Chapter 13
Jay pulled into the hospital and stormed up to Nate’s office. He didn’t bother knocking. Instead, he barged in.
Nate looked up from the chart in his hands and let out a heavy sigh. “What do you want, Jay?”
“For you to leave Savon alone.”
Nate’s eyes narrowed. “Not a chance in hell.”
“Didn’t think so.” Jay slammed the door shut and closed the distance. “You hurt her, and I will show you pain.”
Nate dropped the clipboard on the desk and pushed into Jay’s space, glaring eye to eye. “Same goes for you, asshole.”
“She doesn’t trust you. You’ve already torn her apart,” Jay growled.
Pure fury rolled through Nate, and Jay almost backed off at the snarled reply, “Fuck off, Jay. She’ll make her own choice with all the facts. And if you think you’re sweeping in while she’s vulnerable, you’re dead fucking wrong.”
Jay went below the belt. “She doesn’t need a weak bastard who can’t get his priorities straight. You let her go. She doesn’t want you.”
“You don’t have the slightest inkling what my priorities are, or why I stayed away from her all these years. You may have killed my father, but you aren’t man enough to be Alpha. Now get the hell out of my office before I show you every door on your way out.”
A shudder traveled through Jay. He stormed from the room, seething. Maybe Nate wasn’t the coward he thought. But Jay wasn’t letting Savon go without trying to get through to her before Nate sank his claws into her.
* * * *
Savon sat at the bar in the town before Silvertail Ridge. She was a damned mess. Her heart wanted to mend, which meant falling into Nate’s arms and begging forgiveness.
His father kept them apart. Not Nate.
She waved the bartender over. “Double shot of Chase vodka, please.”
The woman filled her glass and leaned against the counter. “Man trouble?”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
“Should try a walk on the other side.”
She managed a smile. “Tried that, didn’t help. Besides, I need the courage to admit I was wrong.” She took a slow breath and let it out. “Got to figure out what to say.”
The woman smiled. “Well, if that’s the case, just tell him what’s in your heart.”
“Not sure I know how to stop running.” She dropped her gaze. “How can nothing change in twelve years? He feels the same, and I’m afraid to figure out if I do.”
“Usually means you do.”
She wished she didn’t.
Someone sat down next to Savon and the bartender gave her a smile before wandering down the counter.
“Hey, gorgeous. I want to talk to you.”
She swiveled the stool to face Jay. Her heart thundered in her chest. “How did you find me?”
His brow pinched. “Not happy to see me?”
Savon tossed the shot back. She wasn’t sure how to answer that without coming off like a cold, heartless bitch. Instead, she gave him the truth. “I stopped here because I wasn’t ready to deal with anyone in Silvertail Ridge.”
“Look, before Nate gets a chance, you should know—”
She covered his mouth. “Jay, shut up. I don’t need you telling me what I need to know.”
He took her hand. “I wasn’t going to say a word about Nate.”
“You did.”
He shook his head. “Not how you think. Before he has a chance to tell you what he’s feeling, you should understand something. There’s a connection between us. And I get it, you aren’t ready to explore that, but keep it in mind. I want you, all of you, and that’s only going to grow. You feel it too.”
She dug out a twenty and dropped the bill on the counter before sliding from the stool and walking for the door.
Jay followed on her heels. Outside, he gently took her arm, turning her to face him. “I’m not being an asshole. I’m telling you we have the potential to be so much more than what you had with Nate.”
“Jay, stop. I’m not an idiot. I hear what you’re saying. Right now, I can’t. There’s too much other stuff going on, and I can’t add to it.”
Searching her face, he offered a sad smile. “I want a chance, Savon. I’m not the fool who will let you go. I’ll fight for you. But I’m not pushing. I see the pain in your eyes. I want to take it away.”
She let out a strangled cry. “You can’t.” It physically hurt to walk away. He was right, there was a connection, but it didn’t compare to the ache building for Nate.
* * * *
He’d stalked her in dreams for years—why not real life?
Nate needed to talk to Savon, and if that meant camping out on her porch until she finally showed up, so be it.
He managed to stay away from her dreams one night—barely. And she wound up in one of his worst memories.
At ten she pulled into her driveway, parked her car, and climbed out.
He shot to his feet and their eyes locked as she stepped toward the house.
Her breath caught. “Nate?”
“Needed to see you, even if you slap me, push me out, whatever. I needed you—to see you.”
“We need to talk.” A yawn escaped her lips.
“Where were you?” he asked, emotion bleeding into his voice.
“I needed to think. Went to friends. I’m sorry.” Her shoulders dropped as she walked to the door and let them in. “You know why I was so mad?”
“Why?” he whispered.
Tears welled up in her eyes when she looked up at him. “You were gone. Your father wouldn’t tell me if you were alive. I left because I was going crazy sitting in my room, staring at your house every single day waiting for you. So, I left. Went to school, hoping you’d find your way to me. Then you didn’t. I thought you were dead. And I found out—shit.” She moved to the couch and dropped onto a cushion, staring out the window.
“Sav, I’m sorry, baby. I wanted to come to you. If I had, he would have destroyed you.”
She placed her fingers on his mouth and shook her head. “Shut up, Nate. Let me get this out.”
He nodded, his heart thumping in his chest. Her pain bit into him and she took a deep breath before releasing it slowly.
“I found out I was pregnant after I got to San Francisco. I was so happy with the news. I figured you were dead, gone, and I had a piece of you.” Tears leaked down her face.
Confusion set in, but the need to comfort her pushed that aside as he dried her face.
She continued, “You’d started coming to me in my dreams, and I didn’t understand. I thought your ghost was haunting me, or my cruel imagination was trying to twist the happiness out of me, but I hung on to the fact I had your little girl growing inside me and I fought to be happy with that.”
He cupped her cheek, pulling her closer. She moved into his arms, burying her head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“You appeared in my shower that first time. Only a few seconds. I thought you were a ghost. You said you loved me. Then you disappeared, and I started screaming. Pain washed through me as everything in my apartment moved. I didn’t understand it at the time, but something inside me snapped. My magic broke loose. I lost her, Nate. I lost you, then her, and my world fell apart.”
“Oh, God, I’m sorry.” He rubbed his hands up and down her back.
“Then Bran said you were back but not coming for me, and I lost it. I couldn’t deal. You didn’t attempt to call me, to find me. Nothing. You were there in my dreams, taunting me, pushing me further into this spiraling depression. Shit, I didn’t get it. I pushed you away and I’m sorry. I was so terrified I’d lose myself in that dark pit and never climb out. When Bran finally tried to tell me what happened it hurt too much to hear your name because I already knew you weren’t coming. I’m sorry I shut down, but it was the only way to cope.”
He felt every ounce of her pain, cutting him deeper than anything he’d ever felt. “You wanted her?”
Her hazel eyes glowed with a million shades. “So much. I wanted to hold onto you even when I didn’t think you were coming back. Then you were there, and I thought you were a ghost.”
“I didn’t know,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “It wasn’t you. I mean seeing you might have shattered what was holding back the power inside, but it was my father’s fault, and I still don’t understand a damned thing. He didn’t want me to access the other side of any veil. He wanted me locked firmly in this world.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He was supposed to be the most powerful sorcerer, and he was afraid of my power. There are answers here. It’s part of why I came back, but I haven’t found anything yet. I’m scared he thought I was a monster, and that maybe he was right.”
“You’re not a monster, Savon. You never were.”
“I’m not normal. When I lose my shit, every unseen being taps into my emotion, and things get ugly. I was a mess after I lost her. I couldn’t control my emotions. Little things would set me off, and I blamed you because I didn’t know what happened, and I was hurting so damned bad I refused to even hear your name.”
“Shh, Savon, I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that. I’m sorry because I couldn’t understand this morning. I was looking at it all wrong. All I could see was you holding on when I was trying to let go. You were trying to protect me, and I couldn’t understand why you didn’t come, but you did—every single night. And the more you reached for me this morning the more I pushed you away. I was running scared because I was a ticking time bomb.”
“What do you mean?”
“The more you pushed, the more it hurt. I needed to process and you kept going. The spirits wanted you away from me, they were trying to protect me. I needed you to go before I lost it.”
“What would have happened?” he asked softly.
“Looked like a hurricane blew through my apartment when I miscarried. Everything was thrown around. And I had no clue what had happened. Had someone been in the apartment, they would have hurled everything at the person. Some friends helped me learn some form of control, but because neither of them is what I am, they could only offer guidance. Unfortunately, the only other sorcerers I knew wouldn’t come near me because they were afraid.”
“Hey, we’ll figure it out, Savon. Together. If you’ll let me.”
“I’m broken, Nate. I’m sorry I couldn’t let you in. I didn’t know what you were, that you were there for me. I thought—shit, I thought I was torturing myself, which only made it all worse.”
“I tried to reach you. God knows I tried.”
“What if I’m just a monster, Nate? What if what I am is so horrible that my father wanted it locked away so I wouldn’t suffer?”
“You’re not a monster. You’re special, that’s all. You see the world through a different filter. So what if the spirits interact with you?”
“They aren’t all good. I don’t let them in. I try to limit what happens around them. It’s not always easy.”
He scooped her into his arms and carried her up to her room. “Can I hold you? If nothing else, I need to be here with you. You scared me so damned bad when you threw me out and ran.”
“I didn’t throw you out. The spirits were protecting me. I couldn’t stop them, didn’t want to. I needed time to make sense of everything you said.”
He nodded. “I needed you to understand.”
“I do now. And I want you to stay, if you don’t hate me for pushing you away so long. I want to burrow into your arms and not feel broken.”
Nate pulled her closer. “Could never hate you, Savon. We can figure this out tomorrow. Okay?”
She nodded against his chest. A yawn escaped, muffled by her hand.
“Why so tired?”
“Drove all day to come back to you. Needed to tell you I’m sorry.”
“No more apologies. I’m here and I’m not letting you go again.” He kissed her head and lay down with her in his arms. If he had his way, he was never letting go again.