CHAPTER TWENTY
BLAKE
“Love is a serious mental disease.”
- Plato
I swiped angrily at the tears slipping down my cheeks. Yes, CJ had been an ass back there, but he was only part of the problem.
Shortly after he’d left me that morning, all the shit fell apart. Meaning it wasn’t just my shit hitting the fan - it was a collection of multiple shits being flung at the same time. Gross enough visual for you? Yeah, well, that was my life. Shit everywhere. Everywhere you looked - shit.
The police called to inform me that Dan was out on bail and that my restraining order had gone through. I could thank CJ for having that expedited. Paid to have a boyfriend who knew people, apparently. When said boyfriend wasn’t being a giant jackhole, anyway.
Right after that call, Michelle sent a text. Want to know what it said?
Chelle: Charges got dropped. Greg is out. Just FYI.
Yeah. She sent me that through a fucking text. Like it was no big freaking deal that her evil ex had been let out of jail. The only reason I’d bypassed going straight to her and kicking her ass for behaving like nothing was wrong was because I’d wanted CJ to look into where both Dan and Greg were and maybe keep an eye on them. He hadn’t been answering his phone, so I had no choice but to drive there. Boy, did I regret that.
I knew he wasn’t screwing around on me. Clarissa was batshit crazy and CJ couldn’t stand her. Not for one second had I thought something was actually going on between them. Yet I still couldn’t keep from spouting off in typical Blake behavior. As soon as the smart ass comment left my mouth I wanted to take it back. Not because Clarissa didn’t deserve it, but because I knew she was an important client. But I’m human and seeing another woman with her hand on your man’s dick just invokes the jealous bitch inside of you.
If I really stopped to think about it, I wasn’t even mad at CJ. I deserved to be yelled at, and I was sure he was beating himself up with guilt over it as I drove to Michelle’s on-campus apartment. A good girlfriend would at least send him a text and let him know she wasn’t upset, but I had too much going on in my head to stop long enough and reassure him. No doubt he was still dealing with Clarissa anyway.
As soon as I pulled into a visitor parking space, I put all thoughts of CJ and sluts with fake boobs and grabby hands out of my head. My focus needed to be on my sister. She was either flipping the hell out and didn’t want to tell me, hence the text, or she was in a shitload of denial and needed to be brought back to reality.
“Not in the mood,” Michelle answered the second I buzzed her. Odd, since I didn’t warn her I was coming.
“You fucking psychic now? Let me in, or I’ll stand out here pressing this damn button over and over until you give in.”
She sighed through the speaker, but apparently took my threat seriously because a second later the door to the building buzzed and the lock released. The door to her apartment was wide open when I got to her floor, and when I walked in, she was holding a wine glass in one hand and a half empty bottle in the other. By the looks of her, she’d downed that first half of the bottle all by herself.
“Uh, did my invite to the party get lost in the mail?”
Chelle snorted, a most unladylike gesture that annoyed the crap out of her whenever I did it. Michelle had always been the girlie one of us. Never stuck up or shallow, but always prim and proper - unless she drank. Get a little alcohol in her, and the bad girl she worked so hard to keep repressed started to make an appearance.
“Sure. Let’s make my pity party a party of two. Less pathetic that way.”
She flopped down onto the couch, spilling a little of her glass onto the leg of her sweats. It was maybe the third time in all my life I’d seen her in sweatpants.
“Just how far gone are you?” I asked as I took slow and cautious steps towards her. Like she was a skittish animal. Or, based on the murderous glare she was throwing my way, maybe she was more feral than skittish.
“This is bottle number two, if that tells you anything.”
Shit. I was going to need backup.
But oh yeah. I had no friends.
Except…yes I did. It was time to stop thinking of CJ’s circle as only his. I’d grown close to everyone and it was high time I looked at them as my friends too.
I took out my phone and powered it on, wincing when I saw the twelve missed calls, seven texts and four voicemails from CJ, but I didn’t stop to read or listen to any of them. Our talk wouldn’t be a quick one, and I needed to be doing damage control for Michelle’s problems before I moved on to mine.
Me: Any chance I could bribe you guys to come to my sister’s place and help me out with some girl time?
In a matter of seconds, both Josi and Clara responded to the group text I’d sent them.
Josi: Send address.
Clara: On our way.
Not sure why it surprised me that they so quickly agreed to help and without asking for more information. They were good people, that was easy to see from the first time I’d met them. And less than fifteen minutes later, they showed up together with arms full of plastic bags. I didn’t even get a chance to play hostess. As soon as they were in the door, they took over, refilling Michelle’s glass and then pulling out three more and filling them to the brim.
Josi unloaded three cartons of ice cream into the freezer. “We weren’t sure what flavors you guys would like, so we got a few kinds so we’d have options,” she explained.
Clara held up three different bags of candy; gummy worms, peanut m&ms, and peanut butter cups. “Same with the candy.”
“And chips,” Josi interjected.
The bridge of my nose burned, tears that I refused to let fall pricking the backs of my eyes. Michelle, on the other hand, wasn’t doing so well with holding back. She immediately started showering both sisters with hugs, thanking them over and over while stroking their hair and petting them like they were adorable puppies. Michelle was affectionate when sober, but with a little booze in her, she became uncomfortably touchy. I jumped in and peeled her off of them. They shot me grateful looks then bit back smiles when Michelle started snuggling me like I was a teddy bear.
Over the next few hours, the girls helped me try and distract Michelle with junk food and action movies. Chelle and I had never been the type that turned to sappy movies when we were sad - especially when the sadness was over a guy. Gunfire and blowing shit up was more rewarding than unrealistic love stories. When the end credits of Bad Boys rolled and Clara started to pull up Bad Boys II, I stood to gather our wine glasses. That’s when I realized that while we’d been trying to sober up Michelle, she’d been draining our glasses when we weren’t looking.
“You little shit.”
Michelle giggled at my scolding. Then promptly fell asleep and immediately started snoring. Josi laughed beside me.
“Should I still turn the movie on?” Clara asked.
I nodded. I couldn’t handle the quiet or any kind of real conversation right then. More than once during the first movie I’d had to excuse myself to the bathroom to try and get control of my emotions.
Months ago when I first saw Michelle laying in that hospital bed, her face swollen to the point where she was barely recognizable, my life shifted on its axis. Since then I hadn’t been able to breathe. Not completely. Not without pain and guilt and fear filling up so much of my lungs that there was little room left for oxygen. But I’d held back. I’d kept all of my emotions to myself, wanting to be strong for my sister. My best friend. Even when she begged me not to tell mom and dad, I didn’t tell her how torn I was. Sure, I gave her my opinion and attempted to guide her in the right direction, but she was fragile.
And let me tell you, Michelle had never been fragile a day in her life. People would mistake her quiet demeanor for shyness or weakness. I was the loud, brash, in-your-face sister who everyone assumed was tough as nails. They had it so wrong. Michelle, though two years younger than me, was my rock. My constant. My safety net. Something I’d taken for granted all my life without even knowing it.
So when she fell apart in my arms and pleaded with me to keep it a secret, I promised I would. Despite my better judgment, I gave her what she wanted. Because I was scared.
I was scared of losing her. Scared that she would lose the fight, the ever-present light inside of her, if I pushed her too hard. I wanted to kill that asshole, but more than that, I wanted to heal my sister. Or at the very least, be there to help her while she figured out how to heal herself. But what was I supposed to do to help when she acted like it was no BFD? The man who almost killed her was back out on the streets, and everyone knew the flimsy piece of paper that said he couldn’t come near her wouldn’t be enough if he wanted revenge. I still didn’t know why they’d even released him. Michelle was already too far gone to talk about it when I’d gotten there.
Once again I found myself hiding in the bathroom. My hands shook as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I stared at the screen for a long time, too afraid to pull up the number to the one person - the only person - I wanted to talk to. I was keeping it together for Michelle, but it wouldn’t be long before I would fall apart myself. I could do it alone. I’d pick myself back up and put myself back together eventually. But the thing is… I didn’t want to do it alone. When I fell, I wanted to be in CJ’s arms, because even though I wasn’t sure where we really stood at the moment, I knew without a fraction of doubt that he would be there to catch me.
I wanted to ask him to assign some men to watch over Michelle. Working with men who used to be in the military and now worked security was a perk when your sister was in danger, right? The only reason I hesitated to call in that favor was because of Michelle’s stubbornness. I had no idea where her head was at and wouldn’t until she was sober and could talk in complete sentences instead of drunken ramblings. If I strong-armed her into doing something she didn’t want to do, she’d just shut me out, and I was the only person she was even letting in at all.
In the end, I was too chicken to call CJ. I opted for sending a text.
Me: I’m fine, but I need a few days off work. Will explain later. Sorry.
Michelle knew better than to go out alone at night, and had promised to be extra vigilant during the day as well. Her building manager assured her when she moved in that all the tenants were diligent about safety and wouldn’t let anyone inside they didn’t know. Even pizza deliveries had to be met at the front door, they couldn’t just be buzzed in. As much as I wanted to lock her up and make for damn sure she was safe, she was an adult. Like it or not, the decision was hers. All I could do was be there for support. Which I would be. For the next few days, where she went, I went. Until I knew for certain she would be okay and that she wasn’t going to be reckless with her safety, then I couldn’t leave her.
Of course my cell phone rang as soon as the message was sent. I couldn’t answer it. If I heard his voice, I’d lose it. So I hit ignore. It physically pained me to do it. I hated the way we’d left things earlier, and I could only imagine how angry he was with me, but I just…I just couldn’t.
When he called again immediately, I powered my phone off. I wouldn’t be able to ignore him for long, and the temptation to answer was too great.
Michelle was passed out when I made my way back to the living room. Her apartment was small and there weren’t enough seats for all four of us, so Clara had been hanging out on the floor all night. With Michelle sprawled out across the small sofa, Josi had stationed herself on the carpet as well. I took a seat next to them and was thrown back to junior high and slumber parties where me and Chelle and all our friends had sat around criss-cross applesauce gossiping and playing Light as a feather, stiff as a board.
“Just finished off the mint chocolate chip,” Clara said, licking a spoon clean.
I scrunched my nose. “Good, that crap is disgusting. Who wants mint in their ice cream? It’s sacrilegious.”
Josi high-fived me in agreement and handed me a spoon so I could dig into the Rocky Road. I was more of a Moosetracks girl myself, but I wasn’t complaining since they’d been thoughtful to bring it in the first place.
“You guys kind of rock, you know that?”
Josi chuckled at my rhetorical question, while Clara wooted out a “hells yeah!”
Michelle stirred, chomping her lips together before passing back out with her mouth wide open and snoring loud enough to wake the dead.
The three of us burst out laughing. It was nice. More than nice. It was…something I didn’t even have the words for.
To my horror, a rogue tear escaped and I found myself blurting out all the mushy thoughts I’d had all night but managed to hold at bay until now.
“This means so much to me. You have no idea. I’ve been so lonely, and I’m worried Michelle is shutting me out and I don’t know what’s going on with her or how she’s handling everything. And after what happened with CJ this morning, I just really, really appreciate you both.”
By the end of my impromptu speech, I was sobbing so hard I wasn’t sure my words were even intelligible. It didn’t matter, though. Both girls had their arms wrapped around me, hugging me so tight I couldn’t breathe. Which made me laugh, then made them laugh, and next thing I knew, we were all laying on our backs gasping for air.
“Shit. I haven’t laughed like this in probably a decade. Remember when you were young and you’d get slap happy and just laugh your ass off for no reason at all?”
Clara snickered. “Yeah. It drove CJ insane, too. He hated that we’d have these laughing fits for no reason at all. Couldn’t understand the idea of laughing just for laughing’s sake. Which, of course, made us laugh even harder.”
Josi barked out a laugh. “Remember that time he scared off your date to homecoming?”
“Oh my God,” Clara groaned. “How could I forget going to the dance my junior year of high school without my date? We were voted homecoming king and queen, but because CJ made him piss his pants - literally - he obviously didn’t show up. Then that asshole principal of ours forced me to do the dance by myself. Insisted it was tradition, so I had to sway in the middle of the dance floor by myself while all my classmates laughed it up.”
“You got him back, though,” Josi piped up, turning to her side and propping up on her elbow to face me. “CJ is a deep sleeper, or he was back then, anyway. So a week later, Clara snuck into his room and put hot wax on his eyebrows. Yanked both pieces of paper off at the same time, took his eyebrows clean off. He woke up screaming like a little girl. I got the whole thing on video. He thinks we deleted it, but I’ve got it tucked away for emergency blackmail use.”
“I can’t. Stop. No more,” I begged between wheezes. My stomach muscles hurt badly, reminding me of how long it’d been since my last workout.
When we finally calmed down, the emotional exhaustion started seeping into my bones. I seriously considered staying right there, laying on the rough, worn out shag carpeting that was probably decades old. Dozens of people had traipsed barefoot on that very carpet, but I couldn’t bring myself to be skeeved out by it. The only thing that could have motivated me to get off my tired ass would be CJ standing over me with open arms.
I could feel Josi’s eyes on me, so I knew she saw the silent tear stream down my cheek. To her credit, she said nothing. Not even when three more followed in its tracks.
“I need to call your brother and tell him I’ll be staying here for a few days. We had a fight earlier. Sort of.”
Clara grabbed the unopened bag of gummy worms and tore into it, sitting up and staring with wide eyes like she was about to get a juicy scoop of gossip.
“What happened?”
I sighed and accepted the handful of bears Clara held out for me. They sat patiently while I went through the embarrassing details of my jealous outburst. Then they burst into laughter. I tried to be annoyed at them for being so entertained by my misery, but wound up joining the crazy against my will.
“You know you guys will be fine, right?” Josi said when we yet again calmed down from a bout of howling laughter.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I know. I’m just drained and I know it’s super shitty of me, but I can’t deal with it right this second. I need to focus on Michelle. I just hope CJ understands that when we finally do talk.”
Josi nodded solemnly. “He will, but don’t wait too long, okay?”
She gave me a quick side hug. I’d been through the emotional ringer and though I felt myself welling up with gratitude again, my burning eyes were all dried out. No more tears, thank the Lord.
“Hey, where are your keys?” Clara asked, already rummaging through my purse. “Never mind, found them. C’mon Jo.”
Without hesitation or question, Josi jumped up and followed Clara to the door. Confusion had me mustering the energy to hop to my feet and follow after them.
“Uh, what are you guys doing?”
Clara turned around. “Going to your apartment to pack you a bag. Duh.”
The door closed behind them and the floodgates opened. I sat there, my back against the door, crying a mix of both happy and sad tears.