a similarity with their noses, apart from them both being red.

“Here,” Sam says loudly, encroaching into the space between the two of us and I’m grateful for her. She pushes a red Solo cup in my hand and I take it with both of mine like it’ll save me.

“Be right back,” Mike says and I half think he slurred the last word, but the music’s so loud I could be wrong.

“We’ve got to catch up,” Sam says beneath her breath as she takes a drink and then scrunches her nose. “This tastes like piss,” she says.

“Isn’t it supposed to?” I ask her genuinely but she laughs like it’s a joke.

“Okay, so, let’s do a round, scope the place out and find a spot to get comfy.” She lays out the plan and I nod my head, eager to do whatever she thinks is best.

“What about Mike?” I ask her and she gives me this look. It’s a look that says I’m being stupid.

“Girl, he wants you. He’ll find you, you don’t have to worry about a thing.” She talks as she takes my hand and leads me away, through the crowded kitchen and back through the dark living room with the grinding and makeout sessions. We pass the speakers, sitting on the floor and it’s no wonder the bass is pounding through me. They’re gigantic.

We don’t stop though. Sam leads me straight through another room that’s mostly empty with the exception of a couple guys smoking, and then down the stairs to a basement. And I follow her willingly, gratefully. Sam knows what she’s doing. Or at least she looks like she does.

The door’s already cracked and the lights are on. The music fades and in its place, a horde of loud and drunk voices ricochet up the skinny staircase.

“Maybe I should tell Mike we’re down here?” I ask Sam as we take two spots on an empty sofa in the back corner of the large basement. The room itself isn’t finished. It’s just cinder blocks. But there’s a pool table and a dartboard, plus a bar with a ton of liquor bottles lining it. And right across from the sofa we’re sitting on is a ping-pong table with cups arranged on it.

“Babe, quit stressing,” Sam tells me, draining her cup and getting up to pull her dress down. She’s confident as she walks to the table and puts her cup in line with the rest. “He’s going to come looking for you. Make him chase you,” she tells me and I nod my head although the doubt is still there.

“I’ve never given you bad advice, have I?” she asks me and I know she hasn’t, but she’s not exactly the person I’m looking to take relationship advice from. Sam says she doesn’t want a boyfriend. She just wants to kiss and that’s it. But I think she’s wrong. I think she lies to herself because of the shit her mom’s gone through.

With that being said, she always gets to kiss every boy she wants. So, maybe she is right.

It only takes two minutes of us whispering in hushed voices about which of the guys behind us Sam’s more into before the door to the basement opens.

I’d be jealous of the attention she’s getting if I didn’t have my sights set on Mike. I smile into my cup as he comes down the stairs, spotting me and smiling wider.

“This is my cousin,” Mike says at the same time that the guy behind him pats his shoulder and yells out, “We need more beer, I’ll be right back.” I don’t pay him any attention as I scoot to the right on the sofa, squishing Sam and making a spot for Mike.

He takes it and leans in close, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and making me blush. “So, what do you guys want to do?” he asks. His voice is still loud as hell, like he hasn’t realized the music is upstairs and down here it’s quieter.

Sam laughs and shrugs. “You wanna play spin the bottle?” she jokes.

“You want to?” Mike asks and looks around as if there’d be a bottle magically waiting on the coffee table. Guess we dropped the ball there.

“We brought a bottle to play with.” I have to roll my eyes before sheepishly admitting, “You know, or to drink or whatever.” I hide my embarrassment by taking another sip.

“Where is it?”

“I gave it to the guy who opened the door,” Sam cuts in with her hands up in an apology. “My bad,” she says with a giant grin on her face. “I freaked and just handed it over.” She laughs into her cup again and takes a large drink, emptying it and biting the rim.

“Solo cups don’t work quite as well,” I joke but I’m not sure Mike heard.

“So you want to do stuff?” Mike asks and I glance at Sam, who humorlessly raises her brow.

“Getting right to it, aren’t you?” she asks him and I smack her away.

“Like what kind of stuff?” I ask him. I know what he means. And yes, I do. I’ve watched porn before. A few times with Sam although it got a little weird, so we quickly turned that shit off. It’s how she knows I like things a little different though. “I could do stuff,” I say casually as my body heats.

“Drinks!” Mike’s cousin interrupts us, bursting through the doorway and spilling a red Solo cup of beer all over the floor as he makes his way over. Sam jumps back, laughing and raising her arms in surprise and Mike’s cousin shoves one of the cups into her open hand.

“Drinks,” Mike bellows and clinks the plastic cups which only results in more beer being spilled. And our conversation getting lost.

“Drinks,” Sam mocks them, widening her eyes and imitating their excitement, but she’s smiling the entire time and both the guys laugh, clinking their plastic cups with hers.

I take another sip and much to my dismay, it still tastes like piss.

---

Hours pass, I think. My sense of time is fuzzy.

Everything tilts when I lean against Mike. It’s quieter too. But only for a moment and then it’s all louder. Is this what being drunk is like?

“I just need to lie down for a sec,” Sam says, gripping my arm and before I can say anything she’s already headed up the stairs.

“You want me to come with you?” I call up after her, but the music is so loud that she doesn’t hear me. The bass blasts through the house and makes my chest feel tight then hollow with each beat as I follow her.

“Need help?” I think I hear Mike say but when I look back, he’s talking to one of the guys who’s now playing beer pong.

I feel dizzy and it’s all so much. “Water,” I say softly and force myself to go back to the kitchen. Sam needs water. Hell, I need water too.

The smell of beer and pot hits me the second I round the corner.

Holy shit.

It really does smell like skunk. Sam keeps moving, up the stairs to the second floor with both of her hands over her ears. “I’m coming, Sam,” I mumble as I run to the kitchen faucet and fill two cups. One for me and one for her.

Exhaustion and a thick cloudy haze greet me as I turn the corner to go up the stairs Sam climbed. It takes me a moment; a few guys go upstairs while I stand there. Mike’s cousin is one of them. The other two wait in line for the bathroom.

I watch as Mike’s cousin goes into a bedroom; the door was open, but he closes it.

“Hey, you going up there?” A guy’s voice from behind me startles me just as I start to call out Sam’s name and I swear my heart almost leaps from my chest. My ass hits the railing as I whip around to him and spill both cups.

“Me?” I ask him, fear clearly evident.

“You okay?” he asks me again with a broad smile like this is funny.

But this isn’t funny. The cups fall from my hands like I’m watching in slow motion.

“Whoa,” the guy says. Some part of me dimly notices he’s tall and he’s right in front of me to catch me as I tip forward. I know that I’m falling. I’m aware of it, but then it all goes black. I can hear him for a moment, asking if I’m alright and calling for help.

I guess that makes it okay, so I give in to sleep. Help is coming.