Erin

 

I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, trying my best to catch my breath. Next to me on the couch sits Slash, equally tuckered out, panting like an overheated dog, complete with his tongue sticking out of his mouth. I feel… amazing. It had been amazing. I guess I didn’t know what to expect going in, but I certainly hadn’t expected that.

 

The feeling of him inside of me, thrusting into me, was delicious, and when he made me orgasm… well, I’ve had plenty of practice doing that by myself, but it had never felt like that. If this is what I have been missing with sex, I’ve denied myself something pretty incredible.

 

As soon as my head stops swimming, I give Slash a kiss on the cheek and pull on my panties and my leather pants. I’m in the middle of buckling my bra when he pulls me down for a deep, passionate kiss.

 

“That was… pretty good, rookie,” he says, a sardonic smile on his face.

 

“I thought it was better than ‘pretty good’,” I reply without irony.

 

“Oh, it was. Are you sure that was your first time?”

 

I nod. “Why? Wasn’t it okay for you?” I ask, suddenly feeling vulnerable.

 

“Oh, it was better than okay. In fact, I never would’ve known it was your first time if I, you know, hadn’t known already.”

 

“Well, that’s nice of you to say.”

 

“Now,” he says dramatically, standing up, unabashed by his nudity, “about that payment…”

 

A lump comes into my throat as I realize that I didn’t get his payment up front. So, if he doesn’t have the cash now, what am I supposed to do? I don’t want to go back to the Red Club – that place is sketchy as hell. I could tell Monica, but she’d probably just chide me for having been stupid.

 

Luckily, the first thing Slash does is walk over to a safe and open it up. “Ten grand, right?” he asks, counting out bills in front of him.

 

I watch him count it all. I have never seen nearly that much money before in my life. Where did he get it all from? I quickly put the question out of my mind. It’s none of my business, I reassure myself. This is just a business transaction. And that’s all it is, I realize in that very same instant.

 

Slash finishes counting and puts the money in a manila envelope, then hands it to me.

 

“I hope you had a good time, Erin,” he says kindly. “I know I did.”

 

He kisses me again, and I go a little weak at the knees. Every time he puts his eyes on me, I feel butterflies in my stomach. There is just something about him that makes me feel at ease.

 

“I did have a good time, Slash.” Then I stupidly add, “Thank you.”

 

“Thank me?” He laughs. “For what?”

 

I think quickly, trying not to sound like a complete and utter idiot. “Thank you for being so kind and gentle. That was my first time. You made it… good.”

 

“Well, you’re welcome,” he says with clear mirth. “Thank you,” he adds with a wink.

 

I look out the window, then over at the clock on the stove. “Well,” I say, thinking aloud, “I should probably get going.”

 

“You sure?” he asks, not really protesting but not forcing me out, either. “You sure you don’t want, like, a drink or something?”

 

“I think I’ve already had enough to drink, honestly.”

 

“Well, let me at least call you a cab then.”

 

It’s actually quite gentleman-like of him, and it surprises me that he’s so willing to be nice to me.

 

“I can get one on my phone,” I say, opening up the app and requesting a car to come get me. “It’s really fine, Slash. See?” I hold up my phone to show him. “‘Dave’ will be here in four minutes.” I stand up and straighten out my shirt.

 

“Okay then,” he says, standing up with me. “At least let me walk you to the door.”

 

I smile at him. “You’re really very sweet.”

 

“And you’re hot as hell.”

 

That makes me giggle. I realize that I genuinely like him – beyond just the sex – and it feels good to have something to laugh about. We’re just standing there, looking at each other, when a horn honks outside his building.

 

“That’s me,” I say. “I’d better get going.”

 

He kisses me again, and I’m out the door before anything else can happen. I get into the car in a bit of a dream state. I’ve just lost my virginity. To a really good guy, too! He was so kindhearted to me, and he never pushed me or forced me into anything. He didn’t want to do anything weird, and he didn’t make me feel embarrassed or ashamed.

 

And the sex was good, too! My lady parts are still tingling at the thought of him inside of me, and I still have a wet spot on my panties from our make out session early on. But as good as it feels to know that this went far better than I could have imagined, I’m snapped back to reality by the envelope in my hands.

 

I’m thrilled beyond belief that Slash was kind and treated me with respect, but what I’ve done… I’ve literally prostituted myself. And for what, exactly? To pay off some bills? To help my mom be as comfortable as she can be before she passes away? Well, to be completely honest, those aren’t bad reasons at all.

 

In fact, I’m kind of pleased that I’m going to be able to help my mom with everything. The hospice care alone will be expensive as hell, and now, we can afford it, plus some of the bills on top of everything. And all for a single evening. That’s a good trade, in my book. But I still feel a weight in the pit of my stomach.

 

I’ve done something I can’t take back, crossed a line that I’ll forever be beyond now. And maybe that’s not the end of the world, granted, but it still feels icky. Even if no one else – save Monica – knows what I’ve done, I’ll know. And that’s enough for me.

 

The cab drops me off in front of the house. I walk in as quietly as possible, hoping Mom has gone to bed. The house is darkened, and only the beeping of a monitor can be heard. Good. That means she’s asleep. I try my best to be completely silent as I tiptoe into her room to check on her.

 

The light from a streetlamp outside casts an eerie glow over the whole place. She’s so small now, so frail, and I don’t really know what to do, so I wipe the single tear trickling from my eye and kiss her on the forehead.

 

She stirs, opening her eyes slightly and saying weakly, “Erin.” She gives the hint of a smile. It breaks my heart.

 

“Hey, Mom,” I say as cheery as I can.

 

“How was work, sweetheart?”

 

The knot in my stomach pulls tighter as I lie through my teeth. “It was fine. I got some really good tips tonight, and I think it’s gonna help us out a lot.”

 

“That’s great, dear,” she says, weakening more, even as we talk. “I… I’m sorry I couldn’t stay up. So tired.”

 

“It’s fine, Mom,” I tell her soothingly, stroking her head. “Just go back to sleep, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

“Love you,” she says as she drifts back off into sleep.

 

“I love you, too,” I tell her, fighting back the tears. Now I know what I’ve done is correct. Whatever I’m feeling, that’s nothing compared to what my mom has had to go through these past few years and, especially, the last few months. She’s been so strong, so brave. I’m proud to be her daughter.

 

I sit down at the kitchen table and take out the bills that have been mounting up. I pore over each and every one, determining which ones I have to pay immediately with the cash Slash gave me, and which ones I can wait a little while to cover, maybe with more shifts or something. I set the cash into little stacks, a thousand dollars here, three grand there, five hundred over there, until at last, I’ve got the whole thing figured out.

 

The whole time, though, my thoughts aren’t on the bills, or even my mom – they’re on Slash. Honestly, I had expected the worst when I’d gone into the Red Club. The guys were leeches, and all they wanted was to fuck me. Which, granted, is what I was there for, but it still was kind of gross.

 

But Slash wasn’t like them at all. Slash, with his rippling biceps and his beautiful dark eyes, his arms full of tattoos and his strong, cut stomach… I felt desire building within me again, almost enough to make me horny. But I pushed through, doing the bills because it was the only thing I could do right now.

 

Slash was omnipresent for me though. I kept thinking about how kind he had been. He didn’t need to treat me so well. In fact, for what he had paid me, he could’ve treated me like absolute dirt. Instead, he was… well, he was sweet. He had clearly wanted me to stay longer – or, at least, he wouldn’t have minded if I had – and he had gotten my head swimming with alcohol not to get me drunk but to make me feel more comfortable, which was sweet in its own clueless way.

 

And the sex had been fantastic. It wasn’t like I had a lot, or anything, to compare it to, but I couldn’t believe how wet I still was thinking about fucking him. I’ve had orgasms in the past, sure, but I’ve never exploded like that, and I’ve certainly never talked like that to another human being.

 

I wanted him inside me. I needed him inside me. I—Oh, holy shit. We didn’t use a condom!

 

I sit back in my chair at the kitchen table and heave a huge, huge sigh. What was I thinking? I don’t know this guy, and he rides a motorcycle, and he’s clearly done this before, and… Holy hell, what if he’s got something? I went down on him without a second thought. I let him inside me without even thinking because he’d made me so hot. What if I was infected with something now? How could I have been so stupid?!

 

I take a deep breath. Everything’s probably okay. I can go get tested at the clinic in town tomorrow, no big deal at all. And it was my first time, so the chance of getting pregnant is, like, nil – it takes some couples years to have kids. So really, I’m probably fine on that front, but Jesus, have I been incredibly stupid.

 

Still, just thinking about him inside me again has been enough to get me turned on. I think I’d like to try having sex with him again. I could totally do it; I know where he lives. But I don’t want to be his groupie, and I don’t want him thinking I’m obsessed with him or some weird shit like that. I just think having sex with him again would be really, really nice. If it was that good the first time, who knows how much better it can be with practice?

 

I yawn and check my phone for the time. It’s already two in the morning, and I need to be up for a mid-morning shift tomorrow. I stand up and stretch, then head into my bedroom. I turn on the lamp and get undressed, and I notice the wet spot still on my panties. Clearly, this guy is a turn-on.

 

I almost feel like I need to get off again, but I’m so exhausted physically and emotionally from what has been a rather intense day that I know it’s time to go to sleep. So, I put on some comfy flannels and get under the covers.

 

As I lay there, looking up at the ceiling, I think only about Slash – about his kisses on my lips and on my neck, about the way he made me feel as he ate my pussy, the way his hands felt against my skin, his hot breath on my neck, his warm embrace as he came inside me. It was easily the most erotic and intense experience I had ever had. I wasn’t eager to repeat the whole getting paid for sex thing, but I wouldn’t mind replaying this scene in my mind again and again. It really was that good.

 

As I drift off to sleep, my thoughts turn back to my mom. She has sacrificed so much for me throughout my life. I’ve only begun to pay her back. But I know now that what I’ve done is right – that I’d do it in a heartbeat for her again. Because where my mom is concerned, her comfort at this point in her life is all that matters.

 

She has always, always, always been there for me. So now, I’m going to be there for her. Tomorrow, when I pay the bills for her hospice and the house, she won’t have any clue what has happened – but I will. And I have to admit, knowing that I’ve helped my mom in this way makes me more than a little bit proud.

 

Now, if only I can find a way to sleep with Slash again. My last thought before falling fast asleep is amazingly not of my mom but of Slash, again, and it’s not even of the sex at all – it’s of his deep, dark eyes, the ones that he laid on me when he came up to the front of the bar to see me. Why was he so interested in me? Did he honestly see me as something special?

 

I wonder as I drift into dreamland...