Chapter Thirteen

 

JESSIE

 

The sun shining through my window wakes me from a deep slumber, as I glance around my room with a deep rooted confusion for a pregnant moment. It takes a few long blinks for me to remember my new bedroom, and feel at home before everything from the previous night rushes back to me. Reaching over, I feel a shy curiosity when I realize Daryl’s left the bed, my sheets still a bit damp from our passionate evening.

Tip toeing to the bathroom I wash up quickly before heading downstairs. My smile fades when I turn the corner to the living room and don’t find him sitting on the sofa. He’s not in the kitchen either, and after glancing out the front window, I notice his motorcycle isn’t where he parked it last night.

It seems very unlike him to sneak off like a thief in the night, he was so gentle last night and I remember feeling like everything was perfect before drifting off to sleep. What could have happened between then and now for him to just disappear without so much as a goodbye note?

My mind races trying to pick through every detail to figure out how I could have drove him away, but I’m left with nothing. There’s no way him holding me so tightly could have led to his disappearance, it just doesn’t make any sense.

Deciding it’s best, I choose to spend the day running errand in an attempt to clear my brain, but nothing can ease my thoughts as I make my way through Danville. Everything in the city reminds me of Daryl, because he introduced me to the community I’ve grown to love so much.

After refilling a prescription for my allergy medication at the pharmacy, dropping off a form at the bank, and filling my Jeep with groceries, I decide I’ve done everything necessary to prepare for the upcoming week, and head back to the place I know is now tainted with memories – home.

My phone vibrates in my purse just before I start the engine to drive home. Digging through my purse I look at the caller ID to see it’s my best friend calling. A feeling of dread feels me, realizing I was hoping it was Daryl, but also I’m excited because I need my best friend now more than ever.

“Hey, Lindsay!” I sing into the phone, answering on the second ring.

“Best friend! What are you doing?” She screams, always so excited when we get on the phone. Texting never feels like enough for us.

“Just finishing some errands. What are you up to?” I ask.

“Getting ready for the week. How was your weekend? Go cow-tipping for a thrill?” She teases and we both giggle.

“I don’t know where you get this stuff,” I sigh, starting my engine before pulling out of the parking lot.

“You were supposed to call me after your date with Mr. Perfect,” she gripes, and all the emotions I’d been pushing down bubble over.

“Oh yeah,” I begin, my voice dragging.

“What’s wrong?” She picks up on the sadness in my tone.

“Oh, nothing,” I lie, not sure if I’m ready to tell her what’s happened.

“Don’t lie, Jessie. You’re shit at it. Go ahead and spill it, I don’t want to spend twenty minutes pulling it out of you,” she reasons.

“Oh, you’ve just got me figured out, huh?” I joke and she laughs a knowing laugh. She definitely does have me all figured out, and I guess that’s why I answered her call. I wanted to tell her what happened.

“Spill it.” She insists and I take a deep breath as I turn onto Main Street.

“Okay. So, he came to pick me up, it was a perfect date – we went to all these different places and he kind of gave me a history lesson of Danville. It was super sweet, we ended it at this small college. It was the first… something,” I struggle to remember what Daryl taught me just a day ago.

“So another perfect day with the perfect guy,” she sighs sarcastically.

“We were sitting under a tree on the campus, I’m looking at him all dreamy eyed, and I feel like he’s looking the same,” I recall our date yesterday.

“Mm Hmm…” Lindsay listens along.

“I really thought he was going to kiss me, but he doesn’t and I was so disappointed I kind of threw a fit,” I admit.

 

“Oh my gosh! You’re such an only child!” She teases me for my spoiled tactics.

“Yeah, it was bad. I asked him if he had a girlfriend or something,” I shake my head remembering just how awful I behaved as I make a short detour to drive past Hayes Auto Repair, although I’m not sure what I’ll do if I see Daryl.

“Did he tell you, ‘Yes, her name is Jessie Carter’?” She mocks a masculine voice as best she can.

“He legit just laughed at me,” I wait for her response, but there isn’t one so I continue.

“Then I’m about to walk in my house and he grabs me and just kisses me in one of those movie kisses. Like, wind knocked out of me, world stops spinning, butterflies in the belly, kisses.” I try to explain how intense our first embrace was.

“Oh gosh! Are you trying to convince me to move out there?” She jokes.

“Just keep listening,” I warn her, knowing the next part is anything but ideal.

“He went to leave and I just pulled him. Lindsay, I wanted him so bad, I practically jumped his bones!” I shriek, giggles bubbling in my chest.

“You did not!” She squeals and we both laugh.

“And it was amazing. I won’t go into details, but Lindsay – Ah-Maze-Ing!” I yell, glancing over as I drive by the repair shop, but I don’t spot Daryl’ bike or see any sign of him.

“So where’s the bad side to this story?” She quips.

“I wake up, and he’s just gone. Like, no sign of him. No note, no text, no call, nothing.” I feel a lump in my throat as I reveal what’s really bothering me to my best friend.

“Maybe he just had somewhere to go,” she reasons, but we both know that’s not the case.

“Really, Lindsay? Where could he have to go that doesn’t have cell service? Mars?!” I yell and she bursts into giggles before regaining her composure.

“That’s just strange, Jess. There’s a part of the story we don’t have. I don’t know if you’re misreading something, or if it just has nothing to do with you, but this doesn’t add up,” she fades out as if she’s trying to connect the dots.

“No, it’s completely bizarre. All day I’ve been looking at my phone expecting to hear from him, but nothing! He usually texts me every morning. We sleep together, and then he just cuts all communication?” I ask myself more than her.

“Well, don’t get all dramatic, Jess. It’s only been a couple of hours. Maybe you just put it on him and now he’s trying to recuperate,” she teases, in that way she does to make a serious situation seem lighthearted.

“Or maybe he’s just a dirtbag that wanted to get in my pants this whole time,” I sneer, my embarrassment morphing into anger.

“Oh, come on, Jessie! We both know that wasn’t the case. Dirtbags don’t take girls on the dates he took you on. They don’t win you teddy bears at the fair, or hold your hand walking down the street. There’s definitely something there. Don’t go putting up your defense armor before figuring out the whole story.” She tries to calm me down, but its not working.

“I don’t know Lindsay, it seems pretty black and white to me,” I argue.

There’s a long silence between us. Lindsay is probably trying to think of some witty pun, or a reasonable explanation for Daryl’s behavior. And I’m racking my brain to understand what would make him desert me in the middle of the night. The sun is setting as I pull into my driveway, and still I’ve heard nothing from him all day.

“I don’t know, Jess, but I’m sorry it’s going down like this,” Lindsay finally breaks the silence, and her seriousness triggers the real emotion in my chest – hurt.

“You know you don’t deserve this, and you can’t let it change everything about your move. You really like it out there, with or without Daryl. But remember, you can always come home, even if it’s just for a visit,” the sincerity and concern in her voice makes me homesick for the first time since I left California, and a single tear falls down my cheek as I sit in my driveway.

“I’ll be okay,” I assure her, but I know she can sense my sadness through my feign of strength.

“Of course you will,” she encourages me and we end the call so I can carry my groceries inside.

A loud roar sounds at the end of my block as I carry my last load of groceries, and my heart skips a beat in anticipation that it could be Daryl, but soon enough a graying older man riding a Harley drives right passed my house, and my shoulders sink as I head inside.

It’s not until later in the evening, after I’ve prepared for bed, when less reasonable theories begin to cross my mind. I even begin to consider the fact that I made the entire night up, maybe it never even happened, it was just a figment of my imagination. Only the soreness between my legs guarantees that I didn’t spend the night alone.

Then I begin to consider the possibility that I’m looking at this from a completely selfish point of view. What if Daryl was injured, maybe in an accident on his bike? This whole time I’ve been worried about me, but what if something happened to him?

Racing for my phone, I quickly dial his number, pacing my room as the phone rings, but he doesn’t answer. Ending the call I contemplate if that’s a good or bad sign. If he was hurt, he wouldn’t be able to answer, but I don’t want him to be hurt, I also don’t want him to just be ignoring me.

Deciding I should have left a message, I call right back, knowing it could look pretty desperate. This time it only rings twice before going to voice mail, and I know he’s denied my call. My stomach drops and I end the call, opting to not leave a message after all.

Sleep evades me all night, as I struggle with understanding what went wrong with Daryl, but nothing I can think of makes sense. It would be so much easier if I could just hate him, but I can’t and I even find myself rolling over to where he slept to smell his scent, after refusing to wash my sheets of his aroma.

I know last night was real, it meant something. Could that have been too much for him? I felt like he wanted it too, but maybe I rushed him into something he wasn’t ready for. He could’ve thought I’d want a serious relationship afterwards, and if I’m completely honest, I did. But at this point I’d settle for just a conversation, anything but this.

As the moon lights the sky I feel my mind slowing as the theories float through my subconscious and I find solace in the reality that I may never know what went through Daryl’s mind after our night together.

The truth is, I can’t control him or his thoughts, only mine. And Lindsay was right, this move isn’t about Daryl, it never was. I do like Danville, and he helped me fall in love with my new town, so for that I’m grateful. Maybe that’s the only purpose of him walking into my life, and I decide to just accept whatever outcome I get, without discounting the experience or losing my love for the city.

My fresh start is still happening, and Daryl can’t change that. I fall asleep on a damp pillow after releasing the hurt and sadness, hoping to wake up refreshed and anew to begin the next phase of my new chapter. Although, I must confess, I slept with my ringer on hoping to be awoken by a late night call, but I wasn’t. He never called or texted, and the next day I went to work like nothing every happened, and to everyone around me, that was the truth.