I can say with some certainty that I had never in my life felt the way I felt right then, with Patrick on top of me.

It was like something in me had clicked or had finally been set free.

I hadn’t expected anything remotely like this to happen tonight—I’d gone to say goodbye to Patrick, and I’d half-expected him to kick me out of his bar before I could even say a word. Of course he hadn’t, though. He was too good of a person, too kind, endlessly forgiving.

And I felt like I was being pulled by a current that was completely out of my control.

I pulled at Patrick’s clothes, tugging at his shirt until we pulled it off. I kissed against his exposed upper hip as I undid his belt and the zipper of his jeans—I needed his clothes off, now, needed his skin against mine. Finally, he kicked off his pants and underwear, casting them aside, naked in front of me and everything I wanted.

And then he reached down to begin systematically disrobing me just like I’d done to him. I gave up all control, letting him undo each of my buttons, take off my cufflinks, unfasten my belt. Every few moments, he would bend down, kissing whatever inch of exposed skin he’d revealed, like he was unwrapping some sort of beloved gift.

I didn’t feel worthy of how Patrick was treating me, though I loved every minute of it. When he finally pulled off my pants, freeing my cock, it twitched in anticipation.

“You’re beautiful,” Patrick said, staring at me with half-lidded eyes. He was sitting between my legs, running his hands up along my thighs until they met the base of my cock. He bent down just slightly, kissing the tip, then letting his tongue run along my length.

Why did everything feel different when Patrick did it? Things that I’d felt so many times, from so many different people, couldn’t have even compared to how it felt when he took the tip of my cock between his lips. There was something about it being him that all of this was coming from someone who had seen me at my worst and yet still accepted me. It was nothing short of a miracle, and it only served to make me so much harder, so much more turned on than I could have been with anyone else.

Not to mention the way Patrick had with his lips, his tongue. He didn’t just give quick, hasty blowjobs, didn’t see them as a means to an end. He so clearly enjoyed it. His tongue slid in circles around me, pressing hard in sure strokes alternating with the softest kisses and touches from his lips.

It was so good my hips bucked involuntarily, and I had to push my hands to his shoulders, pulling him up and off of me.

“Too good,” I whispered, gazing down at him. “I’m going to come in your mouth if you keep doing that, but I want to fuck you, Patrick.”

“Mmm,” he hummed, smiling softly as he wiped his lips with the back of his arm. He stood slowly, then positioned a leg on either side of my body, straddling me. He was above me again, dipping low to kiss me, grinding himself against my body. Our bare cocks slid against one another in my lap, in the most frustrating tease of contact—so much but not nearly enough.

As he kissed down to my chest, I reached over and opened the packet of lube, slicking a little onto my hand. As Patrick rocked his hips, I reached a hand behind him, sliding my slicked fingers against his hole. He moaned at the contact, and I felt his cock twitch against my stomach.

I pushed one finger inside of him.

“This okay?” I asked, my voice low.

He moaned, sinking himself down lower onto my finger. “It’s amazing,” he said. “I want so much more.”

“You’re gonna get it,” I said, moving my finger slowly inside him. “Patience, Patrick.”

Even as I teased him, though, I knew I wasn’t going to last long in prolonging it. I slipped a second finger inside him, and the sensation of him rocking on me was enough to make my cock twitch in anticipation.

I had wanted Patrick like this since the minute I’d met him, and yet I could never have imagined it would feel like this. It was so different than my initial fantasy had been, so much better than any lustful urge I could have had that first night I’d met him. He was impossibly tight, and yet he kept upping his pace on my fingers, pressing himself down on me, urging me on.

He moaned, leaning forward and biting gently against my shoulder. “I need more,” he said. “Please, Taran.”

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

“I’ve been ready for so long,” he said, his voice low.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Patrick,” I said, pressing my fingers deep inside him. He let out another satisfied moan at the increased pressure.

“You’re not going to hurt me,” he said, lifting up and giving me a sultry, almost challenging gaze. He turned to the side, eyeing the condom and lube, and reached over. He unwrapped the condom while my fingers were still moving inside him, scooting back just slightly so that my cock was below him. He reached down, rolling the condom onto me with a deft hand, stroking me afterward. He picked up the lube and spread more of it across his hands. He slid his hands across my cock, slicking it, almost massaging it in the process.

And then again he brought his lips to mine. He kissed me slow and sweet as my cock bobbed underneath him. I slipped my fingers out of him, but he still didn’t sink down onto my cock. It was tantalizing—I was so close to being inside him, and yet he was still inches above me.

As we kissed, I felt him move lower so that the tip of my cock was placed right against his hole.

“You know I wanted this ever since I met you,” Patrick said low near my ear.

“I know,” I whispered. “I’ve wanted you, too.”

“Well, I’m yours, Taran,” he said, meeting my eyes. And for the first time, that didn’t feel terrifying. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, the truest thing I’d heard in years.

Slowly, he sank down onto me. He squeezed around my cock, slowly taking me inside of him, so tight and warm and perfect. He moved faster than I would have expected—he had been plenty warmed up, and there was a hunger to his movement, like he needed more and he needed it now.

Within a minute, he had sunk down fully onto my cock, all the way to the base. While I’d had my fingers inside him, I had ignored my own cock, but now the sudden amount of sensation was overwhelming. Just that was enough to make me feel halfway to coming, but when I looked up into Patrick’s eyes, I had to work hard to contain myself. I wanted to make this so good for him—really, I wanted to be the best he’d ever had. He deserved anything good that I could give him.

He gasped as he began to rock his hips, slowly riding me, his arms wrapped around my neck. I loved this—loved that I could see his face as I slowly fucked him, watch every expression and hear every small gasp that came from him. I watched him as I began to slowly push up into him, moving my hips to meet his movements.

“You’re so beautiful,” I said, looking up at him. His cheeks were flushed like they had been the night when we were caught in the cool mist of the sprinklers. He looked every bit the small-town guy I’d initially thought was cute, but so much more, now: there was a power to him, a confidence with which he moved on me.

I increased my pace in tandem with Patrick as he started to ride me faster and faster. His body was beautiful in the low light—just the slightest sheen of sweat as he bounced on top of me. I realized that I was moaning, not trying to control it, just letting the ragged breaths and curses flow from me. I wasn’t in control of any of it, really.

Patrick’s cock hung between the two of us as he rode me. I reached between us to wrap my fist around him, and his eyes widened for a moment, as if he’d forgotten this extra sensation could even exist.

I slowly started to pump my fist around his cock. “Oh god, that is too good,” he uttered, furrowing his brow. “God, you’re gonna make me come if you keep doing that,” he said.

I knew I couldn’t last long either as I thrust deeper and faster inside him. He was beautiful, and this was something I didn’t know if I’d ever felt before in my life. I didn’t just feel like I was having sex with him. I felt like I was finally showing him the true me, finally showing myself the true me after so many years of being lost.

I realized that I had needed Patrick in my life so much more than I ever imagined. He had cracked something open in me that needed so badly to be set free. I felt like myself around him and felt like he was making love to me because he really cared about me—not for the notoriety, not for the money, not just for the sex.

And I could see it in his eyes that he felt the same way. We were so completely different, and yet we fit together perfectly.

I never wanted to leave him. I didn’t know what the future held, and at that moment, I couldn’t even conceive of the future, or time at all, really. But this was real. And it was everything I needed.

“Patrick, I can’t—I can’t hold on much longer,” I said, my breath coming heavy.

“I can’t either,” he uttered. “You feel so fucking good, Taran—God, you’re perfect—”

“You’re everything I want,” I said. “Everything.”

“Fuck, Taran, I’m coming—”

Even though I’d known it would happen soon, it still almost felt like a gift, looking up to see Patrick begin to lose control. I felt the same thing happening within me, spurred on so much by seeing it in him. He arched back as he rode me, and I arched my hips up, thrusting into him deep.

When he let out a long moan, I kept my hand tight around him, thrusting on him inside and out. And as Patrick began to come, I felt myself begin to lose control, too. It was total overload, feeling him squeeze around me as he came, and I let go. I gave over to the sensation, groaning deep as I came inside him, gripping tight against his cock and biting at his shoulder.

I hadn’t known how badly I had needed him, but it was abundantly clear to me now. How could I ever have been afraid to be myself around this person? How could I ever be anything but vulnerable around him again?

He leaned down to kiss me, and I returned the kiss, deepening and existing within it.

After a couple minutes just being there, holding one another, breathing together, he finally moved upward, and I slid out of him. He reached over to the tissues on his desk and slowly cleaned up, making sure to take care as he cleaned me. It felt loving, almost. When we were clean, he collapsed against me on the couch, wrapping an arm and leg around me, pressing tiny kisses against the side of my head and my shoulder.

I was thinking things that I shouldn’t have been thinking. I was wanting to say things I had no right to say. Things that were far too intimate, and that I knew it was too soon to say.

But I loved being there next to him.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I said softly, stroking my hand through his hair.

“Mmm,” he hummed. “Please do.”

“I think that was the best sex I’ve had in… I don’t even know how long,” I said. Even after everything, it still felt risky to admit it to Patrick, but it was the truth. I wanted him to know.

But I had no reason to be afraid.

“Me too,” he murmured against me. “It was incredible. We should just, y’know, stay here indefinitely. Hide out in this office and pretend the real world doesn’t exist. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds pretty perfect, to be honest,” I said. “But….”

“I knew it,” Patrick said, sitting up and looking down at me with a sad smile. “I know you have to get back to the party.”

I nodded, holding his gaze. “People might actually be starting to get worried.”

“Okay,” Patrick said. “I guess I can let you go—”

“Come with me,” I said hurriedly, holding Patrick’s bare hips in my hands. “Please. The whole time I was there earlier I was just checking the door, hoping I’d see you walk in. Tonight will be so much better if you’re there, Patrick.”

His eyes widened a little as if he didn’t expect the request. He was still not used to me being so open about how much I needed him in my life, how much better it was when he was there.

“Are you sure?” Patrick asked. “You’re not just… trying to be polite?”

“What? Of course not,” I said. “I want you there, Patrick. More than anything.”

A slow smile crept onto his face. “Well then, I better put some clothes on, huh?”

I laughed. “Me too.”

When we walked back into Cobalt, it was even crazier than it had been earlier. Immediately upon entering the front door, I was met with hugs from three different people, and shockingly, Patrick seemed at home, too. He recognized a few people who he’d gone to high school with and chatted with them as Madeline and Gretchen made a beeline toward me.

“Where the hell did you go?” Madeline asked, side-eyeing Patrick.

“I had something to take care of,” I said.

“You mean Patrick?” she whispered.

I nodded. “I went to say a final goodbye to him, but… I wasn’t ready to really say it yet. So I took him back here with me.”

Madeline smiled. “Your hair looks a little… messier than it did earlier,” she said, winking at me.

“Damn it, Maddy,” I said, grinning. She totally knew I had gotten laid. The woman was too perceptive for her own good sometimes.

“So is this a… thing?” Madeline asked. “Like, a real thing?”

I shook my head, glancing over at Patrick, who was laughing with one of his old friends. “I don’t know,” I said. “But I know he’s coming home with me tonight. I haven’t thought further than that.”

We stayed at the party for another couple of hours before things began to wind down. People told me repeatedly that they would come visit me in D.C., and others told me that no matter what, they’d never step foot in the city, and I’d just have to come back and visit.

Throughout the night, Patrick and I weaved around the room, sometimes crossing paths. At one moment he pulled me into the back hallway, pressing me up against the wall, and kissed me wordlessly.

“What was that for?” I asked him.

“Just because I wanted to,” he said, smiling before disappearing back out into the crowd.

He was perfect. I couldn’t believe that I’d spent so many weeks in Rose Falls and we hadn’t been doing this the whole time. It was more than a little depressing, how much we’d missed out on. It began to feel like I was being robbed of something beautiful, that I could have and should have opened up to Patrick so long ago. I had been so afraid, but now my only fear was what would happen when I was no longer in Rose Falls.

But the past was in the past. And I had a plane ticket to D.C. tomorrow morning with my name on it.

When we filed out of Cobalt around midnight, Patrick’s hand was clasped in mine.

“Come home with me,” I said to him.

“Really?” he said, squeezing my hand tighter.

“Don’t act so surprised,” I said. “I need you there in my bed. Will you?”

He paused for a beat, searching my face, and for a second, panic flared within me. What if this was it? What if this was really the end, and the night had to stop now? I thought I could at least buy us a little more time, to hold him in my bed once more before we had to part ways.

But finally, he spoke. “I’ll come home with you, Taran,” he said, “but you have to tell me something. And it has to be the whole truth.”

I nodded. “Anything, Patrick.”

He bit his bottom lip, looking up at me, and I saw hesitation in his face for the first time in many hours.

“Was it… real? Tonight?” he asked. “I know it felt real, to me, but… I have to ask. Because even though you’re leaving tomorrow, I want to know that tonight wasn’t just a… physical thing to you. Because it meant more to me, Taran.”

Patrick’s hair glowed under the light of the streetlamp, like a golden halo above him. I wished I could freeze the moment forever and just live in it; there next to him where everything felt right.

“It was real, Patrick,” I said. “Maybe one of the most real things I’ve ever felt.”

He grasped my hand hard. “Me too,” he whispered, nodding. “Take me home.”

It was a short walk, but one I’d come to know so well. I wondered how long it would be before I saw Rose Falls like this again—the nighttime slightly humid and feeling like a cocoon of safety, something unheard of in any big city.

I wondered what season it would even be the next time I was here. I’d never seen Rose Falls in summer, or autumn, or winter. It had to be even more beautiful than I could imagine. The same feeling of being robbed came back to me, only this time it was for more than just Patrick—it was for all of this.

How had Rose Falls wormed its way into my heart so quickly? What was it about this town that had so quickly flipped everything I knew on its head?

I knew, now, why someone like Patrick might never want to leave. And understanding that made me understand him more, too. Patrick was good, and by knowing him, I’d become better, too.

I didn’t deserve him, but I sure was lucky to know him.

* * *

When we got back to my loft, Patrick took a moment to take in the scene. There were boxes everywhere, and everything but the essentials had been packed up. I’d hired workers to come later tomorrow to ship everything else off. All that remained intact was the big, beautiful view out the windows.

“Whoever moves in here next is going to have some big shoes to fill,” Patrick said, shaking his head as he moved through the living room.

“Well, I sure hope they come to appreciate it as much as I did,” I said. “I hope they know how the buttons in the big shower work.”

Patrick laughed. “I don’t think I could figure those out even with a manual and a gun pointed at my head.”

“I’m gonna miss this place,” I said.

“It’s gonna miss you,” Patrick said, taking my hand.

He pulled me toward the bedroom. He stripped off his clothes just as quickly as he had last time, sinking naturally into my bed like it was his own.

I couldn’t help but smile. “You’re adorable, you do know that, right?” I asked.

“Takes one to know one,” he said back, propping his hands behind his head casually. “Now get naked and get in bed with me.”

I did as he said. I let myself lie next to him, feeling as he wrapped his body around mine, and I didn’t think of anything else in the world but his warmth around me.

“How could I have been afraid of this?” I whispered to him, stroking his chest with my fingers.

“You just weren’t ready,” Patrick said softly, bending to press a kiss to my shoulder.

“I wish I had been ready sooner,” I said.

He hummed in agreement, but only squeezed tighter against me in response. I knew it was no use to dwell on the past now—we were here together, and for tonight, it was all that mattered. The soft glow of the ambient light on his exposed shoulder, the even rhythm of his breath, the shared understanding that we were idiots for not fighting for this sooner.

“You want to know something?” I murmured.

“I want to know anything from you,” he said.

I was glad it was dark in the room because I could feel my cheeks heating slightly. “Well,” I said, “I think this is the best spring I’ve ever had, honestly.”

I could just make out Patrick smiling in the low light. “You know, despite all the shit that has happened to me in the past weeks, I think I might agree.”

That was the real power of my connection with Patrick, my vulnerability with him: no matter how vicious life got around us, my feelings for Patrick hadn’t waned.

Actually, they’d only gained in intensity the longer I’d known him. It felt like something that could weather any storm—even ones of our own making.

And it didn’t matter how terrifying that was. I knew it was exactly what I needed.