As soon as I get out of work, I head for the bus and call Michelle. I haven’t spoken to her since Jessie’s party on the weekend.

“Well, hello, stranger,” she croons into the phone.

“Hey, how are you?” I reply, trying to sound chirpy.

“I’m okay. Well, I’m still a little hung over, actually. I ended up spending the entire weekend at Jessie’s place. I’m telling you, that girl knows how to keep a lady occupied. I know I’d had my sights set on the blond guy. Ben, I think his name was. But he vamoosed with his friend Stuart after Jay punched him for dancing with you, so that was a dead end. Anyway, I only left her place this morning and had to go straight to work. One of my colleagues pointed out that I had ‘freshly fucked’ hair. I was, like, mortified dot com.”

“Michelle.”

“Yes, Matilda?”

“That’s a delightful story, but please don’t use mortified dot com ever again.”

She laughs loudly down the line. “Fine. So, what happened with you and Jay? And don’t say ‘nothing.’ I swear to God, if you say ‘nothing,’ I will find a way to teleport through this phone so I can strangle you.”

“Stuff happened, but we’ve agreed to take it slow. I really like him,” I gush, unable to hold back.

“Well, well, well! The girl who doesn’t like any man finally finds a man she likes,” says Michelle, sounding a mixture of smug and pleased.

“I didn’t not like any men. They just didn’t like me.”

“Oh, shush. None of that matters. Now you’ve got the bad-boy hunk to end all bad-boy hunks, so who cares about past failures? I have to say, I’m feeling a touch of the green-eyed monster coming on.”

“I thought you were all loved up with Jessie?”

“Loved up? Please. It’s just sex with the two of us. She knows it. I know it. We’re both fine and dandy with the concept. Now, back to you and Jay. Has he gone down on you yet?”

“Michelle!”

“What?”

“Where are you right now?”

“In the queue at Boots. I had to stock up on shampoo and conditioner. Why?”

“This is not a phone conversation you should be having in the queue at Boots. So, let’s wait until we see each other in person to talk about…those sorts of details. Right now I need your advice on something else.”

“Okay. I’m intrigued. Continue.”

I tell her about THE TEXT. Yes, over the past few hours it has become such a huge issue in my head that I now have to refer to it in all caps. Michelle listens and then mulls it over for a moment.

“Okay, I don’t think you should follow him.”

“Why not? It’s the only way I’m going to find out.”

“Eh, how about asking him?” she suggests, and I decide to let her sarcasm slide.

“Because, that would require me to be a mature adult, and it would also require me to admit to snooping on his phone. I’m not prepared for any of that. At least if I follow him, I’ll know for certain. If it’s a booty call, I can be all, We are over, sir! I said, good day! And then flounce off to nurse my wounded pride. If it’s something normal, like he’s meeting up with an old friend for tea and crumpets, I can nod approvingly to myself and scurry home happy that all is well with the world. Jay will be none the wiser of this highly bunny boiler activity that’s going on with me right now.”

Michelle groans. “Oh, God, Matilda. Please don’t follow him. It’s only going to end in tears.”

“Saying stuff like that only makes me want to follow him more. It makes me want to know why there will be tears.”

“Can’t you just take my word for it?”

“I will consider my options. My bus is coming now, so I need to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“You’re going to do it. I can tell.”

“’Bye!”

I hang up before she has the chance to dissuade me further. I’m doing this. I’m going to live up to the nickname Jay gave me, and I’m going to do some sleuthing. If anything, it’s his own fault for coming up with the nickname in the first place.

After dinner Dad offers to wash up, and I go to catch some soaps on the television. Jay saunters in and drops down beside me, too close, considering Dad could walk in at any moment. And yes, I’m quite aware of the fact that I’m an adult. It’s just that Jay is such an obviously sexual person, which means if I tell Dad we’re together, he’ll know we’re doing sexual things together. Just the thought of it makes me feel like crawling out of my own skin.

Yes, when it comes down to it, I’m a baby. A big, stupid, embarrassed baby.

Jay sits there all casual for a minute before randomly leaning in and licking me on the face. I laugh and wipe at my skin.

“What was that for?”

“Just felt like it.”

“Okay.”

“I have to go out for a little while soon,” he says, his voice lowering a notch. “Can I come visit you later?”

“You mean like how you visited me last night?” I ask, one eyebrow raised, a half smirk on the go.

“Kind of like that. Perhaps there’ll be a little more activity this time.”

Well, I don’t need to be a sex addict to know what that means. This is good news. If he’s planning to “pay me a visit” later, then it’s likely that the mysterious meetup isn’t a booty call. Shivers break out on my skin when he leisurely runs a finger down my arm.

“Maybe you can visit me then,” I tell him quietly.

Dad walks into the room at that moment, and Jay quickly draws away. Dad doesn’t notice a thing, sitting down in his armchair and flicking through the channels with the remote. Later on, I put on some dark clothes and find an old knitted hat to wear on my detective adventures. You know, so that I’m inconspicuous and all that. I have a taxi idling by the curb just as Jay leaves. I follow soon after him and hop into the taxi, telling the driver to follow Jay’s car.

The driver is a nosy one.

“Well,” he declares, “isn’t this all very mysterious.” If I’m not mistaken, there’s a touch of dry humour in his tone.

I scoff. “You don’t get out much, do you” — I crane my neck to look at his I.D. stuck to the dash — “Mr Paul Donnelly?”

He eyes me through the mirror and goes quiet then. I’m satisfied that I won the sarcasm war. The journey isn’t long. Jay drives out toward the docklands, finally turning into an old abandoned building site left over from the Celtic Tiger days. When the recession hit, there were a bunch of building projects that got left half-finished, effectively creating a sort of spooky ghost-town vibe.

“You can let me out here,” I say, handing the driver some money.

He gives me a concerned look. “Are you sure? There can be a lot of dodgy types out here, love.”

“I’ll be okay,” I assure him, and he finally takes the money, not without a few grumbles under his breath, though.

The cold air hits me as soon as I exit the vehicle. It was a warm day today, but the temperature always drops at night, and it’s even worse out here so close to the sea. I sneak around the corner of a building and watch as Jay parks his car and gets out. I quietly follow him as he walks across to another building, down the side, and around to a secluded corner. I hover by the other end of the building, and that’s when I see the men. There are about four of them, but only one steps forward to greet Jay. The others hang back, their postures belying some sort of security or bodyguard work.

The main guy is wearing a suit, but I don’t let that fool me. He’s got the look of a bad egg, a shoddy neck tattoo peeking out of his collar.

This isn’t what I’d been expecting at all. I’d been expecting something bad, but I think this might be worse. There’s no mistaking the dangerous, criminal air about the men Jay’s meeting with, and the mysterious, anonymous nature of THE TEXT makes it that much more worrisome.

Words are exchanged, but I’m too far away to hear. Everything seems to be going well, despite the shady location and nature of the meeting. But then it looks like the conversation is turning heated, Jay’s stance growing defensive as the man he’s talking with starts gesturing with his hands.

The bodyguards move closer to the two, surrounding the man who I’m imagining is their boss. Jay puts a hand up in a gesture that I’m thinking says calm down, then reaches inside his pocket. I catch my breath, because when he does, all three of the bodyguards whip out their guns. Guns!

My pulse is going ninety.

Jay doesn’t bat an eyelid, and when his hand emerges from his pocket, he hands something to the main guy that looks like a credit card or a key card of some sort. The man takes it and says a few words, and then he and Jay shake on it.

It seems the meeting is over when the men turn to leave in the opposite direction that Jay came from. When Jay turns around to return to his car, my heart jumps, and I scurry to find a hiding spot. Without thinking, I rush inside the abandoned building and hide behind a stack of wooden crates. I put my hand to my chest, willing myself to calm down.

I stay like that for about five minutes, waiting to make sure Jay’s definitely gone. It’s so dark in here that I can hardly see a thing. Getting up from my crouched position, I pull my phone from my pocket, hoping the light from the screen will illuminate my way out. When the light comes on and I hold the phone up in front of me, I let out a startled yelp to see Jay standing there, watching me with a furious expression.

I’ve been caught.

Note to self: Never try to out-trick a trickster.

The look in his eyes is murderous, and for some reason I don’t feel safe. I guess that’s because he’s associating with men who carry guns, which means he’s not the person I thought he was at all. Does he carry a gun?

“WHAT.THE.FUCK? What are you doing here, Matilda?” His voice is deep, raspy, and thoroughly pissed. He takes several long strides toward me, backing me up into a wall before slamming his hands down on either side of my head.

“I, uh…I came to ask if you, eh, if you saw my calculator anywhere. I seem to have lost it.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he swears, and I wince at my ridiculously obvious lie. “Did you follow me? How did you know to come here?”

I close my eyes and answer shakily, “I’m sorry. I read your text. I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me.”

He exhales a long breath, and I open my eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. I would never hurt you.”

“That’s…that’s good.”

“But coming here was a seriously stupid thing to do, and I can’t pretend I’m not angry.”

“Who were those men?” I ask, swallowing.

Jay cocks an eyebrow. “Oh, no way. You’re the one in the wrong here. You don’t get to ask questions.”

“They looked shifty, like criminals. I don’t understand why you would be meeting up with people like that.”

“Necessary evils are everywhere in this world, Watson. And I’m not explaining this to you. Not now. You shouldn’t even be here.”

I move to walk away, but he blocks me, his hand clasping my shoulder. “Oh, no, you don’t.”

“I’m going home.”

“Yeah, but I’m taking you.” His hand slides from my shoulder to my neck, gripping me tight and guiding me away from the wall. My anxiety levels skyrocket as he silently guides me out of the abandoned building and toward the spot where he parked his car.

“There are all sorts of low-lifes around here, Matilda. Junkies, homeless people. The kind who wouldn’t think twice about hurting an innocent woman when she walks brainlessly into their territory. Shit, anything could have happened to you.”

We’re at his car now. He reaches around me to open the back door before guiding me in, his hand still on my neck. He slams the door shut and then walks around to the front, sliding into the driver’s seat.

“I saw the text you got earlier, and I thought it sounded like…like a booty call or something. That’s why I followed you. I had no idea it was going to be something like this.” I pause, my voice growing hushed, frightened. “Those men pulled guns on you, Jay.”

His eyes grow soft for a moment when he looks at me through the mirror. “A booty call? You thought that?”

I shrug, embarrassed now. “I jumped to conclusions. I do that sometimes.”

“I’m not that kind of person.”

“I know that now.” The question is, Jason, are you another sort of person? The sort who doesn’t bat an eyelid when a firearm is pointed at them. And that brings about a whole other barrel of connotations.

The problem is, not one of those connotations changes the strength of my feelings for him, and that’s the scary part.

He stares at me for a long moment before continuing, “And about the other thing, it was just a little misunderstanding. They weren’t going to shoot me. And I’ll say it again just in case you’ve forgotten. You weren’t supposed to be here.” He slams his hands down on the steering wheel, growing angry again. “Fuck, I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you.” His eyes meet mine, and something inside me melts.

“You’re so important to me, Matilda. More than you know.”

I sniff and look away, unable to deal with the emotions his words evoke in me. All I can manage is another, “I’m sorry,” and, “I’ve learned my lesson. It won’t happen again.”

The next thing I know, he’s climbing through the gap between the two front seats and crowding me into the back. I shimmy away, unsure of his intent, until my head hits the window on the other side. He cages me with his body, lifting my thighs so he can fit himself between them.

His hot breath hits my ear when he murmurs, “Nah, I don’t think you’ve learned it yet, but you will.” And then, quick as a flash, he flips me over so that I’m lying face down. He grinds his obvious erection into my rear, and I gasp in surprise.

“Jay,” I exclaim, half indignant, half turned on.

“What?”

“We’re in your car. In public.”

“It’s hardly public here, but yeah, we are in my car. In fact, I really like being in my car with you.”

His fingers slip under the waist of my black jeans as his other hand pulls off my hat, my hair falling out. “Look at this fuckin’ outfit. Could you be any cuter?”

“Whatever you’re doing, stop. This isn’t happening. Not here,” I protest, my voice far too breathy for my liking. I should be focusing on the fact that he still hasn’t told me what he’s been up to. I can’t focus, though, not when he’s got his hands on me.

He pinches my hip and continues yanking down my jeans. When he reaches around me to harshly stroke between my legs, my brain shuts off, and I moan.

“Wet,” he says, like he’s just won something.

“Hmm,” I murmur.

“And soft.”

“Jay.”

“Sweet, too.”

“We can’t.”

“Oh, yes, we can.”

He tugs my jacket off me and pushes up my shirt, pressing kisses to my spine and biting softly, playfully. He licks the small of my back, and I pant.

“I like you to like me to lick you,” he rasps.

“Hmm?”

Jay purrs, a low rumbly sound. “Never heard that song?”

“What?”

“Never mind. Don’t look it up. My feelings for you are the opposite of that song.”

“Jay, you’re rambling. Just touch me.”

“My pleasure.”

My jeans are halfway down my legs when he wraps an arm around my middle, pulling me up so that I’m on my hands and knees. He caresses my bottom, then gives me a light spank. I yelp, and he rubs it better. One hand moves up my body, over my ribs, and cups my breast. He tweaks my nipple, and I bite my lip.

There’s some impatient fumbling behind me as he undoes his belt buckle and fly, and then I feel his hard, silky flesh rubbing against my cheek. Holding his cock, he rubs it over my arse and then lowers it, sliding across my wetness.

Nudging against my entrance and slowly pushing himself inside me, he growls, “This is the best feeling, being inside you.”

He rears back and then slams into me from behind, his thrusts hard and fast. Pleasure erupts through my entire system, my moans filling the small space. When he leans over me and bites my neck, I gasp. His hand grips my nape then and pulls me up, his hand going across my chest to hold me there as he juts into me.

The pleasure is sharp and all-consuming. He manoeuvres my body, and I’m his to possess. My heart beats fast, my pulse thumping in my ears, so loud it practically drowns out the erotic sounds of his groaning. Emotion catches in my throat, feelings bubbling up inside that I don’t want to acknowledge.

I love how he so thoroughly consumes me to the point where the entire world fades away.

His hand still gripping my neck, he reaches around with the other, seeking my clit. I whimper when he finds it, rubbing fast circles, bringing me closer to the edge.

“Come for me, darlin’. Come on my cock,” he rasps into my ear, his lips on my skin.

“I….” Words fail me.

His sculpted chest is pressed into my back, his hips jutting in and out. Warmth spreads all through me. I feel fevered, reckless.

“Your body drives me crazy,” he growls, biting down on my shoulder, his fingers digging into my neck. I clench around him, my orgasm close.

“Wow, you like it when I’m rough with you, don’t you?”

“Shut up,” I manage, and he laughs tenderly.

My body jerks as I come, the pleasure intense, consuming me. His thrusts slow down as he turns my head back to him and captures my mouth with his. His tongue plunges in, licking, caressing. Then I feel him coming hot inside me. My body goes limp, and he gently pulls me on top of him as he reclines backward, holding me tight in his arms, his release giving him a satisfied glow.

My face rests on his shoulder, where I place soft, worshipful kisses on his skin, sighing at the simple pleasure of lying in his embrace. We stay like that for a long time, absolute darkness surrounding us. There are no street lights here, just the vague light from the city in the distance.

When I move to find my clothes, a deep, rumbling growl emanates from his chest.

“Don’t,” he whispers, his lips brushing my ear.

“We can’t stay here all night,” I protest.

“Can’t we?”

“I don’t sleep in cars, Jay.”

“Hey, now, this car is worth more than some houses,” he jokes, his grip on me loosening. “But fine. Go put some clothes on, you little seductress.”

I give him an amused look as I clip on my bra. “Me? I think you’ll find you’re the one who did the seducing.”

A sardonic eyebrow goes up. “Did I? You follow me here, all brazen, dressed in that cute little outfit like you’re playing detective, pissing me off and getting my blood up. You’re lucky you got away with a quickie. I have a good mind to make sure you can’t walk straight in the morning.”

“Jay!”

His laughter fills the car as I slap him lightly on the arm. We dress ourselves, and then Jay climbs to the front again. I stay in the back, thinking. Now that I’m not overcome by the crazy lust I have for him, I can think more clearly.

“You still haven’t explained what tonight was about,” I say as he starts the engine. He shoots me a serious look, his playfulness forgotten. I bluster on, “I mean, I’ve let some things slide already, but I’m not sure I can ignore this. What are you doing, Jay?”

“I’m driving us home,” he answers casually. It infuriates me.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“What did you mean?”

I fold my arms. “Fine, you want me to tell you what I’m thinking? I’m thinking that all is not what it seems. I’ve been reading through the files for your case, and you know what? It all just feels a little too perfect, like everything is fitting itself into a neat little package. And real life isn’t neat. It’s messy and frustrating, and there are always roadblocks.”

“You think it’s neat that Una Harris has been trying to destroy my career? Yeah, Watson, that’s what I call a real perfect scenario right there.”

“No, I don’t think it’s neat. I think it’s awful, and I think she’s an awful person. Having met her, I’ll be honest and say the woman gives me the creeps. There’s something not right about her, and it’s not just the fact that her face is more plastic than flesh. But at the same time, I feel like your anger at what she’s done is…questionable. You act pissed, but then there’s a hint of pleasure masked behind it. Almost like you want her to bad-mouth you, like every word she prints is more ammo in your arsenal.”

“You’re right. It is. It’s ammo for the case, Matilda.”

The movement is minuscule, but I see his jaw twitch. Yeah, I’m definitely on to something here. Jay pulls the car out of its spot and starts driving back home. He doesn’t breathe a word, and I don’t take my eyes off him.

We’re almost to the house when I whisper, “Don’t you trust me?”

His gaze draws away from the road to meet mine. A long sigh escapes him. “I trust you. It’s not about trust. It’s about the fact that if you knew the truth, you might not want me anymore, and I couldn’t live with you not wanting me.”

My breath leaves me in a rush. His eyes are shining in the darkness. I know he’s telling me the truth now — I can just feel it. He pulls into the driveway and turns off the engine. We sit like that for a moment, neither of us saying anything.

“I think you underestimate my ability to accept you, Jay, even your bad bits.”

“You can’t say that, Matilda. You can’t say that until you know everything.”

“Will you ever tell me?”

“Yes, I plan on telling you it all. You just need to wait. Please wait.”

We stare at each other for what feels like forever. He needs me to wait, and there’s a desperation in his plea that makes me want to do that for him. My feelings for him are so strong that I want to put my trust in him and let him tell me when he decides the time is right. So, with a small nod, I show him that I’m prepared to do things his way. His breath leaves him in a relieved rush. I won’t question him until it’s time for him to give me the answers.

I believe myself to be patient. I also believe that some things are worth waiting for, and Jay is certainly one of them.

When I finally break our locked gaze, weariness hits me like a sledgehammer. Dealing with all of this emotional turmoil is so draining. We go inside, each to our separate rooms. When I finally get to bed, I find myself staring at the ceiling and wondering. What has he done that’s so bad he thinks I wouldn’t want him anymore?