Ana

I go looking for Lucille after cleaning up from that upsetting family dinner which she was absent for, again.

I still can’t stand to have her out of my sight for more than a few moments. I know I’m driving her crazy.

I came so close to losing her, and got so lucky.

For decades, I thought I was unlucky. My family connections to the Mafia, the way I never found acceptance in our neighborhood in Philly, becoming a widow with seven kids so young—I always thought God was punishing me for something. Now I realize He was preparing me for the Scorching.

I have faith that the Lord has a plan, but I feel better when Lucy is near, when I can keep an eye on her, touch her hair, smell her strawberry scent.

I knock on Dolf and Avital’s door. Dolf cracks it open. He looks tired and sweet—fatherhood has softened the hard lines of his face. He looks more like his brother Nando, as if his sons have imbued him with that heart his brother had so much of.

“Have you seen Lucy?”

He holds a finger to his lips. “Yeah, come in. She’s here. But keep it down—the babies are sleeping.”

He opens the door wide and I step into the apartment. The boys’ bassinets are empty so they must be sleeping in their cribs in the second bedroom. Avital is in one rocking chair, Lucy the other. They seem to have been talking, and Avital sits up when I enter and offers a smile. “Hey, Mama Ana. Sorry I didn’t make it to dinner—the boys were so fussy tonight. Lucy was helping me.”

I met Avital when she was sixteen and knew the minute she walked into my house with Nando that he’d fallen in love with her. When she and Dolf arrived at the Haven as a couple, I was shocked, but some part of me had always known both of my twins loved her—just like I knew that Roan loved Lucy. Not that it would take a genius to figure that out, just somebody mildly observant.

Lucy’s eyes are closed, her face pale. She opens them and I can tell something is off with her. My heart skips a beat. “Lucille, what’s wrong?”

She looks over at Avital, who nods her head.

What is going on?

“Ma, there is something I have to tell you.”

“You’re making me nervous. Lucy, is everything okay with your hand?” I look down at the smooth stump where her ring finger used to be and cringe inside, feeling the pain as if it were my own loss. That’s what it’s like for me with my children, their losses are my losses, as are their achievements. I live for them and through them. “Lucy, tell me what’s wrong!” My voice comes out harsh, edged with fear that sounds like anger.

Lucy looks up at me, her eyebrows snapping together as temper meets temper. We’ve had some serious fights over the years, she and I, though we always ended up closer afterward.

“Mama, I’m pregnant.”

The floor opens up and swallows me. I stumble back a step. Dolf catches me, his hand on my elbow.

I look up at him and he nods, confirming Lucy’s statement.

“You knew about this?” I accuse him.

He gives me a wry smile, not reacting to my anger. “Avital just told me, Ma. Lucy just found out herself.”

I turn to stare daggers at my daughter-in-law.

She smiles at me, “Another grandchild to add to the family, Ana! We are so blessed.”

There are angry, hurtful words churning inside of me. Slut. Failure. Sinner. I can’t even look at Lucy.

Dwight Kane and his men did not rape her…at least that’s what she told us. Did she lie to protect my feelings? Or is it that bastard Roan? Did he sleep with her before running off? “Who is the father?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“Roan.” Lucy’s voice is quiet and solemn as her eyes track down to her injured hand, her lips turning down. The father of her child has abandoned her—but I bet he has no idea! The fear and sorrow in my gut quickly ignite into rage.

“How could you be so stupid?” I cry.

Avital stands, her movement quick, taking a step to shield Lucy from me. “The babies are sleeping.”

My cheeks heat. My eyes feel wide and hot. Keeping my voice down actually hurts. “You all told me here so I couldn’t yell.”

Dolf chuckles, and I turn on him. “What are you laughing about? Your sister is going to be an unwed mother. That’s funny to you?”

“I’m happy for her.” His voice is low as he holds my gaze. “There is nothing better in this world than being a parent. Wouldn’t you agree?”

I am huffing with anger and finally look back at Lucy. She watches me, her eyes narrowed, daring me to go on. So defiant, like I didn’t raise her to know better.

“Mama Ana, it’s going to be okay. We’re all here to help and support Lucy. She’s far from alone,” Avital says. “Why don’t you just take a breath. Try to think about what a blessing this is.”

I turn on her, my jaws tight with holding back all I can’t say. Take a breath, my ass!

I have to get out of here. If I stay in this room one more second, I’m going to start yelling and wake the babies.

This is too much. It’s all too much.

I need to pray.

Not that it’s done me any good, lately. Praying hasn’t protected Lucy either. But as I leave, restraining myself from slamming the door, a prayer slips out on a breath: “Please, Lord, protect Roan and bring him home to us. His family needs him.”