"You look like you ate some of those clams," Ewan observed, sliding a bottle of water towards me.

Late night had melted into early morning now, with the sun bleeding a line of color into the Eastern sky. Normally I'd have been asleep several hours now - the guys always ripped on me for the amount of sleep I required - but after a futile half hour spent turning my sheets into a tangle, I'd gotten up and headed down to the lounge area where I knew my mates would still be up, shooting the shit and working off the pre-show jitters.

"Can't sleep," I sighed, accepting the water with a grateful nod.

"Well now that's just disturbing," Jules piped up. "King Nap over here not being able to sleep."

"Aye and fuck off about it," I snapped.

Jules leaned in. "You all right, mate? You've been out of sorts all day."

"Almost getting killed by a spotlight will do that to you, I'd reckon," Hudson stage-whispered. He did as little talking as possible before shows, which usually made him a prime target for Jules' ribbing.

But tonight the drummer's focus was directed at right at me. "Nah it's been since even before that," Jules observed. He grinned slyly. "You've got that expression on your face, you posh wanker," he explained. "Like your butler poured your brandy into the wrong sized glass."

"You're such an asshole," I said, trying for casual disdain, even though I knew it was useless to pretend he was wrong.

Jules leaned over and swatted me in the knee. "You trying to keep something secret?"

I shook my head and looked back down at my feet. All at once, the reason for my sleeplessness was clear. In all the headlong rush of today, I'd nearly forgotten the phone call I'd received right before the start of rehearsal.

I looked up at my bandmates helplessly. Ewan leaned forward, his hair drooping into his eyes and lifted his chin. "Mate?" he prompted.

The words bubbled up and then died away and I reminded myself of my promise. The words I'd thrown at my ex-fiancee.

No more fucking secrets.

"Izzy called," I exhaled, dragging the words from my lips no matter how much I didn't want to say them. You can't fight it. Secrets always reveal themselves. Better to just be honest.

At the sound of her name, all three of them visibly winced. Jules dragged his lower lip with his teeth like he was trying to keep from saying something he'd end up regretting. "What'd she want?" he finally grunted.

"Nothing, that was the fucked-up thing of it." I shook my head. "Wishing me luck, I guess."

"That's it?"

"Should there be more?" I wondered. "We've already hurt each other enough, don't you think?"

Hudson raised his voice above a whisper. "No more from from her, no. Was there more from you though?"

I glanced at him, surprised. Hudson had never even met Izzy. Long months apart were our norm as a couple and long gaps in communication were even more standard. It was one of those things that in hindsight you can see heralded the end even as things were just beginning, but of course I was too much of a prat to notice until it had cost me dearly. Even though he'd only been around since things were circling the drain, Hudson must have picked up on a few things just by osmosis.

"No," I declared with more force than was probably necessary. "I let it be."

He nodded. It was the right answer, after all. "Good. You don't owe her anything."

"No," I clarified with sudden heat. "But she owes me one hundred and ninety thousand quid."

My mates all seemed to inhale at once. Hudson leaned back and stretched out his long legs, crossing his arms over his chest. "You know what I mean. Not literal owing."

I shrugged helplessly and looked up at the ceiling. "Fine time to head out on tour, yeah? When I'm bloody skint?"

"Aye," Jules nodded. "Pretty much the best time. And you're far from skint, mate." He gestured to the luxury hotel lounge we were now occupying. "You're part of the 'comeback tour of the year.'" His fingers curled into sarcastic air-quotes around the words. "Tickets are going so fucking fast mate, Ewan says we're already in the black."

"I say that because it's true," Ewan piped up. "August told me."

Jules rounded on him with his face pulled into a mock scowl. "What are you doing, talking to my girl?"

Ewan rolled his eyes. "She's our manager, you unbelievable twat."

"Plus we have the Hullabaloo," I sighed, still hung up on the financials. "As ridiculous as that name is, that festival's kind of a huge earner."

"Right." Jules reached out and clapped his big drummer's hand on my knee. "Calm down about the money, Niall, seriously. Look, I know this is a first for you, but being broke as fuck is sort of a way of life for the rest of us knobs who weren't born with a silver spoon in our mouths."

That was hardly the fucking issue, but I didn't want to get back into what Izzy's secret life had cost me. Instead I stepped leaned back and grinned. "Right. The silver spoon I make sure to remove before I start kicking your arse."

"Ah, so does that mean you're all better now?" Jules wanted to know. "You've unburdened yourself and now you'll be able to sleep like a baby?"

I rolled my eyes. "Honestly mate, I need to know. How on earth did a smart girl like August end up with a bell-end like you?"

Jules grinned and cupped his groin. Luckily Ewan was close enough to punch him so I didn't have to bother getting up. "Yeah I guess I'll sleep. Probably should be in a good frame of mind for tomorrow, yeah?"

"It'll be like riding a bike, mate," Ewan said encouragingly. "For all of us." He glanced at Hudson. "You've toured, you know how it is."

Hudson grinned and nodded, then pressed his fingers to his lips in the universal librarian's hush.

"Ah, the monk has retaken his vow of silence," Jules observed. "Hey Hudson, so I've been meaning to ask you if you'd like to tell me all about your feelings about Springsteen's Asbury Park days."

Our lead singer was a massive Bruce Springsteen fan who loved to wax rhapsodic about the poetry in the early albums, but he just yawned and rocked back in his chair, raising a lazy middle finger to us all.

"He's not falling for your shit any more," Ewan informed Jules. "You've lost your touch."

"Never," Jules protested. "I'm just knackered at the end of a long, weird day."

"I hear that," I sighed, raising my bottle of water in salute.

"Hey yeah," Ewan piped up. "You almost fuckin' died today."

"Til he was saved by the roadie-chick with the killer tackle," added Jules.

Ewan nodded. "For real, mate. Wish you'd seen it, Niall. It was a thing of beauty."

"Did so much see it as feel it," I mused, rubbing my elbow. "But it definitely felt legit."

"You brought her to the afterparty, yeah?" Ewan prodded.

"He sure did," Hudson piped up, clearing his throat.

"Hey now, I thought you were supposed to be resting your voice?" I protested. Then shook my head. "Yeah, I told her I owed her a drink for, you know, saving my life and shit, but she acted like I'd offended her at every turn the whole time." I looked down at my hands for a second. The faint whiff of bleach still clung to them, a souvenir of the moment Reese and I shared when helping the stricken Nails. There had been something there, between us, in that moment, I'd been sure of it. Until she'd suddenly gone cold fish on me again. "She's bloody impossible, that one."

Jules glanced at Ewan, who rubbed his jaw and nodded. "Yeah okay, mate," Jules said. "You fancy her or something?"

I shook my head vehemently. "Nah."

"Was she a cunt to you?" he wanted to know.

I bristled at the word. "Nah, just...difficult."

Ewan leaned forward and spread his hands. "She's a roadie, mate."

"And a chick one, at that," Hudson spoke again. "She's gotta be tough as shit to survive. Damn I sort of respect that."

I shook my head again. "I was just trying to say thank you, you know what I'm saying? Whatever happened to being gracious?"

Hudson grinned at me and shook his head in mock disappointment. Jules and Ewan looked at each other and I knew it was coming. "Oh fuck. Don't start," I muttered.

But they were off and running. "Oh merciful heavens!" Jules trilled, clapping his hand to his heart.

Ewan draped himself across his chair in a mock-faint."What ever happened to being gracious! The peasant didn't even curtsy!"

"Did you drop your monocle in shock?" Hudson deadpanned.

"All right you dickwads," I called, clapping my hands for order. "You've made your bloody point.

Jules wiped his eyes. "Seriously though, mate. You didn't piss her off somehow, right? Because you don't piss off the roadies, man. They'll rig up the pyrotechnics to kill you or something."

"Oh, so she saved my life, and now she wants to kill me?"

He glanced at Ewan, who shrugged. "Well, I mean, most people do. Right Hudson?"

"Nah, I don't want to kill him. He's got a pretty sister and if he's dead, she'll stop coming around."

"Oy!" I protested, leaping to my feet. "You stay the fuck away from Tally!" He ducked, laughing, as I aimed quick jabs at his head and ribs.

"Well now it's gone full dawn now," Ewan observed, looking out of the bank of plate-glass windows. "In fourteen hours we're going to playing to a crowd of twenty-five thousand people. I don't give a fuck what you lot do, but I plan on heading up to my room and passing the fuck out before that happens.

"Sounds like a plan," I nodded, suppressing a yawn.

"You gonna be able to sleep now, King Nap?" Jules wanted to know.

I nodded with a grin. "You lot are better than therapy."

"Cheaper too," Jules said.

"Worth every penny I pay you," I said, catching him in a headlock before he could react.

"Come on, you fucking idiots," Ewan groaned. "We've got a show to play tonight. It's time to fucking sleep."