On my way to the house, I called Nick Lupo.
“Hey, Miles. What’s up?” The clatter and conversation in the background told me he was at work.
“Hey. You know that winery you were talking to Natalie about? The one where her sister works?”
“Abelard Vineyards?”
I thumped the steering wheel. “That’s it. Thanks. I just needed the name.”
“Are you up there?”
“Yeah, and I need to get ahold of Natalie’s sister Skylar but I can’t ask her for the number.”
“Uh oh. Why not?”
“It’s a long story, but I fucked things up somehow and now I have to get her back.”
“Sounds serious. Is this really Miles Haas I’m talking to?”
“Ha. Yes. Hey, what did you say to get Coco to marry you?”
Nick made a choking sound. “You want to marry her? Are you drunk?”
I smiled. “Nope. Totally sober.”
“Jesus. Well, Coco wanted nothing to do with me when I originally asked her. I had to do it bigger. Better.”
“What did you do?”
“I got on the airport loudspeaker.”
I frowned. “Hm.”
“But you can do anything—it just has to be meaningful to her. And women always like a grand gesture.”
“A grand gesture?”
“Yeah, something kind of public. You know, to show her that you’re not afraid to let the world know how you feel.”
I thought for a moment. “She’s pregnant.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“You OK with that?”
I smiled. “You know what? I fucking am. I really fucking am.”
“Good.” He paused. “This might sound crazy, Miles, but I kinda feel like this is exactly what you need. That girl is way too good for you, but you might be able to have her forever if you do this right. Go get her.”
“Thanks. I will.”
• • •
I barely slept that night. The next day, I went over to Abelard Vineyards around eleven. It was Sunday, but it was summer, so I figured they’d have so much weekend tourist business, they’d be open, and I was right.
In the tasting room, I found Skylar pouring wine behind a long wooden bar. She looked surprised to see me.
“Hi. What are you doing here?”
“I came to talk to you. When are you off work?”
She scrutinized my face. “You look awful. Did you sleep last night?”
“No. I can’t sleep. And I can’t eat, and I don’t even feel like drinking, which is a serious sign that something is wrong with me. I need your help.”
Her eyes went wide. “Damn. Why don’t you come over tonight? We can talk.” She gave me directions to the house she shared with Sebastian, and I told her I’d be there at six.
I spent the rest of the day moping, fretting, and trying to come up with ideas to get Natalie to see me in a new light, but mostly I just walked around in dazed circles, opening the fridge when I meant to open the pantry, going into the library and then forgetting why I was in there, losing entire chunks of time staring aimlessly into space.
For fuck’s sake, someone please tell me love gets easier.
At five o’clock I took a shower and got dressed, then hit the wine store on the way to Skylar’s so I wasn’t empty-handed.
Sebastian let me into their house, which turned out to be a sort of pimped out one-room cabin with a loft, set in some secluded woods on the water. He gave me a tour while Skylar was changing out of her work clothes.
“This is amazing,” I said, standing on the stone patio and taking it all in. “So quiet and private.” In the past, that wouldn’t have appealed to me so much, but now that I was looking ahead, I could see how living in a place like this with Natalie would be heaven.
“Thanks. Can I get you a beer? Or a glass of wine?”
“I’ll take a beer, thanks.”
Sebastian went in the house and came out a minute later with two beers, Skylar at his heels with a glass of wine in her hands.
“Let’s sit,” she said, dropping down in a patio chair and tucking her legs underneath her, just like Natalie had sat last night. “Tell me how it went. I haven’t talked to Nat yet.”
I sat opposite her and Sebastian chose a seat to her left. They listened intently while I told them what I’d said.
“You said you wanted to do the right thing?” Skylar’s lower lip twitched. “Hmm.”
“What’s wrong with that?” I asked. “Wouldn’t a nice guy do the right thing?”
“She doesn’t want a nice guy. She wants you.” Skylar frowned. “OK, that came out wrong. But you know what I mean. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s forcing you into being someone you’re not. She doesn’t want to be your obligation. She wants the real you to want her.”
“I do,” I said helplessly, squeezing the beer bottle tightly in one hand. This was so fucking frustrating. “I swear to God. And I know I’ve said all kinds of things in the past about how I don’t want a wife and kids, but now when I think about it with her, it’s different.”
“Did you actually propose?” Sebastian asked.
I cocked my head. “I don’t think so.”
Skylar’s eyebrows went up. “You don’t know?”
“Well, I didn’t exactly ask her to marry me, if that’s what you mean.”
“That’s what a proposal is.” Skylar threw a look at Sebastian. “Not that you asked either.”
I glanced at him, too. “You didn’t propose?”
He looked a little sheepish. “Ah, no. I think I just said, ‘Marry me.’ It was a bit spontaneous. I hadn’t really planned on doing it right then.”
“But it was perfect.” Skylar reached over and patted his leg. “And heartfelt. And I knew that he meant it.”
A look passed between them that made me so envious I wanted to throw my beer bottle against the stones beneath us just to hear it shatter. “I guess I just sort of implied it.”
“Not good enough.” Skylar shook her head. “Natalie might be strong-willed and independent, but I guarantee she still wants that question.”
“Do you love her?” Sebastian asked quietly.
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. In my mind, I saw her smile change from a playful little girl’s to a gorgeous grown woman’s. God, when had I not loved her? “I’m crazy about her. I’m just an idiot about it.”
“Does she love you?” he asked.
“She said she did last night.” I exhaled, thinking about how sweet those words had sounded on her lips. I wanted to hear them again, wanted to feel her whisper them in my ear as I slid inside her, wanted to hear it over and over again.
“She does,” Skylar said confidently. “I believe that. When she came home from Detroit, she was so weird. Just mooning around all over the place, like she was sad about something, but it definitely wasn’t the breakup.”
I frowned, slumping in my chair. “So now what? She doesn’t believe anything I tell her. And I know that’s my fault, because I once told her I was too selfish to love anyone forever.”
“Man.” Sebastian tipped up his beer and shook his head. “You are definitely your own worst enemy.”
“I know. Help,” I begged, sitting up straight again. “You guys are good at love. I am horrible. I’m only good at sex.”
“We’ve heard.” Skylar wiggled her eyebrows.
“I didn’t mean like that—I meant that when people write in and ask me about sex, I’m good with the answers. But the emotional stuff is killing me.” I ran a hand over my hair. “Not even joking, sometimes I think about her, and I can’t even breathe. It’s like I’m suffocating.”
“Yeah, that’s the feeling all right.” Sebastian nodded. “What do you say when people ask about sex?”
“Slow down. Pay attention. Give a fuck.”
He shrugged. “OK. Go with that. Go home and think, really think, about what would be meaningful to Natalie. About what she wants to hear and how she wants to hear it.”
“OK. Yeah, maybe rushing right over to her house without a plan was a mistake.”
Skylar tapped her chin. “But you have to do something big.”
I sat up straight. “That’s what my friend Nick said. A grand gesture.” I looked at Sebastian. He seemed to have all this figured out. “What did you do?”
“He got on a plane,” answered Skylar. “Which I knew he did not want to do.”
“More airplanes,” I grumbled. “Should I book a flight somewhere?”
“Not necessarily.” Sebastian leaned forward on his knees. “That was my issue, because I’m anxious about flying. I’m anxious about a lot of things, and to show her that I was willing to try to be better for her, I had to get on that plane.”
Skylar patted his leg again. “I had to drag you on that plane, honey. But you let me.” She turned to me. “You have to think of something that’s unique to you—something that would show her you mean what you say. Something that would show her you’re still the Miles she loves, but you’re also the one who loves her back enough to change.”
It hit me. “I could write about her.”
“Write about her?”
“Yes. I could use her real name,” I said, warming to the idea even more. “That’s something I’ve never done before.”
“There you go.” Skylar nodded.
“But I’m not going to propose online. I need something better.”
“Think about it. Think about her and what’s important to her. It’ll come to you.” She clapped her hands together. “And then I’ll plan your wedding!”
“Oh, Jesus.” Sebastian put up a hand. “Let’s get through ours first please.”
She nudged him with one bare foot. “Party pooper.”
They invited me to stay for pizza, but I said no, thanks, I had some work to do. My brain was whirling with possible things to write about, and I wanted to get the ideas down on paper before I forgot them. I also had to think of a way to propose to her that wasn’t forced or clichéd or impersonal.
Propose. Marriage.
Me.
I grinned as I started the Jeep.
That was fucked up. But I loved it.
• • •
Later that night I called Skylar, who had given me her cell phone number and told me to reach out if I needed help.
“Hey, it’s Miles. I have an idea.”
She squealed. “What can I do?”
“Do you have a decent camera?”
“Yes.”
“Great. Are you working tomorrow?”
“Nope. I’m off Mondays.”
“Can you come to my house in the morning?”
“Yes, but I’m dying. What are we going to do?”
I smiled. “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Bring the camera, please. Hey, do you by any chance have another day off this week?”
“No. But I could take one.”
“What about going in late? Could you go in a little later on Tuesday morning?”
“Sure. My God, Miles. You’re killing me. What are you planning?”
“To upend her life,” I said. “In the best possible way.”