Chapter 48

With Joel standing a few feet away, I pulled the note off the door and gave it a quick read, only to feel myself pale with anger. I looked up and saw Joel watching me.

Concern darkened his features. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

Again, I looked down to study the note. I recognized the tight handwriting as Derek's. But even if I didn't, I'd still know that the note was from him, even though it was unsigned.

It was short, only four words. Did you pay him? Below those four words was a scribbled drawing of a cartoon cat.

In other words, a pussy.

I was still staring when the note disappeared, yanked out of my hands by Joel. I looked up to see him clutching it in his right hand, even as his gaze remained on me. 

I gave the note a nervous glance. "You're not planning to read that?"

"The hell I'm not, after the look you just gave it."

"I gave it a look? What kind of look?"

"Like it hurt you." His voice softened. "And I don't like it."

"Yeah," I mumbled, "that makes two of us."

Joel rotated the note and gave it a long, silent look. When he looked up, his jaw was tight. "Who wrote this? Derek?"

"I guess."

"You guess? Or you know?"

"It's his handwriting. So yeah, I'm pretty sure it's him." I blew out a long, nervous breath. "Some joke huh?"

"Lemme ask you something. Do you think it's funny?"

I glanced away. "Not particularly. But I do like cats. So that's something, right?"

"Oh yeah. It's something." Joel gave the note another look. "Am I the 'him'? The one you're paying?"

"I guess," I said. "I mean, I can't think of anyone else, if that's what you're asking." I reached out and tugged the note from his hand. And then, I crumpled it up and shoved it deep into the pocket of my shorts.

Too bad we weren't camping. I'd toss it into the fire and laugh while it burned.

Okay, maybe I wouldn't laugh. After all, none of this was terribly funny. Still, I tried to smile. "You know what? I'm not even gonna think about it."

"Yeah? Well, I am."

I gave Joel a pleading look. "I appreciate that, honest, but this isn't what I wanted." I glanced toward my front door, which I still hadn't opened. "It's like every time you and I get a chance to talk, something stupid happens. I hate that."

"Wanna know what I hate?" Joel's gaze shifted to my pocket. "Shit like that. The guy needs a good ass-kicking."

"Maybe he does. But that would hardly be helpful." I sighed. "Can't we just forget it?"

"Here's another question," Joel said. "Before I showed up, was there anything between you?"

"I already told you. No. Never."

"You sure about that?"

"Definitely." And I was. Whatever Derek's problem was, it didn't stem from any romantic interest. I was absolutely sure of it. 

When Joel said nothing, I said, "Oh come on. You have brothers. And you don't always get along, right? And just because someone leaves a rude note, it doesn't mean they have a crush on someone."

"A crush?" Joel said. "The guy's an asshole. And he's jealous. It's a dangerous mix. You know that, right?"

"But there's nothing romantic about it, so he can't be jealous."

Joel's mouth tightened. "There's more than one kind of jealousy."

"Yeah," I said. "I know. Like right now? I'm jealous that we're spending so much time talking about this."

At Joel's stony expression, I took a deep, calming breath. "Listen, I so appreciate that you care about this, but come on. Last night was totally crummy, and I don't want tonight to be, not for either of us. So can't we just put it behind us?"

Joel gave my pocket another long look. Finally, he said, "Alright. If that's what you want."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

And then, he added, "But only because you're gonna tell me what's going on."

Something in his eyes told me there was no point in arguing. After all, we'd agreed to swap secrets, and this was definitely part of it, for better or worse.

This is why, a few minutes later, we were standing side-by-side on the back patio. Together, we gazed out over the endless dark waters of Lake Michigan, illuminated only by the nearly full moon. The interrogation hadn't yet begun, and I wasn't looking forward to it.

But at least we were no longer arguing. After walking through my front door, I'd reminded myself that none of this was Joel's fault. If it weren't for Derek's stupid note, we'd probably be having a perfectly lovely time.

True, we'd both agreed to spill our secrets, but this wasn't the way I'd envisioned it.

The night was warm with a cool breeze coming off the lake. Even here, high above the water, I could hear the waves lapping at the rocky shoreline below the bluff.

Hoping to ease some of the tension, I'd gone into the kitchen and pulled out one of my birthday gifts – a bottle of cabernet from Dorothy the librarian. I'd filled two glasses – one for me and one for Joel.

Even if he didn't need it, I did.

With my glass in-hand, I watched him from the corner of my eye as he gazed out over the water. As for his wine, it remained mostly untouched, sitting on the wide railing in front of us. Next to his glass, I'd placed the half-empty bottle, which I'd lugged out here, just in case.

Watching him now, I couldn’t help but notice the difference between this Joel and the pissed-off guy who'd yanked the note out of my hands.

He was a mystery, full of too many contradictions to count. He was sweet, but tough. Sensitive, but stubborn. Sexy, but slow to make any moves.

Was I complaining? I wasn't sure. April had been right. I wasn't quick to jump in the sack. But a sack with him? Now that would be something.

Already, I knew he was a great kisser. And from the little contact we'd had already, I knew that I loved the feel of his rock-hard body against mine.

Of course, this had been through layers of clothing. But it's not like we'd been wearing padded parkas or anything.

Even so, it was more than his body, or those soulful eyes of his, that made my heart flutter and thoughts run wild. It was a feeling that I couldn't quite describe, like I'd only scratched the surface of who he really was.

Joel's voice, quiet, but laced with steel, interrupted my thoughts. "So, are you gonna tell me?"

I gave a little jump. "Yeah. Of course." I turned to face him. "That's why we're out here, isn't it?"

Like me, he had turned inward, and was now facing me instead of the water. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, I tried not to squirm under his penetrating gaze.

I said, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but…" I hesitated. "Why is this so important to you?"

"You don't know?"

I did know, in the sense that I knew that he liked me. But that hardly seemed a plausible reason to take such an interest in my problems. Struggling to find the right words, I said, "I know that we've really hit it off." I gave him a shy smile. "And I know that I like you. A lot. And I think you like me…"

His gaze warmed. "You might say that."

Something about that look made me feel wonderful all over. Still, I felt compelled to finish. "But you hardly know me."

He shook his head. "I know you better than you think."

Feeling almost flirtatious now, I gazed up at him through my lashes. "So, what do you think you know?"

His lips curved into the hint of a smile, and he leaned a fraction closer. For a moment, I thought he might kiss me.

But he didn't.

Instead, he said something that drenched my warm, gooey glow with a cold, hard splash. "I think you're a nice person."