“Can we get our tree now Mommy, please, please?”

Susie tugged on her arm as they passed a dozen Scotch Pines propped against the wall of Picker’s Produce, Meats, and More. The cut-your-own tree lots located outside of town were popular, but Molly couldn’t afford a fresh-cut tree this year.

Molly checked the tags and shook her head. Even one of these would strain her budget. “I thought we were going to make our own this year. The ficus plant is as big as a tabletop tree and would look spectacular with white twinkle lights and tiny ornaments.”

Susie looked up at her with tears in her eyes. “But all my friends have real trees. Holly’s is humungous.”

Holly’s parents can afford a big tree.

She sighed and tilted her head and studied her daughter’s anxious face.

Susie’s pleading eyes were brown and long-lashed. When she looked sad it was Danny’s face she saw, the way he looked before his last deployment. “Marry me,” he said. “You might be pregnant.”

She’d laughed and kissed him with the passion they’d been unable to contain all week—a week of walks on the beach, moonlight picnics, and morning sails—a week of unrestrained lovemaking with a man she’d known less than a month before she realized she was totally in love and had accepted his invitation to join him in San Diego.

“I’m not pregnant and you don’t have to marry me. If you still feel the same when you come back, we’ll talk about marriage then.”

He hadn’t come back. A mine—an IED—killed him and wounded three others.

And she was pregnant.

Susie brought her back from her memories. “Are you okay Mommy? You looked funny.”

“I’m fine, just tired.” She leaned down and gave her daughter a quick hug. “And you know what? When we’re through grocery-shopping, you can pick out one of these trees. They’re all too big for the car, but we’ll find a way to get one home.”

Her heart swelled when her daughter squealed and jumped up and down. So much for the Victorian dollhouse in the toy store window. She’d have to find something else for Santa to bring. Christmas trees in St. Helena were pricey…even ones offered for sale outside grocery stores.

She grabbed an empty shopping cart and walked into the store. Susie ran on ahead to look at a three-foot talking Santa near the cash register.

Her grocery list was short and would fill maybe two bags. But she couldn’t fit a bushy six-foot tree in her back seat. Maybe she could tie it to the roof.

Add twine to the grocery list.

A familiar voice came from the next aisle. “You look like you lost your last friend. Can I help?”

Cade Logan’s face greeted her over the top of the cereal boxes.

How could a man look good framed by Kellogg’s Corn flakes?

She pursed her lips and tilted her head, holding his gaze. “I was thinking size matters.”

“Yeah?” His tone turned wary.

“Size of Christmas trees in this case.” She grinned as Cade turned a little pink around the ears.

“What size are you thinking about?”

“One of those trees outside the store.”

“For you or your office?”

“Me. For Susie actually. She’s been hounding me to get a tree and I’ve been dragging my feet.”

“You got something against Christmas?”

“No. I thought we’d do something different, but I guess I raised a very traditional little girl.”

He drew back and disappeared. She thought he’d left until he came around to her side of the aisle. He wore jeans and cowboy boots and a fleece vest over a checkered flannel shirt. Now that she knew his big rodeo secret, she could imagine him as a cowboy, sitting on the back of a horse, a lasso in his hand. All he lacked was the Stetson.

He stopped in front of her.  “I have a truck with nothing in the bed. You buy the tree and I’ll toss it in the back and deliver it to your door.”

His mouth softened as his sapphire gaze held hers. Good thing the shopping cart was between them. Otherwise she’d grab his vest, rise up on her toes, and give him a big smooch, right here in front of the Campbell’s Soup cans.

“I’ll take you up on your offer, Cade. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get it home and I promised Susie.”

As if called, Susie ran full speed down the aisle, barreling into Cade.

“Whoa.” He steadied her and stepped back. For a second a pained look had crossed his face, but his smile was wide when she looked again.

She turned Susie around. “What do you say to people you run into?”

“Sorry.”

“That’s better.” Molly kneaded Susie’s shoulders. “Cade this is my daughter. Susie. Mr. Logan is going to take our Christmas tree home for us, Cupcake.”

Susie’s eyes widened. “He is?” She turned toward Cade. “Thank you, thank you.” She threw her arms around his waist and put her cheek into his stomach. He laughed and disengaged her arms, stooping to look directly into her eyes.

“Nice meeting you, Susie.” He looked up at Molly. “I’ll wait for you outside.”

“Come on. We have to finish our shopping so we can get the tree home.”

“Can we decorate it tonight, too?”

“Do you have homework?”

“Spelling.”

“We’ll see. School comes first.”

She quickly put lettuce, potatoes, and a hothouse tomato in her cart with the canned goods and other groceries. After paying for her purchases she and Susie took the two bags outside where Cade stepped out of the shadows, taking them from her arms.

“Why don’t you two pick out your tree and I’ll put these in your back seat.”

“Thanks, Cade.”

Susie scampered over to the trees and circled the ones with stands. Others were leaned up against the brick wall.

“This one, Mommy.”

“It’s too big, honey. We’d have to cut some of the lower branches to make it fit in the living room.”

Susie’s lower lip quivered. “It’s smaller than Holly’s tree.”

Why does she do this?

Cade sauntered up behind her. “If you want this one, I can give you a fresh cut wherever you need it. You can soak it overnight in a bucket and put it in a tree-stand tomorrow.”

She sighed. “It seems a shame to cut it down to size, but if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”  He handed her the tag so she could pay inside. “I’ll head over to your house and wait for you there.”  He picked up the tree and tossed it into the bed of his truck like it was a sack of russet potatoes and drove off.

Molly paid and helped Susie into the car. When they got home, Cade had the tree  propped outside next to the garage.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it Mommy?” Susie jumped out of the car and ran up to the tree, burying her face in the branches. “It smells good, too.” Cade stood stiffly at one side like he couldn’t wait to leave.

Maybe he doesn’t like children.

Everybody loved Susie. She was the kind of kid who lit up the dreariest day with her easy smile and endless energy. Her acceptance of everyone scared Molly sometimes. Perfect strangers became instant friends. She’d had “the talk” about strangers on more than one occasion.

But Cade seemed nervous around her, like he didn’t quite know what to make of her, or if he did, he’d rather not.

It must be my imagination.

She stood back and tilted her head. “You know. It might fit after all.” She opened the door to the garage and Cade followed her in with the tree. She filled a bucket with water and set it on the floor next to the washing machine.

“Do you have a saw?” he said.  “I’ll cut a bit off the bottom. It will keep the tree fresher longer if you soak it overnight.”

“My daddy sent me out to California with an impressive set of tools.” She picked up a hack saw and handed it to him. Cade sawed off a small piece of the trunk and stuck the tree in the bucket.

“Do you have a stand?”

“No, but Bill’s got one he said he’d give me. He and his wife have a fake tree now that their kids are grown.”

“Well, then, that should do it. I guess I’ll be heading home.”

Susie came running out of the house. Molly caught her before she could run into Cade and give him another hug. “Say thank you to Mr. Logan, Susie.”

“Thank you, Mr. Logan,” Her enthusiasm bubbled over as she tried to wriggle out of her mother’s grip. “Do you want to help us decorate the tree?  We were going to do it tonight, but Mommy says we have to wait ‘til tomorrow night.”

He hesitated, then shrugged. “Thanks for the invite, but I’m afraid I can’t.”  He headed to his truck and stopped at the door.  “Have a good evening.”

Molly watched him drive off, more perplexed than ever.

・ ・ ・

Cade pulled over once he was out of sight. Taking deep breaths, he closed his eyes. Why had he offered to haul the tree over to Molly’s?

Because I couldn’t disappoint her little girl.

She was a cutie with big brown eyes, a pointed chin, and a mop of curly brown hair. Big pink barrettes kept her hair under control and her two front teeth were missing.  If Katie had lived, she probably would look a lot like Molly’s daughter.

He swallowed a couple of times and steadied his breathing. When she’d smacked into him his arms had instinctively gone around her. God how he missed the little wiggle puss his daughter had been. She’d been a lot like Susie, running full speed ahead from the time she could walk, assuming every stranger was her new best friend. She’d only lost one bottom tooth, but she’d insisted the occasion be marked by a trip to McDonald’s followed by an early bedtime with the tooth safely wrapped in a big handkerchief, tucked under her pillow.

He’d snuck into her room around midnight, pulled out the handkerchief and exchanged the tooth for four shiny quarters.

Like Susie, his Katie was a hugger, too.

He was surprised when she tucked herself around him, but he disengaged as quickly as possible, not able to bear the little arms holding his waist. He’d quickly stepped back, sure he’d have a panic attack, right there in front of Nora Kincaid, who was hovering at the end of the aisle.

That’s why he avoided kids…and why he didn’t date women who had kids. He hadn’t found any females he was even remotely interested in, anyway.

Liar. You’ve wanted Molly since the first day you saw her ogling you at Matt’s.

He started the engine and pulled into the street. The garage was on the way home. He’d forgotten to put his laptop in the truck before he went to Picker’s.

The office light was on and Matt sat in his chair, a pile of paperwork in front of him.

“When did you get back?”

“A few hours ago. I dropped Vickie off at home and decided to see what was waiting for me on my desk.”

“Serves you right for leaving me here all alone while you hobnob in New York.”

Matt lowered the invoice he was holding. “Why Cade, you sound like you wish you’d gone to the big city with us. Thought you liked it here.”

“I like it here fine.”

Matt put a stack of papers and a pack of envelopes into a briefcase and threw in a roll of stamps. “You haven’t changed your mind about revealing your big secret, have you? Your publisher getting antsy again…putting pressure on you?”

“Naw.”

“Or maybe you’re looking for new topics for your series. New York has lots of material. How about Katie Q goes to Central Park?”

“Lay off, Matt. You know I don’t like to talk about the books.”

Matt didn’t flinch. “It was an accident, Cade. A fucking accident. It happened three years ago. Why do you still blame yourself?”

He clenched his fists at his side and raised his voice. “Because I should have been paying attention to my driving instead of arguing with Janie.” His shoulders drooped and he grabbed the door jamb. “I took my eyes off the road for two seconds and that truck hit us broadside.”

“It braked and skidded in the snow. It wasn’t your fault.”

“We should have been home, not out in a snowstorm.”

“You can second guess what you should or should not have done all night, but it won’t bring her back.” Matt stood with the briefcase in his hand, his gaze riveted on Cade at the door. “Don’t you think it’s time to let it go? Your little girl was the sweetest thing since cotton candy, but she’s gone, Cade. She wouldn’t want you to hide yourself away.”

“Mind your own business.”

Matt shrugged. “It’s your life. But it’s time to set her free. Own up to who you really are and let people know why you write. You’d be amazed at how liberating it is to let go of a secret. Ask Vickie.”

Matt turned out the lights. They walked out together into the clear night. “Speaking of snowstorms, it’s damn cold tonight.” Matt said.

“But it won’t snow. That’s one of the reasons I came here.”

“I know.”

Matt opened the door of the classic red Thunderbird roadster he’d bought for his fiancée and tossed the briefcase inside. Hesitating, he turned toward Cade. “Ever hear from Janie?”

“Nope. It’s like she dropped off the face of the earth. After the funeral, she packed up her stuff and took off. I got the divorce papers in the mail.”

Matt looked thoughtful for a moment, then ducked and climbed inside the sports car. “Sounds like you’re not the only one with guilt issues.”

Cade watched Matt drive away until only the taillights were visible.

He hadn’t thought about his ex-wife in years. Odd that Matt brought up her name. But then, Matt thought he could bring up any topic with his best friend.

Well, he couldn’t. Not that one.

Cade put his laptop in the truck seat and sat for a while. The bright twinkling lights of the St. Helena Christmas decorations were an incongruous backdrop to his dark thoughts. If only Janie hadn’t gone to a tavern with her girlfriends that night. They left and she stayed, hobnobbing with the bartender.

When she called, claiming she was too drunk to drive, he’d lifted Katie from her bed, bundled her up in her jacket and strapped her into her car seat, tucking a blanket around her. She fell asleep and didn’t even stir when they pulled up to the bar. Waiting inside in the warmth, Janie came out when she saw them.

The first flakes fell when they pulled out into the road and it was snowing hard when they turned off the interstate. He’d ignored Janie’s conversation until they reached the stop sign. When she started to bitch about how he never took her anywhere, he blew up. And didn’t see the truck speeding toward them as he entered the intersection.

He woke up in a hospital two days later. Janie had somehow been thrown clear and was released with minor injuries.

But his beloved Katie, the light of his life, had caught most of the impact in the back seat.

She’d died instantly and he would never forgive himself.

The void in his heart was deep and couldn’t be filled. But maybe Matt was right. Maybe it was time to ease back toward a normal life. He’d enjoyed dinner with Molly at the Spigot. And Susie had asked him to help with the tree. How could he say no to a little girl?

He took out his wallet and dug out Molly’s business card. Matt had given it to him with a smirk, telling him he might need it someday. Her home number was on it and he punched it into his cell phone.

Thank God for small towns.

She answered on the first ring.

“How’s the tree?”

“Soaking nicely. Did you forget something?”

“Yeah.” He swallowed hard. “I forgot to ask you what to bring tomorrow? I make a mean apple pie.”

“You cook?”

“Damn straight. I have to eat, don’t I?”

Her laughter soothed his anguished soul, like chimes in a church tower.

“I’m glad you changed your mind. Come over about seven. Susie and I eat early. We’ll have plenty of time for dessert and the main event.”

“You got it.”

He tucked his phone in his pocket, put the truck in gear, and headed home.