---

“How many boxes?” I ask Allie as I pull the clear packaging tape down the center of the box.

“Fourteen,” she tells me, appearing from the kitchen doorway with a cup of tea in her hands. “It all fit in fourteen boxes,” she says, leaning her hip against the wall and then blowing over the cup.

She kept the empty cardboard boxes, breaking them down and stacking them neatly in the pantry. Like she knew she was going to need them before long.

Every time I’m reminded of why she came here, the very thing that brought her to me, my chest aches with a pain that runs deep. A pain I don’t think will ever leave me.

“You sure you don’t want a cup?” her small voice carries into the room and snaps me out of the dark thought.

When I glance up at her, ready to say no again, the hint of happiness is on her face. Or maybe it’s hope. With her hair draped over her shoulders and wearing nothing but one of my old rugby shirts, she looks perfect. The shirt clings to the middle of her waist when she stands like that. Everything about her makes me want to take her into my arms and never let go.

“Maybe I will,” I tell her and drop the roll of tape on the floor, turning the box upright. We have two boxes packed and within just a few hours, Allie’s place will be cleared out.

As I stand, my back cracks and my stiff neck and shoulders ache. I haven’t slept for shit, not since I got out of jail and I don’t think I will again until we leave this place.

Her small, bare feet pad against the floor as she heads back into the kitchen.

I follow the sound of her running the faucet and then opening and closing the microwave. She’s in front of it, gripping the counter and staring absently ahead when I walk in.

“Allie Cat,” I barely speak her name. Her green eyes search for mine instantly. Every time I move or speak, she’s there waiting for me. That’s the way it’s been since I’ve been back here. She’s on edge and nervous. She doesn’t know what lies ahead, and neither do I.

But I know it’ll be alright, so long as she’s with me.

In three strides I’m beside her, silencing the microwave with the mug of water in it for tea and pulling her into my arms instead.

“I want to hear you tell me you’re alright,” I whisper, cupping her chin in my hand and forcing her eyes on mine. She doesn’t have a trace of makeup on and under her eyes are dark circles, although she’s been sleeping alright.

“I couldn’t be with you because I didn’t want to be okay and you made me so much more than just okay.”

“You know I love you,” I tell her. It’s not the first or second or third time I’ve told her since I’ve come home to her. And I’ll keep telling her until the look in her green eyes reflects that she knows they’re true.

“I love you,” she says back in barely a whisper, her expression changing to one of complete sincerity but also laced with pain. Her eyes close as she lets out a breath and pushes her cheek into my hand.

I knew she was hiding something and that’s what drew me to her. From the very beginning, she was a mystery.

The dark secrets I didn’t expect. Who could’ve ever expected this?

Allie peeks up at me, the hurt and worry still in her eyes.

She’s walking on eggshells. She’s been this way for days and I hate myself for even feeling slightly angry toward her.

Even though she should have told me.

I love her.

I’d kill again for her. And she knows I would.

The moment she confessed, the pieces slowly fell into place.

The reason why she kept pushing me away even though we both knew we fit together just right.

The reason she seemed off to me when I first met her, the reason I was drawn to her.

---

“Come sit with me?” I ask her and she’s quick to give me the trace of a smile when I take her small hand in mine. She’s eager to make things right and to make me happy, I can feel it in everything she does. Every small look and move is cautious and eager to please.

I sit cross-legged on the floor of the dining room. The sofa’s already in the truck, so the barren floor will have to do.

“When did you become so shy, Allie Cat?” I ask her as she settles in my lap.

“Shy?”

“I feel like you’re hiding from me,” I tell her honestly.

“I’m just … ”

“Ashamed?” I say the word I hate to think is the truth.

“And afraid,” she tells me softly in a single breath.

“Of what?”

“I don’t want to lose you, but I know I don’t deserve you.”

“You’re wrong.” My heart beats quicker, my blood runs warmer. All from fear of losing her. I swear I’ll never let her run again.

“I never meant for you to get hurt,” she tells me again. I don’t know why she feels the need. I believe her. Every word.

“I think it was supposed to happen this way,” I tell her and pull her soft body closer to mine. “I’m not mad at what you did.” I’m careful with my words as I tell her, “I’m upset you didn’t tell me.”

She only nods her head, casting her gaze down and picking at the hem of the shirt she’s wearing. My shirt. “What I did wasn’t okay,” she whispers.

I force her chin up with my hand on her jaw. “You only did it because something had to be done.”

“I did it out of anger,” she’s quick to admit. As if acting out of anger made her intentions worse.

“You did it out of pain,” I correct her.

Her eyes water and she closes them, not wanting to cry in front of me. Or maybe not wanting to cry at all.

“I’m sorry about Sam, and I’m not sorry that Kevin’s dead.”

“I’m not sorry he’s dead either,” she admits in a breath, closing her eyes and letting the tears seep into her thick lashes.

“I love you, Allison. I love you so fucking much. And it kills me that you never told me.”

“I didn’t know if you’d believe me,” she says and it cuts through my heart. “But I also didn’t want you to stop me.” That’s the real truth. And I get it. I understand it. I still hate it though. “She needed this. Sam needed this,” she says and then breaks down in my arms.

“Where do we go from here?” I ask her. We both want to leave. We want a fresh start. We want each other. But there’s no road map for what lies ahead and that’s terrifying for her.

“Forgive me, and I’ll go wherever you want. I’ll run away forever. I’ll do whatever you want,” she says, brushing the tears away and leaving her cheeks reddened.

A heavy breath leaves me in a huff. “I’ve already forgiven you, Allie.”

“I love you. I’m so sorry,” she says hurriedly.

“Stop saying you’re sorry.” I plant a small kiss on her lips, tasting the hint of salt from her tears. “And I love you too,” I whisper against her lips.

A moment passes before she questions me.

“You really love me? Even still?” she asks me and I hate that she questions it.

“Of course I do.” I brush my knuckles across her cheek and gently push the hair out of her face. “That’s not something I can stop,” I say before lowering my lips to hers.

She softens, eagerly accepting my kiss and parting her mouth for more.

“Please don’t stop,” she tells me when I pull away and at first I think she means the kiss, but then she adds, “I can’t lose you … ” Her voice skips and she takes in a quick breath. “I don’t know what I would do if you stopped loving me.”

“I never will,” I tell her with a small smile hinting on my lips. My voice is upbeat but it doesn’t echo what I feel. That first day I saw her in class, I knew she was like me.

“You love me and I’ll love you, that’s all we need,” I tell her and she doesn’t know how raw my promise is.

She rises off of her seated position, crashing her lips against mine with a desperate need.

For forgiveness. For love. For a life without pain and regret.

Her grip is tight as her nails scratch in my hair as she intensifies the kiss. For the first time in days, I want more. I want to feel every bit of her. I want to give her everything and make her mine again.

She parts the seam of her lips, granting me entry and I’m instantly hard for her. Desperate for more of her to be bared to me.

She only pulls back from our kiss to breathe.

“Please,” she says and nuzzles against me. “I need you.” Her voice is laced with anguish.

Her small hands slip up my shirt. They’re warm and her fingers are gentle as she moves them to my back, eager to touch every inch of me.

“I need you,” she says again, her eyes wide and pleading. “I need to feel you,” she adds. She kisses the little dip at the bottom of my throat and then my neck.

It’s been tense between us, but more than that, I haven’t touched her since everything’s changed.

“Please,” she whispers with need and I’m quick move her out of my lap and lay her on the floor, my hands moving up her shirt to her hips, looping around the thin panties and pulling them slowly down her thighs.

Her eyes are closed, her lips parted as she pants.

It doesn’t take me long to strip down and settle myself between her thighs, all the while leaving kisses along her jaw, her neck, that little dip beneath her collarbone. Every inch of her skin that I can kiss, I do.

“I love you,” she murmurs over and over, and when her eyes finally open and reach mine, she says it with a strength that can’t be denied.

I slam into her, filling her completely in one swift stroke. Her bare back rubs along the hardwood floor as I thrust into her, again and again. It’s an unrelenting pace. Her head thrashes and her eyes close tight as I grip her hips and pin her down.

I have to brace her to take the force of my thrusts.

She’s so tight, so wet.

Her gasp is coarse; her nails dig into my wrists. With her eyes shut tight, her body tenses. She shakes her head and I know this is wrong.

She’s thinking about it.

About what happened.

“Allie,” I murmur and brace my arm behind her back, pulling her up to sit on top of me. I kiss her ravenously with her on top of me. “Look at me,” I tell her and instantly her eyes open. She holds on to me with a fierceness, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and burying her head in the crook of my neck.

I stay as still as I can, still buried inside of her, but not wanting to move yet.

“Look at me,” I tell her again more firmly and she does slowly.

“I’m sorry, I thought I could … ” her voice trails off and her shame comes back, but it’s gone the moment my words hit her.

“You’re mine,” I say the words reverently, our gaze heating with raw vulnerability. “No one else will ever touch you.” My heart beats hard and heavy, but slowly. “I’ll take it all away.”

“And you’re mine,” she murmurs and runs her fingers through my hair. Her touch gentle, but possessive. And I love it.

With her on top of me, I move my hands to her hips and rock her. Our eyes still locked. Her clit brushes against my pubic hair and she moans.

“Slow at first,” I tell her and pump my hips once, burying myself inside of her, but still letting her lead. She gasps a moan as her hands fall to my chest. Her small fingers dig into my shoulders.

She nips my bottom lip, letting the tip of her nose brush against mine as she pulls away slightly, but rocks her hips again, making her body shudder with pleasure.

My hand moves to the back of her head, and only then does she look at me. “We’ll get through this,” I tell her, searching her eyes to make damn sure she believes me. “I’ve got you.”

Whatever she asks for and however she needs it, that’s how it will always be with us.

Always and forever.