Roan

It takes hours to tell the brothers everything I know about the mine: the number of men, the route, the fortifications, and the response to my attack. I stagger down the hall, heading toward the hatch exit out of the underground bunker that leads into the barn and my little living area. I need a shower and some first aid.

I can’t sleep down in the bunker. The only Luciano to have trouble with that is Cash, but even he’s settled in down here out of necessity, with his wife the target of Kane’s aggression.

I roll my shoulders, feeling the ache of my exertions as I reach the first of the bombproof doors leading to the barn exit.

Shadow’s turned head alerts me to company. Elizabeth, pale and wrung out, her shiny blonde hair limp and bedraggled, approaches me.

My eyes widen. “Is everything okay with Avital?”

She gives a little nod and a soft smile. “Yes, two healthy boys. Avital was fantastic. No complications, thank God.”

The release in my shoulders expresses the relief I feel. “That’s good news.”

Elizabeth puts a delicate, cool hand on my arm. I sensed the depths in this woman from the first day she crashed into JT’s potato field. She’s so much stronger than she appears, and goodness shines out of her eyes now, just like it did then. Goodness matched by JT.

They are perfect together.

“Roan. I know why you did what you did.”

I shrug her hand away. “I’m responsible. We argued, and Lucy was taken when I should have brought her home.” It’s hard to say her name; it sticks in my throat like tears.

“No. You went because you love her. You couldn’t not try to win her back. The only mistake was not letting anyone help you. You’re going to be unstoppable when all of you go, together.”

I stand frozen, my gaze on the door’s keypad.

She knows.

Do they all know?

I steel myself and turn to her. “You know how Lucy’s been. Relentless. She wouldn’t give me a minute’s peace. I could have had her a dozen times if I’d wanted. I don’t want Lucy.” I say the words hard and cold, to try to make them true, to cut myself off from this family, from this soul-sapping love.

Because if Lucy dies, I’ll die too.

Elizabeth recoils like I slapped her. “You’ve got a mean streak.”

I grin, and it’s scary-looking from the way she blinks. “You’re just discovering that?”

“If Lucy gets through this, she’s going to need you. To recover.”

“I’m not her therapist. Or her boy toy.”

Elizabeth breaks into a wide smile. “No one could ever mistake you for a therapist or a boy toy, Roan, good-looking as you are. No.” She steps up and gives my chest a pat. “No, she needs someone not afraid to have the courage to love. I hope you’re brave enough.” She pats me again, light and gentle. “This is going to leave a scar,” she says, gesturing to the wound on my cheekbone. “And Lucy is going to adore it.” Elizabeth cocks a finger and points it at me like a gun. “You don’t fool me, Roan Winters. You’re in love with her. Be a man and admit it.”

I grunt and shrug, turning away from her to key in the code. Elizabeth walks off, taking all the light with her.

In the barn, I patch up my cheek and check Adelle’s leg. As I’m wrapping it, young Paul comes in. He doesn’t say anything, just stands at the door of the stall watching me.

“Will you keep an eye on her for me?” I ask, turning to the boy. Barely a teenager, Paul’s gangly and tall with the gaze of a much older man. He nods, his eyes holding mine, seeming to understand the pain lancing through me. He reminds me of myself at his age—but he’s got more family now than I ever had.

I’m going to get some rest and work with the Lucianos on getting Lucy back.

Then, I’m leaving. For good.

* * *

Morning comes with the loud bleating of the goats waiting to be milked. Chevy, the rooster, raises the rafters—the only downside to my barn abode.

I crack my eyes open and hear the roar of an SUV’s engine in the distance, outside the walls of the Haven.

Another message from Kane!

What will he bring this time? I don’t want to know, and I can’t bear not to.

I’m only wearing my breeches, and my feet are bare. The morning is cold, dew frozen on the ground after an unseasonable cold snap, but I jump on the ATV by the door of the barn and roar down the road.

The family has spotted the messenger. I hear shouts behind me as the inner gate opens and others run out.

A box flies over the gate and lands in the road with a thunk. The SUV tears away as I literally leave the rest of them in the dust.

There should be a machine gun station down here. I’ll talk to JT about that when we have time. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. Oh, God, please let her be okay…

A buzz of terror surrounds me as I roll up toward the cardboard box. A bowling ball is advertised on the side of it.

A bowling ball is about the size of a head.

If he killed her, he wouldn’t have a hostage to exchange.

I get off the ATV slowly and reach for the package. Sweat breaks out over my whole body as I force myself to pick it up. It’s too light to hold her head. There’s that, at least.

But I don’t have the courage to open the box.

Cash is the first to reach me, sweat gleaming on his bare chest and arms. He ran all the way out here, and he’s wearing nothing but pajama bottoms. Guy’s built for distance and speed. He rips the box away from me, but then sets it back on the ground like it burns him. JT, Luca, and Dolf reach us and gather around, pushing me back.

It’s new father Dolf, looking gray with fatigue, who squats and opens it.

A small, pale finger rests on a bed of bloody, wadded up toilet paper. The skin is pale from blood loss. A bit of bone gleams at the ragged edge. The nail is painted shell pink.

I gave Lucy that polish.

Dolf turns away, retching. Luca puts his head back to howl like a wolf. JT covers his face with his hands and stumbles back, color draining from his olive skin. Cash pulls his knife and throws it faster than I can even see. It thunks into the cement wall.

I pick up the box, closing the lid, and get on the ATV.

I’ll bury it before anyone else has to see it. I deserve to be the one to have to deal with what I did to her.

I crank the throttle and roar back the way I came.

I dig a deep hole behind the barn, then place the box holding that terrible bit of my beloved in the dark, moist soil. I push the earth back into place, then turn the soil all around it, creating a new flower bed along the back wall of the large barn…so that no one need know exactly where her finger lies.

When I’m done, I’m in a calm and distant place. My mind is filled with nothing but white noise.

JT waits for me on the porch of the log cabin.

“Thank you. None of us could…”

Words are meaningless sawdust, but I spit them out anyway. “We will avenge this.”

“Damn right. I convinced Dolf to sit this one out and be with his family, but come down to the Command Center. We have a new plan based on the information you gave us.”

I follow JT down into the earth. I am ready for battle.